Here's what it looked like (give or take an acid trip):

Says Baseball Prospectus' Will Carroll:

It's not good but he said he never played ball as a kid. He looks awkward, but gets a good stride. His elbow's a bit low and his follow through is very short. You know what it looks like? It's like he's trying to throw the ball in, Christian Laettner-style, from the baseline down to someone. Even in throwing a baseball, he's playing basketball.

He's playing to the camera. He kept face forward pretty much the entire time. Maybe that's nerves — even that guy probably gets nervous doing something so unnatural for him — and doesn't get much leg. He was very upright so I'd tell him to get a little bend and push with his knees as he comes through. With a bit more velocity, it would be less of a lollipop curve.

Dr. Mike Marshall, the maverick pitching coach and former rubber-armed reliever, is more forgiving:

He did everything he needed to do to get the baseball there. When he got the arm up and drove it forward, I thought the pitching forearm was pretty close to vertical. If, when you release the ball, your forearm is vertical, that's doing a really good job. Most baseball players — like Dontrelle Willis — their forearms are horizontal. It makes it difficult to throw anything in the strike zone.

Given the circumstances, and whatever protective gear he was wearing and everything else, I think he did just fine. He doesn't use the arm as powerfully as he could. He's very guarded. He was very tight with his shoulders and elbow action. What I'd teach him to do is lengthen out the arm, lengthen out his backswing. I've seen him shoot jump shots. He has an excellent shooting stroke. It's not all that much different throwing a baseball. It takes training, though, and I'd like him to spend as much time as he can on fixing the economy.

And longtime pitching coach Tom House, now at USC, thought Obama did fine, too. He pronounced his performance "serviceable":

His balance and posture were very good. His lift and thrust — in other words, getting his body going — were very good, considering the fact that he had street clothes on and was wearing a coat. His stride and momentum were a little short, but serviceable. His opposite-and-equal was barely adequate; his arms should look the same on both sides of his body going into his foot stride, but he was a little soft with his right arm, and a little bit of what we call a short-armer with his left arm. His actual throwing motion wasn't too bad. It's serviceable. Into the release point, it was very good. His release point was a little short, and because of that, the ball didn't quite get the whole way. If he was a coach throwing batting practice, it would've been great.

I'd tell him to come faster, go forward to the target faster, stride farther, and extend both the throwing arm and the gloveside arm from inside of 90 degrees to outside of 90 degrees. His problem was that he didn't take advantage of his levers. Basically, it was just a step and throw. If I was one-on-one with him, I'd ask him if he was just trying to survive the throw rather than make the throw. If I was certain he was in shape, I'd have him show a bit more number as he comes down the hill. I'd like him to get a bit more violent.

President Obama throws out first pitch of 2009 All Star Game [YouTube]

You know how every year, someone (usually Jayson Stark) puts together their budget all-star team, consisting of quality players for not much cash? The average salary for this year's all-stars is $7,404,184, a shockingly low number when you remember how much your favorite team paid (or was unable to pay) to keep your superstar. In fact, that's nearly half a million less than the average salary for the Yankees' 25-man roster.

But how would a game between them shake out? To that end, I turned to WhatIfSports, whose ridiculously addictive game simulator let me match up the Yankees against both leagues' best. Of note: since the 2009 stats aren't in the sim engine yet, I had to go with the 2008 versions of all players, so you'll be getting the feelgood version of Josh Hamilton, and the pre-suspicion Raul Ibanez. Also, since A's rookie Andrew Bailey wasn't in the system, I replaced him with the immortal Abraham Lincoln "Sweetbreads" Bailey, he of the 1920s Chicago Cubs(not like I have to tell you).

Here's the box score for the Yankees vs. the American League. As you can see, the AL handled them, er, handily. Sweetbreads Bailey got the win, and is off celebrating with a gin fizz and a long night of flagpole sitting.

But when we match up the NL against the Yanks, Alex Rodriguez' 3-run homer gives New York the win. Ryan Franklin and Francisco Cordero got knocked around, proving the three immutable rules of the all-star game:

1) Letting fans vote for their hometown players is the world's worst idea, save for
2) The awful rule requiring every team to send a rep;
3) The NL is awful. It's quantifiable by computers.

