Dan Shanoff writes a weekly college football column for Deadspin. Email him to let him know what you think.
With Saturday's losses its two top-ranked teams, college football reached an unprecedented place it had been teetering on for weeks:
Even with a half-dozen unbeaten teams remaining, this season has officially become the biggest clusterf—k in the sport's history.
It started with the mayhem in the Top 10 two weeks ago. Last week, USC lost at home to Stanford. This week, Cal lost that shocker at home to Oregon State, just hours after it was all but assured of ascending to No. 1, because LSU went from Gator-slaying imperviousness to being on the wrong end of "Bluegrass Miracle 2: Electric Boogaloo."
Ohio State might be No. 1 today, both in the polls and Sunday's initial BCS results, but who can't see coming a Buckeyes season-ending loss at Michigan, in the perfect bookend to the Wolverines' sorry start to this season (and equally pathetic end to 2006). It's a karmic lock.
The team with the most legit claim to No. 1 — South Florida — is the top team according to the BCS' computer polls, but gets less respect from human pollsters, because the program didn't exist 10 years ago. (And, yet, USF could be as good as evicted in 72 hours, when they play at Rutgers, a team that knows something about being a Cinderella.)
BCS No. 3 Boston College is in the ACC, and simply for that, they should be discounted from this year's BCS equation. (It's moot, anyway: They'll lose in 10 days at Virginia Tech.)
Meanwhile, Arizona State is suddenly the unbeaten team to beat in the Pac-10. They won't be for long, based on their previous soft schedule and what's next: Cal, at Oregon, at UCLA, USC. (And who's that crack-smoking AP voter who gave Arizona State its lone vote for No. 1?)
Kansas may be the last unbeaten team in the underrated Big 12, but I doubt I'm offending anyone to say that I won't buy KU until I see "13-0," following a Big 12 Championship Game win over Oklahoma. Yeah, sure.
Please don't suggest unbeaten Hawaii. Just don't. (Even the initial BCS rankings have them at No. 18, a distant six spots from a guaranteed BCS bowl spot.)
That covers the six unbeatens. For the real clusterfuckitude, just try to make sense of how to sort through the 1-loss teams: Start by dismissing any who lost to unranked teams at home (USC, Cal)...
Then, teams that lost at home to ranked teams (Oregon)...
Then discount the ones who lost to unranked teams on the road (Oklahoma)...
Least offensive are the 1-loss teams that lost on the road at highly ranked opponents (West Virginia, Virginia Tech, Missouri).
For a real challenge, try to untangle the SEC's Big Three: Kentucky beat LSU. LSU beat South Carolina. South Carolina beat Kentucky. (And Kentucky and South Carolina still have to survive the SEC East, then beat a pissed-off LSU in the SEC Championship Game.)
Here's the point: With the dwindling number of unbeatens, their sketchy prospects to stay that way and a logjam of worthy 1-loss teams, the BCS Apocalypse is finally upon us.
Remember in my first Bandwagoneer post of the season, how I laid out that "Four Unbeaten Teams Will Tilt The BCS" scenario?
Yeah, um, about that: It is infinitely more complicated — more clusterfuckish — when there are NO unbeaten teams, replaced by not just three 1-loss teams, but four... or five... or six... or seven... or eight... or nine... or even 10. For once, I'm not using hyperbole.
The good news is that even just four 1-loss teams — hardly a stretch — and the process will be so tilted that if there was ever an event to trigger the reform of a playoff, it would be this.
(Hey, based on the relentlessly punishing way it has worked over the past seven weeks, maybe the regular season's de facto playoff system will continue to do what it is supposed to: Dwindle today's many contenders to an obvious pair, with the usual runner-up griping on the side. But, based on the way this season has unfolded so far, I doubt it.)
I say: Keep those shocking upsets coming. At the top of the rankings, it has been a thrill ride like no other season that fans can remember. And, with yesterday's big reveal, the BCS stands for something worthy of years of fan frustration, on the tantalizing verge of completely imploding:
Bowl Clusterfuck System.
This Week's Bandwagon: The BCS Computer Polls. I have no problems admitting that I favor the BCS' computer polls to their human counterparts. And I'm not just saying that because they rank South Florida at No. 1, which was absolutely the right place to put them.
