Hooray for basketball

Before I was given the assignment that is this Missouri vs. Cornell game I had little knowledge of either team. I knew Missouri won the Big12 tournament and I knew Cornell would lose to Missouri. After my 15 minutes of research this is what I learned.

- Cornell has a 7 foot white guy. Does every champion of a crappy conference have one of these? I can't wait for him to get three fouls in 9 minutes of play.

- They say Missouri likes to press. They must be athletic.

- Cornell's biggest win was a 10-point loss to Syracuse. Go BIG RED!

- The game will be played in Boise, Idaho. I recently saw a commercial with exercise queen Denise Austin where she was hawking Idaho potatoes. It seems as if it was just yesterday I was wasting my early teenage summers on the couch each morning masturbating to her ESPN workout show. Now she is selling potatoes. Fuck.

I'm sure I'll be pulling for Cornell during this game. With no real rooting interest, why not root for the awkward, unathletic kids? Or as my friend's fiancée explains, watching sports is like watching the nature channel and always rooting for the little koala bear against the big koala bear. Well the little koala is soooooo cuuutuuuute!

Now we begin streaming this game from CBS Sports. Missouri vs. Cornell is not national broadcast material.

5:20: Game, set, and match. Missouri 78 - Cornell 59. An exciting Missouri - Marquette match-up. Can Marquette break the "press" with their 3 healthy players? Will the Junkyard Dog defeat Tito Santana for the Intercontinental Championship? Tune in on Sunday.

Thanks for reading. It's been somewhat of a lower tier honor.

Jess

5:17: Please, no more fouls. This minute is taking forever. 76-59 with 44.9 seconds to play.

5:14: "When you get tired you don't get shorter." The lady friend would disagree with that. 73-59 Tigers with 1:09 to play.

5:09: Put this game on ice. Junkyard Dog with a steal, layup by Lyons. The half-empty stadium is now 4/5th empty. 71-55 Mizzou with 2 minutes to play.

5:08: Whitman was "right in his coach's lap" when he hit his last three. What goes on in Ithaca?

5;05: Hard foul on Tyler (Bear) by Taylor (Tiger). That was fun to type. 65-52 Tigers. The excitement is palpable.

5:03: Gillette sculpting paste. Look like a Eastern European male porn star with just one glob.

5:02: Time out on the court. 3:54 left to play. 14 point Missouri lead. That translates to "chaos on the floor". I would expect at least a fire for chaos.

5:00: 6'9", 240, repetitive jumper? Hey, that's my EHarmony tag line.

4:56: We are in a sad place in this world where "Sticktoitivness" is allowed to be said by anyone that has above a 3rd grade education. 60-48 Missouri with 6:10 to play.

4:54: The Cornell "Big Red" Bear mascot looks like it was built at the Teddy Bear Factory. Gayest bear ever.

4:51: 8:14 left to play, a 12 point game. Cornell pretending they care.

4:49: Hey look, the 7-ft white guy, Jeff Foote, just missed a dunk. Oh you adorable, tall, awkward white guy you. 14 point game, inside of 9.

4:48: For those that care, Missouri is up by 15 with 9 and change to play.

4:47: Whitman drops the big elbow on his defender. Right to the chin. Your supposed to do that to the Junkyard Dog.

4:46: "I love his stroke" says Wenzel. Sure you do, sure you do.

4:43: 16 point lead for Missouri. 11:29 to play. I think someone's covering...

4:41: "If Missouri had a burner they turned it up to high." Can I just listen to Leo Lyons rap instead of these announcers?

4:39: What, Pitt & ETSU is tied?

4:37: "The Junkyard Dog" has just passed 1000 points for his career in Missouri. He must be a special player. And headbutt people. Still a 12 point game with 12:46 to play.

4:34: Kim English hits a 3. Follow that by a Cornell bucket in the paint. 10 point game.

4:32: "Down the barrel she goes"? What? Three by Cornell. Pretending to make a game of it. 42-34.

4:28: Missouri up by 11. Another commercial. Oh SNAP! A USC & UCLA girl in the same elevator. A Syracuse guy and a Georgetown guy sharing wings. Must have both the NCAA and NIT package at that bar.

4:26: Oh, the announcers are explaining "denial" defense. Thanks. Now my grandmother knows . Where's Slider to explain the curveball?