The sure-to-be song of the summer, disguised as the LONGEST TACO BELL COMMERCIAL EVER, had burrowed its way into my brain, forcing out fractions, and any possible memories of the shortest (2:31) ASG in 21 years. But I'll try to piece things together in this 4-3 AL win.

First, the pregame lead-up. Two of the Red Sox partied down with a bevy of Playboy models. (Link possibly NSFW, but who cares? You're not reading Deadspin at work, for once!) In the annual mascot relay, Stomper blatantly cheated to give his team the early lead, while Mr. Redlegs committed second-degree assault on Fredbird. And if naked women and furries don't get your motor running, Tim Lincecum promised to "have Matt Cain put a leash around my neck and keep me in my room."

And, of course, the Home Run Derby won by Prince Fielder, which ESPN decided to commemorate with a vaguely inappropriate headline.

The game itself kicked off with controversy. The smart money was on Obama actually getting the ball over the plate with the ceremonial first pitch, but thanks to FOX's terrible camerawork (or a deep-seated conspiracy that reaches the highest echelons of government) viewers were left in the dark. Here, photographic proof that Pujols caught it on the fly—after moving up to catch the 58-foot slider.

The game itself was more notable for technical glitches than play on the field. Please note that neither of these gentlemen are Ryan Braun or Ben Zobrist.

And please note that Groundskeeper Willie is now working for ESPN.com. (H/T: readers Chris and Steve)

Since we're pretending this is a real sporting event that matters, here are your talking points for tomorrow:

Heroes:
Carl Crawford, for saving Papelbon's ass and winning MVP.
Curtis Granderson's game-changing triple.
Mariano Rivera's kid, for spitting on Derek Jeter.

Goats:
Albert Pujols' key error.
Ryan Howard for not hitting a 500-ft HR like the script called for.

Outcome: One less World Series game at Chávez Ravine.

Legacy:

Also: Obama supposedly will be in the Fox booth at some point between the third and fifth innings. You know what this means, don't you? What it means is this: Tonight, an American president becomes Joe Buck and Tim McCarver's lucky Pierre. I can't wait.

Barry Petchesky will be around tonight to chronicle Bud Selig's neat little scrimmage. Thanks for your continued support of Deadspin. Keats and Yeats are on your side.

PHOTO: El Duk'

It's long been conventional wisdom that Fosse's promising career was ruined by the ridiculous home plate collision that won the game for the National League, but left Fosse with a dislocated shoulder. He was a star on the rise and a great hope for the Cleveland Indians, hitting 16 home runs in what was essentially his rookie year, making the All-Star team and eventually winning a Gold Glove. Sadly, just a few short years later he was a washed-up platoon player struggling to crack the Mendoza Line—and it could all be traced back to that collision with noted jerk Peter Edward Rose.

Except that's not exactly what happened. Yes, Fosse was hurt, but he never went on the disabled list and played 42 games in the second half. (As Rose loves to remind people, he missed three games with a bruised knee.) Playing hurt, there was a noticeable dip in his power, but the next season he went to the All-Star Game again and won his second Gold Glove. His average began to tail off the next two years (72-73), but he was still a full-time starter and a more than serviceable catcher for three full seasons after the original hit.

Fosse's career really went into a tailspin in 1974, after he had been traded to the Oakland Athletics. On June 5, Reggie Jackson, as was his wont, started a clubhouse brawl with teammate Billy North. Fosse attempted to break up the fight—and broke his neck in the process. He missed the remainder of that year, struggled mightily through the next three seasons and was done with baseball by 1977. That was the injury he never recovered from.

The argument could be made that without the shoulder injury, Fosse's home runs don't decline, he's never traded to Oakland, the Indians break their World Series curse, and their superstar catcher goes to the Hall of Fame. And since his injury did happen in an All-Star Game (before it counted!) it feels especially pointless and stupid. But wasn't Reggie Jackson's behavior even more stupid? Isn't he at least as responsible for ruining Fosse's career as Rose was? Why doesn't he catch more grief? (Or the team doctors who let Fosse play hurt?) Unfortunately, we don't have footage of that fight and it isn't replayed every July to reminds us, so Rose remains the villain on this one.

On second thought ...

... what a complete jackass. It is all his fault.

