This just might might be the most unintentionally hilarious important newscast of the year. It was the top story this morning on WJHG, the NBC affiliate in Panama City, Fla., and it's easy to see why: The arrest of "dozens" of people for the dastardly crimes of being young underage drinking and having someone willing to rent them a beach house along the panhandle to do whatever the hell they wanted property damage.
Bryan Anderson, the station's uptight, priggish, pearl-clutching intrepid reporter, just so happened to be on the scene with a camera person when the cops arrived. As a result, we got an all-access glimpse into what a total nothingburger this story should have been the horrors that took place last night on Miami Street in Miramar Beach. I especially love the way Anderson brandished that handle of rum directly in front of the camera at the 1:07 mark of the video shown here, a moment that screams, "Good god this man needs to get laid" serves as a poignant reminder of the seriousness of the situation.
Especially funny striking: The general lack of remorse from these reckless kids. They tried to run out the back door when the cops arrived! Some, according to one officer, were even "pulling their ice chest" as they tried to flee! Said one kid who made a lot of sense unrepentant creep to a cop, in full view of the camera: "Officer, this is a joke. Did you not drink when you were a kid?" And then there was this exchange, when Anderson was dumb bold enough to approach a few of the accused, some of whom could barely contain their laughter:
Q: Do you think it's fun to be arrested?
A: Roll tide!
Absolutely perfect, you guys. The monsters. Lock 'em up and throw away the key. And someone please give Bryan Anderson a blowjob Murrow Award.