• Slash and burn: Here's some truly awful hockey tattoos. Also known as: hockey tattoos. [Bangin Panger]

• Union Jack: A business class taught by Donald Fehr? I heard it doesn't start on time and costs twice as much as you budgeted for it. [SimonOnSports]

• Let it out, man: The 49ers aren't interested in Matthew Stafford, because he doesn't want to talk about his mommy and daddy issues. Yeah, you definitely need a QB who will open up about his feelings in the huddle. [Lewp's Weblog]

• DNP - Sleepy: I think I could use a fake excuse for not playing right about now. [Not Qualified To Comment]

• Panther swiped?: Would Jamie Dixon really leave Pitt? I wouldn't put anything past that hair. [PSAMP]

• Old Style Milwaukee: Opening Day is coming so dress appropriately. That's right—no Zubaz. [Miller Park Drunk]

• A bargain at any price: You couldn't pay me to coach Mississippi State. Wait, they want me to pay them? [Friends of the Program]

• Hint: A lot: How much booze do you have to drink to get kicked off the Scottish national soccer team? [Slowbreaker]

• The perfect crime: Someone one stole Jose Reyes' stolen base. Try to wrap your mind around that one. [Home Run Derby]

• That's no lady, that's my blogger: Are you a lady? Can you type? How did you end up here then? [Ladies…]

• Who's the wise guy now?: A soccer linesman in Romania packs a gun in his shorts to protect himself from fans. The sad thing is, he actually needed it. [The Spoiler]

• Zip guns: The Akron Zips are your 2009 Division I air rifle champions. I assume they will pop something in your ass. [Cleveland Frowns]

• Glass Pixel: Wow, Atari Boxing really was a lifelike simulation. [Gadjunk]

• Wise: B.J. Mullens is going "pro." You sure about that? Maybe you want to sleep on it for a year? [WaitingForNextYear; College Sports Examiner]

• He died as he lived: The guy who invented BASE jumping on skis has died ... while BASE jumping on skis. [Outposts]

• What is this, a rugby scrum?: Hey, Toronto soccer fans! You call that a riot? [BigSoccer]

• A pitch is a pitch: It is sort of embarrassing for a player to show up for his game at the wrong stadium, but they do all look alike. [Dirty Tackle]

• The power of none: Denver fans rally around Chris Anderson. Yes, an internet petition will solve everything. [Denver Stiffs]

• Kerry Rhodes thinks Jay Cutler has a case of the big heads:" It's ok to be confident and talk if that's what you do, but you don't continuolsy do it at the point where it's already done…it's redundant, just let it go."[SRI]

• None of these men are named Rolf: "10 Jews get on a snowboard." [SlanchReport]

• RIP, Arthur Richman: Longtime baseball executive passes away at 83. [SBB]

• CHJ lands another big interview: Dick Vitale talked with his hands, cleared his throat, spun yarns. [College Hoops Journal]

• Todd Wellemeyer joins the Twitter revolution: Emeritus following in 3...2...1 [The Rundown]

• Villareal offers up its own stimulus package: Free season tickets to unemployed footie fans. [Sports Rubbish]

• Anna Kournikova almost tumbles out of her skirt playing beer pong: And there's my attempt at helping Jimmy Fallon's show succeed. [Sports Crackle Pop]

I hear it's the hardest part: Why do sports people just love to make you wait? [Pyle of List]

Reserve power: Pushing a ref? That's an ejection. And that's why you have Curtis Joesph on your team. [FanHouse]

Even Crockett and Tubbs wouldn't have tried that: Wow, Miami really got hosed on that stadium deal. But I'm sure a Marlin based economy will work out fine. [Above The Law]

No level jumping: Don't worry (good) Yankee fans. The plebes from the bleacher will not disrupt your batting practice routines. [New Stadium Insider]

Two Habs to go, please: Would you like to buy the Canadiens? No, just the hockey team, not the whole country. [Sports Biz Blog]

