In a recent interview with me, she was highly critical of the actions of the NFL because she believes it continues to bathe in the glory of her son's patriotic sacrifice while doing little to help the Tillman family find out how Pat died. "I think the [NFL] has not gone out of its way to help," she told me. The league has "exploited Pat, just like the military. ... [It has] a beautiful statue to him at the Cardinals' stadium. I don't know if that's more for us or the [NFL]. I feel like it's more for the league."

I'm not sure what active role the NFL could play in uncovering the truth about Tillman's death. I think we can all agree, however, that it's poor form for Roger Goodell to simply ignore Mary Tillman's letter to him. Come on Roger; if nothing else at least give the impression that you're not a manipulative corporate bastard.

"If this [a death of family member or friend under unclear circumstances] had happened to any one of us," said Mary Tillman, "Pat would have gone through a wall to find out the truth. So, it's the least I can do and the least any one of us can do [to find out how he died.]"

The NFL's Tillman Offense [Los Angeles Times]
'Like He Died Twice:' Mary Tillman's Lonesome Road [The Edge Of Sports]

Now, I can record my kid's tee-ball games on a Sony handheld, and the resolution is so perfect you can count the boogers dripping from the shortstop's nose. I know Tennessee is a little backward (the state bird is a flying moonshine bottle), but you'd think a state school would own some decent video equipment. Maybe they shouldn't have hired Japanese horror director Hideo Nakata to edit the footage. "In this scene, Cromartie is haunted by the ghost of a quarterback he interecepted in a past life. The ghost can only be seen on game tape by a raven-haired martial arts vixen in a miniskirt who will be replaced with Katherine Heigl in the crappy American remake."

Once scouts found Rodgers-Cromartie, they knew they had something special. DRC is taller than most cornerbacks, and his long arms allow him to break up passes that other defenders don't reach. He has great quickness and can pluck an interception out of the sky. Tennessee State used him as an all-purpose cornerback-receiver-returner, and some scouts worried that he was just a bass in a minnow bucket who couldn't handle top competition. He allayed those concerns with an interception at the Senior Bowl and impressive off-season workouts.

As for the "Cromartie" thing: he is Antonio Cromartie's cousin. The last name isn't just a callous effort to get drafted. In other words, he's no Chad Henne -Montanaunitasofnazereth.

And, hey, is that David Weathers in the back there?

Christ.

Just when thought it couldn't get any worse [The Dirty]

He is a starting quarterback in the NFL and the face of an entire franchise. He should not be in the same vicinity as a beer bong, much less holding one for a young girl.

The NFL is for men. Beer bongs are for drunk, stupid college kids.

Granted Bickely does have a point, and Leinart hasn't done anything thus far in his short NFL career to prove he's not destined to host celebrity golf tournaments or Hooters hula hoop contests in two years. But has Bickley considered the fact that maybe Leinart is blessed with more self-awareness than most dumber-than-dirt athletes? Perhaps, Leinart knows that his NFL lifespan will be a short, unremarkable one, and he should enjoy it to its fullest extent while he's still there.

2008 will probably be the year that all of those questions are answered. But the Cardinals' marketing department should really embrace this aspect of their quarterback and consider putting out a Buzzsaw Bong prior to the start of the new season. Everyone should enjoy the sunset.

Hey, Matt, It's Time To Grow Up [Arizona Republic]
Matt Leinart Is Taking His Off-Season Film Work Quite Seriously [Deadspin]
(Tip: Brooks)

Yes: This man is the future of the Buzzsaw That Is The Arizona Cardinals. Clearly evolving into the team leader we've all been waiting for. Sheesh.

Looking sharp, though!

Matt Leinart And Nick Lachey [The Dirty]

Leinart Shows Off CPR Skills [Arizona Republic]

Actually, that video is from a few years ago, but that doesn't make it any less entertaining. We like his little friends; maybe one of them can play wide receiver this weekend.

Kurt Warner Loves Christian Cartoons [Jen's Free Throws]

Winick said Shelton calmly walked in the salon, flashed his stained hands, said he needed help. And that he wanted to look like Johnny Depp. Shelton immediately threw down a $50 tip, she said. "He was telling me that he was a football player for the Arizona Cardinals and he's here painting boats," Winick said. "I thought, isn't it football season now? Some people just make up stuff, so I don't judge."

The guy was in the middle of his manicure when he was arrested by police ... 22 minutes after leaving the bank. WRITER'S EMBELLISHMENT: And as it turns out, half of the man's story was actually true. His real name? Neil Rackers.

First A Bank Robbery, Then A Manicure? [Herald-Tribune, via Fark]

• We know, the Buzzsaw are now 6-6 and holding on to the final wild-card spot in the NFC, but seriously now: That was a catch by Kellen Winslow at the end of the game, and the Browns should have won. We have never understood the notion that any play in football isn't "reviewable" by instant replay. Sure it's reviewable; we just watched it, and totally reviewed it. Kellen Winslow was pushed out of bounds; if there had been no one there, he would have landed in bounds. The replay clearly shows that. So why can't we rely on the replay again? (Still: We are not complaining. Tied for the wild-card in Week 13? Woo!)

• Do Buffalo fans feel bad that their team ruined the all-set-up Redskins overcoming adversity with victory story? We doubt it; they've had enough heartache themselves. We're not sure why the Redskins are honoring Sean Taylor's memory any less by losing, really.

• The Dolphins definitively have the look of a team that will go winless. It's kind of exciting to watch; we wonder if John Beck will be the NFL's equivalent of Jeremy Bonderman, a guy who has a historically bad rookie season and matures into a decent player.

• Drew put it exactly right last week, concerning, "Philly crowd's affinity for inconsistent white quarterbacking over inconsistent black quarterbacking." We can get over the A.J. Feeley thing now, right? Meanwhile, the Seahawks are setting themself up for a No. 3 seed in the NFC, which also tells you all you need to know about the NFC.

• Eli Manning is keeping the Giants just afloat enough to make the ultimate collapse that much more entertaining and devastating.

• Actually, all you need to know about the NFC is this: If they Vikings make the playoffs, they might be Dallas' most dangerous competition.

