One of the executive producers (either Rick Bernstein or Ross Greenburg — GreenbernsteinBurg?/ Voltron'd) told producer Kirby Bradley about Rice's inquiry and he told some of the other staffers during a meeting last week so, naturally, many of them went home to quickly tell their friends about it. So here we are. Rice is a huge sports fan, is comfortable in front of the camera, and has probably faced stiffer questions than the ones lobbed by Gumbel when he scribbles imaginary notes during the post-report wrap-up.

But! The general notion is that Gumbel needs to OK whomever the show hires and, since he's one of the more strident anti-GOP media luminaries, he may not give his consent to a former Bush staffer regardless of how qualified she is.

An email to Rice's media relations person Colby Cooper was not answered. Most likely because A.) I only put one "Z" in her name in the email inquiry B.) he's vacationing C.) he's not going to respond to Deadspin anyway.

PHOTO: NYPOST

Gumbel did claim (via Mister Irrelevant) that the belching wasn't him, but rather the NFL Network "had a mike open somewhere. We heard a couple of noises that were not of our doing, shall we say."

You know what? I'm not going to believe him. Not that I care, or feel like it's something that Bryant Gumbel would have any reason to be terribly embarrassed about, but you know ... if that was John Madden, no one would believe him. No one would believe Mark Schlereth, Paul Maguire, Brian Baldinger, or Bill Maas. And I'm not cutting Gumbel that slack because he has a pretty voice and wears glasses. I'm going to choose to believe that Bryant Gumbel ate three bratwursts and shotgunned a PBR during one commercial break. I believe he also broadcasted the entire second half with his pants unbuttoned, and his right hand tucked in his silk drawers, that belching prick.

Pro Football Talk Rumor Mill [Pro Football Talk]
Bryant Gumbel Burps On-Air (Twice) [Mister Irrelevant]

With the latest "controversy" over his comments regarding Gene Upshaw, Bryant Gumbel has once again garnered some unwanted attention. However, as any watcher of "Real Sports" knows, his sanctimonious wrap-up monologues have always bordered on being patently offensive to somebody.

After the whole "I'm not watching these stupid white people ski" (I'm paraphrasing, of course) just before this year's Winter Olympics and the latest black-man-on-a-leash tirade, it's pretty obvious that Gumbel's button-pushing is getting more and more edgy — yet, still eloquent.

So, I'll channel my inner banana-in-a-tailpipe voice for a conversation with my Uncle Tom and place odds on the next Gumbel wrap-up topic that'll piss people off. Marginalize with me, after this jump.

*Author's Note: Gumbel impersonation needed for full appreciation of this piece.

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Asian Athletes in American Sports: 4/1

"Yes, of course, sports has been the ultimate melting pot for many years. First it was Europeans, but now Asians are slowly infiltrating every American sport with a new style of dominance. Soon we'll see Asian football players unveiling 'kamikaze' receiving routes, or a more elegant hockey defense that forgoes traditional checking and instead integrates kung fu take-out moves. This might be great for our games, but we should be wary of how much influence we let them have; pretty soon we'll be serving Kirin at Yankee Stadium and our national anthem will be accented by the dulcet sounds of a banging gong."

Black NBA General Managers: 2/1

"It's a shame that great black players cannot make the transfer to GM. Although more blacks in power is a step in the right direction, as we've seen with the failings of Michael Jordan and Isiah Thomas, we still have a long way to go when it comes to critical thinking and Economics 101. Sure, athletes like MJ and Isiah can perform rim-rattling dunks and execute graceful passes during crunch time, but until they learn how to stop spending money so recklessly and learn how to do basic math, it does African-Americans a great disservice. We'll still be thought of as second-class businessmen who are just hired to fill a affirmative action quotas or as ringers for our company's pick-up games, unless mandingo players like Jordan and Isaiah can prove otherwise."

Female High School Athletes Playing Men's Sports: 3/1

"Sure, it's great that women have made great strides toward equality when it comes to narrowing the gender gap in high school sports. But we should take a step back for a minute and think about what kind of message this does send to young female athletes. Hey, if girls can play, I'd gladly have them as part of my team on any level. But the fact that you're a starting varsity offensive lineman doesn't prevent you from still looking and acting like a woman. I'm happy you can bench press 300lbs — but how you look in a cocktail dress and pair of heels should also be a top priority."

Gay Athletes Outing Themselves: 1/1

"When Cheryl Swoopes came out last year, it caused a minor stir in the athletic community. There was nary a collective gasp, due to the overriding stereotype that WNBA players have been attending Lilith Fair concerts for years. But it's a slippery slope: As inspiring and brave as it might be for athlete's to go public with their homosexuality, the only thing it could result in is future generations of rug munchers and pole smokers diluting team unity which becomes more and more tenuous in sports every year. Of course there is no 'I' in team, but ,obviously, there is a "MEAT."

New Orleans Sports Fans: 1/3

"I'm happy that the city of New Orleans sports fans are finally returning to normal activities. However, they should remember that in the year since the tragedy of Hurricane Katrina, there has still been little progress made. When you attend a Saints or Hornets game this year — look at the faces in the crowd. You won't see many 9th Ward survivors, but the same lily-white businessmen who were the first out of the city the day the rains came. No, those people who suffered the most are still floating around in a pup tent through a poop-filled river scavenging for lost belongings. I think it's the duty of all sports organizations to ensure that at every home game, there's a section devoted to the real New Orleans, and not just the well-to-do rednecks that were merely inconvenienced by Katrina's vengeful wrath."

Before he cleans out his office, have Paul Tagliabue show you where he keeps Gene Upshaw's leash. By making the docile head of the players union his personal pet, your predecessor has kept the peace without giving players the kind of guarantees other pros take for granted. Try to make sure no one competent ever replaces Upshaw on your watch.

If Gumbel wanted out of the job, he may have received his wish. It also would have been fun to have had Gumbel make that comment 25 years ago. Because we've never seen a broadcaster stretched like circus taffy.

By the way, so it's know that we said it: Gene Upshaw really is horrible. Freelance writers have a better union.

NFL Network To Discuss Gumbel Comment [SFGate]

Finally, tonight, the Winter Games. Count me among those who don t care about them and won t watch them. In fact, I figure that when Thomas Paine said that these are the times that try men s souls, he must ve been talking about the start of another Winter Olympics. Because they re so trying, maybe over the next three weeks we should all try too. Like, try not to be incredulous when someone attempts to link these games to those of the ancient Greeks who never heard of skating or skiing. So try not to laugh when someone says these are the world s greatest athletes, despite a paucity of blacks that makes the winter games look like a GOP convention. Try not to point out that something s not really a sport if a pseudo-athlete waits in what s called a kiss-and-cry area, while some panel of subjective judges decides who won. And try to blot out all logic when announcers and sportswriters pretend to care about the luge, the skeleton, the biathlon and all those other events they don t understand and totally ignore for all but three weeks every four years. Face it these Olympics are little more than a marketing plan to fill space and sell time during the dreary days of February. So if only to hasten the arrival of the day they re done, when we can move on to March Madness for God s sake, let the games begin.

Erm. Mmm. Tough call. Should I side with the angry conservative liberal media watchdogs or the cuddly black sportscaster who is just admitting that he hates the Olympics and (possibly) the GOP? Too. Much. Pressure. Where the hell is my salami football?

HBO's Gumbel: Lack of Blacks Make Olympics Look Like a GOP Convention [NewsBusters]
Seth Freihlich's Clip Show(for full monologue transcript) [Pajiba]