On Tuesday Cowher said he'd like to talk with the Jets about their head coaching position, but by late that afternoon — oh, around the time that Mike Shanahan was fired in Denver, coincidentally — Cowher changed his mind and said he wasn't interested. Denver would be a sweet spot for Cowher to land, as Shanahan was in charge of everything there up to and including choosing the ply of toilet paper in the stadium restrooms. The Jets probably weren't going to give him that much control.

Also, one presumes, Tampa Bay's weather would be nice. You may think that Jon Gruden is untouchable, but then you've forgotten that the Buccaneers lost their last four games and missed the playoffs, including a stinker to the Raiders. So why would Cowher rush into anything right now? Before the season is over the Chargers job may even be up for grabs.

I'm telling you though, Bill; you keep screwing around, and this is going to be your future.

Newsday: Bill Cowher Gives Jets Flip Flops For Christmas [Bob's Blitz]
Cowher Out Of Running For Jets Job [Yahoo Sports]
Bill Cowher No Longer A Candidate For New York Jets Coaching Job [New Jersey Star Ledger]
Broncos Fire Icon Shanahan: Are Gruden And Lewis Next? [Sporting News]

Cowher, of course, will and should demand the moon; including a new quarterback, one would imagine. I just don't see Bill living through another will-he-or-won't-he offseason Favre retirement drama. From the New York Daily News:

The Jets are interested in former Steelers coach Bill Cowher, and Cowher is interested in talking with the Jets about their head-coaching vacancy. The Jets and Cowher have agreed to meet to discuss the job, a team source said. It's unclear when that meeting will take place. A potential obstacle in a Jets-Cowher marriage could be the role of GM Mike Tannenbaum. Sources say Cowher would want to bring his own personnel guy.

Apparently Newsday's Bob Glauber had the story first, which did not please either ESPN or Mike Francesca.

Meanwhile, the Daily News is also saying that, after having been rebuffed by Cowher, Browns president Randy Lerner will contact deposed Jets head coach Eric Mangini about taking the Browns job. And just to keep the revolving door moving, let's move Romeo Crennel to CBS to replace Cowher.

Eric Mangini Could Replace Romeo Crennel With Cleveland Browns [New York Daily News]
Jets, Bill Cowher Agree To Discuss Coaching Vacancy [New York Daily News]
Source: Jets Still Pursuing Cowher [Newsday]
Cowher Reportedly Still Will Interview With Jets [NBCSports]

Hence, former Steelers coach Bill Cowher's charity auction of crap. Mondesi's House points out some of the stellar merchandise, including a "27-inch Panasonic TV and VCR set." Sure, you'll never have any need for either one of these, ever, but Bill Cowher once owned it!

Going Once, Going Twice...Chin! I Mean, Sold! [Mondesi's House]

Via Sports By Brooks, here's a video apparently shot in February 2000 from an incredibly rude (but amusingly inquisitive) fan who ran into Bill Cowher and his wife on an undisclosed tropical locale.

Cowher wins considerable points here for resisting the temptation to shove this guy's camera down his throat ... particularly when he jokingly he accuses Cowher of adultery right in front of his wife. We suspect this will happen in Carolina all the time.

Candid Camera Guy Not Shy About Insulting Bill Cowher's Wife [Sports By Brooks]

We were never that much into Tampa Bay wonderboy Jon Gruden's facial contortions; he always seemed like a little kid trying to seem tough, Lucas puny growling through his glasses. But Cowher, who is expected to retire from the Steelers at a press conference later today, was a football coach sprung straight from the subconscious: Spitting, screaming, bulging, veiny, areyoulisteningtomekidicouldripyourthroatoutwithmymind. He's every gym teacher you ever had on HGH; think Mr. Buzzcut with a mustache. And yet he somehow seemed likable, the guy a player would want to impress. None of the Bobby Knight madness; Cowher always seemed to know what he was doing, though he really could have been a bit more careful with the saliva.

There's still a possibility that Cowher could return to coaching, perhaps even as soon as next year with the Dolphins. We kind of hope not; Cowher seems all too Pittsburgh to us. The man should never, ever wear teal.