4:22: At Taco Bell Arena does everyone get a free taco if there is a steal? Cornell seems to have given up. 40-31 Missouri. Fucking UPS guy.

4:21: I'm just saying that this whole Missouri press isn't all that impressive. At least they can shoot this half. 36-31 Missouri - 17:50 on the clock.

4:19: Hey look, basketball's back. Lyons with a drive and the hoop to start the half. 31-25 Mizzou.

4:17: Hey look, a strange yellow train frozen in time. Thanks CBS!

4:14: Sussman, am I allowed to take a shit?

4:12: I don't know who this AT&T Halftime analyst is, but he looks like some sort of Shannon Sharpe/Sam Cassel combo platter.

4:08: What the fuck is this Gillette commercial? Sega Dreamcast graphics for Tiger & Federer and then real life Jeter fight over razors? Who fights over razors? Are they in Zimbabwe?

4:04: Her?, did you just say that Leo Lyons opened for Bone Thugs & Harmony? I'm with FTrain on this - how do they get opening acts? What state fair was this? Where's my East 1999 Eternal cassette tape?

4:02: From a basement rec-room in Teaneck, NJ - it's your March Madness on Demand AT&T At the Half show.

4:00: Charles Schwab, or is it Chuck? Chuck, who is bailing the strange cartoon character people out? Their economy is in shambles.

3:57: The "first cousin" of Chris Paul doesn't seem to shoot, pass, play like his relative at all. He does have #3 on his jersey, though. Big dunk by Missouri. Cornell runs down the court and makes a last second 2 to end the half. 29-25 Missouri at the half.

3:55: Lyons with the bucket and the foul. Hits free throw. 27-23 Tigers. Leo Lyons writes his own music and "I wouldn't be surprised if he finds his own record label really soon."

3:52: Leo Lyons with a big ally-oop. Look at that. Exciting basketball. 24-23 Missouri. Another UPS commercial in 3,2,1.

3:49: We are under 4 minutes. Cornell with the ball and the lead 23-22. Missouri can't hit anything at all. Nothing.

3:46: Cornell takes a 23-22 lead, annoucing to the world, "It's pronounced Cor-nell! It's the highest rank in the Ivy League!"

3:44: After a 3 by Cornell, two buckets by Missouri, followed by Cornell breaking the press and hitting a layup. 22-21 Missouri.

3:42: It seems that this Whitman kid on Cornell is the son of Randy Whitman of Syracuse fame (I think). I wonder if they'll mention this again?

3:40: 18-16 Cornell with 7:20 left in the 1st.

3:38: Cornell with 2 threes in a row. White guys who shoot? WHa? 16-15 Cornell.

3:37: This game is gross so far. Tiller hits two free throws. 15-10. Here comes the press.

3:33: According to the announcers Missouri "will not panic in the tournament" because "they have been here before". Thank GOD. I was all worried about the nervous, inexperienced #3 seed from a major conference. 13-10 Tiger 9:45 left in the 1st.

3:32: Oh, Wolverine commercial. Shit is blowing up. WOW!

3:30: 11:31 left in the first. 13-8 Mizzou. Commercial. Announcers seemed to be consistently impressed with the Tigers' depth. That's uncomfortable.

3:28: Kim English "tickles the twine" for a three. Fuck, 8 minutes into the game and we are going to "tickles the twine"? Long day for the announcers. Another Missouri Bucket. 13-8 Mizzou.

3:26: Tiller called for a questionable charge. Cornell is running the Hootie and the Blowfish lineup with the 4 white guys and the black dude. Still 8's

3:25: Tied at 8's. Have yet to smell the sweat. But the golden tie could be worth a lot of gas money from "Gold For Cash".

3:23: Cornell cheerleaders look smart.

3:21: I just learned that "Missouri had the fewest turnovers in the history of their program this year." This will win my pub trivia next Monday. 6-6. Commercial break.

3:19: Like the back of a Volkswagon, the Missouri press is "uncomfortable". 6-4 Cornell.

3:16: Carroll plays "many positions", is called "Junkyard Dog" because he is relentless, and has "long hair and good grades". Also scores first bucket for Missouri. 5-2

3:15: 5-0 Cornell. Whitman with a 3. Where's the press?

3:14: We have announcers and everything! Tall white guy for Cornell wins tip.

3:10: It seems that people in Boise have something better to do than go to a Missouri/Cornell game. I cannot possibly imagine what that is.