It's worth noting that Neil Rackers might be the worst clutch kicker in football; that's now four game-winning kicks he has missed in the last 13 months. When you play for the Buzzsaw, you can't miss those, particularly when they're 32 freaking yards. Though it didn't help that, on second down, they lost five yards (and a successful kick) on a delay of game penalty. After that, it was a matter of time until Kurt Warner's comically small hands muffed a play deep in the end zone. Our favorite quote was from Coach Whisenhunt afterwards, about the delay of game penalty: "The clock ran out fast," Whisenhunt said. "That's my fault." Time expires faster than usual in the vortex that is the Pink Taco.

The Buzzsaw went from a potential tie atop the NFC West — and a clear lead in the wild-card race — to being two games out with a smoking hot Browns team coming in next week. And we start all over again. When's baseball season again?

Same Old Story For Cards [Arizona Republic]

But yeah: The cards are lining up for the Buzzsaw to sneak in. (And then be destroyed by the Giants in the first round of the playoffs.) Heck, the way the NFC looks (sorry, we're still not sold on either the Cowboys or the Packers), a weird hot streak could have them become the first team to host the Super Bowl. It's gotta happen, right? There's no other way!

Actually, this would happen if they could figure out a way to hire away Zook.

Playoffs A Real Possibility For Cards [Arizona Republic]

The newest one is from The Turnkey Team Brand Index, whatever that is, and they rate how teams do locally rather than nationally. You have to buy the book to find out the final results — not bloody likely — but Sports Business Journal has the rundown. No. 1 are the Pittsburgh Steelers, followed by the New England Patriots, Indianapolis Colts, Boston Red Sox, Buffalo Sabres, San Antonio Spurs, Detroit Red Wings, New Orleans Saints and the St. Louis Cardinals. The bottom five: Washington Capitals, Portland Trail Blazers, Seattle Sonics, Atlanta Hawks and, in last place, our Buzzsaw That Is The Arizona Cardinals. Yep: They finished behind a team that's begging to leave. Nice.

How Teams Rank In The Turnkey Team Brand Index [Sports Business Journal]

If the Chargers can't get back home by this weekend, they'll be playing in Sun Devil Stadium on Sunday; they did the same thing during the wildfires of 2003. (Seen above.) They can't play at the Pink Taco because ... there's an RV show there on Sunday. Of course there is.

Chargers To Practice In Valley [Arizona Republic]

The Cardinals are giving Vinny Testaverde a tryout today to serve as the backup for Kurt Warner. Awesome.

The Cardinals would have a 1-2 quarterback combination with a combined age approaching 80. Warner is 36, and Testaverde turns 44 on Nov. 13.

Cardinals starting center Al Johnson, who played with Testaverde with the Dallas Cowboys during the 2004 season, says he's be a valuable addition. "Vinny's a real pro, he's as strong as an ox, and he's probably one of my favorite guys I've ever been around, just because of the way he handles himself, whether things were going good or things were going bad," Johnson said.

Testaverde is competing with Tim Rattay for the backup job, and we're gonna think if Rattay can't beat out Vinny, he'll probably just make it official and retire. But seriously, folks: Vinny Testaverde backing up Kurt Warner! Leinart, no offense, man ... but we're not gonna miss you at all.

Cardinals To Look At Two Veteran Quarterbacks [Arizona Republic]

Check out the guest list of Phooson!, an Arizona event at the Pinal County Fairgrounds next Friday.

Starring Enrique Iglesias, Jonas Brothers, Lloyd, American Idol Winner Jordin Sparks, Arizona Cardinals Quarterback Matt Leinart and more....

Matt! Come on! Warner wouldn't even show up to that. Jordin Sparks? Really?

Phooson! [Official Site]

He simply said, "I don't remember."

Leinart engaged in some damage control, telling a handful of reporters that some of his comments were "taken out of context" and that he didn't remember "ever saying any of those things to anyone.

In other words: Leinart had a little too much Sauvignon Blanc and blacked out. If you're gonna black out and say things you don't remember, Matt, christ, get to that point from something other than a damned Sauvignon Blanc. Putz.

Leinart Backs Off Comments [Arizona Republic]
Please, Please Be Quiet Matt [Deadspin]

We joke, but certainly, Silver's night out with Leinart revealed more than just "we're happy to be winning" athlete platitudes.

"I just want them to ride or die with me," Leinart said softly of 2-2 Arizona. "If I'm the franchise quarterback, play me and let me stumble, because I'll fight through it, and that will help me and our team in the long run. I know coaches want to win now, and I guess they have their reasons. But I don't understand it, and this switching back and forth is almost worse than getting benched."

We remember when our anonymous Buzzsaw fan in Arizona said "the rising sentiment here is that the guy is kind of a douche." And after the team's biggest win in a decade, when the stadium has been louder than it's ever been, he's in some karaoke bar bitching to a reporter about not playing as much as he'd like. Sigh. Freaking Leinart.

Oh, and Matt: Everyone knows you should have a medium or heavy red wine with steak, not a Sauvignon Blanc.

Leinart's Limbo [Yahoo! Sports]
NFL Season Preview: Arizona Cardinals [Deadspin]

Chargers 16, Chiefs 6 — Taking a lead in the first half, Norv Turner solemnly made halftime adjustments in the hopes of making the lead smaller or non-existent.

Buccaneers 17, Panthers 0 — Why in the world does Jeff Garcia win with every team he plays for? Is the NFL actually some sort of Truman Show revolving about Garcia's movement from team to team?

Seahawks 20, 49ers 0 — For some reason, Trent Dilfer is playing for the Niners. That's ... different. So if it's any consolation, San Francisco, Barry Manilow and Brian Boitano will be in town in a couple months. Just tough it out.

Colts 28, Broncos 13 — Nothing of shock here, except that it took a while for the Colts lead to be more than one point. Move along, folks.

All right, nation. I'm done for the weekend. And tonight, you get Giants-Eagles. I get The Simpsons. Everyone wins! Except, well, about half of the football and baseball teams who played today.

P.S. - Five teams from the National League are in the playoffs. Did you expect fewer?

• We know a lot of people, when you are watching your team play while you are in enemy territory, who like to puff out their chests when that team wins. This seems dangerous, yes, but it's also not really our style. Our curse as a sports fan is that we experience far more heartbreak when our team loses than we experience joy when our team wins. To taunt someone whose team just lost to ours would appear against the natural order of matters, and, frankly, against rules of taste and manners. So when Neil Rackers hit his field goal to give the Buzzsaw a 23-20 victory over the Seahawks, we, surrounded by Seahawks fans who were already bored by the Mariners' loss at Safeco Field, kept our celebration to a muted, obscured fist pump and a muttered "fuck yeah!" under our breath. No need to push it. When your team finally catches a break, instead of being haunted by one, it's probably best to keep your happiness private, and not just because you might be beaten up if you don't.

