Deadspin
At this point, the worst thing a "mainstream" reporter can do is make one of those dumb "I hate bloggers" comments. There's no upside to it; even if they're still an excellent reporter, they come across as crotchety, anachronistic and old. It's not really fair to them — it's not like bloggers are trashed by their colleagues every time they criticize a newspaper guy — but these are the rules we play under. But hey, it happens: Their arrogance sometimes gets the best of them.
Today's fun entry: The Philadelphia Daily News' Bill Conlin, who wrote a ridiculous column that mocked sabermatricians, a column that was amusingly taken apart Fire Joe Morgan. Crashburn Alley emailed Conlin, rather gently, all things considered, and his response was somewhat less measured.
Know what, pal? Bash this. . .Tell your bloggers, my career against theirs ...
After another followup email, which wasn't particularly mean either (and written by a Phillies fan who explicitly revealed himself as such), Conlin kept firing.
Don't you need to contact the 30 electors-including the two Mets beat writers-who failed to give write a single first place vote instead of a commentator who does not vote for the awards. You're a Mets fan and you had your little bubble of arrogance and smugness burst. Your team choked big time, an epic gagaroo. At least the 1964 Phillies had an excuse-they were probably no more than the Cardinals, Reds, Braves, Dodgers and Giants that year. One question: When a Mets team chokes in a forest and nobody is there to hear it, does it make a gagging sound? Next time bring more to the table than wishful fan numbers that bear no semblance to reality. I wonder how it feels to be the Phillies bitch
As bewildered as we might be reading a major metropolitan columnist act like a crazed message boarder, we can't get over the first "my career against theirs" comment. Well, Bill, since most bloggers don't do this full time, and work from passion and analytical thought that you haven't had in decades, many of them are actually quite successful, coming from professions as diverse as law, medicine and politics. You write a column nobody reads for a glorified suburban paper from a perspective beamed straight in from 1963. So Bill: We'd be real careful about that whole career comparison.
Conlin's Losing Numbers [Crashburn Alley]
Comments
David write is my favorite third-baseman-cum-author.
Well, Sir.. I have met some goddamned dirty sons of bitches in my time, and I have met some dirty goddamned sons of bitches. But, you Sir, are, without a doubt, the goddamnedest dirtiest son of a bitch I have ever met.
Fat, stupid, and ignorant is no way to go through life Bill.
I enjoy observing Conlin's dander on his suit coat's shoulders during Daily News Live
The only thing Bill Conlin is batting cleanup for is a buffet line.
Zing!
I haven't heard the term "epic gagaroo" since the last time I brought my bird to the speakeasy.
Will Leitch is the editor of the sports Web site Deadspin. His upcoming book is called "God Save the Fan". He does not require a full-time nurse to tend to his needs; it is a lifestyle choice.
"Bill, why don't you put down the hot toddy for the cover photo?"
"Suck it, bitch."
"Whoa. Hey. No need to be like that, Bill. I'll put it on this table just outside camera view and you can..."
"Fuck you, whore."
"Okay, everyone! The Beluga whale with Tourette's is taking his cover photo with his mug."
"You write a column nobody reads for a glorified suburban paper from a perspective beamed straight in from 1963."
Awesome.
I'm not sure how it feels to be the Phillies' bitch, but, considering they got waxed by the Rockies, I wouldn't want to be the Phillies ... bitch.
I thought Bill Conlin was the guy who composed the Rocky theme song.
Aw, leave the guy alone. He hasn't been the same since the Undertaker decided to go sans manager.
Also worth noting - Bill Conlin has an exquisite fat-guy voice, if he replaced John Goodman as the voice-over in those Dunkin' Donuts commercials I might even call it an improvement.
Man, I loves me some good FJM. And agreed, that last paragraph is pure awesomeness.
@Tuffy:
+1.
Amazingly, that book cover picture wasn't taken 53 years ago.
What I love is that Conlin dismisses bloggers as similar to pamphleteers in colonial times.
Yes, the exact same pamphleteers who wrote articulate and impassioned ideas in support of American independence.
Why does Bill Conlin hate America?
The only positive thing I can think of about Hitler's time on earth-I'm sure he would have eliminated all bloggers.
I'm not even sure what that means exactly, but I'm pretty sure its beyond ignorant and very offensive.
@Spectacular Sam: Will has been clogged up tighter than a zoning change request in Krakow ever since last night's gorging and it's making him a bit cranky.
The only positive thing I can think of about Hitler's time on earth-I'm sure he would have eliminated all bloggers. In Colonial times, bloggers were called "Pamphleteers." They hung on street corners handing them out to passersby. Now, they hang out on electronic street corners, hoping somebody mouses on to their pretentious sites. Different medium, same MO. Shakespeare accidentally summed up the genre best with these words from a MacBeth soliloquy: ". . .a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing. . ."
Yes Bill, tis a pity Hitler didn't live to see the series of tubes in action.
And the updated response from Conlin (channeled thru Nick Saban)
UPDATE: Conlin just responded with what may be the quote of the decade.
The only positive thing I can think of about Hitler's time on earth-I'm sure he would have eliminated all bloggers. In Colonial times, bloggers were called "Pamphleteers." They hung on street corners handing them out to passersby. Now, they hang out on electronic street corners, hoping somebody mouses on to their pretentious sites. Different medium, same MO. Shakespeare accidentally summed up the genre best with these words from a MacBeth soliloquy: ". . .a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing. . ."
