Deadspin
I'd like to credit Zach Johnson for the win, but he keeps giving all the credit to Jesus. Hey, he won it, he gets to choose where the credit goes.
Johnson, with Jesus and his grandfather (Zach's, not Jesus's) pulling the strings from heaven, held off Tiger Woods and everybody else to earn himself a garish piece of green laundry. The winning total was +1, with Tiger Woods among a group of three in second place at +3.
It just wasn't Tiger day. He didn't have the normal swagger, the normal stare, the normal drive in his step. He was any average PGA Tour golfer today. Everything seemed awkward and forced, like the day was one long high-five with his caddy, except there was no joy behind it.
Unfortunately for Jim Nantz, the name Zach Johnson doesn't easily lend itself to trite puns. That's consecutive major sporting events for Nantz where he's been shut out in this respect. Would it kill the Lord to allow someone whose name rhymes with "green jacket" to win this thing sometime?
The Official Site of the Masters Tournament [Masters.org]
Comments
Jesus doesn't like the Woods family. He took Earl just to make a statement, now he slapped down Tiger. Look for Kultilda to contract leprosy in the near future.
He (Jesus) is still diggin' on Elin though...
BTW, the Jesus in your picture kind of looks as though someone shot him between the eyes.
Tiger blew it when he dressed in Phil's colors. Gotta wear the *red* sweater, Eldrick.
@The Ghost of Luke Ward: No, silly, thats Jesus preparing for the new Harry Potter book's release.
BTW, the Jesus in your picture kind of looks as though someone shot him between the eyes.
/backs away slowly
with Jesus and his grandfather (Zach's, not Jesus's) pulling the strings from heaven...
Wait, if God is Jesus' dad, who is God's dad? Am I missing something here?
I think it's the Holy Spirit guy I'm always hearing about.
I guess after the day Justin Rose had you could say every Rose has its thorn
Can't knock him. Won me $400 in the Masters pool I was in.
@UkraineNotWeak: So I've heard.
@Len Bias Cocaine Surplus: buh-dum cha!
Where were you when I needed you last night Jesus? And don't give me that "one set of footsteps while I was carrying you" bullshit either
@Land of Os(borne): You'll have to tune into a very special Maury to find out.
I'm forcing myself to watch Baseball Tonight, but Chris Berman appears to be wearing Boise State's blue turf as his blazer...I'll be changing the channel now.
Don't be silly UM, you guys use a hammer and nails.
Though it seems as if you've turned your back on the carpentry profession.
So I tried to find a player who rhymes with "green jacket." And I find this headline on Sportsline:
"Green Zach-et"
Yeesh.
Forgive me for sounding simmons-esque, but I kept waiting for Tiger to strip off the Phil-sweater and reveal Sunday Red after that 12th hole. So much for showmanship...
rd
Tiger's attempt at that power fade was classic FIGJAM.
so, I go to ESPN and see this Zach Johnson character on the front page with collar fully popped.
douchebag.
How long has goat cheese pizza been part of Americana? Chevy is trying to force it on me and I don't like it
Wait, are you sure Tiger didn't win? I mean, after he eagled 13 the commentators practically gave him the victory even though according to the "rules" (stupid rules) he was still two shots back.
@Jerkwheat: his vest collar is popped. he also has a turtle neck on. I'll give him the benefit of the doubt and just say he has an unnaturally cold neck
@Baba Oje: ah, I see that now.
but I'll stand by "douchebag" until further review...
The winning total was +1, with Tiger Woods among a group of three in second place at +3.
*in Homer Simpson's voice* Hey how about that*in Homer Simpson's voice*
Let's give Zach Johnson a pass. He's a hairlip. He didn't have his own clubs until he was 18. He just beat Tiger at The Masters.
Who's with me?
(crickets)
@Jerkwheat: hey, he should have known the consequences when he popped, irregardless of intent
@Baba Oje: Goat cheese is the shit.
@Baba Oje: I think he was with you. Weren't you speaking in tongues?
Jesus knows who really deserves the credit today:
Tiger and others stumbled late, leaving Johnson the third ever to win green with a 289.
@JebusHChrist: If he happened to be from another Midwestern state, say, Nebraska, would you be so vociferous in your defense?
@chilltown: You kidding me, he'd be on his way to Georgia to shiv him as we speak.
@Chief Wahoo: Probably, all I know is the Avs lost, I went out got stinking drunk and then got thrown out of the bar. Everything after that is a blur
Really, all pictures of Jesus should be of the "Buddy Christ" from Dogma.
@Baba Oje: Quattro Formaggio pizza with goat cheese is fucking awesome.
@Signal to Noise: Affirmed.
@Signal to Noise:
Hasn't Buddy Chris had an appearance in every Kevin Smith movie since Dogma?
@Baba Oje: same here, except none of my friends could share my sorrows over the Avs because for some reason, they don't watch hockey.
@chilltown: I wouldn't know his story if he wasn't from Iowa so I guess the answer is no. Whether he's from Iowa or not, dude's a hairlip. Hairlip's have no Zip Code.
@Baba Oje: My night wasn't so hot either. Thank Jesus for the Islanders.
@Baba Oje: As long as you woke up alone and didn't find any blood splashed around the room all is fine.
@JebusHChrist: What's worse? Being a hairlip or being a Jesus freak?
@Cooler Than Warm Milk: not sure. I presume it is. Either way, I credit the original appearance.
@PeteJayhawk: I vote "Jesus freak."
@Baba Oje: @Chief Wahoo: And that you didn't wake up in a room enclosed by cinder blocks and metal bars.
Guess Christ was on your side.
@Chief Wahoo: No, but I had an open tab at the bar which they wouldn't let me close when they threw me out. God knows what my friends did to that thing
@Baba Oje: I think that's only slightly more scary than being transferred from Berman to Morgan. God help me.
@Baba Oje: So there was blood involved. Yours.
@G Voll the Mole: is it too late to steal BringBackHaroldRenyolds.com?
@Baba Oje: Looks like it's still up for grabs. Not the worst idea I've heard...
Ack. Three hours of Joe Morgan...these are the things we suffer through for baseball.
Swap HR for Joe and I'd be happy.
@PeteJayhawk: Hairlip. No doubt. A hairlip knows he's a hairlip. Jesus freaks don't know any better. I think that's the point. There's probably something comforting about floating around in a God Cloud of superiority and blind faith.
@Signal to Noise: So would Boston Market.