• You know what we would really enjoy? Watching Derek Anderson become the next Drew Brees as Brady Quinn turns into Philip Rivers. (But, you know, more FABULOUS.) We don't think there's any question that yesterday was the best day in Browns 2.0 franchise history. We just enjoyed that the Bengals, late, had a chance to to win 53-51. That's like the score of a WNBA game.

• We're not going to lie to you: We have Texans fever. We only know one Texans fan, and yesterday, she was stuck covering the freaking Emmys. She deserved to be able to watch that game. By the way, David Carr had to be this close to going all Owen Wilson on the opposing sideline. Yeah, that worked out well.

• We aren't sure what's happening to the Saints, but we absolutely do not like it. This doesn't mean the Buccaneers are gonna win that division, does it?

• One has to admire the restraint of Tiki Barber not to do cartwheels on NBC last night. It must have been tempting.

• Yep, it's another year of this headline: "Hester's returns, defense overcome shaky Grossman."

• The Saints are 0-2, and the Lions are eight wins away from Jon Kitna looking like a very holy genius. God, we love the NFL.

• Yep: That's Norv Turner.

• By the way, if the Patriots go 16-0 and win the Super Bowl, we're blaming you, Mangini.

Actually, other than note that Alex Smith looks pretty happy for a guy who had 66 yards passing before the final drive, and that if Seattle doesn't run away with the NFC West, Mike Holmgren should resign and raise Andy Reid's kids, we're not sure what much more there is to say. The Buzzsaw That Is The Arizona Cardinals blew a late lead and lost on national television. This happens every time they're on national television. At least usually it happens earlier in the night.

So let's focus on the game people actually cared about last night: A gripping 27-20 Bengals win over the Ravens. The game was perhaps most noteworthy for Ravens coach Brian Billick deciding, on the final drive of the game, to to bring in Kyle Boller over Steve McNair. Boller failed to tie the game — obviously — and the best part was watching McNair attempt to avoid making eye contact with the camera after he was benched. With Ray Lewis hurt now, we'd be a little concerned if we were a Ravens fan right now. Bring in Troy Smith!

And, that will wrap it up for us on an interception by Leinart, of course. We are so glad we stayed up for this. What a great time, had by all.

Just to dig the spurs into our throat, a friend who's a Patriots fan just emailed us: "You are ... a glutton for punishment. This is how the Pats used to lose games before we were graced with Belichick and Brady.Your time will come. . . just not while you're alive."

Perfect way to finish it off: By being mocked by a Patriots fans. Good night, folks. We'll see you in ... christ, six hours? Jesus.

FOURTH QUARTER

:16: Matt Leinart lives for spots like this. Totally.

:22: Arnaz Battle takes a reverse into the endzone. Told you. grumblegrumblegrumblegrumble San Francisco 20, Arizona 17.

:26:. Jesus Christ. The 49ers have it on the two yard line. With no timeouts. Eric Green somehow missed picking up a fumble that would have won it. We'll remember that when we lose this, you sumbitch.

:32: It'll be third-and-15 for Smith and the Niners, on the Buzzsaw 25, with 30 seconds left. No way the Buzzsaw wins this.

:53: After a sideline pass stays inbounds, there's a false start penalty on the Niners. And they run 10 seconds off the clock, to :43. Yipes!

1:23: Smith scrambles — as opposed to Leinart, who shambles — for about 25 yards, and suddenly, this shit is serious.

1:37: Alex Smith just threw a perfect pass to Darrell Jackson in the end zone ... and if falls JUST through his arms. Whew.

1:45: We're too stressed to type right now, so we're just gonna quote a reader: "I'm confused. If there are no offensive standouts in MNF II, who gets their picture on the side of the "My Little Pony" trailer hitched to Greenberg's Honda Element?" Good question!

1:52: Greenberg brings up Bill Walsh. If Bill Walsh were alive to see this offensive display, he'd roll over in his grave.

2:00: And here comes San Francisco. They're at the 50 as we go to the two minute warning. How can a game this dull make us this tense? Football hurts sometimes.

2:15: The 49ers, not surprisingly, have learned how to drive. If they come back and win this, we're never watching the Buzzsaw on MNF again. Not that they'll be invited back.

2:58: Ha. Of course. Hand off to James, he's short. Here comes the punt. We understand playing conservative ... but come on, you're on the road. Lucky to be here. The 49ers will have one time out left. We dunno: We might have tried for the first down there. We'll see. Punt goes to the 15 yard line. Have faith in Alex Smith, Niners fans?

3:13: Third down play for the Buzzsaw, third and 10. Looks like Leinart's gonna have to pass. They call a time out to relax themselves. Geronimo!

4:20 (Dude): Larry Fitzgerald catches a slant pass that's almost intercepted by Walt Harris. He sneaks past the first down marker. One more first down will make it extremely difficult, and two will finish it off. We shall see. By the way, they're having a ton of trouble with the play clock. The refs are as on their games as the players.

5:20: Edgerrin James gets nothing on first down. Clock ... go clock! We have zero faith the Buzzsaw will win this game.

5:45: 49ers. Three and out. That's three in a row? Four? We feel extremely stupid for having picked that team to win this division.

6:25: Someone just congratulated us on the Buzzsaw taking the lead. We'd say they more "fell backwards and landed on the lead," but, you know, we'll take it.

6:40: We're happy the Buzzsaw has the lead, obviously, but we have to confess: If you were watching two people play a game of Madden like this, you could never talk to them again. Actually, this is like watching two dogs play Madden. Little, floofy dogs.

6:40: On a play action, Leinart hits Boldin across the middle, and that, friends, was an actual scoring play. Rackers drills the extra point, and heavens to betsy, the Buzzsaw are ahead. Arizona 17, San Francisco 13.

7:05: Nothing more exciting than a Matt Leinart scramble! On a third-and-two, he runs for 25 yards. Slowly. And then the 49ers get a taunting penalty. When's a better time to taunt than when you've just let Matt Leinart run for 25 yards?