Ghosts of Prospects Past: Ray Fosse [Indians Prospect Insider]
July 14, 1970: Rose crashes into Fosse in dramatic All-Star finish [Cincy Enquirer]
Bowled Over / A collision with Pete Rose in the 1970 All-Star Game changed Ray Fosse's career [SF Chronicle]

There used to be a time when you would go to a game—in person!—grab a couple of crappy paper ballots, punch out the holes for your favorite players with the end of a soda straw, then forget to put them in the ballot box and find them under the floor mats of your car two seasons later. Now they have this thing called "the Internet" where fans can stuff virtual ballot boxes, like ... a million at a time, they can start fake campaigns to get stiffs and chumps on the rosters, and even teams and players can self-promote worse than cast members of The Hills. (Except when they're doing it wrong.)

The NHL just closed the polls on their All-Star game and announced that four of the six starters on the Eastern Conference team also play for the Montreal Canadiens. (And the other two play for the Penguins.) How did that happen to a team that currently sits in fourth place in the playoff picture? Well, the game is in Montreal, this season is the Habs 100th commemorative season, and a major push was made by the team (and the league) to get as many of the red, white and blue bastards in the lineup as possible. So brush up on your French.

Of course on the West side, the Ducks and Blackhawks got three players each, meaning that the opening shift for the NHL's premiere league-wide showcase will feature "stars" from a grand total of four teams. Vive la difference?

On the NBA front, their voting is down to the last two weeks, and sadly the campaign to get Stephon Marbury on the roster is not succeeding. However, it's probably not too late to sneak Yi Jianlian in ahead of Kevin Garnett for the second forward spot in the East. That is ... if you believe that David Stern is not a human Deibold machine just waiting to throw out the results in a private coup. Do you think the manleague would allow a bunch of geeks and nerds—or worse, Commies—to fuck with his game?

Of course, the truly unsettling part is the active campaigning that teams, fans, and even the individual players will lower themselves to in order to secure a roster spot. Unsettling, because no one should really care this much, even as a goof. If the Redskins staff had spent as much time organizing their game plans as they did trying to screw with Pro Bowl ballots, well ... they probably wouldn't have made the playoffs anyway, because they just like to fail. Maybe they should have tried Facebook and the disaffected white boy vote, like O.J. Mayo did.

Much like presidential elections of yore, when it was thought unseemly for a nominee to campaign on his own behalf, I miss the days when players didn't humiliate themselves just for the chance at three minutes of playing time against other athletes who are obviously much, much better than they are. This year, players are even forced to lobby for a spot in the Dunk Contest, which must be like asking people to buy tickets for your next prostate exam. It's just uncomfortable for everyone.

Habs quartet add hometown flavor to All-Star Game [NHL.com]
Howard, Bryant maintain All-Star vote leads; LeBron rises [NBA.com]

Royals Review provides the gruesome history of the Royals in the big game. Here's the last five years.

2007: Gil Meche named, did not play.
2006: Mark Redman named, did not play.
2005: Mike Sweeney named, struck out as a pinch-hitter in the 7th.
2004: Ken Harvey named, struck out as a pinch-hitter in the 3rd.
2003: Mike MacDougal and Sweeney named, neither appeared.

Man, life as a Royals fan is just outstanding.

Royals In the All-Star Game: An Illustrious History [Royals Review]

Listen, we appreciate all La Russa has done for St. Louis, turning the franchise around after the dreary Joe Torre years, and, you know, winning that World Series last year. But now the rest of you understand the pain of being managed by a guy who just has to Make A Decision, even if it's in the face of logic and, more important (we are talking about the All-Star Game, after all), fun. Outstanding comeback. National League with every opportunity to finally win one of these. One of the best hitters in baseball — his own player! — ready and waiting to pinch hit. And La Russa has to pull one of his "I'm the manager and you cannot comprehend my wisdom" moves. He's been doing this crap for a decade in St. Louis, often in the postseason when the Birds could afford it the least. (One of the reasons St. Louis had its historic October run was because a depleted roster had tied La Russa's hands; he had no choice but not to tinker.)

Yes, Tony, we understand, the game could have gone into extra innings, and it's possible the National League would have run out of players. But Christ, man, you've got Albert Pujols with the bases loaded in the bottom of the ninth of a one run game! What do you want, anyway? As tends to be the case with La Russa anymore, he's so busy thinking about how he's three steps ahead of everyone else that he walks smack dab into a pole.

We love the guy, and we'll always appreciate him. But it's probably about that time, eh, Tony?