Angry, angry young man: It's the backlash to the Eric Devendorf backlash. Call me in a couple backlashes. [Bleacher Report]

SBD: It's not like the guy ever farted in someone's face. (We don't think.) [Syracuse.com]

What? Another Syracuse link?: Hey, remember that time Ray Allen lit up the Orangmen? Yeah, no one else does either. Troy Nunes Is An Absolute Magician]

More like the devil's accountant: Scott Boras is not the devil. But I bet he could get old Beelzebub a six-year deal in the $40 million neighborhood. [Nationals Enquirer]

Service with an insult: Bengals owner Mike Brown needs some help with his customer relations. And maybe his football team. [WhoDeyRevolution]

Beatdown: I guess ESPN's boxing efforts leave a little something to be desired. Kind of like boxing's heavyweight division. [BC Beat]

"Ed, Edd, Eddy Meet David Stern":The cartoon Network is partnering with the NBA to create "basketball themed" programming. No WNBA jokes please. [The Live Feed]

• Don't bother: Upper Deck is having a promotion where people can submit inscriptions to Kobe Bryant and he will autograph the winners on to special cards that will go into packs. I'm going to go out on a limb, and say none of your ideas get chosen. [The Beckett Blog]

• I prefer muttonchops: These people want David Wright to grow a mustache. I would advise against that. [The Wright Stache]

• The legends are true: A reporter unearths video evidence of the first actual dunk in a women's college game. Women's hoops and video cameras in West Virginia? Now I've seen everything. [WSJ.com]

• No summer rules: Golfers find an unexploded grenade buried on a course. I would let it play through if I were you. [Oob Golf]

• Seat fillers aren't a bad idea for some of these games: Way too many empty seats today. [InGameNow]

• ESPN's new penis ad: It's very classy. The woman looks positively terrified. [The Sports Hernia]

• Cage fights are the only way to settle differences: Especially between young kids incarcerated at a youth home. It builds character. [DFW News]

• A stirring interpretation of Kiper Vs. McShay: Mel Kiper's hair actually looks better in this bit than in real life. [YouTube]

• One angry man: Kobe Bryant got called in for jury duty this morning. Don't bother with the joke—somebody already beat you to it. [The Crime Scene]

• Samson and Samson: The secret to any good lacrosse team is flowing locks of golden hair—and maybe some good lacrosse players. [Bro Bible]

• Stick with the program: The Redskins have a formula for success and they're sticking to it no matter how badly it fails. [Hogs Haven]

• You Ride With Your Mom From Now On. Woman coming on to David Beckham at a traffic light is forced to apologize when Beckham's son becomes visible in the passenger seat. Oops. [Dirty Tackle]

• Gael-Force Whining. Before St. Mary's does any more complaining about not making the NCAA men's Tournament, perhaps it should concentrate on filling its 3,500-seat arena for a first-round game with Washington State. [CougCenter]

• Mimi Designed The Uniforms. And speaking of the Seattle Sounders, meet their minority owner, Drew Carey. [The Offside Rules]

• But That's One Damn Fine Looking Soccer Team. Turns out that AIG wasn't just wasting money on executive bonuses. They also blew $112 million on Manchester United. [CityFile New York]

• Shut it down: Stephen Strasburg is the greatest college pitcher since Mark Pri.... uh oh. [Luke Kohler + Why's My Head Growing?]

• The People's Growth Hormone?: Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson admits that he tried steroids when he was young and naive—i.e., playing football at Miami. So that's why he calls it his "candy ass"? [Steroid Nation]

• A little help: Who are the best referees in MMA? I would say whichever one gets that guy to stop punching you in the face. [Cage Potato]

• This idea blows: An English rugby team puts inflatable fans in their stadium to try and create a little excitement. Hey, it always works at bachelor parties. [Fan IQ

• Maria Sharapova returns!: And she's wearing some sort of willowy thing over her skirt. [Down The Line!]

