Deadspin
The Rick Ankiel thing, for Cardinals fans, has always been about hope. There was hope in 2000, when we thought we had discovered a 19-year-old Steve Carlton. There was hope in 2001 when we believed a young man could conquer his demons. There was hope in 2003 when we anguished as another young star went under the Tommy John knife. And, yes, there was hope in 2004, when we cheered as the prodigal son returned to rousing applause that was the sonic equivalent of a wool blanket on a cold November night. There was always an innocence to the hope; against all rational thought, we believed in Rick Ankiel because if you could believe in him, you could believe in anything. It made Cardinals fans proud of themselves; it was through our support, we believed, that Ankiel could frame his various comebacks. We would be patient; we would wait for him in a way we couldn't see other fanbases doing. It came from the very best part of us. We were so proud of ourselves. Whatever your thoughts on the jaw-dropping New York Daily News story this morning, that innocence is now replaced with ... something else.
It's worth noting — if you'll allow us, as a commenter amusingly put it this morning, to get our Tony Snow on for a moment — that this isn't a case of a guy taking a bunch of HGH, becoming a superhuman and pounding a ton of home runs. In 2004, Rick Ankiel was still a pitcher, recovering from Tommy John surgery and rehabbing in Memphis. (We remind, as Slate pointed out, HGH is hardly a "performance enhancer;" as they put it, steroids are like doing heroin, while HGH is more like smoking weed.) He was a guy who had gone through so much, so much, and was just trying to make it back to a semblance of what he once was, using a substance that was not banned by baseball at the time. As anyone who saw Ankiel at that time knows, the Ankiel of 2004 has no connection to the Ankiel of 2007; that's why his story has been so great, so transforming. Rick Ankiel is not hitting a ton of home runs now because he took HGH in 2004.
But yeah: Do we put that much detail into that paragraph if this is Alex Rodriguez receiving HGH, or Derrek Lee? Probably not.
Our fellow Cardinals fans will go through similar dissembling over the next few weeks — because this isn't going away; Ankiel is going to be remembered for this much longer than Rodney Harrison ever will — and, as Bernie Miklasz pointed out this morning, certain people will defend Ankiel no matter what, and others will think of him as a juicer until the end of time, and the truth will remain somewhere in the middle. (We certainly aren't going to stop wearing his jersey or anything.) And that, friends, is what this story is really about: It's not about HGH, it's not about the Cardinals, it's not even about Rick Ankiel. Fourteen hours ago, Rick Ankiel was what we loved about sports: His story existed in the black-white world we demand of our sports. His story was pure; it was impossible not to be happy for him.
But as much as we try to make it not so — and boy, do we try — the sports world is gray. Ankiel is not a monster or The Bad Guy now that we know he accepted HGH in 2004. But he's not the Guy In The White Hat Here To Save Our Games we all believed — needed to believe— he was either. His story is a human one. His story is gray. It always was.
That we now realize this, so vividly, is what we truly lost, at 8 a.m. this morning, picking up our newspaper as we stepped onto the subway, the world entirely different than it had been 10 minutes before, yet, of course, exactly the same.
Comments
I'll just sit here and hold my breath...
That was very well written, Will.
Now put down the letter opener, and step away from the subway tracks. We can all work through this together.
While I certainly empathize with Will and Cardinals fans (see Harrison, Rodney), I can't help but notice the double standard between coverage of Barry Bonds and Ankiel. Of course Ankiel is not breaking the most hallowed record in sports, but shouldn't his (alleged)use of HGH be treated with the same contempt and derision that Barry's was?
I think that most baseball fans are going to go through some version of this in the near future. The investigations have only now started to pick up speed. So we might as well start having these kinds of mature discussions about the issue, perhaps even putting Bonds-bashing to rest.
Or just devolve into rabid judgment, whipped into a frenzy by talk radio and journalists whose idea of a PED is Viagra. Either way.
I always feel a little better after times like these by listening to Pretty Hate Machine.
That might just be me, of course.
First he loses his mind on the mound. Then he has surgery. Then he gets caught juicing right after he made it back to the majors?
It's like the comedy never stops!
at 8 a.m. this morning, picking up our newspaper as we stepped onto the subway
On your way to the office?
Excellent post. I realized after I read this that Ankiel's HGH use had taken place before he'd started his comeback as a hitter, and presuming it stopped when it became illegal (maybe a big presumption), I think Ankiel is in the clear here. No pun intended, of course. But as you noted, there will always be that grayness, a hint of bittersweetness connected to Ankiel's name. It's too bad, really.
How is it possible to love and hate sports with this much passion these days? My head hurts.
@chilltown: Ankiel didn't use cream or clear, though.
@SlickBomb: He didn't get caught juicing.
It really is a sad day.
I just wish it coulda been Coach K.
As a Red Sox fan I withhold judgement knowing that there is the possiblity that Clay Buchholz may go from stealing laptops to running a heroin distribution ring out of the North End any day now.
@chilltown: I hear what you're saying, but Ankiel took the performance enhancers as a pitcher, a trade at which he so memorably flopped at. Should he have taken HGH? Of course not. But I don't think anything he's done in the past is helping him hit home runs now. That's why he's so different than Bonds.
@chilltown: Barry Bonds is just a dick anyway, so I think that has something to do with how people treat him.
Boyhood dreams, a bat made from a tree struck by lightning and most importantly, a never-ending passion for the game. Rick Ankiel is The UnNatural
Ankiel is not a monster.
Clearly, you do not know the Ankiel that inhabits my sleeping thoughts.
