Aw, sure is nice to have a "Masturbating Lonely Men With Mustaches" category on Deadspin. I will keep my eye on that one.

oh. my. god.

jesus f'ing christ. nice category tags, by the way.

Too...many...comments...swirling... The only one I can muster in writing: Mike Cooper is living proof of why sometimes cats smother their young at birth.

I couldn't decide between: 1. Jer-ry! Jer-ry! 2. go bucks?

This guy deserves a buckeye sticker for his imaginary helmet. BUCKEYE! He's going away alright, to THE BIG HOUSE!

What's more embarassing, spanking it in the library or that moustache?

Oh man. Not that I have sympathy for the guy, but I like how they added the fact that he is both unemployeed and still lives with his folks. Ouch. If only Mom switched from dial-up to DSL, this would have not been a problem.

See, this is why people hate most journalists. The reporter attempts to act like a noble crusader for the public good, stopping one lonely Buckeye fan from jacking it in the library, but comes off as a much bigger asshole than the masturbator. Plus, the end is by far the funniest part.

Holy God Almighty, that is comic GENIUS!

Now we know where they got the inspiration for that library scene in The Squid and The Whale.

That was not the Reading Rainbow they had in mind.

wow. that beats the hell out of the cubs fan in the urinal trough.

The wolverine fans should get a kick out of this...

Unbelievable. The guy they caught really looks like a Lester Molester type, especially with his copstache. The only problem I have with the piece is that the reporter keeps referring to the guy's act as "having sex" when what he is doing is what you do when you can't have sex.

That's strong condemnation coming from a guy in a flasher coat.

We're really starting to stretch the definition of "whimsy" here.

For some reason, the Ohio State fan's voice sounded exactly like Andy Richter in that skit where he shows up on the Today Show naked. "Is Katie around?"

Mike Cooper now joins Bubb Rubb in the Internet Hall of Fame.

WOW. The dad at the end of the clip made it all the more hilarious. I guess all i can do after that is wait for a response to this: OOOOOOO! HHHHHHHHHH!

Twenty-three years old with a Wannestache like that. Oh, man.

That just made my week.

I think I speak on behalf of the entire State of Ohio when I say 'please don't hold this guy against us.' ...now on with the Ohio jokes.

Apparently Thad Matta set aside a whole wing of the OSU library for Greg Oden... only with a bed to replace those cheap library chairs and scantily clad co-eds (complete with their own bannisters to dance on) instead of computers. So, very similar to this guy's set-up.

AHAHAHAHA!

O-H! I-O! O-H! I-O! O-H! I- Ohh, Ohh, Uh, Uh Oh!

That guy just had to prove himself as an investigatory journalist, no matter how many masturbators he exposed or people he left dead and bloodied and dying along the way.

Give this guy a break, its gotta be tough to jerk off in his house with his Dad yelling and Mom crying all the time.

Umm, that was amazing. Somewhere in Washington State, Adam Morrison is preparing for the NBA draft, and he is going to get a call from his parents that goes, "Adam its Dad, listen there is a problem with your Cousin Bernie..." All Ohio State needed to do was break down crying before the interviewer was finished and it would be a lock.

THE masturbator from THE Ohio State University (nice sweatshirt, is that a Nike Swoosh or is that a ....ohmygod.)

What's more impressive about this guy? That he can wack off left handed? That he can scroll down the page that fast while wacking off left handed? That he can talk some tough shit to a TV reporter (while standing behind his 6-6 psychotic war veteran father)? GOOOO BUCKEYES!!

Not only is the moustachioed lonely guy scrolling up the screen against the grain, he's also going lefty. Pervert or not, that takes some ambidextrous talent that I don't think I possess. I can't even flush the toilet left-handed.

Deadspin should devote a daily post to OSU and/or Duke news. They are such easy targets.

Deadspinners- This story comes with it's own message board courtesy of WKYC. You might want to give them th 'ol Barbaro treatment. http://www.wkyc.com/weblog/carlmonday/2006/05/perverts-par...

people are gonna point and laugh next time this guy shows his face in the Horseshoe.

so many things running through my mind... -why did the guy appear on camera in the first place? -why did he continue to talk when he was busted? -for the love of god, why did he bring the camera man home? -why would the family agree to go on camera? my favorite quote comes from the dad: "I am a combat veteran!" right, like that somehow makes up for the fact that your son a) is 23 and lives at home; b) is unemployed; c) spanks it in the local public library.

So, did they follow the guy home? Or did they give him a ride? Also, do you think he sees Geraldo's moustache when he looks in the mirror? Finally: "I AM A COMBAT VET!"

Is this guy more stupid for jacking off in a library or talking to a reporter about it?

This might be the best week ever for sports YouTubing. The Josh Howard nutshot yesterday was the funniest thing I've seen in weeks, and then we add Super Trampoline Basketball! and THIS today.

And may I add, it's a CRIME that Super Trampoline Basketball hasn't gotten its own post.

On top of the whole masterbating Ohio St. fan, John Donne is running security at the library! Licence my roving hands, and let them go Before, behind, between, above, below.