8:15: Leinart has figured out how to gain yards: Convince Bryant Young to grab his facemask. Fifteen yards, Buzzsaw now on the 35. If they keep giving the ball to James, he'll be dead by Week 6. Like every fan watching this game.

9:22: The Buzzsaw is not even bothering to pretend to pass at this point. If Kurt Warner were playing right now, he'd be asleep.

9:45: Leinart dives for a first down on third and 1. In college, our friends who didn't like football called that "the big pile of men play."

11:09: It just occurred to use that the "Monday Night Football" graphic features a robotic blimp. Never seen one of those before.

11:30: Make that 105 total yards. Another sack. 49ers four and out. Cut and paste.

12:21: As Greenberg just pointed out, San Francisco has 110 total yards. And they're winning. Why didn't this game get the A team again?

13:16: Almost every pass Leinart throws ends up with half the players on both teams ending up on the ground. That can't be good.

14:09: FLEA FLICKER! God we fucking love the flea flicker. It goes incompletely, of course. And Golic is right: Fitzgerald was wide open.

14:45: Edgerrin James catches an out pass and takes it across midfield for a first down. We love that Coach Wisenhunt covers his mouth when calling plays. Hey, Coach: You're not in Pittsburgh. Nobody cares what calls Arizona calls.

THIRD QUARTER

:00: Greenberg just called this a "battle." That's one way to put it. We're probably just being cranky. To the fourth! San Francisco 13, Arizona 10.

:14: Does each team have 14 defensive backs? This must have been what Pop Warner games with Cornell have looked like.

:45: Hey, Jane Wyman died It was not during this game.

1:48: 49ers go three and out. We're just cutting and pasting now.

2:54: We hope nobody stayed up and watched this game for fantasy purposes. Here's a tip, real fast, so you can go back to bed: None of your guys are doing anything.

3:09: Ditka says the last pass Leinart threw — in which the Niners' DB could have called a fair catch, though he still dropped it — was not his fault and was actually because of illegal contact downfield that wasn't called. This is why watching games on TV is more fun; we can disagree loudly and have no idea what we're talking about. Buzzsaw punt.

4:15: You know, if this day weren't bad enough — Buzzsaw losing and looking offensively impotent, the Cardinals losing their fourth in a row, and, you know, Britney — now we learn that the Illini basketball team sucks too. At least they'll be on the Big Ten Network and we won't have to watch them. First down, Buzzsaw, though.

5:25: We make fun of Mike and Mike from time to time, but we have to sympathize: This has to be the worst game anyone would possibly broadcast. We're not good at math, but there has to have been more penalties than completed passes in this game.

6:35: Another impressive Buzzsaw passrush almost forces Alex Smith into an interception. It's 12:30 at night, by the way. At 5 a.m., the United States is playing North Korea in the women's soccer World Cup. We hope they don't mind a late start as they wait for this game to finish.

8:02: The 49ers complete a pass! It's a first down into Buzzsaw territory. At this rate, they should make it to the 20 by around 3 a.m.

9:08: Leinart shotputs a pass into double coverage and somehow isn't intercepted. This is worse, so far, than any offensive performance the Buzzsaw put on last year. We're so happy this is the lone national television game.

10:30: Leinart hits Boldin on a four-yard slant pass. That might have been the third longest pass of the game. The camera catches Mike Singletary, a 49ers assistant. Every time someone every brings up Singletary possibly being a head coach someday, someone mentions "being a coach isn't just Xs and Os." Is really that bad at Xs and Os? Can he not read or something? Seems like a smart enough guy to us.

11:09: OK, let's see if the Buzzsaw can gain more yards than penalties. Time to aim high.

11:20: Gore drops a pass that might have led him into the endzone ... but it goes right through his hand. It's Nedney time, and he hammers it. The three-plus minutes of this second half have taken days. San Francisco 13, Arizona 10.

11:23: And Smith celebrates his new opportunity by having to call a timeout before the playclock runs out. Let's say we doubt the Seahawks are particularly terrified right now.

12:21: Let's track: Buzzsaw second half yards: -8. Penalties? 5. Gore is stuffed on two runs. It's all in the hands of Alex Smith!

12:45: We have a bad, bad feeling about this second half; the Niners are already pounding it downfield. And then ... a late hit on a pass Alex Smith threw 40 yards over everybody's head. Buzzsaw!

13:48: And a minus-eight yard drive to start the half. Must have been an inspiring speech.

14:08: The Buzzsaw coaching staff said they weren't going to overwork Edgerrin James this year. They weren't kidding. We've seen FAR too much J.J. Arrington tonight. It's third and 428. (They have that many yards on the West Coast. They're laid back that way.)

14:43: And ... another penalty. Say what you will about the new coaching staff, but they really do know how to make halftime adjustments.

14:55: OK! We're back! And the comments are working aw ell. Thank you tech staff! The Buzzsaw are at first and 20 from their own 10 to start. And Leinart almost throws an interception. Wee!

Prehalf: OK, now you're not seeing this post at all. We really shouldn't have made that joke about the tech people raving and working two hours a day. They are smart, and handsome, and deserve to be paid far more than they are paid.

SECOND QUARTER

OK, that's gonna wrap up the first half; an offensive FIRESTORM! To reward you for sticking this far, we give you:

We're gonna go apologize to the tech people now.

:42: Gotta love that sweep to J.J. Arrington on third down. Total back of the future. Buzzsaw punting.

:53: Third down for the Buzzsaw. We know Arizona isn't throwing it deep, but honestly, we'll take this over Denny Green's "Look, just run down there and look up!" offense.

1:45: We really wish Leinart would stop running.

1:56: Berman's doing the halftime highlights? No way he's up this late. This footage must have been filmed in 1983.

2:00: We just don't feel good anytime the Buzzsaw has the ball on third down in their own territory on the road. In fact, we feel miserable. Fortunately, the 49ers get nailed with illegal contact, and it's first down Buzzsaw. Nolan's tie is so much better than anyone's in the booth, by the way. Two minute warning.

3:46: Smith throws an incomplete pass on third-and-nine — and almost took out the goalpost in the process — and Joe Nedney, who has been in the NFL forever, "splits" "the" "uprights" and we are tied. Arizona 10, San Francisco 10.

5:15: Just heard back from a tech person: "Sorry, we only work two hours a day and are out raving right now." We ABSOLUTELY deserved that.