It's also because the computers value the SEC's Big Three of LSU, South Carolina and Kentucky — each with one loss apiece — ahead of Ohio State, Arizona State and BC, who have zero losses between them. The computers didn't even need to see the six teams play "with their own eyes" — a typical human-poll "advantage" — to know the SEC trio is better.
And, if nothing else, because the PCs rank USC somewhere outside the Top 20, while the "human" pollsters of the Harris and Coaches Polls both inexplicably have USC at No. 9. (For the record, USC made a huge leap in my BlogPoll Top 25, from No. 25 all the way to No. 24.)
The computer polls have become anthropomorphic; fans and critics treat them like people, rather than recognize that the computers merely take the on-field results and make off-field sense of them. Griping about the computers is like yelling at your Google results.
But tracking how the computers will calculate their weekly rankings sure beats the truly mystifying process of understanding the decisions made in the far sketchier Harris and Coaches Polls.
My BlogPoll Ballot Top 10:
1. South Florida
Only team playing like they're not scared to lose.
2. Ohio State
Try not to preen until AFTER Michigan.
3 (tie). LSU
3 (tie). South Carolina
3 (tie). Kentucky
Ohio State would go .500 in the SEC.
6. Oklahoma
Need teams ahead to lose, and more.
7. Boston College
The Arizona State of the East.
8. Oregon
At least they lost to a ranked team.
9. West Virginia
Bye week the only safe route these days.
10. Virginia Tech
Remember my preseason BCS title pick? Hmm...
Here's a link to the entire Top 25 ballot>.
Looking Ahead to Next Week's Schedule:
South Florida has to go to Rutgers on short rest. Ohio State has to defend a No. 1 mantle no one can maintain against unpredictable Michigan State. Teams with 1-loss have to start jockeying for BCS position. And everyone else wants their turn to play the spoiler...
South Florida at Rutgers (Thursday): I love the USF story this season enough to rank them No. 1 this week. But Rutgers knows a little something about being a national Cinderella.
Pick: Rutgers.
Auburn at LSU: LSU and Oklahoma are battling to be the top-ranked 1-loss team. Here's where the SEC schedule helps LSU: Beating Auburn is a hell of a lot more impressive than OU beating Iowa State.
Pick: LSU
Michigan State at Ohio State: I can't help but wonder if newly anointed No. 1 Ohio State can get caught looking ahead five weeks to the Michigan game?
Pick: Ohio State
Florida at Kentucky: Florida lost to LSU. One week later, LSU lost to Kentucky. In the cannibalized world of the SEC, one week later, Kentucky will surely lose to Florida.
Pick: Florida
As always, send any questions or comments to danshanoff-[at]-gmail-[dot]-com.












Comments
Should've been you, Florida.
Oh wait, it was. Weeks ago.
Consistency, Shanoff--is it clusterf--k, or clusterfuck. You can't have it both ways.
tashard choice loves the cock
The BCS computers say the secret ingredient to being number one is love.
Out of all this, Notre Dame will still manage to end up in a BCS bowl game.
Ohio State would go .500 in the SEC.
Shanoff would like to pronounce SEC's penis is clean.
It's atrocious that Ohio State is #1. The Big Ten is so ridiculously bad this year that we should have to relinquish our BCS bid.
South Florida vs Kansas to win it all and the conf. commissioners can choke on it.
Don't ruin my BC dreams no matter how much they ignore reality.
How does Dan have South Florida #4 last week, but now #1 ahead of Ohio State who he had #3 last week? They both played shitty teams and destroyed them. Also, .500 in the SEC?
FACT: Defense > Offense. Hence the reason OSU shit the bed last year.
No Tebow news?
I think we need Stephen Rea reprising his Inspector Finch role and reading a monologue about the upcoming BCS shitstorm.
PREVIOUS SSF: Shanoff's predictions are as useful as a light switch in a blind guy's bedroom.
NEW SSF: Nothing has changed.
Mangino > Mangenius
The BCS is fun.
I really hope USF goes to the championship. That might mean that there is a chance (albeit a really small one) that the powers that be might think about a playoff system. I mean, South Florida isn't going to make them enough money!
Heaven help me I love Mangino...he's turned the football team from being a joke to being noticed by people who still think they are a joke.
