These are the kinds of people you run into when you attend a Bear-sponsored motorcycle rally. (This is from Ruben Brown's Motorcycle Run, a charity ride for the Salvation Army.) The man's name is Glenn Timmermann, who apparently gets any current Bear and former Bear—and maybe a few Bad News Bears—that he's ever met to autograph his body and then he turns it into a tattoo. He's also not a fan of shirts.

I can understand the Ditka tat (sorta; not really) and maybe even the big Chicago "C" on the back of the head. But Tom Thayer? Shaun Gayle? Is there any Bear who isn't off the table? Paul Edinger? Erik Kramer? You have to draw the line at Sauerbrun, don't you? Or is that line already running down your thigh?

Ruben Brown's Motorcycle Run keeps on rollin' [Sports Pros(e)]

A.G. Sulzberger, son of Pinch, writes today:

Outside the old Yankee Stadium, fans young and old would gather along barricades near the players' entrance, waiting for a chance at the most coveted of baseball keepsakes - an autograph.

Players had to walk from their parking lot across a small street, Ruppert Place, to a private stadium entrance by the press gate, exposing them - even just for a minute or two - to the pleas of Yankee-crazed kids and autograph hounds before and after games.

But the new Yankee Stadium has ended this beloved ritual in the Bronx. The Yankees relocated the players' parking area behind the stadium walls, meaning that players now drive in and out in luxury vehicles, protected even from curious eyes by tinted windows.

I'll ignore the ridiculous spectacle of a Sulzberger playing the class card (luxury vehicles! tinted windows!). And I'll also concede that this private entrance is definitely of a piece with the Yankees' general view of their stadium as a sort Versailles-on-the-Harlem River. But the last type on earth who needs or deserves our sympathy is the autograph hound, whom Sulzberger the Younger mistakenly seems to think of as some wide-eyed Oliver Twist in an adorably oversized Yankees cap, shyly offering up his scrapbook and the Melky Cabrera card he just plucked from the spokes of his bicycle.

C'mon. You know these people. Most of them are adults in replica jerseys who really should know better, and most of those autographed baseballs merely wind up on a shelf in a memorabilia store or the desk of an accountant in White Plains anyway. I'm all for piling on the wonderful public relations horror show that is the Yankees' new ballpark — excuse me, stadium — but let's at least direct our populist outrage at worthy targets. Like Lonn Trost.

New Yankee Stadium Is Tough for Autograph Hounds [New York Times]
An Unfair Target? The Yankees Say So [New York Times]

Worry not, young turks: A new product called Autograph Kit is here to solve all your pen/camera needs. (Via the great Randball.)

Many times we are in a situation to get an autograph of a famous athlete or celebrity and have nothing for them to sign that we can keep. Sometimes we are in a position to get a picture with the celebrity and would love to have that picture autographed. With the picture still in the camera, we're out of luck. We know that a celebrity would not be able to let you get your picture developed and sent to them to sign.

However, if we have the Autograph Kit., you can ask for the autograph to be signed on the lower portion of the electrostatic slip, take a picture of the celebrity or ask someone to snap two pictures (we recommend two in case someone is blinking) Later, get the picture developed and adhere the Electrostatic Autograph Slip to the picture. Now you can have the autograph right on the spot and get the picture developed and later adhere the Electrostatic Autograph Slip to the picture.

This is probably the most useless invention we've ever come across, and we absolutely want six of them.

It's A Jump ... To Conclusions ... Mat! [Randball]

Fantastic post by the Wizard of Odds, highlighting the Ohio State autograph shilling non-controversy, which seems a little sketchy considering some of these non-professional athletes are making six-figure incomes during "autograph season." According to the Wiz—via the Cleveland Plain Dealer—, some OSU players—including probable first-round linebacker A.J. Hawk—are involved in this pastime that many a senior has participated in through the years. Today, the Wizard of Odds updates his story, claiming that this is standard practice at many big-time universities.

Hmm, kind of throws a little wrench into that whole college athletes not seeing any income argument that crops up every so often. It's good to know Maurice Clarett was compensated in some way, however.

The Handwriting is on the Wall [Wizard of Odds]
Big Bucks Made on Buckeyes Bandwagon [Cleveland Plain Dealer]