Deadspin
You know, we're starting to think the ESPN cafeteria really is like our high school cafeteria. A different clique at every table, awkward social advances and perhaps well-meaning but still odd gestures from the goofy seniors toward the attractive freshmen.
That's right, folks: It's time for a Harold Reynolds vs. ESPN update!. (Via The Smoking Gun, as always.)
Claiming that "no events" in his work history can be characterized as sexual misconduct, Reynolds, 46, refers to the "pimp daddy" incident, which apparently occurred in the network's Bristol, Connecticut cafeteria. As Reynolds tells it, the woman lodged her complaint because he offered to buy lunch for her and other employees. This was a courtesy, the court filing notes, "extended by the last person in line, especially when the last person was Mr. Reynolds." While the comment "may evidence racial stereotyping or bias on the part of the supposed complainant," wrote lawyer Joseph Garrison, "it is most certainly not 'sexual misconduct'" on Reynolds's part. "Most people, instead, would consider an offer to buy lunch as a kind or generous gesture."
OK, so, now, there's one of the "five women" stories taken care of; let's hurry and get to the other four! This is really becoming like "24;" one story defused, we have to find the other four before it's too late!
Harold Reynolds: "I'm No Pimp Daddy" [The Smoking Gun]
Comments
can i buy you lunch? (how 'bout some dick?)
Free Harold!!!
ESPN forces black employees to the back of the line.
It's like my grandma always told me: breakfast may be the most important meal of the day, but lunch is where you get sweet coworker poon.
sloppy joe, sloppy, sloppy joe
Harold Reynolds: "I'm No Pimp Daddy"
That's right; a real "pimp daddy" would have made his women buy him lunch!
Did he purchase said lunch with a voucher?
We will be taking that 5 coupon back now.
The "Pimp Daddy" only operates in the ESPN cafeteria and local Boston Market franchises.
The complainant was pissed because he offered to buy from the ESPN cafeteria. She wanted the Boston Market special like the others.
Tsk Tsk Harold, everyone knows lunch, just like a foot massage, is never just lunch.
Tommy Lasorda just slapped himself on the forehead and said, "Of course! Just buy them a meal first and it's not considered prostitution."
I gave her my dick in a box. What's wrong with that? I was giving her the gift that keeps on giving.
WHO ARE YOU WORKING FOR?!?
Well, the answer is no one, if Jack's asking Harold.
The sexual harrasment wasn't when he offered to buy lunch, it was when he offered her a tray of hot dogs, one of which being his dick in a bun.
Maybe she didn't realize that 'spotted dick' is actually a pudding.
Would you like to sit at my lunch table for pizza and some inappropriate groping? What? You don't like pizza?
Is this like one of those Baseball Tonight ESPN Mobile in-game reports?
What part of this did Pimp Daddy misunderstand:
"Take them out the hood, keep them looking good,
But I don't f#ckin' feed them"
One thing Reynolds has in his favor is that Stuart Scott didn't get in trouble for upgrading all of the female staffer's text messaging plans to free nights & weekends.
Here's the low down. The "victim" wanted some Ketchup for her fries, so Harold wipped out a ketchup filled Dildo and started dispensing, saying "You need a squirtin? Pimp Daddys gotcha covered.
WE'RE RUNNING OUT OF CHEEZ DOODLES
For dessert, Spotted Dick. And custard for the lady.
we're starting to think the ESPN cafeteria really is like our high school cafeteria
So that Jay Bilas "I don't know Duke-boy" commercial might be for real?
sha was mad 'cause he wasnt going to buy her the Hello Kitty dildo.
why do i envision the ESPN cafeteria scene involving Michael Irvin & Boomer all coked up with a harem of eye candy interns at his table and HR & his posse at a different with the, uh... aesthetically challenged interns sitting at his table
Harold Reynolds should guest-star on the next episode of "Big Sausage Pizza".
NY Post Page 6 "WE HEAR…"
THAT Dennis Rodman has lined up an all-star team of strippers for his agent Darren Prince's bachelor party this weekend in Atlantic City at Trump Marina to be attended by Joe Frazier, Vinny Pazienza and 35 other guys .
http://www.nypost.com/seven/03022007/gossip/pagesix/we_hea...
Dick.
I wanna know who bought Kellie Pickler's jugs.
Well, if he was flaunting that he made so much more and could afford to buy everyone (especially all women), lunch, then that could be construed as harrassment.
What are CT's laws on a "reasonable woman"? (In Cali, there is a "reasonable woman" test.)
@Denis Lemieux: HR's team should also note that Sean Salisbury only got a slap on the wrist when he made sure all the female employees got free picture messaging.
(laughing at the thought of Boomer book dropping John Clayton in the cafeteria)
Little known fact: Harold bats right-handed, but pimp slaps left-handed.
GODDAMMIT HAROLD, WE ARE OUT OF TIME!!
Are you going to open a socket, or do I have to ask Chloe to do it?
This can only get better.
Mel Kiper Jr is the kid in the cafeteria who sits by himself doing homework
@AnalRapist: You mean position number three?
You know, we're starting to think the ESPN cafeteria really is like our high school cafeteria
With Mark Schlereth acting as "the kid who would eat anything for a dollar, including other people's boogers."
"WE'RE RUNNING OUT OF TIME!! WHERE'S THE BOMB!!"
I find the pastrami to be the most sensual of all the salted, cured meats.
@In Flagrante Delicto: Let's hope Pacman's in attendance.
@Len Bias Cocaine Surplus: Mean Girls Table - Erin Andrews, Stacey Dales, Rachel Nichols
Jocks - Salisbury, Boomer, Stu Scott
Emo Kids - Trey Wingo, John Buccigross, Dave Revsine
Girls Who Eat Their Feelings Table - Michelle Bonner (just her)
@Civil Negligence:
The Todd: Though as of Tuesday, mine's cured too. High five!
Come get on the Ho Train!
if killing curtis is any indication, jack would have no problem acing reynolds.
seriously. sexually harassing pimp daddy or not... if i have to listen to steve phillips' for an entire baseball season, i might as well just go ahead & kill myself now.
pay the bitch off and BRING HR BACK!!!!
Apparently you can't be nice...so women will have to open their own doors, pull out their own chairs, and buy their half of dinner...
Awesome line from Kruk about Chipper getting in trouble with Cox or his wife.
"Bobby can bench him, but his wife can really bench him"
Not that I wasn't already thinking it, but props for saying it kruk.
The case of woman #2 was about to be solved as Harold's defense team had recovered a lap top with the e-mail in question; however the lap top was ruined when Stuart Scott tripped on his pre-show warmup "suit" having not seen it b/c of his blind eye and texting Heidi Fleiss for an apointment. He was of course carrying a gatorade at the time and spilt it on the lap top frying the hard drive.
Emo Kids - Trey Wingo, John Buccigross, Dave Revsine
Don't forget SVP and his club foot.
Was his dick in the mashed potatoes?