Public Enemy Number One [Contra Gooblar]

We hope you all enjoyed Bud's chat today and are raring and ready for the 78th All-Star Game. The American League has won nine in a row. Since they made that All Important Rule about home-field advantage in the World Series going to the league that wins here, the World Series is even between leagues at 2. So strap in and HOLD ON TIGHT. (And play Bingo!)

Because this is a Big Game — and the Only Thing Happening Today — we are proud to introduce the fine crew at Babes Love Baseball, who will be live blogging this monster for you tonight. Their words will begin a bit before gametime after the jump. Make them feel welcome, and do try to enjoy yourselves.

————————————-
It's not over til Ichiro drives off the field in that sweet new American made gas-hog ...and the love affair between Chevy and major league baseball continues. Ichiro gets the MVP for having a 3-for-3 night with 2 runs driven in and the American League takes home field advantage for the World Series once again. Thanks Deadspinners, that was good times.

And its over Well, who needs sleep anyway. Way to go, American League. I guess as far as All-star games go, it was pretty funny. McCarver and Buck have a combined IQ of 42. There was swearing, violence against cops, and Fox even had a crotch cam. Anyway, thanks to Peter Cavan (Phil) for supplying me an air conditioned room, a lap top, and the opportunity to see David Wright in HD. Thanks for all the kind words, dudes and dudettes, even though our slight technical mishap and my minor meltdown. And with that, It's time for me to venture home and go to bed. Take care of yourselves, and each other.

Ass of the Ninth part one JJ Not prounounced Putts strikes out Holliday. Crotch cam picks up more swears. Dodgers suck. How sweet. Pop out to short for the second out. Hahhahahaha, the last hope for the NL is Dimitri Young. Perhaps he can suck some power from his AMAZING HAIR. Joe Buck declares there was a tombstone with Young's name on it because he has diabeties. I wish G-d were alive to see this. Oh, the pride and joy of the Baltimore Birds, Brian Roberts, pulls an A-Rod and allows the Not Dead Dimitri Young to get on base. Ok, now JJ has my panties in a twist. LETS THROW A STRIKE AND GET THIS OVER WITH..........and just as I said that...Soriano drives a two-run bomb into right. I have to be up at 6 tomorrow morning, lets get this over with. And he deprived me of getting to see Dimitri run the bases. Nothing like watching a fat guy charge around the bases. Putz is pulled, and looks oddly shocked by the whole thing. K-Rod deserves a punch in the face, and I hope that Posada gives it to him.

The Climax That Is The Ninth Inning The American Leaguers are feelin' good, Papelboner just pitched a scoreless eighth and they're up by three with a nine-year record on the line. The Hoff takes the hill and Guillen leads off, nubbing a grounder to Orlando Hudson, who made a pretty sweet turnaround play. Roberts bounces out to first and it's up to Hip-Hip Jorge, who hits a two-bagger off the center field wall.

T-Nutts just about nailed himself in the face with a foul tip. Then he grounds out to end the inning. Are we gonna get to see Da Meat Hook in the home half?

Eighth's Rear Sorry, that Derek Jeter commercial. "I CAN HAZ STEEL??" Paps is on the mound. Paps has a wonderfully, whimsical way about him. Oh Tim, please, PLEASE stop sniffing the white out. Torii Hunter makes a Manny Ramirezesque play in the outfield. Chase Utley likes to fish, and loves dancing with Leah Remini at weddings. Perhaps he and Brady Quinn should hook up....Aaron Rowand whiffs on a steamer from the Papelboner. Torii Hunter almost blew two flying balls in a row. Tee hee.

On Top In The Eighth - we're almost there! You totally said balls. HA Ha! That little girl just got smashed in the face by her big brother. Atta boy. Mike Lowell leads off with a single off Billy Wagner before my Lumberjack pops out to Freddy Sanchez. You're killin' me, Justin. Grady for the Ladies strikes out swinging. Oh! Victor Martinez, in for Cytana, smokes a two-run shot just fair over the left field wall to give the AL a 3-run lead. Two out and Crawford grounds out to end the fun.