3:06: "Your game has not started yet please stay tuned." Can't I even get a Coke Zero commercial?

3:01: What, no game?

The reader who sent this in asked the question that I think we were all wrestling with as we tried to fall asleep last night: Was Dick Vitale trying to cop a feel from a Kansas cheerleader? My conclusion after much tossing and turning and several cups of coffee: Absolutely not. He was just holding on tightly so that he didn't fall down in the kick line. He's very old. But you can judge for yourself, below.

Big thanks to Insomniac's Lounge.

"Finally, we'd like to point out the Facebook effort "Jort-Out Georgia." People think that by looking like white trash, they'll perform better on the field. Trust us, not even kryptonite can stop Knowshon Moreno." But you know what can stop you from having sex? Writing editorials for your college newspaper. Anyway, Jort-Out Georgia is alive and well on facebook here. And I have to say, as lame and gay as the blackout was at Georgia, the jort-out is close to genius. Or close enough to genius to be equated as such when it comes to SEC football. (Note: literacy and ability to count to one-hundred also suffice.)
On to the games.

West Virginia (-4) at UConn- Are the Mountaineers poised to regain their rightful place at the top of the Big East standings or will UConn hang the first conference loss on West Virginia? Right now UConn is 2-1 with the tiebreak over Louisville and West Virginia is the only team undefeated in conference. In the wake of last night's South Florida defeat the Big East race has now been sliced to a six-team affair. West Virginia has won 4 in a row since bad road losses to mediocre East Carolina and Colorado football teams. But all those wins were in Morgantown/Deadwood. Can they step outside of conference and pull off a win? If you're like the rest of us you'll be waiting with bated breath. (Note, by waiting with bated breath, I mean not noticing at all.)

Northwestern at Minnesota (-7)- Who's about to become the hottest coach you've never heard of in college football? Minnesota's Tim Brewster. That happens when you can bring a top 20 recruiting class in despite a 1-11 record and when you start the next season 7-1. Minnesota in the Rose Bowl for the first time since 1966? Don't stop believing Gophers, don't stop believing.

Michigan at Purdue (-2)- Did you know that Purdue was 2-6? I didn't either. This is a high school girl's slapfest. One of these teams is going to finish 2-10. Which one? The one that doesn't win this game.

Miami at Virginia (-2)- All hail your coastal division champion Virginia Cavaliers. Stop laughing. I wrote last week that this was going to happen. Now it's even more likely. Oddsmakers are starting to take note of the Al Groh resurgence; the line moved from Miami favored by 1 to UVa by 2.

Auburn at Ole Miss (-6.5)- Tommy Tuberville limps back to Oxford with a 4-4 record and is almost a touchdown underdog to Ole Miss. Auburn fans are sharpening their knives to lop of off Tubs's oversized ears. Is this in any way justified with his past success? No. Can Auburn attract a better coaching candidate? No. Will this stop them from calling for his head if they lose to Ole Miss? Nope.

Pittsburgh at Notre Dame (-5)- Isn't it amazing how all the criticism of the media love affair with Notre Dame has finally taken hold? There's been virtually no mention of Notre Dame's five wins and they aren't ranked. Wannstedt has had a week to get over the 54 points his team gave up to Rutgers last week. This is just the sort of game Pitt has won under Wannstedt. Or lost by 50. Meanwhile Notre Dame has still not beaten a team with a winning record.

Arizona State at Oregon State (-14)- Is there a media conspiracy that doesn't want to point out that if Oregon State (currently 3-1 in the Pac-10) wins out, they win the Pac-10? You didn't realize they hadn't lost a Pac-10 game since they swamped USC either, did you? The world will be up in arms if Oklahoma slides into the BCS Title game without winning the Big 12. But if USC does it from the Pac-10? No one will even notice.

Tulsa (-7) at Arkansas- The Imma kick the shit out of you former-Arkansas coaching staff victory tour will continue another week. Last week Houston Nutt rolled into Fayetteville and beat his old team. This week Gus Malzahn, Tulsa's offensive coordinator, gets his shot. Tulsa's got the best offense you haven't heard of. They're averaging 625 yards of offense per game and 56.6 points. Averaging. David Johnson, their quarterback, has 32 touchdown passes already. If Malzahn doesn't get a head coaching job sometime soon, there is no justice in the universe.

