I always find it laughable when people argue on behalf of instant replay by saying "the important thing is that we get the call right." Because from what I can tell, those clowns in the replay booth are even worse than the bozos on the field.

As every fan in America can tell you, referees are at best, incompetent hacks and at worst, evil henchman in a worldwide conspiracy to destroy fairness and accuracy. And why are they always out to get your team? That can't be a coincidence, right?

In 2008, they apparently got tired of just fixing games and destroying hope and switched to just straight up using physical brutality to attack and intimidate players. Sure, we try to fight back, but they are a craft bunch, with their little whistles and their balls and strikes counters. They're always plotting something, but we're on to them now.

At least bookies are able to benefit in some small way from all this awfulness. It's about time someone looked out for them.

*******

• In the land blind referees, Ed Hochuli is, of course, their king.

• And Tim Donaghy will forever be their Golden God.

• Although, Scott Foster did learn from the master.

• Olympics? Boxing? Corrupt? Well, I never ...

• Does Doug Eddings owe A.J. Pierzynski money or something?

• In the NBA, sometimes the game is not over, even when it's over.

• Hey, ref! What are you? Drunk? Oh wait, you are.

• This soccer ref probably wishes he was drunk. At least then he'd have an excuse.

• You know you made a bad call when the parents' lawyers get involved.

• Of course, it's not a high school playoff without inadvertent whistles and lawsuits.

• Do you blow your filthy, lying whistle to make your horrendous calls with that mouth?

• Even fake refs can't be trusted.

• We'll always have Duke.

• When all else fails, just don't even show up.

• John Daly arrested for drunkenness at Hooters? Next you're going to tell me that Otis apparently shows up bombed at the Mayberry jail. (The PGA was not amused).

• A brilliant plan to get out of a DUI ... offer sex with your girlfriend. I see no way this can fail.

• Isiah Thomas mistook sleeping pills for Reese's Pieces, blamed it on his daughter.

• Travis Henry thought he was in a Scorsese movie.

• Roger Clemens does not recall bleeding through his pants.

• John Rocker was on steroids? Is there nothing to believe in?

• Barry Bonds; still unemployed, but looking fabulous.

• Steroid dealer had unfortunate nickname.

• The Dirty.com's Nik Richie is hit with about 12 metric tons of karma.

• Marcus Vick nabbed for DUI ... by bicycle officer.

• Carmelo Anthony was not drunk. He just has poor balance!

• Ah yes, I remember the drunk Zamboni driver story like it was yesterday. Wait, it was yesterday.

• Jack Kent Cooke's daughter gets drunk and bitchy. Let's watch the fun.

• For the Indiana Hoosiers, success was a drug. Unfortunately, so was drugs.

• What really got Shanahan fired.

• OK, lunch time, everyone.

This year there were plenty of ladies who abused their side-project privilege and became more well known then the athletes who patronize their company would probably like. This is the harsh reality of the internet age: if you want to keep a lady on the side, you better make sure she doesn't have a Facebook account or have some career ambitions beyond the bedroom.

• Jose Reyes probably wishes he never met Bentley Mathews.

• Alfonso Soriano also made a friend

• Alicia Marie was accused of being one of A-Rod's many muscular ladies, but quickly set the record straight.

• Roger Clemens just couldn't escape all the women willing to talk about him

• Antonio Pierce's wife was not happy with this video

• Matt Leinart beer-bonged his way to infamy , then became a Jeopardy! question.

• The ladies discussed this phenomenon

If there’s one thing I know about youth sports it’s this: Parents will not stop until they’ve squeezed every bit of fun out of the experience, and their children are left trembling, nervous wrecks. Why couldn’t they just let me stay home and watch cartoons?! Um, I mean, let them stay home. Here are some prime examples:

• Nine-year-old banned from his Little League because he pitches too hard. Naturally, lawsuits ensue.