Rectum of the Seventh How refreshing that Paula Cole started shaving her pits. Anyone else remember that? Sooze's main man Johan Santana has taken the hill in San Fransisco for the AL. Some guy flew out. I wasn't paying attention to the TV because I was inhaling pizza and trying to get the vision of Paula Cole's nipples in HD out of my head. Alfonso Soriano strikes out looking. Reyes not speedy enough to beat the throw to first. Still 3-2, American League. No swearing or cop assaults with balls in this inning. Dammit. Hehehehehe. I said balls.

Tantra of the Seventh Tony La Russa needs a vodka tonic after that one. All kinds of replacements going on, hopefully you can see your favorite player at the plate sometime in the next three hours. Brian Roberts faces 37-year-old Takashi Saito and grounds out. Jorge Posada (why?) lines out to Lee at first and T-Nutts flies out to Soriano in left.

Seventh inning smoke/take a shot break... God Bless America.

Fanny of the Sixth Justin Verlander pitching, Beltran leads off the inning. That ridiculous piece of wall hands Beltran a triple on a silver platter. OOOO Ken Rosenthal with Derek Jeter. JeterJeterPumpkinEater always looks like a deer in the headlights to me. Griffey smacks a sac fly, Beltran scores. David Wright nails a broken bat single, and looks absolutely terrified, based on the view from Fox's Batter Crotch Shot Cam. Fox baptises Russel Martin Turtle from Entourage. Turtle then beans a cop with a foul ball, and then screams a VERY BAD WORD that rhymes with spit at the end of the inning. That's gotta violate some kind of FCC ordinance? Think Uncle Rupert and the White Power Bills at Fox will see some sort of fine? Most likely not. Swear words make Lizzy smile. 3-2 NL.

Top of the Sixth Inning Francisco Cordero is pretty tough. He forced A-Rod and Vlad to fly out, but Oh! What's this? A solo shot to Carl Crawford. The man has wheels and pipes. Tigers rep Carlos Guillen grounds out to end the inning. AL up by two. George Clooney, something tells me you're a little too cool for Budweiser commercial voice-overs.

Bottom of the fifth Ichiro and Manny. BFF!!!!!!!4EVA!!!. "Sometimes you catch the ball, and sometimes the ball catches you." Thank you, Tim. I really think that it might just be more fun to live blog the commentating. Joe Buck informs us that Eric Burns' dog is safe in the boat. Would someone please throw Eric Burns into the bay and see if he can find his way back? That would be something worth following over the game. Dagnabbit, no inside the park home runs during my inning. Although we had an equally as long and stupid interview with Tony LaRussa. Three up and down, A-Rod error count is still at one. 2-1 AL.

Top of the Fifth Inning Chris Young replaces Hamels on the mound and walks Brian Roberts to lead things off. Eric Byrnes, your dog is ugly, kinda like your lack of an All-Star uni. Oh my god, HE SMELLS THE BACON!!! What's that Byrnesy? You're from San Francisco? Ya don't say. Stop talking! Ichiro just hit an inside-the-park home run!!! Someone look that up on Elias, Buck can't find his glasses.

AL up by two, now. Make that the very first inside-the-parker in All-Star history. My Canadian Crusher donkey-punches one to Junior, who snatches it to end the inning.

Bottom of the fourth WILL EVERYONE PLEASE SHUT UP ABOUT BARRY BONDS!!!! For the love of all that is holy, would it kill Tim McDoucheface and Joe "My IQ is 45" Buck please shut up about HGH, steroids, and placing their proverbial lips flat against the glistening cheeks of Barry Bonds? Yes. There were steroids in baseball. Let's get over it. BACK IN MY DAY, baseball announcers actually paid attention to the game, and maybe talked a little bit about what was actually going on the field, talked about stats. Now get off my lawn! Josh Beckett knocks them down in order. Probably because he was terrified that someone might hit a ball at E-Rod. Score remains the same.

Top of the Fourth Inning Hole Camels, the pride and joy of Philly, takes the mound for the NL and gives up a single to A-Rod, who steals second... just like his best pal Derek did during the commercial break. Vlad grounds out, Maggs grounds out, Barry Bonds wants to stick together. Pudge nails one into right-center and of all things, A-Rah gets greedy. He's tagged out at the plate by Junior's geriatric cannon: not even close. National League up by one taco.

