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Definitely, Dude, chick?

Can we just trade Schilling for him. We need the bat and Schilling is a mouthbreather.

"Your blood-stained sock is as real as my home run record!"

"Wait...what?"

So, basically one douchebag is fighting another douchebag?

I can't tell who to root against...

Can't they just settle this in the World....of Warcraft??

2 Damage! 2 Damage!

... that Bob Costas fellow sure is strapping.

All three people in that photo have had sex with Lindsay Lohan.

Deep...Balls Deep.
Sorry guys.

As long as the case gets jammed up in the legal system forever and nobody wins, everybody wins.

Barry's THAC0 is out of control...

"I know it was upsetting to Barry."

Now that Hulk has smashed record, we're to believe that Hulk has feelings? Please.

Despite being a Red Sox fan, I'm often less than impressed with Schilling's loudmouth...ism...ery. (Moving on.) That being said, it's far too late in the HGH cycle for Bonds to play cry-baby. Talk his giant head off, Curt!

Maybe they can settle this on the course

[golfcourseportal.com]

Two of the most disliked sports personalities on the planet suing the shit out of each other in a ridiculous attempt to keep even more of the spotlight on themselves? It's like the Kanye-50 rap debate, except infinitely more gay.

Civil rights representation? Fo' real?

Isn't this more of a libel type of thing? Why do we have to bring race into this--if anything Barry talks like a middle-aged, white school teacher.

Schilling's comments were lewd, lascivious, salacious, outrageous!

/Jackie Childs

@Russkiejedi: How are his mele/missile scores

Hold on a tick. Won't Barry have to testify in order to prove his claim? And couldn't that possibly set him for perjury again?

Fez has as much business at a sports-related event as he does breathing.

So Barry is upset that Schilling repeated what Barry himself admitted in front of a grand jury? I'm far from being a legal expert, but how does that spell defamation?

So wait...they're suing but a long investigation would still be offensive to Barry?!?!

Which one is the giant douche and which one is the turd sandwich?

@JukeboxHero: His Armor Class is his Bracer of Ogre Power AC 4

@Civil Negligence: Whenever I hear Barry talking, I mentally overdub the sounds of Charlie Brown's teacher until I feel better.

Don't upset Barry. You wouldn't like Barry when he's upset.

@Russkiejedi: It's enhanced by his Bracer... crap.

@Russkiejedi: Bonds = Leroy Jenkins?

@Civil Negligence: Surely the reporter misunderstood when the criminal lawyer mentioned Barry might get "civil" representation. At least that's what I'm hoping. Not we need the ghost of Thurgood Marshall wading in on this one.

@Trent: Errr..."we do not need"

A paralegal at Schilling's attorney's office told Gary Thorne it's merely a Conciliation Court matter.

Am I the only one turned-off by Sharapova abnormally wide shoulders in that pic?

What is all this liigation? Back in my day, when we had a dispute with someone, we shot them.

@Matt_T: Barry would have to prove that everything Schilling said about him is false. But, I don't think he can prove that anything Schilling said is false.

What's Al Sharpton's position on this case?

@Matt_T: Exactly. Unlike a criminal trial, he couldn't refuse to testify. Which is why this suit will never happen.

@Weed Against Speed:

+1, good one

@Bad Barbecue: *needs a "t"

@GlenAndersonLikesBoys: No. She's a bit manly. (Nice of her to give out tickets to the gun show, though.)

@GlenAndersonLikesBoys: That's Sharapova? I thought it was Bridgett Nielson.

schillingwilmer.jpg? Really? That's who we're supposed to focus on?

Litigation? That ain't how we settle things in Warsong Gulch.

Oh, and Yes, Dude, Fez.

@What would Kornheiser do?: I'm abstaining.

I haven't had this much trouble choosing sides since the Iraq-Iran War.

@DennyCrane: Undecided. The Good Reverend's interns are deciding if Barry is real enough.

As far as Jesse Jackson, he's surveying the PETA landscape to see if there are any black members before he cries foul for Vick.

@Civil Negligence: What is white school exactly?

@J-No: Make sure you do so courteously.

"Barry Bonds is entitled to 2.2 million CASH MONEY in damages."

-Wilmer Valderrama

God. That "Your Mama" show was the single greatest abortion in television history.

Or is it "single worst?"

Yeah, this is laughable. If Barry decides to sue, EVERYTHING that was put before the BALCO grand jury could (and would) be re-admitted in the civil case, because truth is an affirmative defense to slander/libel. Think Barry (or his attys) want to open that can of worms?

Favorite sports story of the day, by far.

Welcome to "No Commentville," Big Mouth.

Hey, why not get Wilmer Valderrama to mediate this? Have Bonds and Schilling go to each other's houses to dig up dirt for their "Yo Momma" faceoff.

Curt: Barry, your head's so big it has its own moon!
(Crowd: "OOOOOOOOOOOH!")
Barry: Curt, you're so full of shit you gotta clean your ears with toilet paper.
(Crowd: "HOOOOOOOOOOO!")
Curt: Your nickname should be Welch's, 'cuz you're 100% juice!
(Crowd: "DAAAAAMMMMMN!")
Barry: I know why your sock was bloody, dawg. That's where you stick your old tampons!
(Crowd: "WOOOOOOOOOOOO!")

@GlenAndersonLikesBoys: No. But only because that dress does not flatter her broad shoulders. Having broad shoulders is not bad, wearing a dress that just does not flatter them is.

And, Chick, No, Yes. *bows head in shame*

@metschick: Metschick, no! That's guy been exposed to more bad tuna than mercury.

@metschick: For shame woman ... saw him in a club in Miami, so much shorter in real life, if thats possible.

yes, douche, douche.

@Chamomiles Davis: I know, I know. It's his stupid sexy voice. Listening to it while watching Handy Manny with Baby Mets has made me come to like his tone of voice. (He voices the main character "Manny".)

@GlenAndersonLikesBoys: I'm only 5'3", was he shorter than me??

And yes, it's shameful. But I'd still do it...

Maria was just channelling her inner east german swimmer. Pez must have felt even more inadequate than usual in her presence. Metschick, put on a barry white album (CD) immediately.