@chilltown: The difference is Barry Bonds is a total asshole.
@Weed Against Speed: didn't see your post on the other thread.
And I thought I was so clever.
Will, for your own safety, don't wear the Ankiel jersey to Shea. Please, I beg of you!
Also, there are NO American tanks at Baghdad airport!
Will - What did Mr. LaRussa know and when did he know it?
@Little Wooden Boy: Exactly. Thats why Jim Rice isn't in the HOF
@allonthefield: Tell that to the minor leaguers who get suspended for 50 games for HGH/steroids. Just because he wasn't good doesn't make it all better.
Don't worry Will. Rick Ankiel and you will meet up some day in Zihuatanejo, Mexico. You'll run a little hotel right there on the beach and take your guests charter fishing.
For some reason this just doesn't bother me. Probably because so many other players have probably done the same thing but because they weren't such feel-good stories, no one will ever notice or care.
If he's still juicing now, that sucks. But if he rehabbed and then cut it out when it became banned, big fucking whoop.
@PeteJäyhawk™: To some people it is a Subway, to others, a library. But to most, it is still just the toilet in your apartment.
@Sh!tShow: We cool, man.
@PeteJäyhawk™: It's like the Seinfeld where Kramer becomes an office drone. I think Will's briefcase is full of crackers.
@chilltown: This seems like a different situation. Ankiel's head hasn't been as Ziggy-like big as Bonds was.
And it's not possible to test for HGH.
@chilltown: I think the difference is that Ankiel was coming back from an injury, while Bonds was coming down from a kitten-killing high.
Pro athletes beat the shit out of their bodies. If HGH helps them heal faster and the treatment can be managed by a physician why shouldn't they have access to it? It ain't going away so bring it above board and keep an eye on it.
Just saying.
I find it convenient that the Daily News released this story the night after Ankiel has a 7 RBI / 2 HR performance. They were clearly sitting on the story, waiting for the right time to put it out there.
Also, the difference between this and Barry Bonds, is that Bonds went through a complete body change. He went from a lean, speedy baseball player to a mass of bulging muscles with a giant head. Ankiel still has the same build as he did when he was a pitcher, and he always had plus plus power potential. In his final at bat in high school, he hit a 450 ft homerun.
But alas, the Ankiel story is ruined, regardless of what happens from here on out. MLB is a joke.
Will? On the Subway Ride of Shame from last night's trick?
@Lizalicious: No the difference is Barry is the best ever at what he does and people love to hate the best.
Do we really want baseball to be like a Victory Records showcase? Really? Is that what we want?
Well said, Will.
To every commenter who has said this is different than the Bonds situation:
Bullshit.
What's different? Because Bonds is good and Ankiel is not? Either it's wrong to take the drugs (when it's not against the rules; funny how that comes back into play all of the sudden) or it isn't. The end result is irrelevant.
@PeteJäyhawk™: @Tobias Funke:
♪♪ My baby takes the morning train...♪♪
"Hold on Chief -- it might be medicinal."
just glad he didn't outsource his editorial to another blog.
@Nately: Preach it brother.
MLB is a joke.
And all of these fucking NFL land monsters that everyone has spent this week worshipping are made up of 100% excercise and vitamins, right?
@HIV 2 Elway: The best ever because HE INJECTED COW HORMONES INTO HIS ASS.
Will, how will the effect your Fantasy Football team?
@Camp Tiger Claw: Hey now, the NFL is a joke to, as is the NBA. I was merely commenting on MLB because that's what this story pertains to.
THE MLS SHALL REIGN SUPREME!
@Nately:
What if Ankiel stopped taking "something bad" before MLB banned it, while Bonds continued to take something bad even after MLB banned it?
Also, Bonds is a douche.
@HIV 2 Elway: Speak for yourself.
I hate Bonds because he's black.
/Bostonian
@Portugal_The_Man:
I'm pretty sure Landycakes shots stuff into his ass.
@Portugal_The_Man: HEY! How about that NHL thing that is still rumored to exist?
@BigTenObsession: I think that was a penis, not HGH.
@Portugal_The_Man:
Amen. But it's not convenient so much as it is calculated. They would have sat on this for as long as possible. But Ankiel had to go and hit two homers last night, so the news had to come out right then. The News will deny that, of course. But they'd be severely lying. We'd hold stories for impact all the time at the newspapers I worked at in the past.
@Charlie Kerfelds Jetsons Tee: Everyone hates Bonds. I too will hate Barry Bonds forever*.
* Until the Twins sign him to play left field next year.
Like you said, Will,
Ankiel was the perfect candidate to take this stuff, since he's on the fringes of MLB. He's like those guys who shuttle between the majors and minors, just hoping to stick.
@Lizalicious: "This is what happens when you INJECT COW HORMONES IN THE ASS!!"
Starting outfielder baby! A place at the table!
Wooooooooooooooooooooo!
@Lizalicious: A gold glove and league MVP in 1990 plus the dude hit 40/40 in '96. Not to mention mashing homeruns since he was a rookie, then again I hear that abnormally big muscles help ones hand-eye coordination.
@Charlie Kerfelds Jetsons Tee: Touche
You probably still feel like crap. Here's the thing: everybody has been ridiculously #### for Ankiel. It's probably good to tone things down a notch before unrealistic expectations and undeserved praise destroy the man. Nobody will remember an HGH story if he has 200 home runs in a few years.
Excellent post, Will. Larry B.'s take on it is even better (no offense):
[vivaelbirdos.com]