Deadspin
OK, we haven't officially done athlete run-ins for a while now, but this is too great. Besides, it doesn't technically involve an athlete. We just heard this story yesterday and will not let another hour go by without sharing, because it must be out there, in its glory, hidden no longer. This was told to us verbally, over the phone, and we actually at one point reflexively spit out a lozenge which very nearly struck someone close and dear to us. We recreate the story here. Enjoy.
A friend of mine just told me he's getting married. When he gave me the news I immediately thought of the time we were in Scottsdale at spring training, because it's the best pickup story I've ever been a party to. It was about nine years ago, and I actually forget the bar. But my friend was seriously putting the moves on this somewhat attractive young woman, who was wearing leather pants and had a leather jacket draped over her lap. They had been chatting at the bar for about an hour, and my friend thought he was in the house. I had never seen someone work so hard for a score.
But just as he was putting on the finishing touches, Chris Berman walks by. And without even breaking stride, Berman looks at the girl, points and says "You're with me, leather." And the girl looks up, instantly recognizes Berman, snatches up her jacket and walks out with him, leaving my friend in mid-sentence.
Because we made another call to independently confirm this tale, "You're with me, leather," now officially enters the pantheon of Chris Bermanisms, of which there were probably several more uttered later during the evening in question. Yeah, we should have noted earlier that this thing gets really horrifying if you think about it too much.
Comments
Thanks. You now owe me breakfast and a new keyboard.
I woulda thought that'd be Vito Spatafore's line...
If Berman's TV work is any indication, it's probably the 8,675,984th time he's used that line.
Um... How did you confirm this from another independent source? The bellhop at Berman's hotel?
Using that on the wife when I get home.
I'd like to point out that nine years ago, Chris Berman was married. With two kids. His imdb.com profile says that he's been married for over 20 years. I have the feeling that "leather" wasn't his wife. I'm just sayin' is all.
faaaaaaaaaan tastic
Didn't Vito use that same line on Meadow Soprano's boyfriend?
Sure, the Boomer-isms are horrifying in that context, but not as bad as Olbermann: From way downtown. . . bang!
I think I'm going to be sick.
OH god... I think I just threw up a little in my mouth... so much for going to lunch today. Thanks Will.
Bowden...ya think? Naw, couldn't be. Or, it really was his wife, and they go out and run this routine on random guys in bars just for kicks.
"losange" lozenge?
Juancho - Obviously I forgot to attach my sarcastic tags. Although for some reason, if Chris Berman and his wife went around pulling the routine on random guys, my respect for him might actually increase.
Back in the day, were I swathed in leather, I would have swung off the stool for Kilborn (we're talking the days of "Someone's a Writer!" not the supersmug Kilby of today), but Berman? Chris Freaking Berman? I shudder at the dirty talk he'd come up with.
Bowden, I was just seconding you, it's okay. I don't think Berman could come up with a plan that deep, though. As for Berman dirty talk..."Back-back-back-back...gone" Oh, God, I did not just go there.
"I shudder at the dirty talk he'd come up with." Let me hit you from the back-back-back-back-back-back-back....
I kind of like this nickname thing as a gimmick for Berman. What he should start doing is giving every living human being a nickname....maybe something related to their given name...and call them that every single time they come up in a highlight or in conversation. I'll give you an example: Curtis Martin. He should call him Curtis "My Favorite" Martin. See what I did there? It's a play on "My Favorite Martian", an old, culturally irrelevant sitcom, and the fact that Curtis Martin, who has no connection with the show or its star, Ray Walston, has a last name that sounds kind of like "Martian". Anyway, Chris, if you're out there, this one's a freebie. Please feel free to use it every moment you are on television for the rest of your life. It will be hilarious every single time, and people will say, "That is so funny. He called Tony Gwynn, Tony Gwynn and Bear It. It adds so much to this sports telecast, since every person watching television has the brain power and sense of humor of a 5 year old."
Stumbling, Bumbling, and WOOP! fumblerooski all over the one yard line, what a mess. Sorry all, I couldn't resist.
I want Berman, or Scott Van Pelt, or really anyone, to say, "You're with me, leather" on all baseball defensive highlights for the next six months.
Caveman, that's brilliant. They should mix that in with webgems... Berman in the sack: "He...could...go...all...the ...way!"
Are there any insufferably punny nicknames for Berman out there? If there aren't, there should be.
How about Chris "Your schtick has been tired for 15 years now and I'm sick of you rooting for whichever team is winning, you pompous prick" Berman? Oops, forgot to make a pun. I still think it's a catchy nickname all the same.
If a woman I was talking to got up and left with Berman, I'd let her go. Something must be wrong with her. I've seen Berman in person and I felt 20 lbs heavier just looking at him.
Rooting for whichever team is winning? Unless the losing team is the Buffalo Bills, because "NOBODY circles the wagons like the BUFFALO BILLS!" I get physically ill watching Chris Berman these days.
Given the locker room culture of ESPN, especially back in the day, and the fact she so easily recognized Berman, I'd put $50 down that the woman in question was an ESPN production assistant or free-lance staffer--that's usually the only way guys who work there meet chicks.
To: mrsberman@wivesofespn.com From: Quality Subject: http://www.deadspin.com/sports/chris-berman/he-could-go-al... enjoy!
I know this is juvenile, but I was wondering if anyone could verify whether or not Chris Berman has a chode. My friends and I have been debating this subject for years, (so far we've only been able to agree on Marting Lawrence and Joe Dumars) anyways this info will would help immensely and may repair some friendships as well. Thanks.
He...Could....Get...In...Her...Pants!
I call BS on this one Will. Happily married balding Jewish guy with two great kids...after 25 years at ESPN have you heard any other Berman stories? Um...that would be no. Tell your phoner nice try, at least he got on Deadspin.
Perhaps you folks were wondering why I haven't offered my two liras worth on this subject, but I lost my amateur status a long time ago. Not a line that is up to my standards, but maybe Peter North or Matthew Rush would try it.
"Nobody circles the wagons like the Buffalo Bills!"
Is THAT Berman? Sad, sick and twisted. Leather must of been a realll looker I tell ya.
I have a feeling that this is going to be BIG. I mean HUGE! It may even give rise to a "Deadspin Hall of Fame" or a t-shirt or something. I'm just talking out loud here, but I just got a feeling, ya know?
It's great to relive the days when epic posts would only garner 20-30 comments.
SHH, i don't know if it's going to be that big. not many people read this site so it probably won't get noticed by anyone else. At least we readers have our own little private joke though.
The story sounds more like Berman to the rescue for a friend.
You know, it's probably pretty irresponsible of me, since we don't know if any of this really happened (and our only account thus far is from a secondary source) but I've got a friend who writes for Keith Olbermann ...
You're with me, Leather, the t-shirt!
You're with me, Leather, the lunchbox!
You're with me, Leather, the breakfast cereal!
You're with me, Leather, the FLAMETHROWER! (The kids love this one).
On SportsCenter, Chris Berman just said that outside of Pearl Harbor, more people knew about Hawai’i because of Don Ho than any other single thing.* Then Berman teared up, looked to the sky, and said, “Don, you’re with the me, leather.” * This part is actually true.
Deadspin's Will Leitch will be signing copies of his new book, God Save the Fan tonight at Book Soup Will Leitch, Deadspin editor, New York Times contributor, and author is in Los Angeles today presenting and signing copies of his new book God Save the Fan: How Preening Sportscasters, Athletes...
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