• I'm appalled "partial unbirthing" was ignored: It should have at least had a play-in game. [With Leather]

• Seth Davis loves to talk about college basketball: He's just everywhere. [College Hoops Journal]

• Chinese wrestling is intense: They bite. [Sports Rubbish]

I thought they said Reggie Miller was "money": The Pacers are broke. No, I don't mean broken—which they are—I mean broke as in they've lost millions and millions of dollars. But at least they got nice uniforms out of it. [No Guts, No Glory]

Rugby: The classy violent sport: The Australian rugby league is having some trouble with "rape-y" players, which owners are wisely blaming on the salary cap. Is there any chance "salary cap" is Australian for "taser"?[Sports Rubbish]

Strong and silent: Memo to Greg Oden and Jay Cutler—sports fans don't really go in for the sensitive type. (Translation: mopey guys who don't deliver.) [Dan's Take]

Does that count as a hazard?: What's that big piece of metal buried under the 13th green? Oh, it's just my bulldozer. So that's where I left the thing. [Oob Golf]

• And my Prince Fielder rookie doesn't fit on my screen: Wow, 3-D baseball cards. So now my entire childhood investment portfolio is worthless in multiple dimensions. [Endgadget]

• If you make any Brady Quinn jokes, they better be hilarious: Meet the 2009 Cleveland Browns, also known as the 2008 New York Jets. [WaitingForNextYear]

• Spoiler alert: Here's some more conference tournaments previews for those who are interested. Don't tell me what happens! [Pac 10 and Big 12 @ Baseline Stats]

• They know he's a catcher right?: A new blog is dedicated itself to ridding the Minnesota Twins of their only marketable (and irreplaceable) asset. That should fix everything. [Trade Mauer]

• He was thirsty, okay?: Marion Barber had a good time on his trip to New York, racking up a $14,000 bar tab, plus a $3,000 tip. Couldn't you almost buy your own bar for that? [Sports Crackle Pop]

• Love the one you're with: With Davidson gone, who should you foist your mid-major lust upon? And why won't Canisius return my calls? [Storming the Floor]

• Unpossible: Tyler Hansbrough is not the ACC Player of the Year. He's not even the North Carolina Player of the Year. This Lawson kid must be some kind of god. [ACC Now]

• I didn't really notice: Fox Soccer Report's new anchor seems like she really has her stuff together. I guess she could be considered attractive, too, if you're into adorable blondes with a nice figure. [Unprofessional Foul]

• Did he use a golden glove?: The Chicago Cubs are not letting go of their favorite celebration move—the ol' "grab your teammate in the crotch" maneuver. [Right Field Bleachers]

• Cause they both have big heads, get it?: Steely McBeam met Conan O'Brien but looking at their heads, I can't really tell which one is which. [Mondesi's House]

• Call the air marshal: What is it like to sit next to Tyler Hansbrough's grandpa on a plane—while wearing a Duke t-shirt? Well, they don't call him Psycho G for nothing. [Duke Chronicle]

• I don't care how hold he is: This kid has some nerve asking Paul Pierce for a high-five while wearing a LeBron jersey. (In Boston, no less!) He's lucky he didn't get talc thrown in his face. [BlackSportsOnline]

• It's a formula, but it works: Joke all you want about Big Ten basketball. Sometimes the best defense is punching your opponent in the face when he's not looking. [I Dislike Your Favorite Team]

• Money changes everything: The members of the Maldives national soccer team have not been paid for their work in five months. In other news, David Beckham was just given $50,000 to walk into a McDonald's without his shirt on. [South Asia Blog]

• All good: Mississippi State fixed their mispell ... misspil ... messpill ... broken sign. [Sparty and Friends]

• Problem solved: Three cops were suspended two weeks each for going golfing while on duty. Awesome! Now they can make those morning tee times! [Slow Breaker]