Deadspin
So, less than a month after you've won the Super Bowl, you've got a bevy of entertainment options and endorsement opportunities. Or, you can just ignore both and sleep on a beach somewhere, maybe make out with balding country music stars your wife, just take it easy.
Or: You can accept $200,000 to show up at a Sweet Sixteen party.
According to one of the (anonymous) party attendees, Manning spent the past weekend as the main attraction at a girl's Sweet Sixteen party; he was rumored to have been paid $200 grand for a two-hour appearance. (Cedric the Entertainer was also there, which must have been confusing, since "The Entertainer" is also Peyton's nickname.)
According to an attendee:
"The first hour was the actual birthday ceremony which included Manning hiding behind a cake with a baker's hat on, then Manning took off the hat and surprised the birthday girl and the rest of the crowd. The second hour was Peyton standing next to a background and a professional photographer, where the entire party lined up to take pictures with him one by one. The pictures were printed and framed and given to the guests as they left."
We're sorry, but if you want Daddy to hire someone famous to attend your Sweet 16 party, and you pick Peyton Manning ... you're the lamest teenager we've ever seen. We love that of all the people in the above photo, Peyton's the one who looks like he's going through his awkward phase.
Some more pictures from the evening are after the jump.
(UPDATE: Manning's people are denying the story. Our witnesses insist it was a Sweet 16 party. It's really nothing to be embarrassed about, Peyton.)
Comments
Are we sure that's not Peyton celebrating Diwali?
How much did bringing Biggie Smalls back from the dead cost?
... you're the lamest teenager we've ever seen.
Ouch. Actually, she seems attractive enough. And she really can't be lamer than this teenager, upper left corner:
http://deadspin.com/sports/sports-trivia/welcome-new-york-...
I can be hired for much less ladies... a 6 pack should do.
I, like Cedric the Entertainer, find Peyton's attempt at "dancing" hilarious.
@Sir Hotbod Handsomeface: It's free, you just have to be willing to commit to it in front of a mirror.
Where's the Acura cake?
Please tell me this was for the MTV show, so that Peyton's dance will be on video.
I hear Dominic Rhodes is available, too. He comes cheaper as long as you hire a driver. Or maybe Pacman can usher your daughter into her future profession?
I can be hired for even less than twoeightnine--a bottle of Night Train and a Backwoods cigar, and I'll actually jump out of the cake instead of hide behind it.
That Dad must own tons of Dunkin Donuts stores to afford all that.
So whose 16th birthday is it? The one with the sweet 'stache and dance moves?
You'd think they'd be more interested in hiring a famous cricket batsman or bowler or something like that.
Cricket bowler, of course, not the Dick Weber kind.
The saddest part of the story is that when the dad brought out the 200 grand to pey Payton, it was in singles, in a hefty bag, and Pacman Jones jumped out of the cake and shot everyone.
hey girl,
my living room chair just called. it wants its upholstery back.
...
psyche! i don't own anything that ugly.
That's the tush push.
@quick: I'll do quick one better and jump into the cake, whether anyone wants me to do that or not. And I'll provide my own booze. Actually this is probably why I'm not allowed within 500 feet of the public schools.
Peyton's awkward phase is between "birth" and "death."
How come no one has ever sued Cedric "the Entertainer" for false advertising? I've never been entertained by him.
Man, just think, they could have had Jack Trudeau instead for 1/10000 of the price.
Man they got Peyton Manning AND Menudo? What a party!
Hell, for a six pack I'll not only show up, I'll bang the ugly chick in the pictures on a table in the center of the room.
...girls
These pictures are probably funnier than anything Peyton is going to do when he hosts SNL.
Hmm, let's see...win the Super Bowl and spend it at this party; lose the Super Bowl and spend it this way.
Shes 16? well Im a good virginia boy so, yes, Id do her.
She's nice. You like.
When her brothers and their cousins blow up the Sears Tower, Peyton's gonna wish he never did this gig.
I'm guessing the girl is the one in first picture with her arm around his arm. The parents are the next two judging by the rock on her finger. Which leads me to wonder how he got her?
But then I just answered my own question by pointing out the rock on her finger.
@Raskolnikov:
Did Diddy do it first?
(IMO, one of the best SP's ever.)
Best lead in to Deadspin UP! All night ever. Peyton's super sweet 16 + Dress up dolls = endless fun
@Oops Pow Surprise: Oh No, last time we talked about putting people inside of cakes the conversation got very awkward.
Sweet 16 or a meeting of the Lollipop Guild? What a lilliputian crowd compared to the Gulliver-like Manning.
Here's to hoping the Sex Cannon gets invited to some girl's sweet sixteen party.
@AnalRapist: Hookers aren't people! We went over this!
@Lt. Exley: Wow. Talk about crossing the line.
Apparently Peyton put all the endorsement money behind some of Scottie Pippen's can't miss business ventures.
@Lt. Exley: Dude. No.
@TheStarterWife: I second that... I now want to own a Satan dressed as Britney costume.
PR&G alert...
The best part has to be that Manning had to stand there for an hour hiding behind the cake!
@Spanish Necktie: Isn't that why we're here. Some days nothing is off limits. Other days it's like a sewing circle. I lose track sometimes.
I'm waiting for someone to pull the "No, No, Yes, etc..." bit because I ain't fuckin touching it.
Is it just me or does the 4th picture look like cedric and peyton are about to giver the girl the old night at the roxbury sandwich dance?
Ok, I see Cheech, but where's Chong?
I really really wish there were pictures of him hunched behind a cake wearing a baker's hat. The photoshop magic that could come out of that...
@Lt. Exley: Bad form, man.
They could have got Pac-Man to come for alot cheaper. And he would have even made it rain.
Are we sure Peyton and Cedric aren't filming a buddy comedy of some kind here? 'Cuz if so... It's GOLD, Jerry, GOLD!!!
@Lt. Exley: I second the sewing circle comment.
really? terrorism jokes? based on what?
Intelligent joke: PeteJayHawk with his cricket reference.
Stupid redneck joke: Danny G and Lt. Exley, showcasing lame stereotypes. Double that for Lt. Exley, for not even getting his stereotypes right.
Peyton Manning spoke at my alma mater 3 years ago, if he made $200,000 I'm kill a homeless guy with a hammer.
God, he's such a dork. It makes me uncomfortable to look at him.