Cowher's Decision [KDKA]

"That's for next week," Cowher said Tuesday when asked if he would return next season. "We'll talk about that next week. It won't go long. I'm not sure what the time frame is. But I think the most important thing is to be focused on this game."

What the hell... it's a slow news day, let's read into it. Pro Football Talk thinks he's done, too, and they say it's primarily about money. I think it's because he's never forgiven the Steelers for letting the dynamic talents of Kordell Stewart leave the organization.

If this is it, though, and Bill has given his last Cowher Shower, the highlight of his career will have been his triumph in Super Bowl XL in Detroit, where, if I'm remembering those SportsCenter reports correctly, Cowher gave birth to Jerome Bettis almost 35 years ago.

Cowher staying mum on coaching future [ESPN.com]
Pro Football Talk Rumor Mill [ProFootballTalk.com]

Meanwhile, the Post-Gazette's Ed Bouchette has done some extensive research (looked up an old story) and pointed out that the Steelers' predicament might not be as dire as many believe. The New England Patriots began the 2002 season at 3-4, with quarterback Tom Brady posting a sickly 64.3 passer rating. They finished 9-7 and out of the playoffs that season, but came back the next two seasons to win consecutive Super Bowls behind Brady.

So get your heads out of those ovens, Steelers fans. It's not time for this just yet.

* = Quote may not be accurate.

Cowher Takes Blame For Steelers Poor Play [ESPN]
Steelers' 2-5 Start: The Aftermath [Pittsburgh Post-Gazette]
If You Gotta Go, That's A Nice Way To Do It [Deadspin]

Last night, after his game-clinching touchdown in the Steelers' win over the Dolphins, Porter kissed coach Bill Cowher on the cheek. And it's not for the reason you'd were thinking (that he was trying to initiate intercourse).

"I love the guy for real man and it was just out of the moment," Porter said. "You know, he was right there hugging me and wouldn't let me go, so I just like (Porter makes a kissing sound) to get him away from me."

Cowher's reaction: "I was pretty excited," a statement we would make fun of were Cowher not pretty much the most heterosexual man on earth. Meanwhile, in the land of non-kissing players, the Dolphins — who represent the heterosexual capital of the United States, after all — have to be someone concerned with Daunte Culpepper, who kind looked like, uh, like he did last year. Maybe he could use some sort or trip or vacation or something.

Jock Talk [OutSports]
Daunte Culpepper [Complete Sports]

Way to go Steelers: Tonight, you shall truly drink like champions. You have earned it.

Blogdom's Best: Pittsburgh Steelers [Deadspin]

Cowher, a little perturbed at all the questions about the jerseys, said rather snippily: "You want to know what shoes I'm wearing too?" But to Pittsburgh fans, it is a big deal — as detailed over at Planet Haystack:

"Cowher Power is messing with forces which he quite possibly doesn't understand. I mean, when former Iowa coach Hayden Fry updated the Hawkeyes' look in the late '70s, he didn't copycat the Steelers because of the mystique and charisma of the white jerseys. And now that Cowher has a chance to wear the black, it seems as though he may've yielded to superstition."

We'd get worked up about this except for the fact that we have just learned some terrifying news — there are no fewer than nine Steelers songs currently available on the Web. And with 11 days to go until kickoff, that number could grow. We're not ashamed to admit that we're scared. Very scared.

Black And White Issues [Planet Haystack]
More Steelers Songs For The Super Bowl Party [Pittsburgh Post-Gazette]

"That's between me and them," says Ben.

So rest assured, female and Brokeback male readers, that if you send your undergarments to Ben Roethlisberger, he's not the kind of guy to sniff and tell.

The Pittsburgh Post-Gazette ran an article on Friday about how the women of Pittsburgh view certain Steelers. As you might imagine, much of it is shudder-inducing, like the lady who says she wants to crawl inside Hines Ward's dimples, or the exceedingly rare woman who described Bill Cowher as "sexy." If there's a woman out there who finds Bill Cowher sexy, then there is hope for every single one of us.

And then there's the 9-year-old who wrote the following poem about Troy Polamalu.

Number 43 Glides Across the Field. His Sweet Hawaiian Hair Flows Behind Him. He Makes Great Interceptions Which Makes Me Cheer. He is Troy Polamalu. He is Great.