@Gourmet Spud:
+1
@Lisa:
oops...damn refresh button...
Bill Baer is my hero.
And btw, he had a similar incident with another writer at the same paper, Marcus Hayes.
Bill Conlin stole my turkey leg.
@TheSportsHernia: he stole Madden's whole freaking turducken, dude.
I'm confused. Does this mean the Mets all have herpes now?
Thomas Paine was a pamphleteer. Thomas Paine wrote Common Sense. Common Sense was a pamphlet. Bill Conlin hates pamphlets. Bill Conlin has no common sense.
The logic flows like cider, man!
When did Mariotti gain all that weight?
Bill Conlin is the only guy whose head is fat enough to make those glasses look normal-sized. There, I said it.
@Rob Iracane: Too much cider in Conlin probably led to that particular blast of non-common sense.
@Rob Iracane:
"I do not believe in the creed professed by the Jewish church, by the Roman church, by the Greek church, by the Turkish church, by the Protestant church, nor by any church that I know of. My own mind is my own church. All national institutions of churches, whether Jewish, Christian or Turkish, appear to me no other than human inventions, set up to terrify and enslave mankind, and monopolize power and profit."
-Thomas Paine
So he's got both Bill Conlin AND Jon Kitna after him. Double trouble!
As bewildered as we might be reading a major metropolitan columnist act like a crazed message boarder...
You can forget about Write, Pujols and Holliday. It's all about Jimmy Rollins. Go Rollins!
-- extrasyrupconlin2521
Saw that picture and immediately thought of:
Well, maybe I'm not "the norm". I'm not "camera friendly". I don't "wear clothes that fit me". I'm not a "heartbreaker". I haven't "had sex with a woman"; I don't know "how that works". I guess I don't "fall in line". I'm not "hygenic". I don't "wipe properly". I lack "style". I don't have "charisma" or "self esteem". I don't "own a toothbrush" or "let my scabs heal". I can't "reach all the parts of my body". When I sleep, I "sweat profusely".
I'm guessing Conlin and Frank Fitzpatrick are bff.
[www.the700level.com]
@CardinalRedOctober: I'm not "svelte".
$50 on Colin getting shitcanned after the Hitler comment.
No Hugh Johnson for today's games? And here we've got Jack Arute on the sidelines at the Texas-A&M game with a goatee made of caterpillars.
@CardinalRedOctober:
I don't "recognize that I am a dinosaur and that my angry tirades only make me seem scared and kind of sad."
Also, I don't "wash the area between my legs and my crotch."
@Cooler Than Warm Milk: and then starting a blog.
In the immortal words of a young Alvy Singer:
"What an asshole."
@CardinalRedOctober:
Conlin: Re-remember when you won the NL MVP and I voted for you despite what those idiot bloggers said?
Rollins: Uh, yeah.
Conlin: That was awesome.
How long until Conlin writes a nasty article about "colored people?"
bloggers killed my father.
Bill Conlin raped me.
@MrRedDevil: I'll set the line at Over/Under 4 Months
I bet this guy would never shit on the AOLSports AutoBlog.
So, I guess Hitler would have torn that pamphlet right out of Martin Luther's hands.
Nice to know that Philadelphians have the columnist they deserve.
Conlin: My name.....is Bill....
AA Group: Hi Bill.
Conlin: Um, my name is Bill.....and I eat puppies.....
AA Group Leader: You eat what?!?!?!
@Rory B. Bellows:
The ugliest columnist in America?
How does someone with such fat fingers have the ability to press on a keyboard in the proper fashion to access the internet in the first place?
I assume he writes his articles on some sort of oversized push pad they give 3 year olds to teach them the alphabet.
@MrRedDevil:
Conlin: .......puppies.....
AA Group Leader: This is AA you sick fuck!!!!!
Conlin: well......I do drink their blood.............
AA Group Leader: GET OUT!!!!
@Rob Iracane: You are when you stand next to Conlin.
Bill Conlin's coffee mug is filled with hollandaise sauce.
This guy is like Andy Rooney without the class.
@AugieOjedaFanClub: I thought he used the same "floating beach balls in a big water tank system" as the manatees that write Family Guy.
@Tuffy: At least beluga whales are polite. And they don't get all upset (and confused) over sabermetrics either, which I appreciate. Oh yeah, and I doubt a beluga whale has ever compared Jimmy Rollins to Ernie Effing Banks.
Whales: 1. Angry Fat Man: 0.
In case you've missed it, Bill Conlin trashes bloggers. Read here to catch up. Perhaps the most amazing line of an email from Bill Conlin to Crashburn Alley:The only positive thing I can think of about Hitler's time on earth-I'm sure he would have eliminated all bloggers.Wow. As a...
i eat bloggers and mets fans for breakfast. literally. they are delicious covered in maple syrup and brown sugar. now excuse me, but i have to go to goodwill to buy some more of these awesome ties and reading glasses. they practically give them away!
/bill "tire-neck" conlin
@AugieOjedaFanClub:
The fingers you have used to dial are too fat. To order a special dialing wand, please mash the keypad with your palm now.