5:45: On a third down, Smith goes back and ... zips straight through for the first down. Leinart would have stopped to have a drink and pinch an ass first.

Ditka just called Adrian Wilson "infetuous." Not sure what that means.

6:20: Excellent point from a reader: "We have decided that Mike Nolan in the suit looks like CTU's Bill Buchanan. Which would explain that new Niners fullback named Bauer wearing 24." That's fantastic, even if it reeks of Simmons.

6:20: The 49ers get a questionable pass interference penalty and are driving again. Alex Smith looks slightly more comfortable on the run than Leinart, and he also throws with the correct hand.

7:36: Actual response to a question about whether or not a tech person could fix the comment problem: "Oh, everybody's long asleep." Nice.

8:30: Time for everybody to note that Mike Nolan is wearing a suit, and looks nice. We're traditionalist this way: He should be wearing a felt cap.

9:10: And look out, it's Edgerrin James ... touchdown! He knows what to do when he hits a hole! And Russ Grimm will slap the offensive line on the behind! It's a party in Glendale, wherever that is. Arizona 10, San Francisco 7.

9:45: Wait, the 49ers only have 37 total yards? The Buzzsaw has this on this drive. Let's see how Leinart handles this new found prosperity ... it's Leonard Pope! He catches passes AND rails against birth control!

11:36: It's a Buzzsaw fumble! The Buzzsaw seems to have something resembling a pass rush. We are confused by this new development.

11:45: Wait, we're just now introducing the 49ers' offense? We're in the second quarter. Wake up!

12:55: We have no idea why the site isn't posting comments right now. Our tech people work, like, two hours a day, so they're surely out raving right now. We'll have them check on it when they're up at 3 p.m. tomorrow. As for now, just hang in. Let's hope it kicks back in.

12:55: After another patented Leinart scramble — we're starting to just root for him to fall down — ends up in an incomplete, Illini grad Neil Rackers knocks in a field goal, and it's not a shutout! San Francisco 7, Arizona 3

14:00: Forgive us, but we Buzzsaw fan(s) get no joy out of hearing about Edgerrin James' career stats. We went through this shit with Emmitt Smith every week. And Marcel Shipp was better than him too.

14:55: The Buzzsaw has figured out a way to get the ball to Anquan Boldin: Let him just take the snap. He runs it for a first down.

FIRST QUARTER

:05: Greenberg's so cute. He's so used to his radio schtick that he just made a crack about Mike Golic's hair. Hey, Greenie: It's "Monday Night Football." Please don't make any fat jokes either. Anyway, Buzzsaw driving, end of first quarter. The goal of any Buzzsaw quarter is not to be down by three touchdowns. So far so good! San Francisco 7, Arizona 0.

:58: The 49ers run into Buzzsaw punter Mike Barr. A positive offensive play! At this point, we must lament the fact that the Buzzsaw cut Scott Player, who had been the longest tenured Cardinal. He had a single face mask. We'll never see that again. Sad.

2:05: You know, it's really comfortable watching Leinart outside the pocket. Really. It could be worse, though: Kurt Warner is still on the bench.

3:15: Leinart throws for a first down! It's almost like he has receivers. You know, like, Two Great Ones. He's our favorite Florida State receiver who wasn't molested by a relative.

4:45: Hey, nice tie, Greenberg. Ditka has that "I've got turds larger than you" look on his face whenever he looks at him.

5:15: Here's a story we've been wanting to tell for a while. An old ex-girlfriend of ours shares a summer house on the New Jersey Shore with Bonnie Bernstein. We asked our ex if Bonnie knew Deadspin. "Yeah, she really fucking hates you." It can't be good when your ex-girlfriends' housemates hate you more than your ex. That said, "I fucking hate that guy" is the most interesting thing Bonnie Bernstein has said in years. Buzzsaw sack!

6:54: We really can't get over how Greenberg sounds like he's underwater. Are these training wheels microphones?

7:22: Leinart — who even comes across as a douche while introducing his teammates — overthrows four wide receivers and Mr. Met on a third and 10. So far, he's thrown an interception, a ball 20 yards past his receivers and a ball with his right hand. Awesome.

10:15: Both Marcel Shipp and Edge bash through the Niners run defense. We do have a Matt Leinart jersey that we're slightly embarrassed of, but we really wish it were Marcel Shipp. He's been around forever, has backed up every big offseason acquisiition, and still he remains. Since Edge just fumbled, luckily recovering it, we admire him more. Leinart just threw the ball with his right hand, by the way. He still looked better than Harrington with that hand.

11:15: Though the pain, we're loving the 49ers throwbacks. Let's take this moment to pay tribute to the new angry bird of the Arizona Cardinals. It's the second year for the Angry Bird, but you know what? He's no less intimidating.

11:21: And, just like that, it's Frank Gore zipping up the middle for a touchdown. Wasn't that guy supposed to be hurt? The good news: The Buzzsaw has dominated the time of possession, with a gripping "three seconds." San Francisco 7, Arizona 0.

11:30: Matt Leinart's first pass of the year — before they even had the chance to freaking announce the lineups — is intercepted. Here we go.

12:30: You know, we want to focus on the fact that the Ravens just put in Kyle Boller for the key game-winning series. That actually happened. Hey, the 49ers are punting.

13:37: Three plays, two penalties. Welcome to Buzzsaw-49ers football.

14:45: The happiest man in the world to see Kyle Boller in the Ravens-Bengals game? Mike Greenberg. He's been lusting after the MNF job for years, and he didn't want to be stuck in ghetto of ESPN2. Welcome to the show, Greenie! Something is odd with his sound, though; he sounds like he's broadcasting while wearing a helmet.

Pregame

So who wouldn't have known this? The Buzzsaw's one national television game this year ... and it's possible the game before it will go into overtime. Root against overtime, kids, or you're about to suffer the indignity of watching a guy live blog an NFL Gamecast.

We are proud to say that we have never, ever picked the Buzzsaw That Is The Arizona Cardinals to win their division. Though that doesn't stop us from picking them to win every week. This year: No different, and honestly, we wonder sometimes how much more we can take.

Some picks!