Bottom of the third Alex Rodriguez blows a play at third. Go ahead kids, insert your own jokes there. Keep in mind, this is in San Fransisco. Jim Leyland talks like he has a mouth full of cotton. Joe Buck conducts the longest, and most pointless interview in "managerial interviews during baseball games" history. Josh Beckett retires Griffey on a "nasty" pitch. THAT WAS A NASTY PITCH. GO JUMP IN THE BAY, JOE BUCK. I hope there are sharks with lasers there waiting for you. End of the third, score remains the same. Dane Cook is a buffoon. THISSSS IS OURRRR COUNTRY.....

Top of the Third Inning Lizzy is officially half in the bag while Joe Buck is fondly recalling his flock of seagulls 'do from his 30s. Oh, wait... With the Brew Crew's Ben Sheets pitching, Placido Polanco and his misshapen head (that's the last time we'll mention that) grounds out to short. Manny Ramirez, in for A's righty Dan Haren, flies out to right. Ichiro is 2-for-2 now and Jeter lines one into center to start a two-out threat. Aww, Ortiz lines out to Griffey. Shut up, Dane Cook. The end.

American League 0, National League 1

Second Inning, the bottom Prince Fielder is a very robust man. "I don't care what you look like, but you gotta run to be able to hit an in the park home run." Thank you, Tim. Just like a walk is as good as a home run. That jackass makes me feel like a rocket scientist. OH A-ROD, gets another bat tossed at him again. Dougie Doughboy Mirabelli actually tossed some wood in bat form in A-Rod's direction at the last Sox Yankee game I went to. Hahahahha. Tossed some wood at A-Rod in SAN FRANSICO. I crack myself up. Chase Utley flies out. Miguel Cabrera is hitting. Who is he again anyway? Doesn't matter. He struck out. End of the 2nd. NL is up uno to zilch.

Top of the Second Inning With Brad Penny on the hill, Vlad the Impale-her (thanks Mel) leads off the second with a broken-bat groundout, one night after flexing his pythons at the Homer Derby. Mags and his All-Star hair fly out to Junior and Pudge promptly grounds out to Reyes at short. Nice and quick-like. We like that. AL still trails by one.

Bottom of the First Inning Jose Reyes hits a single blah blah. Barry Bonds deserves to be here. What planet are these two clowns living on anyway? People want to see Bonds succeed?....NOT. He pops out. One down. Well, at least Beltran wasn't just looking this time (sorry, Metsy). Griffey is too old to make that a double, and Reyes hauls some fanny and puts the NL on the board.

My future husband grounds out to short. David Wright in HD is something I can get used to. At the end of the 1st, it's 1-0 NL.

Top of the First Inning First, we'd like to give a big Thank You to Joe Buck and Tim McCarver for making our job so much easier this evening. Is this really Timmy's 16th broadcast? We're proud to have survived that many.

The NL Boys of Summer are looking to grab their first All-Star victory since the Nintendo 64 was launched in Japan. The year was 1996. Jake Peavy was fifteen.

Ichiro Suzuki, who is reportedly about to snatch a helluva deal from the Mariners, leads off with a base hit through the right side. Surprise! Derek Jeter, whose Driven cologne smells like victory, grounds into a double play. Jake Peavy stares down Big Papi for like, 5 minutes before Ortiz breaks his bat and reaches on a Prince Fielder schmuckfest. Luckily, A-Rod erased the memory by grounding into a forceout. No score.

Hmmm... it seems the soft touch of a woman has put Nibbles on the DL indefinitely. Some IT guy is on the way to save the day.

I can't believe we already broke the internets with our sassiness. Unreal. We're just going to keep going like all is well.

Seriously? We need an intro? Here we are Deadspinners, your hostesses for the Midsummer Classic. It may be confusing and a little frightening to see the Royal We used in its proper context this evening, but don't be afraid.

We promise not to paint the walls pink or put flowers in the bathroom. We'd rather not have anyone puke in their mouths, so the rock-hard physiques of our favorite players will absolutely not be discussed.

Sooze has decided she'd rather be on top, so she'll be recapping the top half of the innings, while Lizzy, who is more comfortable with the bottom, will take the bottom half innings.

So sit back, crack open a tasty (preferably alcoholic) beverage, and don't be afraid to stick it to us. We love it.

We only watched a bit of the event last night, but mostly, we just surveyed what those who watched all of it said, and it's not pretty. Most of the vitriol seems to be saved for Chris Berman, though we did appreciate Flyers Fieldhouse's take: Eventually, one of those kids in the outfield is gonna get killed.

