It wasn't exactly an Axe body spray commercial, but there was some form of unfriendly physical contact. The Post's spy/source/random drunk guy who happened to be in the bar at the same time, told the paper a woman "threw a drink at Anna" because "she felt Anna was invading her space," Then Kournikova "sprung into action" and started screaming at the woman and shoving her. "It was a big fight" that left Kournikova with " vicious scratch marks on her neck."

Unfortunately, Anna's reps did not respond to the paper's request for comment, which leaves the story stuck in a perpetual state of Defordian fantasy. Pity.

ANNA KOURNIKOVA GETS INTO VEGAS FIGHT [NYP] (Via Hot Clicks)

Deford enjoys the "spots of noise" emitted when two sinewy young ladies battle it out on the tennis court and he can't understand why the ITF is labeling them distractions. With that in mind, he offers up this little paragraph that could easily be mistaken for a passage from a Johanna Lindsey romance novel:

Senhorita Larcher de Brito is more of a shrieker, as was Ms. Sharapova. And, for those connoisseurs of the art, Ms. Seles hit her shots with a double-barrelled wail. Sort of: ee-ee. Actually, I always thought the best grunter of all was a Romanian player named Virginia Ruzici, of the 1970s, whose shriek reminded one and all, vicariously, of ecstasy.

Color me steamy. And just to cap off the awkwardness of his piece, he goes all "Finding Forrester" in the kicker:

Give me a good grunt on the tennis court any day, even if it isn't really a grunt. Listen, I may not remember much about the sounds of sport of thirty years ago, but the sensual cries of the long-forgotten Ruzici still sound like music to my ears. Ah, and at Wimbledon Monday, young Michelle Larcher de Brito defiantly declared: "Nobody can tell me to stop grunting!"

Hey, as they say on the links: "You da girl!"

Punch the keys, for God's sake, Frank. But please don't ejaculate on them.

Not that I want confirmation, but I'm pretty sure Frank Deford Had An Erection When He Wrote This [SportressofBlogitude]
What's The Matter With A Spot Of Noise on Tennis Courts? [SI]

Again, not really. The (former?) professional tennis player is actually doing something nice and buying condoms in Haiti to encourage all of those living (or visiting) the disease-ravaged country to practice safe intercourse due to its widespread problems with malaria, HIV, and all sorts of other things you don't want to contract during a freewheeling Spring Break in Port-Au-Prince.

It's part of Population Services International, which is desperately trying to prevent these diseases from wiping out the entire population. Anna blogs about her experience and offers her insights on, among other things, diarrhea:

Diarrhea is rampant and is a major cause of infant deaths, simply due to the lack of clean drinking water. I've never seen so much trash and waste, on every street, on every single road. They don't have the systems to get rid of the waste in a proper way, not to mention recycling, so they have to burn it in the streets. There's no infrastructure or programs of any kind, whether it's plumbing, waste control, sewers, clean water, etc. It was so difficult to see those conditions with my own eyes.

And that's why Frank DeFord fell in love.

Anna Kournikova In Haiti: Day One, Child Survival [Conde Nast's Daily Traveler]
Anna Kournikova goes condom shopping for a cause [Daily Traveler]

Anyway, that's all for today. Be well tonight, please come back tomorrow for more sportsy-oriented web stuffing.

Thank you for continuing to eyeball Deadspin.

Gimelstob apologizes, Anna mutters, Saga over [DC Sports Bog]

"Being pro women's rights, I just think we've come farther than to be referred to ... you know, I don't cuss," [Williams] said Friday, during her post-match press conference. "Anna is a great girl. For anyone to say that about her is kind of ... what can I say? It's not professional."

In addition to his apology, Gimelstob also made a donation to the Women's Sports Foundation to show sporty women all over the world that he's just playin' when he calls them "bitches" or comments on how built they are. In a stunning twist of comeuppance which seems highly appropriate at this time, I received an email the day of Deadspin's original Gimelstob post which I found enlightening. (Sic, throughout, please):

Hey AJ,

Who else can I tell this to? I am, and have been, fucking Justin Gimelstob's first cousin for 5 years. She's a freak. We've been fuck buddies the whole time, and she likes to fly me to her for weekends of debauchery. They are related through Herb Gimelstob, a man so rich Donald Trump said of him, "This is one of the richest fucking Jews in Florida" and that's saying something. AJ, I'm not sure of what use this data is to you, but I think its hilarious. Let me emphasize, this chick is a FREAK (in a Jewish Princess sort of way).

I encourage this individual to make a donation and apologize for his derogatory remarks about Mr. Gimelstob's cousin as soon as possible. It's only fair.

Gimelstob apologizes for remarks [NJ.com]
Junkies Ears Gimelstob One Match Suspension [D.C. Sports Bog]

So, in commemoration of Anna Kournikova's recent birthday and the increased popularity and panic over the fist pound/bump/jab, it seems at least somewhat, almost timely to re-post this picture from last April of former President George Bush and lovely Anna fisting each other.

Anyway, televised sports are at a minimum this evening, so be sure to engage in some activities that require some actual physical exertion. I bet George Bush Senior could beat most of us in a push-up contest right now.

George Bush Senior Is A Terrorist Fist Jab Adulterer [Wonkette]

To promote this new web venture and to encourage more online activity, the site is holding a contest where one lucky cyber-stalker will get to have an actual real live phone conversation with her if they accumulate enough message board points. Second place gets a signed K-Swiss shoe; third place, a signed photo to hang over the toilet seat. Fourth place? You're fired.

Get The Phone; Anna Kournikova Calling [Rizzo Sports]
Win A Call From Anna [Kournikova.com] (via Hot Clicks)

"I am running in a triathlon on South Beach on Sunday the 13th. K-Swiss is one of the sponsors of the triathlon, and I am running 4 miles of the race, and all proceeds will benefit St. Judes Children's Hospital. After the race I'm going to be at the K-Swiss tent on the Beach signing autographs and doing some meet and greets, and then in the evening I'll be at a K-Swiss sponsored cocktail party on a yacht in Miami Beach. I can't wait to get to the beach and run outside, although I am not too excited about having to get up at 5am!!!"

So, you're saying that there's no swimwear portion to of the event? Why are you trying to kill the Children of St. Jude's?

SbB via South Beach Tri, which is much safer for work than it sounds.

We'll confess, we've never paid much attention to Anna Kournikova. Obviously, she's an attractive woman — as evidenced by her ability to give Frank Deford an erection, a feat that would seem to defy the laws of physics — but we think she's been close to surprassed by some current tennis players who, you know, actually have won a tournament or two. Besides, she breaks the rule of attractive celebrities for us, the law that says a woman decreases in perceived attractiveness once she begins dating a complete tool. When Enrique Iglesias entered the picture, we checked out.

Anyway, apparently she's scrawny now, which is what happens when one no longer needs to lift weights and, instead, can spend one's nights spending too much time in the women's restroom of loud places with neon.

Sorry: Writing about Anna Kournikova makes us tired. And we're just waiting for the trade deadline to pass already.

The Incredibly Shrinking Frame Of One-Time Goddess Anna Kournikova
Advantage Kournikova [SI.com]