• AJ Daulerio: Seahawks, Rams, 49ers, Buzzsaw.
• Kissing Suzy Kolber: Seahawks, Buzzsaw, 49ers, Rams.
• Robert Weintraub, Slate: Seahawks, Rams, 49ers, Buzzsaw.
• Matt Pitzer, USA Today: Rams, Seahawks, Buzzsaw, 49ers.
• Aaron Schatz, Football Outsiders: 49ers, Seahawks, Buzzsaw, Rams.
• Sports Illustrated: Seahawks, Rams, 49ers, Buzzsaw.
• DEADSPIN: 49ers, Rams, Seahawks, Buzzsaw. This reeks of a year the Buzzsaw goes 7-9, is never in the hunt and gets a lousy draft pick. We do like to root for teams coached by men in suits, though.

As always, we know nothing.

Actually, it's a story that apparently shows that not all lefthanded quarterbacks like to electrocute puppies.

The magazine asked Leinart what breed of dog would make the perfect woman. "It can't be a poodle because those dogs look too high maintenance," he said, shooting down all those Paris Hilton rumors once again. "It would have to be a golden retriever. They're pretty easy to get along with."

Plus, you know, their litters are smaller.

Dog PR Time: Athletes Love Their Dogs [Jen's Free Throws]

Your author is Will Leitch, the editor of Deadspin. His words are after the jump.

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So here's something strange: I've never been to the state of Arizona.

This is strange not because I am unable to travel; there are scores of states I've never been to, ranging from Maine to Utah to Alabama. This is strange because I've met several people from Arizona, most of whom sports fans, and not a single one of them likes the Arizona Cardinals. They are from Arizona, and root for the Cowboys, or the 49ers, or even (gasp) the Jets. I have never been to Arizona, and every NFL Sunday, I'm the lonely guy in the back of the bar, watching the tiny television, grimacing as the Raiders eke out an 11-6 victory in which the teams combine for five field goals and a safety.

I've already explained why I wrote for a team that plays in a state I've never visited, so there's no use rehashing it here. But it seems odd to cheer so passionately for a team entirely from afar. I don't know what it's like to actually attend an Arizona Cardinals game. I don't know who the dopey local sponsors are. I don't know what kind of halftime shows they have. I don't even know who the radio broadcasters are.

Compare this, if you will, to being a St. Louis Cardinals fan. One of the things I love about being a St. Louis fan is how much like home Busch Stadium always feels. It's such a warm, Cardinals-centric environment that I'm honestly surprised when they lose. It seems like 50,000 people just united and welcoming. The game itself feels housed in this palpable biodome of Cardinals Land; you can tell the difference the minute you walk in the stadium. When I think of the Cardinals, I think of that Busch feeling as much as I think of the team itself.

I have no idea what this is like in Arizona. I know every player on the team, I know the depth chart, I know the coaches' tendencies, I even know how many different running backs Marcel Shipp has backed up. (Four: Thomas Jones, J.J. Arrington, Emmitt Smith and Edgerrin James. Despite being the backup, he has led the Buzzsaw in rushing three of the last four years. Sigh.) I obsess about this team, yet, in a way, I don't know them at all.

So I decided to try to fix that. I mentioned once on the site that I didn't even know any Arizona Cardinals fans, and beckoned any that existed and read the site to email me. Shockingly, a few emails actually trickled in. One of whom, who wishes to remain anonymous because he has a real job, emails us regularly about all matters Buzzsaw. He goes to "seven or eight games a year. I usually skip one of the preseason games because everyone who can leaves Phoenix in August, and then I sell or give away my tickets for December games if they don't mean anything. Which is every year. I've had season tickets myself for four years, but I've been going to games since the beginning. When they came to town I was ten years old. My Dad got season tickets, and we went to every game together until 1994. My dad didn't like new coach Buddy Ryan's attitude, and canceled the tickets when they hired him. From 94 to 02 I'd go to about 2-3 games a year. I got season tickets in 03."

So the guy's a real, loyal, season-ticket holding fan. I wanted to know what it's really like there. So I asked him.

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Are there really more fans of the opposing team than of the Buzzsaw at the games? It looks that way on TV.

Yeah, but it's not as bad as it used to be. The new stadium has changed things quite a bit in that department. Obviously, going from 23,000 fans a game to 60,000 fans makes a big difference. There are still visiting teams that are well represented — last year's Cowboys and Bears games come to mind, as well as the Steelers preseason game — but I think those are just teams that travel well.

Gone are the days where you could go to the stadium on Sunday and get lower-bowl, sideline seats from the ticket window. For now, the Cards fans in the new stadium greatly outnumber opposing fans. Once the novelty of the new stadium wears off, and if the team continues to have double-digit losing seasons, season ticket sales will tumble and I imagine it might go right back to the way it was at Sun Devil Stadium.

So that's changed a bit. But the thing that still kills me is that visiting fans never, ever get harassed by people here in Arizona. I've been to other stadiums where you wouldn't dare wear the opposing team's colors, much less a jersey and some sort of headwear. I know this isn't Philly or something, but Jesus, can someone at least have a smart comeback to the screaming, mulleted Cowboys fan in the Bill Bates jersey?

At Sun Devil, there were times where the visiting teams' fans outnumbered Cardinals fans. The Cardinals would get overwhelmingly booed during introductions. When the cards were in the NFC East, and the cowboys came to town every year, the games would be near-sellouts with 75 percent Cowboys fans. Which makes sense, considering that Arizona was Cowboys country before the Cardinals came along.

The demographics here are a factor ... just about everyone (except me) is from somewhere else. So like you, Will, they don't lose their team allegiances. So there are always smatterings of locals who will come out and cheer on random teams like Jacksonville.

I can't believe I root for a team that was booed at home during player introductions. Is there a good vibe there? Does the team get a sense that the locals have their back?

True story. I went to the first home preseason game against the Texans this year. The Cardinals have a new pregame feature, the "keys to the game," a bullet-point list of things the Cards must do to control and/or win the game. It's displayed on the scoreboard and spoken by the PA announcer at full volume. It is done after team introductions, while both the Cards and their opponents are on the field.

It's a fine enough idea, getting the very casual Arizona fans at least mildly interested in the game. The problem is, all of the "keys to the game" were written in the negative.

For example:
"Don't let the other team score first," instead of "Score first."
"No turnovers" instead of "Control the ball."
That sort of thing.

So the players are standing out there, after all the anthems, introductions, fireworks, etc., and some douche PA announcer is telling them about all the things that could go wrong. Really gets a team fired up.

