Anyway, it appears Mr. McKinnie has himself in a little bit of trouble again. He was out brawlin' in Miami. That's where that happens.

Miami Police found McKinnie "in the middle of a large crowd, throwing punches and again yelling obscenities," according to the police report. Police told McKinnie to stop. He refused and boarded a bus. The bus driver was ordered not to drive away.

We love the idea of an escape bus. Beats a boat, one supposes.

By the way, just because it still makes us giggle, here's McKinnie's section of the sex boat police report:

McKinnie is witnessed] pick up a naked woman, place her on the bar in the lounge and commence to perform oral sex on her. ... At a different time during the evening, [witnesses] saw Mr. McKinnie along with three other unidentified males receiving oral sex from four women while the men were seated in deck chairs on the boat.

Ah, 2005 ...

Vikings' McKinnie Arrested In Miami [Minneapolis Star-Tribune]
The Full Report On The Sex Boat [Deadspin]

I'd like to go on record as saying that I don't think that's a good idea. It would be nice to get Smoot and McKinnie involved in more things that are beneficial to the public, but you can't take the risk of Fred Smoot showing up in the children's ward with a double-donger. I'm not saying he would... but you just can't take that risk.

So before it disappears completely, I think we should all take the time to thank Fred Smoot, Bryant McKinnie, and anyone else who made this happen. Yes, we sympathize with those who were victimized and/or pleasured (it's such a fine line). But still, we recognize one of the world's all-time most amusing sports stories, and we're thankful that it took place in the age of sports blogs.

Thanks again, Fred Smoot and Bryant McKinnie. We owe you.

Smoot, McKinnie both plead guilty [FoxSports]
The Fred Smoot "Bump 'n Run" Double-Headed Dildo [the mighty mjd]

Two of the four players indicted in the whole Lake Minnetonka double-dong fiasco pleaded not guilty yesterday to misdemeanor charges and have "demanded a jury trial." To repeat the initial charges for each player, Culpepper is accused of "getting a 'lap dance' from an unidentified, naked female," and McKinnie, getting his money's worth, "picked up a naked woman, placed her on the bar in the lounge and commenced to perform oral sex on her ... at a different time during the evening, [witnesses] saw Mr. McKinnie along with three other unidentified males received oral sex from four women while the men were seated in deck chairs on the boat." Yeah, beat that rap. Why deny it? Hell, pay the freaking fine, take the pats on the back from teammates and go on your way.

Moe Williams, the third Viking indicted, is in court today. Oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy.

Culpepper, McKinnie Plead Not Guilty To Charges In Boat Party [Minneapolis Star-Tribune]

(Update: Fred Smoot has now plead not guilty as well. To blatantly steal from commenter MTD: Best. Exhibit A. Ever.)

Some blogger we've never heard of but will be checking out from now on named "Zembla" has combined two of our favorite stories of the year — the Vikings sex boat and the Miami Hurricanes' scary dorm rap — and created a mashup, wondering what the Seventh Floor Crew would be like if Vikings were involved.

Bryant McKinnie: "Big Nick" (who "slings dick"). Bryant McKinnie is 6'8, 343 pounds, so he's got the "big" part covered. Despite the myriad of sex acts detailed by the Seventh Floor Crew, Big Nick is the only one to discuss cunnilingus. As McKinnie is the only Viking accused of picking up a naked woman, placing her on the bar, and performing oral sex on her, this seems like the perfect match.

We appreciate any Baseball Prospectus-esque discussion of sex boat/dorm gangbang shenanigans, so we're pretty big fans.

Lake Minnetonka And The Seventh Floor Crew [Zembla]

• Fred Smoot is officially a defensive genius... first time in history a DB has been able to cover two receivers. — import
• Fred Smoot the mastermind behind Cover 2. — DynaMo
• Weird thing is, Culpepper got up a minute through the lap dance and Brad Johnson replaced him. Everyone thought the lap dance was far more entertaining/satisfying after Duante took off. — BadClown
• the only way this could possibly be anymore entertaining is if mike tice was pacing the deck with clipboard in hand relaying sex acts to his players..."ok smoot, with mckinnie down up front, you're the back door bandit on the next play." — Large
• I've seen my share of terrible things on the internet, but there is something inherently dry-heavy about the Bryant McKinnie part of this story. Those strippers should just be thankful Kleinsasser was not on board. — David Gilmore

Honestly, we've been laughing about these all day. Wanna be a member of the party? Drop us a line at tips@deadspin.com and tell us why you can rock the house.

The Full Report On The Sex Boat [Deadspin]

Fred Smoot: Was seen holding a double-headed dildo and moving the dildo while each end was inserted into the vagina of two women who were lying on the floor near the lounge area of the charter boat. After a period of time, one of the women got up and Mr. Smoot continued to manipulate the dildo inside the other woman.

Daunte Culpepper: Got a "lap dance" from an unidentified, naked female. During this "lap dance," Mr. Culpepper placed his hands on the naked buttocks of the female dancer.

Moe Williams: [Williams is witnessed] in the area by the downstairs bathrooms receiving a "lap dance," which involved the "dancer" dancing bare-breasted and Mr. Williams with his hands on and touching the breasts of his female partner.

Bryant McKinnie: [McKinnie is witnessed] pick up a naked woman, place her on the bar in the lounge and commence to perform oral sex on her. ... At a different time during the evening, [witnesses] saw Mr. McKinnie along with three other unidentified males receiving oral sex from four women while the men were seated in deck chairs on the boat.

So now you know. Some conversation topics for all your holiday parties this weekend.

Vikings Charged In Bawdy Boat Case [The Smoking Gun]

Anyway, turns out that a Minnesota TV station discovered that Vikings Mewelde Moore and Bryant McKinnie admitted to dumping a load of garbage that contained (deep breath) "food, beer, champagne bottles, fireworks, disposable camera boxes, hollowed out Swisher Sweets, something that looks like a marijuana bud, sexual and feminine hygiene products and Victoria's Secret underwear." McKinnie claims they're from a birthday party, apparently one for Rue McClanahan.

Another tidbit: "Courtesan" Ayana Angel says she was invited to the boat party but couldn't make it. "I really was legitimately going to go," Angel says. "Actually, I didn't go because they had a similar situation here with some other football players. But it's something they do every year."

Props to the Mighty MJD for reminding us once again, that no matter how many lesbian cheerleaders play find the finger in Tampa bars, it's downright tough to beat the Vikings sex boat story. It really is. We feel almost guilty for having our attentions diverted.

Some New Details On Naughty Nautical Misadventures [The Mighty MJD]