• Miss your snack bar shift and feel the terrible wrath of the Freetown Youth Athletic Association.

• Your 7-year-old won't wear his Packers jersey? Get the masking tape.

• What would 2008 be without Mitch Williams being ejected from a girls youth basketball game for swearing at the refs?

• Now you can't even attend your 5-year-old daughter's soccer game while packing a Glock 26? Is this Russia?

• Where is the woman from the previous item when you need her?

• You're nine, you play Little League, and Dusty Baker is your coach. Hilarity ensues.

• Ten reasons the Little League World Series sucks.

• The fine art of racial profiling, when all the athletes in question are black.

What does it take for a man to be considered a douchebag? It's a unique combination of swagger, conceitedness, and an overwhelming odor of self-importance that just knocks people over. Oh, and maybe some hair products. But even the douchiest of douchebags cannot compete with the almighty "Dushbag." And 2008 had some real prizes.

Roger Clemens set the gold standard:

• Lies on "60 Minutes"

• Takes on Congress

• Emails with Brian McNamee, calls writer "Dushbag"

• Wife was also enhanced

• Had some dalliances

• Apologizes — kind of

Brett Favre was a pretty close second:

• Itched

• Scratched

• Competed

• Cockblocked

• Dick

• Headed to Tampa!

• Yay Jets!

• Shared offensive secrets

• Blew it

Sean Avery got sloppy:

• Interned

• Charmed

• Distraction technique

• Sloppy seconded

• Released

Phil Savage emails angry:

• Go root for Buffalo

• Apologizes

Will Clark: • Cackles

Let's be honest. There is only one reason that we pay grown men millions of dollars a year to play children's games for our amusement—the opportunity to see gruesome, life-changing injuries. I'm not talking about Tiger's wittle scwapped knee or even people who lie about motorcycle accidents. We're talking about leg removals. Throat slashings. Ball crushings. Even off-the-field beat downs and illicit shootings will count if I find them sufficiently amusing. So here they are: The scariest, funniest, bone-bendiest mishaps of 2008. (I'm sure you'll let me know if I forgot any.)

*******

• DeAndre Brown did not know legs could bend like that.

• Martin St. Louis just wanted a little off the top.

• Richard Zednik, on the other hand, will think twice before asking for the "Columbian necktie."

• Derrick Rose does not have serious knife skills.

• Joe Sackic needs a new snowblower.

• Javon Walker should know better than to be in this part of town.

• Clint Malarchuk should probably just be in protective custody at this point.

• Oh, right. That guy.

• Three words you never want to hear come out of your doctor's mouth: "Testicle recalibration surgery."

• Chris Snyder probably concurs.

• Thank goodness we have a civilized sport like MMA to put a stop to this madness.

• Even mascots are not immune to the threat of decapitation.

• "We can probably leave this cart here behind the endzone, right? I'm sure it won't be in the way."

• And the most gut-wrenching, queas-inducing, heart shuddering leg break of them all—Corey Hill's Mr. Fantastic impersonation.

Ouch.

I believe the first Deadspin field trip on this site was to a live broadcast of Stephen A. Smith's "Quite Frankly" (RIP). The concept is simple: go outside, typist. Unlike the ones we would all attend as elementary school kids to planetariums, these trips don't require permission slips from parents or getting tagged with a special pin if you have head lice. 2008, was a year of many outside adventures. Some show how far Deadspin's access has evolved since the early days. Other times, not so much.

• There were dog shows.

• Oh, and there were cat shows.

• 2-on-2 with Oak and Charles Smith at MSG.

• ESPN extended me an invite to watch their MNF crew assimilate with the masses.

• I went cavorting with Linda Cohn.

• Rick attempts to solve the riddle of the A-11 offense up close and personal.

• Oh, there was a strip club outing because there are worst ways to blow through your last month of "business expenses."

• And sometimes nights like this are just too much for a young boy from Mattoon.