Son of a bitch, this is not news! Shit like this happens to me just about every day! Pardon my outburst. Read this, follow up to the clip: http://wkyc.com/news/news_article.aspx?storyid=52623 As some of you (ok, maybe 2 of you?) might know, I'm a librarian. This stuff happens all the time. We catch people looking at porn every day and throw them out, especially if they are underage or their are underage children around. We've caught people masturbating. We've caught people having sex. We've had people smoking up in the bathrooms- and they pulled the fire alarm wiring out of the wall so they wouldn't get caught. Hell, we've caught people using our bathrooms as full-fledged beauty salons. I'll fully agree that if you looked "perv" or "Lester the Molester" in the dictionary, you'd see this guy. He's right in line with the most of the pervs I've ever had to bust. Black, white, Hispanic, Asian...doesn't matter, they all share the 'stache. This happened in Berea, home of Browns HQ. I'm surprised he had Bucks gear and not Brownies.

There really is nothing better than this shit. Anyone watch dateline last night when they invite predators into a house, make them strip naked, and then have 3 cameras and a grown man with a microphone ask them what the hell they are doing. Highest of high comedy, doctors, rabbis, everything, butt naked in a kitchen talking to a reporter, I could've watched for hours.

Now is the time when we combined two great Deadspin posts. I just left this on the Barbaro message board. Barbaro I've watched films of you online at the local library, and I really like what I see. I'm sorry about the injury, but at least you got a great life ahead of you. A great, great life. Best of luck. Mike Cooper, 25; Cleveland, OH, posted on 2006-05-25 14:55:05

Second Jakob: are Ohioans standards so low that whenever a bodily fluid leaves their body, however precipitated, it is "having sex?" By that standard, I was "having sex" regularly when I was in junior high. Who knew? Love the reporters sweet jacket and how he keeps shoving the mic in people's faces, all phallic-like. I would be as worried about him around my kids as Mr. Buckeye. Oh, and I heard Tressel just revoked his scholly.

I'm just suprised it wasn't maurice clarett.

"Can you think of any time when a patron sitting at a computer and watching porn and masturbating would be acceptable behavior?" Great question, Cronkite.

If you look closely, he's actually looking at old pictures of David Boston. And you can't help but masturbate furiously when you're looking at old pictures of David Boston.

Wow, this guy is a leftie? A 'friend' told me that if you go lefty, it feels like someone else is doing it for you! Not that I'd know personally. I mean, well. You know, my friend told me. ... Yea, um ok. I'm headed to the library now.

That reporter is the next Joey Greco of CHEATERS.

How does a hot guy like that not have a girlfriend to take care of his needs?

Masturful. I can't believe that's even real. And Juanacho-- Good lookin' out on those 13 year olds looking at porn! And I thought my job was tough.

Juancho, viewing pornography in a library is (believe it or not) Constitutionally protected. You have to let them look at it. You absolutely can not kick them out. So either I call BS or you're library is violating the law.

Add this to the list why Deadspin is my favorite site on the web. So another unanswered question is how badly did Molester Lester get beaten by his dad that night?

Necktie, here's the comment I sent in: "Why didn't Carl also interview 'caught masturbating' expert Judge Reinhold for this story? That's shoddy journalism." It said the comment needed blog author approval. I doubt you'll be seeing it.

Mike Cooper's dad = Walter Sobchek Who AM I? I'm fucking Veterans that's who. I didn't watch my buddies die face down in the muck...

Sadly, S. Necktie, Carl Monday, Cleveland's Investigative Reporter, monitors comments on his blog.

Mike Cooper's dad = Walter Sobchek Who AM I? I'm a fucking Veteran that's who. I didn't watch my buddies die face down in the muck...

That reporter sounded like the voice-over guy from NFL flims...

This more than makes up for neglecting Crawford in the The Closer this morning. Thank you.

I can't explain it but somehow the umbrella caps off the entire experience.

doesn't he have to like sign a release or something to appear on tv? why would he sign it?

MIKE COOPER MYSPACE page... hes looking for a serious relationship ladies. http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewp...

Berea, this is SurfControl. SurfControl, this is Berea. Go crazy. Otherwise, I'm afraid the follow-up story will have grown men in sweater-vests outside the library shouting "Block that Porn!, Block that Porn!"

Most masturbation-centric day at Deadspin...ever

I agree that it's hilarious, but I guess the thing that kind of gets me is: Isn't there SOMETHING else of more public value that can be shown for 5 minutes of the local news? I mean, is it really that important for them to be warning the public about they need to SAVE YOUR CHILDREN FROM THE LIBRARY JERKOFF MENACE NOW!!!! OTOH, it is about a Buckeye fan so, hey, it's funny...

I'm in agreement with MDT about Super Trampoline Baskeball. That clip doesen't deserve it's very own post - that deserves it's very own INTERNET!!!!

As sad as that whole thing was, I was rooting for the dad to whip that "investigative journalist" clown.

You don't have to sign a release to be interviewed for the local news. This world would be significantly less cool if EDSBS did not exist.