Deadspin
Tampa Bay Devil Rays outfielder Elijah Dukes is off to a splendid start this year, and just watching him play, you can tell he has superstar potential. Hell ... he could very well be the next Brett Myers!
Dukes' wife, NiShea Gilbert, 26, a teacher at Beth Shields Middle School in Ruskin, told the court in another filing Thursday that her husband threatened to kill her and sent a photo of a handgun to her cell phone. She played the St. Petersburg Times a voice mail message she said was from Dukes:
"You dead, dawg," says an angry voice. "I ain't even bullshitting. Your kids, too."
The St. Petersburg Times also tells of the time that Dukes stormed into his wife's middle school, screaming at her to the point that she called a deputy, who banned him from the property. You have to admit, though, that Dukes' five-tool talents are prominently on display here: He'll not only kill her, but her kids too. Versatile, that guy.
Ballplayer's Wife: He Threatened Me, Kids [St. Petersburg Times]
Comments
Did she then text him a picture of a restraining order?
Even Rae Carruth didn't make that big a mistake.
He ain't even bullshitting.
Afterwards, she received a text photo from Sean Salisbury of his junk.
Sean Salisbury refuses to be outdone!
Brett Myers doesn't bother with threats.
Damn. Ten seconds late.
@Unsilent Majority: Imagine what might have been if Rae had access to more advanced wireless technologies.
"You dead, dawg"
Elijah Dukes or Randy Jackson impersonating Elijah Dukes?
Delightful! In case anyone didn't already recognize Dukes as your classic sell-low candidate, now's probably the time.
"I can hit over .250."
"Naw, I'm bullshitting."
at least he didn't call her a stupid pig... then there would be some outrage
What exactly are the five tools? Assault, Burglary, Kidnapping, Rape, and Embezzlement?
I feel like I'm repeating myself today.
Alec Baldwin takes note of Elijah Dukes' voicemail abilities and nods in his direction.
Yeah, I got nothing.
What does this have to do with Jason Giambi?
Elijah Dukes and Brett Myers (and half the NFL) enjoy the freedom of a nice sleeveless t-shirt.
At least Dukes gave his wife a head start, Myers knocked out his wife from the start pistol.
Yes, but did he throw a cookie at her?
Isn't anyone else alarmed that Miguel Olivo has two heads...and one of them is an ump head?
It sounds like Elijah has assimilated into that Tampa Bay community quite nicely.
Elijah Dukes has anger management issues?
Milton Bradley still thinks he's a royal Seymour.
Young, Upton, Dukes. That SI cover's gonna make a nice mugshot someday.
So after Dukes stormed into his wife's middle school did he at least sign some autographs before he left?
@Unsilent Majority: you amped, dawg.
...But he was such a happy little elf in those "Lord of the Rings" movies.
Oh, wait, that was Elijah Wood...
'Cause there's crazy...
...and then there's outfielder-for-the-Devil Rays crazy.
The Bengals are suddenly interested in Mr. Dukes services.
Dawg.
"The end of our marriage is a personal matter for my wife and me," the statement reads. "Out of respect for my family, especially my children, I wish to keep our proceedings private."
Why in the name of all that is Schrute, do they even try to convince us that the player is the one who wrote the statement. As Hollywood Henderson said about Bradshaw years ago, this dude couldnt spell cat if you spotted him the "c" and "a",
Clinton Portis doesn't see what the big deal is.
She probably sent him a picture of a burnt pot roast, first.
"I'm just going to play ball, that's it," he said. "I've got to go. I've got a video game to finish."
Methinks this line won't work to get him excused from the courtroom.
Dukes, when approached after batting practice Tuesday evening, declined to discuss the allegations.
"I'm just going to play ball, that's it," he said. "I've got to go. I've got a video game to finish."
This has to be my favorite part of the story.
In their own version of American Felon, Dukes would play the part of Randy Jackson, Upton would play Paula, and of course, Delmon Young would be Simon Cowell.
I smell a hit!
@crazyjoedavola:
To be fair, the newspaper left out the "Dawg" at the end of the statement.
So...in order to better illustrate his threat, Elijah Dukes either:
a) did a google image search for 'gun' from his cell phone
b) used the camera on his phone to take a picture of his (or one of his crew's) gun
That kind of extra effort and willingness to give 110% is going to serve him well...
(Clears throat)
Clinton Portis says it's Elijah Dukes' phone and Elijah Dukes' wife.
Seriously, though, who calls their wife "dawg"? I call my wife Ling Pang and I threaten to send her home, not kill her.
@Jojosh_the_Pi: Methinks the working ladies in 'Grand Theft Auto' are in some trouble
I took Dukes with my last fantasy pick, and ended up dropping him pretty quickly. I have to say though, once his wife and kids are dead, he'll probably have the focus necessary to be a real stud.
When and how do you want me to kill you? Lemme know.
- text message from Dukes to his wife
to be fair... a threatening voicemail really just doesnt have the same "ooomph" unless its accompanied by a cell phone pic of a handgun
I wonder if Delmon Young offered to lend Dukes a bat for the job...
The newspaper however didn't mention that the pictured gun in question had a flag coming out of it that said "BANG" So, you see, Elijah is just a lover of slapstick-type humor.
Mark Whiten is not impressed!
@mackey sasser's right arm: You may want to throw murder in there. Just a thought.
The St. Petersburg Times also tells of the time that Dukes stormed into his wife's middle school ...
This was the first part I read, and I thought, "How the hell is he married to a girl in middle school?"
The team vice president Rick Vaughn then threatened to "drag him out of here and kick the shit out of him."
@Burnsy: Maybe he just dialed the wrong number? Like, maybe he was trying to threaten Carl Crawford, and he just hit the wrong speed dial key??
Men who call their wives 'dawg' > Girls who call one another 'dude'
Elijah the player
Elijah the asshole,
Elijah the wife-beater
May he soon leave a voicemail to us,
"You dead dawg and your children too"
It ... was ... the ... Dukes ... It ... was ... the ... Dukes
Anyone care to set the over/under on parents of Beth Shields Middle School students who will be looking at new schools over the summer?
@The-Mighty-KrilDog: Maybe the picture of the gun and the fact that he called her 'dawg' was just a veiled reference to "Boom, bitch."
Perhaps Mr. Dukes is just a misunderstood Dugout fan.
@being sven: I see "dude" as gender-neutral. It's certainly a better option than saying things like, "Girlfriend, you rock!"
Is there any correlation to my fantasy baseball team's middling performance to the fact there are five Devil Rays on my team? I think so, but luckily I dropped this asshole a long time ago (hey, I needed a CF, so sue me.)
5 kids, 4 different women. 22 years old. Shawn Kemp is about to be overtaken. Way to go Dawg!
@ Mackey Sasser's Right Arm:
I'd like to think it was Baldelli and that Eli (we're dawgs, he lets me call him that) overheard him making a play on words with Ty Wiggington's last name.