Oregon at Cal (-3)- Two of the other one-loss Pac-10 teams are playing. What's going to give, Oregon's 278 yard per game rushing attack or Cal's defense that's allowing less than a 100 rushing yards a game. Will this game feature the most weed-smoking per capita on the season? I think so.

Florida (-6.5) v. Georgia- All you need to know about this game comes from ESPN:

Tired of struggling to find enough teachers to staff its classrooms on the Friday before the annual Georgia-Florida football game, the Clarke County (Ga.) School District — which includes Athens, home of the University of Georgia — decided to cancel school altogether.

According to area media reports, 137 teachers last year called in sick the day before the big game, and the district was able to find only 113 substitutes.

School administrators studied the absences over the years and found a pattern — almost twice as many teachers call in sick the Friday before the annual game in Jacksonville, Fla., about 360 miles away, than on an average school day.

Yeah, I can't wait to see this game either. Fuck reading and writing.

Washington at Southern Cal (-47)- The line opened at 43 and quickly moved to 47. Seriously, shouldn't there be a rule that if you're favored by more than 35 over a fellow conference foe that the team you're favored over has to leave the conference for a year?

Texas at Texas Tech (-3.5)- If you're not rooting for Mike Leach to win this game, then you're a communist. If Leach the piriate wins he might get on the team bus, drive to Athens, and allow his team loose to plunder the city. Honestly. I'm just hoping it comes down to the walk-on kicker from 30 yards to win or lose the game. Remember how I keep saying that the winning quarterback of this game has the Heisman locked up? This time I mean it. Colt McCoy has 21 touchdowns, an 81.3 completion percentage, and has thrown for 2285 yards. Graham Harrell has thrown for 28 touchdowns and 3147 yards. In case you've been living under a rock both teams are undefeated. Let the scoring begin.

1. Charlie Weis and Tom Brady go down in consecutive weeks with knee injuries. Remember that horrible movie Final Destination where death stalked all those kids? I think they even did a sequel. Is anyone else starting to think that's what Spygate is like? Weis getting wrecked on the sideline was just like that kid stepping in front of the bus and getting killed as he tried to cross the street. If I was Bill Belichick, I'd have my head on a swivel next week.

2. Does anyone else have one single friend who's approaching 30 and keeps going out to the same bar you've been going out to for the past 8 years and still runs the same pick-up a girl offense, only now it's not working at all? My friend Kelly is a Michigan grad and spent Saturday watching Michigan attempt to run the spread offense. He's argued with me that it was time for a change of offensive philosophies. Then, he pointed to our friend, standing alone and woefully adrift in front of a live band, and said, "See, the old offense just isn't working anymore." This would have been more effective if Michigan had looked the least bit competent, but, even still, the analogy is almost perfect. At least none of my friends are the only guy at the bar with a gray goatee. It's been my experience that gray goatee is always there. If you haven't noticed this then you might be the guy at the bar with the gray goatee. Condolences.

3. Post-game interview where Jimmy Clausen stares down the camera directly and made your blood run cold. I'm trying to figure out why this is making me so uncomfortable and then it hits me: Jimmy Clausen is Draco Malfoy. If you have no idea who Draco Malfoy is, email me and you can have my balls. You deserve them.

4. Friday night, while you were out drinking and forgot about the game like I told you would happen on Thursday, USF's freshman kicker nailed a 43 yard field goal to beat Kansas. This was the game of the weekend and you forgot about it even though you spent all day Thursday trying to remind yourself not to forget. You suck. See, alcohol does kill brain cells.

5. South Carolina and Georgia. I listened to this game driving back from UAB-Tennessee on Saturday. It was impossible to find for at least an hour. Why are football game so impossible to find on the radio? Anyway, biggest question of the day, why is Spurrier shuttling in Stephen Garcia at all? I don't get this. Smelley is on his way to throwing for 300 yards and you bring in a redshirt freshman who has already been charged with 19 felonies since he arrived on campus. Including keying a professor's car? He proceeds to take two sacks. Mind-boggling.

6. Biggest upset of the week: Maryland over Cal. Cal was a 16 point favorite. Maryland lost to Middle Tennessee state last weekend. Yet, get a 12:00 kickoff rolling, get Cal's players out of bed at roughly 4 in their morning their time, and things can fall apart in a hurry. Why don't Pac-10 teams insist on later kickoffs when they travel all the way across the country? This is the only thing I'd be concerned about the contract. Write it in there and then sign. Or set the return game for 1 in the morning east coast time. But even that isn't really effective because college kids would prefer this anyway. So, basically, if you're from the west coast you have to refuse to play in this game.

