Deadspin
We are proud to introduce "Dan Shanoff Is The Tebow," a new weekly column on college football, by the esteemed Dan Shanoff. Here is his preview of the upcoming season, which begins September 1.
Normally, I'd spend my Monday afternoons commenting on the most gloriously awkward college football stories from the previous Saturday. In this case, with the season a mere two weeks away, let's kick off this feature with a look forward:
As it has been during every year of the BCS Era, the season's dominant storyline is: "How can the BCS system find new and inspired ways to fuck things up?"
If you'll think back to last season, the "controversy" over 1-loss Michigan's BCSnub in favor of 1-loss Florida was rendered moot after the Gators thumped unbeaten consensus No. 1 Ohio State in the most laughably lopsided championship-game upset in college football history. (Disclosure: I'm a die-hard Florida fan.) (Ed.: Or so he claims.)
Even after the uproar was rendered moot, it showcased one of three dreaded "Doomsday Scenarios" for the BCS system:
One unbeaten BCS team, combined with two (or more) one-loss BCS teams. We saw last year what a fork-in-your-eye mess this can be.
Zero unbeaten BCS teams: Just ask 2003 LSU how it felt to win a title, only to see greater glory enjoyed by "co-champ" USC.
Three unbeaten BCS teams: If you're still rocking back and forth, muttering "Auburn got TOTALLY screwed," this one's for you.
(Two unbeaten teams, of course, is the BCS-saving ideal — partly why the Texas-USC title game two years ago was so freaking spectacular. Please don't argue that there WERE two unbeaten teams a year ago. I hear you and I respect you, Boise State fans and admirers, but just let that go.)
The good news is that in just the last half-decade, we've experienced all three Doomsday Scenarios — yet college football remains as compelling as ever, because at its essence, it is a season-long playoff where a single loss all but costs a team its shot at a title. No other sport presents nearly the same level of week-in, week-out pressure.
Of course, it being college football, there's always the potential for an even more epic clusterfuck of a finish. Here's my not-unreasonable prediction for the upcoming 2007 season:
USC goes unbeaten (and doesn't, say, choke away the season vs. UCLA)...
Texas goes unbeaten (and doesn't, say, choke away the season vs. Texas A&M)...
Michigan goes unbeaten (and doesn't, say, choke away the season vs. Ohio State)...
West Virginia goes unbeaten (and doesn't, say, choke away the season vs. South Florida)...
Oh, and with a 1-loss SEC champ (LSU or Florida) arguably better than any of 'em...
Uh, THEN what?
Then, after BCS bowl season, we might just see enough of an uproar that the two remaining unbeaten teams (provided that the BCS bowl match-ups give fans that outcome) agree to play each other in an ultimate woulda-coulda-shoulda exhibition the weekend before the Super Bowl. (Even the playoff-allergic Pac-10 and Big Ten might go for it.)
You can scoff at that scenario if you want, but the chance of a real playoff is so undeniably remote that the only ones worthy of being laughed at are the people who keep bleating about a playoff like their complaints will change things.
However, this kind of unprecedented "tilt" of the system might be our best chance to have the sport shocked into the sense to figure out a reasonable fix.
Meanwhile, the five other biggest questions for the upcoming season are...
(1) So are all the fans out there who disliked Virginia Tech in the past now morally obligated to root for the Hokies' success? (Wait: How does that impact staring at Frank Beamer's neck?)
(2) How vastly better is Darren McFadden than the next-best player in college football? (And where will he fit his Heisman in'>http://www.everydayshouldbesaturday.com/?p=3627">in his hoopde?)
(3) Who is this year's Boise State? (Trick question: There can't be another Boise State. They ruined it for all non-BCS teams out there, much like George Mason ruined it for all future Cinderellas of the NCAA Tournament.)
(4) What will be the hottest new trend of the season? (Here's a hint: It's going to totally transform the game — and it's coming as the lead of next week's post.)
(5) Can I get through an entire post without dreamily whispering, "Tebow!" (Apparently not.)
It's gonna be a fun ride this season. See you back here every Monday afternoon. Send any/all email reactions, questions, gripes and tips to danshanoff-at-gmail-dot-com.
Comments
Don't know if anyone's jacked this one off yet, but Vick is pleading out.
/jack.
@Lizalicious:
Buttsechs?
Leitch outsources more than Ford, Nike and Hewlett Packard combined. Okay, babe?
/Dennis Miller
Three Hawkeyes arrested today. :(
dan shanoff is the tebow
I don't get it. I mean, aside from the homosexual crush, obviously.
Did someone crawl into my brain and figure out the fastest way to piss me off? A weekly column that's going to find a discreet way to blow the Gators every week? Fuck.
Come back Jeremy Hotz, I'm sorry.