We didn't watch the celebrity softball game because, christ, we have a little self-respect, you know?

Won't Someone Please Think Of The Children? [Flyers Fieldhouse]

We have never inherently been big fans of the Derby; it's like whippets to us, dumb spectacle we enjoy only because millions of brain cells are being destroyed at once. Because of that whole MLB-ESPN fight, there almost wasn't a Home Run Derby this year. Shame. Pity.

With Berman doing his thing, you'll certainly need a drinking game. (And a guide to local suburbs.)

But look! The ball is in the air ... and now it's in the water! Oooooooooooooooo.

But MLB decided to go a different direction.

The July date will mark the earliest launch ever for a postseason MLB campaign. The campaign, entitled "There's Only One October," and featuring actor/comedian Dane Cook will highlight some of baseball's memorable postseason moments, while showcasing today's teams and most promising players in their quest for October greatness. The TV spots will provide a timely narrative of key stories which unfold during the regular season and their impact on shaping the 2007 postseason.

Yep, you're gonna have postseason commercials at the All-Star Game featuring Dane Cook. Cook's Web site right now signs off as "D to the C." Ugh. (Here's the definitive Cook takedown piece.) If there were ever a time for Red Sox fans around here to be embarrassed, this is probably it.

MLB Postseason Marketing With Dane Cook [MLB.com]

WOW, how cool is getting nominated. I don't know what to say it's unreal to even think about. But man I need you guys to vote, vote and vote, it's unlimited voting...tell everyone you know and come together and get creative we have like 5 days or something! We need everyone, all Minnesotan's, all graphers, fans of baseball and yes everyone in Yankee Nation ( and we know why!) I seriously would like to promise everyone All Star balls or jerseys for voting but it might be a stretch...I will promise this, if you guys can get me in I will write about everything that goes on... multiple updates each day letting everyone know what the heck goes on behind closed doors I don't know what else to say it would be the greatest feeling in the world to be voted in by you guys. Please tell everyone to vote multiple times:)

As uncomfortable as it might be for us to say this, considering Neshek ended his blog entry with a smiley face, we are encouraging everyone to vote Neshek into the All-Star Game. Why? He reads Deadspin! In an interview with Buster Olney, Neshak, when asked how much time he spends on the Web a day, wrote, "Probably about 2 hours a day on the net. I always start it by checking some e-mails, checking the baseball blog sites, newspapers, google, stocks, eBay, rotoworld player news, fantasy baseball sites, tmz.com, deadspin, my site, then back to all the sites to see if anything new has popped in ha ha :) ... I probably visit about 25 sites before I start my day ... I'm an info freak and feel like it's a big reason why I have advanced."

An All-Star player who hangs out around here? We're sold. We encourage everyone to vote Neshek; if you make it in, Pat, we're fully expecting you to have "Deadspin" written on the bottom of your cap. Vote early, vote often.

On The Road With Pat Neshek

After all that, you'd have to forgive him if he were jumpy anytime the phone rang Sunday. But nope: This phone was Tony La Russa calling him to tell him he'd made the All-Star team. He's not even the only Rockies representative. La Russa, drunk again. Meanwhile, Fuentes is no longer only famous for his curious entrance music.

Of the All-Stars selected, we think it'll probably be fun to see Ken Griffey and Barry Bonds in the same outfield ... and check it out: It's All-Star Dmitri Young. Awesome.

All-Star Team Selected [MLB.com]
Brian Fuentes' Curious Entrance Music [Deadspin]

Well, in one of those odd scoops Peter Gammons likes to throw in his columns every once in a while just to keep us on our toes — our favorite is the one from a few years ago when he talked about the educated but racist pitcher most people assumed was Mike Mussina — apparently the reason they canceled the game is because the guy who was supposed to pitch was drunk. (Link via Seattlest)

The reason the 2002 All-Star Game ended up tied was that a pitcher on one of the two teams was imbibing in the clubhouse and was not in condition to pitch, hence the game ended.

Every pitcher on both teams did make it in the game that year, so we're not sure exactly what he's referring to; was there one guy who had been slated to come back in but was too busy doing Jager shots? If that's the case, we're just going to assume it was Schilling.

Who Was Too Drunk To Pitch In The 2002 All-Star Game? [Seattlest]