7. Speaking of MTSU, you probably haven't seen how Kentucky's game against MTSU ended because it was on something called the Big Blue Network and Tim Couch was taking a break from having sex fourteen times on Saturday to call the game. In fact, when you watch the footage below you'll note that the Big Blue Network managed to miss the actual tipped-ball catch. Setting the scene, less than thirty seconds remain and UK is leading 20-14. They've lined up to attempt a field goal that will ice the game. Enjoy.

Kentucky fans still haven't recovered from this. Almost LSU redux. I still have no idea how the Kentucky db reacted so quickly to make this tackle inside the one. Thankfully the camera man wasn't responsible for deep coverage.

8. One note on the UT-UAB game, for the first time in my life the UT crowd booed players. Up until five years ago you didn't hear booing of any sort at the game. No matter what the result was. And there were some bad results. Both Jonathan Cromption and tight end Luke Stocker (whose hands appeared to be made of granite and lack finger extensions were loudly booed during the third quarter). I don't get this at all. Anytime you boo college athletes, I think it's incredibly stupid. But the booing of college athletes in the second game of the season during a game they're winning? That's Florida Gator fan-level cluelessness there. Is it spreading?

9. The Mississippi State-Auburn game finished with a 3-2 score. That's only happened six times in college football hstory and only once in the past 50 years. It was televised on ESPN-2 and redefined the term "slugfest." If you've ever wondered what football in 1932 looked like, you should have watched this game. But here's the deal, Sly Croom made the dumbest decision of the week. Why in the world did he choose to go for a 4th and 15 late? When his offense hadn't even converted a single third down of any distance all game? Especially when he had the opportunity to try and pin Auburn deep and allow his defense to go for either another safety or at least force Auburn to punt from their end zone? This decision was baffling to me. It's fairly rare you see a coach make a decision this dumb. Ever.

10. UCLA gave up 59 points to BYU. Two weeks ago my team lost to UCLA. This week we play Florida. I can't explain how unsettling this is. I know the transitive property doesn't work in sports, but, still, uh oh. By the way, if you're doubting whether or not USC is going to run the table in the Pac-10 this year, Arizona, Arizona State, Washington State, Washington, Stanford, Cal and UCLA all lost non-conference games this weekend. And Oregon needed overtime to beat the 6th or 7th best Big Ten school, Purdue.

11. Vandy is now 3-0. They beat Rice behind the fleet feet of their white running back, Jared Hawkins. The white running back is the story of this year's college football season. Michigan has one, UCLA started one, and I'm sure there are others. Of course two of these three teams looked inept on offense, but I'm sure that's just a coincidence. Yep, 2008 is the year of the white running back. But, lest we all forget, injury to fat men on your football team, are just a play away. And if this happens, college kids will reenact the injury.

That opening paragraph either made your pulse quicken or it didn’t. I get that everybody doesn’t love college football. Believe me, I know. I went to school on the East Coast where, at the time, CBS split telecasts between the Big East and the SEC. I can’t tell you how many times in college I sat cursing at my television screen because a game like Rutgers-Virginia Tech was pre-empting Tennessee-Alabama. I’ve sprinted through the streets of Georgetown, gotten on the damn Metro to ride to shady sports bars in Virginia, then gotten out and walked down the side of a busy highway to find an elusive sports bar that was showing my team.

Freshman year, we didn’t have televisions in our dorm at George Washington. There were few Southerners and there was one big screen in the lobby. Invariably the Southerners would make sure the television was free for football. Because, to be clear, college football is the greatest sport in America. I say that as someone who has experienced everything from English premier league soccer to NASCAR, a tennis major to the Masters, there is absolutely nothing in sporting life that compares to being on campus for a big-time college football game. Nothing.

That’s why I always find it so lame when people who’ve never experienced a college football game trot out excuses for why college football is overrated. Nine times out of ten those excuses will lead with, “There’s nothing else to do in (insert college football town here). That’s why people go.” First of all, that’s incredibly elitist and stupid. Do people go to Knicks game or Jets games because there’s nothing else to do in New York City? Of course not. They go for the same reason that everyone goes to sporting events; because we’re fans. And fans go to sporting events. It just so happens that Lincoln, Nebraska on a Saturday has a better sporting environment than any sporting event in New York City. And big city folk can’t handle that. Tough luck, it’s true.