Clearly Tim Tebow has been taking ballet lessons from Big Baby Davis.
also, link lizzie?
Is it still considered a threadjack if the thread hasn't even really begun yet?
Also, this was very good. I hope it fares better with the commentariat than previous efforts at new features. I understand Jeremy Hotz remains curled up in the fetal position sucking his thumb in a darkened corner.
So, pretty much the same as before he showed up on Deadspin.
What no mention of a scenario where the WAC champ goes undefeated ?
Did anyone actually read that?
@chilltown: It's the breaking news line on CNN.
Michigan goes unbeaten
and my sperm tastes like beer. . .
Okay, Leitch, you lost me at "Dan Shanoff".
@Afino:
Hey Dumbass, how about you read that it's actually written BY him.
I thought McFadden was already in the NFL, right UM?
@cowbell204: Boy, the Big Televen is really trying to make sure they sweep the podium for the Fulmer Cup this year.
Can the title be changed to Dan Shanoff is the Teabagger? Pleeeeeeease?
Dan is much funnier when he's allowed to drop the F-bomb.
@Lizalicious: thank youuuu virginia pilot
Most.Akward.Title.Ever.
espnnews is now running the Vick plea.
Shanoff, I believe it's spelled "hoopty."
A Florida column with no mention of jorts or mullets...obviously not accurate at all.
Michigan goes unbeaten (and doesn't, say, choke away the season vs. Ohio State)...
or Wisconsin...or Penn State...or Oregon...or Michigan State...or Illinois...or Purdue...
It's hidden somewhere in there...
@Signal to Noise:
spelling? he couldn't even get the link right!
@cowbell204: THREE? Who was the third?
@Signal to Noise:
I looked it up. The Urban Dictionary accepts either spelling. I was shocked!
Vick to plead guilty - [www.ajc.com]
@Camp Tiger Claw: You snuck into my brain and stole my thoughts.
Gators eat boogers.
all over the place now (vick) - [www.washingtonpost.com]
@BigTenObsession: Look, I blame Nibbles for that. His intentions are spelled out in broken code.
@BigTDog: really? "Hoopde" just looks wrong.
What? Leona Helmsley's death doesn't rate a threadjack?
Shanoff is the Wuerffelest.
When are the comedian interviews coming back?
Poor Dan.
Overshadowed by Vick.
@UkraineNotWeak: Nope. Just a silent toast from 827 Puerto Rican maids.
As long as Michigan beats Wisconsin and I can harass my dame, I'm good.
@Afino: Don't attack posters!! Even self-depricating attacks!!!
@Lizalicious:
I think the most burning question I have is will Gentleman Masher's Mountaineers humble Lizalicious's Minutemen in Chattanooga again...leading to more arson-infused riots in Amherst! I hope so!
Now that Vick has admitted guilt and is going to jail (in likelihood for at least a year), can we resume our righteous indignation with a big "fuck you #7"?
@The Gentleman Masher:
I was actually wondering the same thing. Does attacking yourself count?
@Yostal: The @Wisconsin sure seems like the most likely, though the @Illinois has some potential both in the bizarro department and in the 'most embarrassing' department since it will be an ABC night game. Normally I'd just assume it would be the @MSU with some crazy play or call, but they really look like they're going to be awful this year. Thank god the Pac 10 opponent is in Ann Arbor.
But yeah, it's gotta be in there somewhere. Unless the defense is way better than it would appear.
Thanks Dan, see you at home - I will pick up dinner tonight.
@The Gentleman Masher: Hah, and that wasn't even the worst of the UMass riots. The one in '04 when the Patriots won their second Super Bowl was larger and way more destructive.
On this topic, why no love for 1-AA????
Matt Stafford is going to bash Tebow over the head with a keg.
/wishful thinking.
@Lizalicious: I love 1-AA. UNI Panthers, represent!
/continueThreadjack
And it got $50 worse for Ookie this afternoon: [www.ajc.com]
I'm sure that'll push him over the edge...
/endThreadjack
@Yostal: as a Pac-10 homer, I'd like to call Oregon, but that isn't likely. I'm gonna put my early money on Carr blowing it at Purdue.
It might not be the most popular stance but....
PERCY HARVIN > Tim Tebow
Was Orson busy?
Just kidding Dan. I fully expect next week's column to be about how amazing and grand and a godsend USC is to college football.
Ah, yes. Dan Shanoff, "die-hard Florida fan."
Since 2005.
Next week: Why Byron Leftwich has always been my homeboy.
@Lady Andrea:
Supposedly Arvelle Nelson with a warrant for arrest for failing to appear in court on a previous traffic charge (I think driving w/ suspended license).
That guy with the "Vick is innocent. Dog-gone-it." guy was way off.
@