Deadspin
So, you're trying to promote your fledgling soccer franchise. You've got a two options: You can hold a blood drive outside the stadium pregame and give free tickets to those who give up a pint. Or ... you can just GIVE OUT FREE BEER!
Or, if you're Miami FC of the United Soccer League ... you can do both.
"It will be an experience for the entire family unlike any other found in South Florida," Miami FC boasts in the release. Hey, can't argue with that. "The place to be this weekend for pro soccer, free beer, and countless other entertainment and giveaways is Tropical Park Stadium watching our mighty Miami FC battle the Puerto Rico Islanders."
As we learned in college — sometimes we fear it's all we learned in college — when you give blood before you go drinking, you can get blasted, man, and for cheap! So the combination of free beer, lowered blood count and soccer can only brew up a combination of goodness for our fellow man. It should go smoothly, with no potential trouble at all.
Soccer, Free Beer And Intravenous Needles [The Futon Report]
Comments
THIS JUST IN: the Puerto Rico Islanders have bought out Alexei Yashin.
Yes, especially on a stretcher
It was the perfect scam - go give plasma, get paid for it, and then use that money to get drunk for cheap!
@Jake Fratelli: I would insist on opening the blinds too
Note to Milwaukee Brewers: This is a much better promotion than free prostate exams.
But doesn't this mean that the fans will be too weak to rip the seats out or attack the referee?
Yes.
Is there anyway we can get Lt. Winslow to cover this thing Deadspin style?
What could POSSIBLY go wrong?
I've often equated the sensation of being stuck with needles to the one I get when I have to watch soccer.
"It will be an experience for the entire family unlike any other found in South Florida"
Except the places where you can buy blow by the key-which is to say, anywhere in South Florida.
And apparently in an effort to get a quicker buzz, the girl in the photo is drinking her beer through a straw.
That's amateur hour. Give blood then take a klonopin and you'll be wasted after just looking at a beer
@BigTenObsession: The place that I donated plasma at in college always had great/campy 80s and 90s movies on while you gave, and was right next to A) a kick-ass mexican restaurant and B) several bars and liquor stores.
Good god, college really was great, wasn't it?
One of the things I like about Deadspin...the unending effort to find pictures of cute chicks to include in random, non-athlete specific, stories.
Bravo, Will. In your state...this was quite an achievement.
I'm glad pro soccer is marketing to arena football fans.
[/Jemele Hill]
"Are you a soccer fan?" should be one of the screening questions that determine donor eligibility, sort of like "Have you recently traveled to a malaria zone?" or "Do you have Hepatitis C?"
fortunately, 90 degree heat, 90% humidity and lack of shade helps counteract the effects of alcohol
@throwbot:
after donating plasma and getting shit-canned there will more than likely be some free prostate exams going on. it is miami afterall.
@DennyCrane: +1, not because it was funny, but because the words "bought out Yashin" are now true
If it were legal, I'd hit it.
That being said, this is no worse than the Brewers giving out rectal exams, and is far less embarassing.
Bear with us, non-soccer fans: It's almost over.
[/delivering on TSW's promise]
@I Heart Poop: Yeah, that place is crawling with hemogolbins.
Blood out, Alcohol in, BAC up!
@Sir Hotbod Handsomeface:well done, +1
I've been saying for a while that Soccer is a great sport. This proves it.
@Phony Gwynn:
Nothing like watching Better Off Dead, and then walking out to go directly next door to buy a 40 of Mickey's. And since in W. Lafayette there was no open container law for pedestrians, I could drink my Mickeys ON THE WAY TO THE BAR!
They should just really hook up an IV of beer a la Barney on the Simpsons.
no free whippits?
@Sir Hotbod Handsomeface: Can I hug you without having to go to Boston Market for that?
But for real. Game 5 tonight... GET MOVING SENS!
If the Rockies have this promotion, I guarantee a road trip from me. Low blood + free beer * high altitude = three day coma.
@Sir Hotbod Handsomeface: Bought out Yashin! Im giddy. Now back to the one sport hockey fans can make fun of. Soc-cer?
Stuart Scott imagines a bull's eye on her big ass forehead.
@The Gentleman Masher: Somebody hasn't been to With Leather yet.
@Sir Hotbod Handsomeface: I would rather it had been funny. Sigh.
@MitchKayak: Just hook it to my veins!!
I hate needles so much that photo is actually making me light headed.
two-for-one night.!!!
@SlickBomb:
one pint low + free beer = lots of unanticipated rectal exams
It'll be like halftime of an OU-Texas game.
@MDT: I left out the qualifier - pics of cute chicks that I can view at work and not get a talking to.
I would rather it had been funny. Sigh.
Ok, it was funny too.
@Sir Hotbod Handsomeface:
@TheStarterWife:
I thought we covered this yesterday - soccer is NEVER over.
Who new Sue Bird was a Miami FC fan?
God bless the men and women who are gonna have to clean up all that vomit.
Yeah, that place is crawling with hemogolbins.
The hemogoblins? Gay little monsters that listen to sad music and cut themselves?
@Mix_Master_Meche: You just gave Joe Paterno a wonderful idea.
@Mix_Master_Meche:
Penn State football?
@Weed Against Speed:
dammit!
Is it just me, or does it look like she's also tanning while giving blood and drinking beer through a straw. Gotta think thats a bad combo, or a great weekend
Let me just grab my grenade belt and it's roadtrip to Miami time.
@Jake Fratelli:
+1, I absolutely despise her and I had five more years of her at the Orlando Sentinel. The nation's only suffered through a year of misery so far.
I used to draw blood. Seriously.
@crazyjoedavola: I think I've seen that thing she's reclining on in an Adam & Eve catalog. I could be mistaken.
@Sir Hotbod Handsomeface: Better those than the Hobgoblin.
At least they're not playing the Haiti Islanders. Because the whole blood drive thing would be kind of pointless...
@Weed Against Speed:
No, it doesn't have that hump in the middle. I mean, what is this Adam & Eve catalog you speak of?
/threadjack
Apologies is this was discussed in DU!AN, but Jericho fans have saved the show! This is great news for me and the 5 other guys who watched it!
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/19059079/
/threadjack
/threadjack
Man, if I knew you get 26 years of free Quiznos for winning the Pac Man tournament, I would have given it a shot.
/jacked up
@KevinNoMaas:
CODDAMMIT, I SAID NO MORE HAITI JOKES!
@Kip Wells Has a Posse (Me):
I watch it. Sniff, I'm so happy right now.
@BigTenObsession:
I thought it was one Haiti joke per commenter. That was my one attempt.
@BigTenObsession:
$25 from ZLB plasma donation
+ $3 pitchers / $1.25 well drinks at Jakes
= Utopia
@Refreshments_in_the_Narthex:
MMMM - Jake's. The first time I ever got handcuffed...Never mind.