Second, the fans are all dumb, rednecks, illiterate, (insert judgment here). Also, wrong. The average person attending a college football game has a college degree. Many have advanced degrees. Somewhere along the way college football fans have been inaccurately typecast as dumb in a way that NBA, NFL, MLB and college basketball fans never are. I’d put the average fan going to college football games in an intelligence test against the average fan going to any other American team sporting event. And I’d feel pretty comfortable that college football fans would win.

Third, the NFL is better than college. I’ve been to lots of NFL stadiums. The environment, the excitement, the vibe just doesn’t compare. Not even close. Oftentimes I’ll double up on a fall weekend, Vols on Saturday, Titans on Sunday. The NFL game is a pale shadow of college football’s fun. But you don’t have to take my word for it. If you’re a sports fan and you haven’t traveled to the SEC, the ACC, the Big Ten, or the Big 12 for a game, then you’re wasting your sporting life. Seriously, you are.

Notwithstanding all of this, as the leaves are falling down around us, as the short season sprints—with SEC speed— all too rapidly by, you like to think that there’s a timelessness to college football and that you're not getting any older. But you’re wrong. Here are 11 things that are guaranteed to happen to you this fall

1. Back in college you used to handle a loss to a rival with grace and dignity. You figured that losing would get even easier with age. Then you graduated went to work for five years on asbestos document review and are angrier now after a loss than you ever were. Lesson: beer and parties with attractive women make everything better.

2. You’re getting one year closer to being the old guy who hits on fat college chicks at your tailgate. Remember when you were in college and it always astounded you how the old guys would, without fail, hit on the most mediocre chicks when they walked past? Last year your buddy pointed out a fat chick and you guys all ogled her. Don’t bother denying it.

3. You'll refresh your debate about which college quarterback had the most sex with the largest collection of attractive women. Yet again, for the 8th consecutive year, you'll acknowledge the answer. Tim Couch. Seriously, Tim F'in Couch laid the pipe like the pipe has never been laid since.

4. Suddenly, one season, somebody is going to have a kid. And send out an email to all his friends saying he needs to go to a sports bar that doesn’t allow smoking so he can watch the opening college football games this Thursday. Because Comcast doesn’t carry goddamn ESPN U. That person is me this year. My seven-month old son is in good hands.

5. You’ll want to get in a fight with a rival fan. You probably won’t do it. At least you shouldn’t. Not if you value your job, your teeth, or your ability to explain to your wife why you should be allowed to go on the road with your buddies. But you’ll really, really want to.

6. Someone is going to suggest going by his old frat house. You really can’t do this. Fight, hard. Especially if you’re 30 or more and your own son isn’t a member there. But, you know what? You’re going to end up there. And ask them to sneak you into the KD house too.

7. If you're in the South, and you go to enough tailgates someone will offer you legit moonshine out of those jugs with four XXXX's on them. I kid you not. Some stereotypes are true. Drink more than a sip and risk your life.

8. One of your friends is going to turn down more to drink because, "I just can't handle the alcohol like I used to." Rage, rage, against the dying of the drinking light. Marshal all of your derisive skills until he continues drinking. If you must, spike his water with vodka. He knows not what he does.

9. Someone is going to send you a forward of a hot, naked girl from your school. And, for just a moment, you'll think, "Please Lord, don't let this be my daughter." Then you'll save the picture, email it to yourself and hide in on a shared computer with your wife under "2003 tax information."

10. Flush with the ability to magically walk around outdoors with a beer can in hand, you’re going to get into a debate about why there’s an open container law. You will be able to come up with no justification. Flush with this lack of justification you will claim that you’re going to start walking around with open containers everywhere. And then turn into a wuss when you get within 500 yards of a squad car and pour out your beer on a girl in a sundress.

11. As an apology to the girl in the sundress, you’re going to propose a national party for the start of college football season. It will be called, The Sundress Party and take place on open farmland somewhere in the South. Woodstock meets college football. Everyone will agree this is genius. Then it won’t happen…again.

But that will all be in the future. Because, in less than 24 hours, the greatest time of the year arrives. College football is back.