The starting defense promptly gave up a touchdown on an 85 yard drive, after a turnover on downs.

Sitting there, I realized this was the essence of being an Arizona Cardinals fan.

Are there wacky little local promotions that they have? Who's the local fan favorite that everybody loves? And what's the jersey most Buzzsaw fans wear?

Wacky promotions: They have the typical stuff at the games...the mascot shooting t-shirts out of a cannon, the randomly chosen fan who gets to try and throw a ball through a hoop, etc. Nothing really comes to mind about the things they do around town, which is probably because they don't do a whole lot of promotion around town. Promotions involve spending money, young man, and we can't have that (even while we were $10 million plus under the cap last year). Come to think of it, the prizes for their on-field promotions always suck ... like 5,000 frequent flyer miles or something.

Back when they were only selling 23,000 tickets a game, they came up with a different marketing slogan each year to try and drum up ticket sales. A couple years ago the slogan was "It's time to see red!" So they appreciate irony.

Fan favorite: I don't think a true fan favorite has emerged, but Leinart probably gets the most press. The local news always covers his various exploits around town. He's in a couple of low-budget local commercials. One of them captures the general apathy toward the Cardinals: Leinart's using a local credit union's card to make a purchase at a convenience store. The clerk doesn't believe he's Matt Leinart, so the clerk puts shoe polish under Leinart's eyes, like eye black, and then recognizes him. Leinart then asks for a "Cardinals discount." The clerk says, "nah, I'm really more of a Broncos fan." The Cardinals' starting QB gets disrespected in his own commercial. That about sums it up.

If there was a random role player who has become a fan favorite, in the Kurt Rambis or Craig Counsell mold, it would probably be Deuce Lutui. They always have him out doing local promotions and Public Service Announcements. ("Hi, this is Deuce Lutui for recycling...") That guy just looks jolly.

Jersey: At the games, the jersey you see the most is probably Pat Tillman. Fuckin' A right. A close second would be morbidly obese white guys looking sleek in Boldin and Fitzgerald jerseys. There are also a number of young ladies with bleached blond hair wearing light pink form-fitting Leinart jerseys, which may also be color of Leinart's actual "no-hit" training camp jersey. Seriously, the rising sentiment here is that the guy is kind of a douche. But I digress. Edge has some fans, and Neil Rackers also gets a lot of love. Only occasionally will you see a jersey that pre-dates 2005 (other than Tillman), but you know those are the "hardcore" fans. Plummer jerseys are here and there, and the occasional jersey of obscure former players (I'm looking at you, guy in the Timm "two m's" Rosenbaugh jersey) from the "Phoenix" Cardinals era.

You know, you've brought up a good point about Leinart: I just can't shake this feeling that the franchise savior is a complete douchebag. That's a terrifying feeling.

Will the town have that sense? Are there long-suffering fans like you and me who will cry in the streets? Or is it gonna be the Pink Hat Red Sox syndrome? (Or Pink Taco, if you will.) Paint a picture for me of what happens there if the Buzzsaw actually, you know, gets good.

Leinart: This could just be the tip of the douche-berg. Right now he just faintly smells of vinegar. But there seems to be a growing number of fans who think he's going to waste a lot of potential by trying to be a legend in his own mind. There's that rumor about him firing his representation because he was upset Super Bowl champion Peyton Manning hosted SNL and not him ... he values notoriety over on-field success. He showed up flat-footed at camp this year, after a well-documented off season of partying. And Travis Henry aside, I think he's way too casual about the whole baby out of wedlock thing; local news caught him in a lie about how "involved" he was with the kid, simply by talking to the mother and her family. I am glad we have him, but part of me thinks, in the long run, we might have been better off with the double-chinned, stoned-looking, staying-home-and-eating-a-bag-of-Funyuns style of Jay Cutler.

Super Bowl: People will go crazy here, but unfortunately in the Pink Hat Red Sox way. Phoenix is a very "new" city. The population has grown exponentially over the years. There are very, very few longstanding traditions here. This holds true for local sports; with the possible exception of the Suns, the "fans" are extremely fair weather. For example, when the Diamondbacks won the Series in 2001, the whole town went crazy. Everyone was a D-Backs fan. Three years later, when they lost 111 games, the BOB was an absolute ghost town. Fans are only recently starting to get mildly interested, but just because the team is playing well. It will be the same way with the Cardinals: if they win, everyone in town will talk about how big of a Cardinals fan they are, and how they have always been fans. But three years ago they had 20,000 fans at their games. Where were you then, Mr. Number One Fan?

On the bright side, if the Cardinals win the Super Bowl, at least there won't be any goddamned Bob Costas human interest stories about Jimmy Patrick O'Flannery, the 94 year old blind barber who's worked across the street from the Pink Taco for 82 years, and this is his beloved team's first championship. God I hated that in '04.

If they win, I too will run naked down Camelback Road. And like you, I will feel like I would have earned it.

________________________

You know what? I think I'm better of just enjoying the Buzzsaw from afar. I could lament that my celebration when they actually succeed will be a lonely one, but it will be mine, and unsullied by the Pink Hat Pink Taco fans.

Fortunately, it'll never happen, so I'll never need to worry about it.

How do we know? Well, he already has Super Bowl plans: He's hosting a party with John Travolta.

Vertical Sports will be staging two of the week's higher-profile fetes at Galleria Corporate Center in downtown Scottsdale. [John] Travolta and Cardinals quarterback Matt Leinart team up to host Saturday Night Spectacular, while [Carmen] Electra and other beauties will welcome guests at the fifth annual Leather & Laces party. Both are charity events.

Now, obviously, our Buzzsaw isn't going to make the Super Bowl this year. (But you never know!) But it might be nice to, you know, pretend. By the way, Robin Williams ... John Travolta ... Leinart sure is in hip with the young Hollywood elite, isn't he?

Matt Leinart's Party Buddy [Shakedown Sports]

"Regardless of the allegations made, I have gone to great lengths to increase my custodial time with Cole," he says. "This includes seeking intervention from the family law court."

"I don't know if Cole's mother is motivated by anger or by financial gain," he said, "but it is my sincere hope that one day we will be able to effectively co-parent our son who we both love very much."

Well, he might not have said Cameron's name, but at least he got Cole's right. It is Cole, yes?