Colorado is just another cupcake waiting to be eaten.
Somehow, USC will make it to the title game.
Fear the gobblers, not their QB, O-Line, or running game though...
I think the wheels are falling off the bandwagoneer.
The only explanation is that bandwagons get really poor mpg
@BloggyMcBlogBlog: Once they change the BCS to include the "Teams That Are USC" category.
@HIV 2 Elway: Tebow will proceed to obliterate Kentucky this Saturday-- Urban is unstoppable after a bye week and Kentucky will come off sluggish after the program's biggest win last saturday.
The important college sports news from this weekend is that practice has begun for the upcoming basketball season.
(Syracuse alum. Where the football season never really got started)
@Kid Canada: I'm pulling for Kansas because all this season is missing is more Mangino. Now pardon me while I wrap my feeble mind around the thought of even more Mangino.
there is one very predictable thing about the Spartans.
their defense blows monkey nuts
the SEC's Big Three of LSU, South Carolina, and Kentucky
that just seems wrong to me...yet, it's right.
Everybody has their chance to get a bite of the apple.
The rules are fair.
The regulations are fair.
The competitive balance is fair.
/high-performance helicopter
I, too, favor broad, sweeping generalizations, Dan.
@UkraineNotWeak: Basketball season couldn't come any sooner. Baseball and football gambling has put me in the red, and I have a better feel for hoops, even if its rigged.
@Frank Beamers Goiter: Beamer's gameplan every week is to score 2 special teams TDs isn't it?
@xhack: Well and to win the turnover differential. To beat Tech, you simply have to not turn it over and have a better-than-average QB.
Gawker IT is dipping into the Crystal Meth again as I've been logoffed a couple of times this morning.
@OchentaYcinco: that would have to be a very big mind.
@HIV 2 Elway: It's like reading David Hirshey's Closer, but finding no Arsenal news.
This isn't chaning anything, and there is no playoff coming. The day after the regular season, the conference commissioners will look at the final BCS standings and proclaim, "The system works."
The only hope is that Hawaii gets teamed with South Florida or Kansas, the game draws a 3.1415926535 share and Fox picks up the phone and says, "Yeah... we have sort of a problem."
The man who voted ASU #1 obviously thought this was a poon poll.
@GunsDontKillPeopleIDo: I've been to that website. It's nice & all, but kind of rudimentary. Poon, pole, insertion, repeat.
@Frank Beamers Goiter: Which is why I like BC's chances next week. Granted, Blacksburg is no easy place to win in, but they beat VTech's (IMO better) defense last year with an uber conservative game plan. Now that the new staff has let Ryan run wild...
Just gotta work on our kickoff and punt coverage.
@preciousroy: A rating of pi in a game coached by Mangino? How fitting.
@Frank Beamers Goiter:
So, kind of like BC?
Yes, I'm selectively ignoring the fact that 3 of Ryan's INTs have gone back for TDs.
Shanoff, I agree that SEC is tops this season, but how do you discount the ACC when you have BC #7 and VTech #10?
Mark it down: South Florida will go undefeated, but still get passed in the BCS rankings because of strength of schedule. Uggh!
The computers completely agree with me, so they are awesome!
So if the season ended today the Championship game would be Ohio State vs South Florida? Thats almost as fun as a Rockies/DBacks NLCS!
@Hazel Maes Landing Strip: There's an NLCS too?
Does ESPN know about this?
I know I'm repeating myself, but Les Miles will fit right in as the next Michigan coach.
In a season of complete unpredictability, where anything can happen to any of the top teams, there is one rock that we have been able to depend on, week after week -- Lou Holtz, who so inspires the recipients of his weekly pep talks that they immediately go out and lose, every single time.
Nice of the Michigan team that was ranked #5 to start the year to finally show up halfway through the season. I'm sure they'll leave that team in Ann Arbor and lose to Illinois now, leaving me to hope that it returns in time for the Ohio State game.
This article is always so weird. it's like looking at the BCS title game, without even considering that there are still many more games to be played.
It's a clusterf%*%$&*k when half the one-loss teams in the top 10 still have to play other top 10 teams? What do you consider to be normal? A thorazine, a straight jacket, and no loud noises?