One of the lasting legacies of the internet will be the way it's basically desensitized a large portion of the population to a naked human body. Somehow even the most profane images seem to be less unseemly when you see them online. Even when it's the unfurled penis of an NFL player. So be joyful or repulsed: there was an overabundance of accidental and purposeful nudity surrounding the sports world this year.

• Steelers wide receiver Santonio Holmes set the bar very high (or, in this case, very low) for his NFL peers to duplicate.

• Chris Cooley just couldn't measure up to the competition.

• Female Olympic water polo competitions are just soaking wet peep shows.

• This Philadelphia streaker was personally responsible for helping the Phillies win a ring, I think.

• MMA fighter Gina Carano probably could stand to do a better job making weight.

• The Shiancoe seen round the world.

• Japanese pitcher Yu Darvish is proud to go nude.

• Mike Sellers and Chris Samuels use their nude time together to better bond as teammates.

• Soccer player girlfriends are contractually obligated to have naked photos of themselves show up in British tabloids.

• This female streaker at least had the good sense to make a little money to pay off the fines.

• Just because the Colorado Rockies are a very Christian ball club, it doesn't mean their fans have to be.

• Tennis star Ashley Harkleroad's Playboy photo shoot did nothing to help her WTAl ranking.

• Oh, I totally forgot about those poor Nebraska wrestlers.

•

The restroom, once a sanctuary for quiet contemplation and graffiti scribblings, for some reason in 2008 became a meeting place for the horny, the inebriated and the privileged. Here's a rundown on just what went wrong:

• Man and woman arrested for having sex in restroom at Buffalo Bills game.

• Tony Kornheiser tries to get in on the act, to everyone's disgust.

• University of Florida student is knocked flat by door of bathroom stall. Earns nickname Leah Falls Down. Poses triumphantly on Facebook.

• More stadium restroom sex; this time in the Metrodome during the Iowa-Minnesota college football game. Woman later claims she can't remember any of it.

• Rick Reilly only uses the celebrity washroom these days.

• Sen. Larry Craig's restroom indiscretions immortalized in a timeless bobble-foot collectible, courtesy of the Saint Paul Saints

• Sadly, one man did not even make it to the restroom at all.

I have no idea how mankind got by before the invention of cheerleaders. How did we fight wars? Who ran our car washes and bake sales? In 2008, cheerleaders stepped to the forefront like never before, in part due to technology. For the first time, they were photographing themselves in the nude, and distributing those photos via cell phone. We truly live in a golden age. Here's a rundown of all that transpired in the world of cheerleading:

• Scribbled anti-Semitic imagery on drunken friends.

• Oh, and penises.

• Got nude, took photos of themselves, texted them to the high school football team (by mistake!).

• Got more nude, even though only in middle school.

• Risked their lives in the name of school spirit!

• When wearing clothes, argued over what kind.

• Frolicked with Dick Vitale and Stuart Scott.

• Cheered for NFL teams, even though only in high school.

• Were sometimes, inexplicably, guys.

• Baked cupcakes with sugar, flour, and just a touch of love ... oh, and rat poison.

• Got soaking wet for charity.

• Generally ran amok.

• Restored our faith in human nature.

In 2008, the Sports Fella shifted from Deadspin punching bag to ESPN sword rattler (and contributor!) thanks to his constant philosophical battles with his employer. Will Simmons saves his mortal soul in 2009? Will he punch Reilly in the face in Tampa at the Super Bowl? Here's a rundown of all that transpired in the Sports Guy's world this year:

• Groused about "promises not kept" to Leitch and started his own "Sports Guy Unplugged" site
• Insulted by Rick Reilly
• Had Obama podcast canceled by ESPN
• Took some time off to read, write, reflect
• Kindly asked to keep adult entertainers away from his fantasy league
• Tells some people he quit podcast
• Goes public against ESPN
• Starts name-dropping
• Conspiracy theorized