Leinart Disputes Mother's Claim [Ventura County Star]
Wait, So Whose Diapers Is He Changing Then? [Deadspin]

Well, that frustration all broke through this weekend, as Cameron herself exploded on Matt, essentially calling him a deadbeat dad.

"It's kind of hard for me as the mom — I'm with Cole [the baby] probably 99.9 percent of the time — to open a magazine or read a newspaper article with Matt saying, Oh, I love being a dad. I love changing diapers. I love doing this. I'm like, Wait, what?' " said Cameron, who added, "I don't know how to word how he is about this, but it's been hard when I'm doing all the work, but he gets all the credit for it.
Matt comes and goes whenever he wants," Cameron said. [...] "I don't want to sit here and bad-mouth his lifestyle, but it is hard because we are different people. He likes that Hollywood stuff and I don't like that and raising a kid together, you have to work together as parents, but we're so different. It's hard, but I have to raise Cole to be a strong, secure kid so he knows what's right and wrong, what's good and bad and what really matters in life, which isn't what's going on in Hollywood or who's dating who. That's not what it's all about, and I think he'll know that being raised by me."

This has to be a complete shock to Cameron, who surely thought Leinart — through his friendship with Nick Lachey and Puritanical behavior at USC — would be the stay at home dad type. We are extremely eager, as always, to eavesdrop on Kurt Warner's advice to the young QB come training camp.

When reached for comment, Leinart, sadly, did not say, "I have a kid?"

Matt Leinart: A Dead Beat Dad? [Bruins Nation]
Cameron Family Just Pleased As Punch With Matt Leinart Right Now [Deadspin]

The main reason Leinart rejected the representation superpower is he was enraged that Peyton Manning, also a CAA client and repped by Condon, got to host "Saturday Night Live" before he did. Seriously.

We think it's awfully presumptuous that Leinart would think he'd get the spot above the guy who had just won a Super Bowl ... but, frankly, matters haven't quite been right for Matty since the Rose Bowl his senior year. As Buzzsaw boosters, we are concerned. Fortunately, he continues to have his family life to calm him and bring him peace.

Jealousy Of Peyton Led To Leinart's CAA Departure [Sports By Brooks]
Peyton Manning Much Funnier Than Anyone Could Have Guessed [Deadspin]
Cameron Family Just Pleased As Punch With Matt Leinart Right Now [Deadspin]

Back in November, the guys who were working Edgerrin James' Hall of Fame bust were given pink slips. Edge was getting killed behind the Cardinals line, and all that bronze could be put to better use as splash and ride cymbals, what with Rush going on tour this summer and whatnot.

Now that Brown is in Arizona , the bust-makers may be called back to work. New coach Ken Whisenhunt suggested last month that Oliver Ross is capable of playing left tackle. I started to think that something in the desert air turns clear-thinking football lifers into blathering nincompoops. If Whisenhunt started screaming "crown their asses", I would have suggested lead poisoning.

Fortunately, it was all a smokescreen. Brown is a good old fashioned road grader of a tackle. He may have to start his career on the right side, but he'll be able to move over before Ross gets Edge creamed. Or, he may stay on the right side: remember the Cardinals have a lefty quarterback.

Brown may have been a bit of a reach with this pick, but the Whisenhunt is smart enough to know what he doesn't know. When you have been down as long as the Cardinals, you don't get cute with the fifth pick in the draft. You grab a big basher who started for four seasons at a major program and stick him in the lineup.

The draft kicks off tomorrow, and if we suggest continuing the grand tradition of doing a shot every time Chris Berman "slyly" gives a way a pick as Roger Goodell walks to the podium. If you're a fan of any particular team, The Jaunt has helpfully provided a guide to your local franchise's official draft parties, and Kissing Suzy Kolber has a perfect approximation of what Goodell is telling the potential draftees right now.

Around here, The Mighty MJD and Mike Tanier of Football Outsiders will be taking you through pick-by-pick. We just want to see an Al Davis interview, that's all we ask.

NFL Fans, You're On The Clock [The Jaunt]
My League, My Draft, My Rules [Kissing Suzy Kolber]

That would be Gabe Watson, a 6'4" 340-lb. defensive lineman out of Michigan who the Cardinals drafted in the 4th round of the 2006 NFL Draft. You can watch the Fox 2's video here, but to summarize: Watson, before he left Michigan, purchased a Dodge Charger and Coach Jones was good enough to co-sign for it. Watson and his dad were supposed to make the payments, they didn't, it became Jones' responsibility, and, well, high school coaches don't have $500+ a month to burn on an NFL player's Dodge Charger.

So the "Problem Solvers" at Fox 2 in Detroit got involved, put some people on camera, and eventually got the dealership to relieve the coach's financial burden. The NFL, the Arizona Cardinals, and Gabe Watson have yet to respond in any way.

There's a public petition here you can sign, if you're into such things. The last line of the petition reads, "We believe it's nice to be important but it's more important to be nice." That's very sweet, but I think Baxter Jones would have settled for Gabe Watson just not being a total douchebag. Even Chris Henry might be above this.

Generous Dealership Helps Detriot Schoolteacher [MyFox Detroit]
Concerned Citizens for Coach Baxter Jones [Team Michigan]

A Cardinals assistant coach was arrested Thursday night after police said he solicited an undercover police officer posing as a prostitute.

Phoenix police officers took Richie Anderson, 35, into custody about 9:30 p.m. during a "customer apprehension program" at Pointe South Mountain Resort.

What is there to say? The man wanted to pay for genital-to-genital contact. You don't need me, and he doesn't need me, to kick him at what (I certainly hope, anyway) is a very, very low point.

You just hope for the best for Richie Anderson, and that he gets all the support he needs from his friends, family, organization, and 2nd-year quarterbacks who could definitely afford to throw some sloppy-seconds in Anderson's direction.

Cards coach arrested for soliciting [AZ Central]

"Great, good to have a coach," defensive end Bertrand Berry said when he heard about the hiring. "That's about all I can say. I don't know much about him. I'm sure I'll find out in the next little bit of time."

Yeah, go get 'em. You might question why an up-and-coming coach like Whisenhunt would want to take the ultimate dead end sports coaching job, but remember: Last year, he was a finalist for the Oakland Raiders position. So he's probably just happy to be alive.

Cardinals To Hire Whisenhunt [Arizona Republic]