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New York, 8:34 PM
Fri Dec 4
21 posts in the last 24 hours

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    Dsmvwl  Admin  Promote to frontpage Approve user Ban user ×
    Image of HurtsSoGood HurtsSoGood
    08/25/09

    In reply to Why Your Team Sucks: BUZZSAW
    Add the L.A. Dodgers to that list, unless instead of trolley dodgers you are substituting bullet dodgers. But do you know what the expression "dodge the bullet" means? It means avoiding some form of suckitude, which the Dodgers actually invited by moving to L.A. They had intensely loyal fans that were more loyal than Cubs fans. They had a quaint, friendly little ball park to play in. And they finally had a World Series flag to fly in it. Being a Dodger fan was the ultimate "fuck the Yankees" statement.

    Same goes for the Giants, which used to play in the Polo Grounds, the second weirdest park (after Ebbets Field) in the majors at the time. It was virtually impossible to hit a home run out of center field (although it was easy for Willie Mays to catch a ball there that would have been an impressive homer anywhere else). It was a piece of cake to hit one down the lines in left or right. You could literally flip the Yankees the bird from the upper deck of the Polo Grounds. Have the Giants won a World Series since? No.

    Then there are the L.A. Lakers. Why are they called the Lakers? Because they originally came from Minneapolis, the "Land of 10,000 Lakes." There aren't any lakes in L.A. that you'd want to go fishing in.

    So yeah, teams with obsolete nicknames suck the big one. At least the Ravens didn't settle for being the Baltimore Browns.
     Reply
    HurtsSoGood was starred HurtsSoGood was unstarred
    Image of Chris Hanson's Axe Chris Hanson's Axe
    08/25/09

    In reply to Why Your Team Sucks: BUZZSAW
    Cardinal fans

    Plural?
     Reply
    Chris Hanson's Axe was starred Chris Hanson's Axe was unstarred
    Image of ClueHeywood ClueHeywood
    08/25/09

    In reply to Why Your Team Sucks: BUZZSAW
    6. Fire up the Bandwagon The bandwagon, pink-hatted know nothing fans who are out to turn the Cardinals into the goddamned Red Sox, ca. 2005. Most of these assholes don't know that the Buzzsaw played games prior to January 2009. Yet one day at this year's training camp drew a crowd larger than most home games at Sun Devil Stadium. The Cardinals are quickly becoming an insufferable fanbase built on newfound success. My only hope is that one day a real 4-12 season will come and wash all this scum off the streets.

    /resentful moron who has followed this team for 20 years and fears the trappings of success
     Reply
    ClueHeywood was starred ClueHeywood was unstarred
    Image of Matt Sussman Matt Sussman
    08/25/09

    In reply to Why Your Team Sucks: BUZZSAW
    Now for the rebuttal column, Why Your Team Is Special, here's Larry Fitzgerald Sr.
     Reply
    Matt Sussman was starred Matt Sussman was unstarred
    Image of Hatey McLife Hatey McLife
    08/25/09

    In reply to Why Your Team Sucks: BUZZSAW
    There were so many badass desert themes to work with: snakes, scorpions, severed heads buried in the ground, etc.

    Who wouldn't want to buy team gear for the "Arizona Dessicated Immigrant Carcasses"?
     Reply
    Hatey McLife was starred Hatey McLife was unstarred
    Image of MarkKelsosMigraine MarkKelsosMigraine
    08/25/09

    @Hatey McLife: Chipper Jones?
     Reply
    MarkKelsosMigraine was starred MarkKelsosMigraine was unstarred
    Image of Quake 'n' Shake Quake 'n' Shake
    08/25/09

    @Hatey McLife: Arizona Minutemen?
     Reply
    Quake 'n' Shake was starred Quake 'n' Shake was unstarred
    Image of This is my Star This is my Star
    08/25/09

    @Quake 'n' Shake:

    Arizona Methlabs.
     Reply
    Hatey McLife promoted this comment This is my Star was starred This is my Star was unstarred
    Image of Hatey McLife Hatey McLife
    08/25/09

    @This is my Star:

    Arizona Abandoned Subdivisions?
     Reply
    Hatey McLife was starred Hatey McLife was unstarred
    Image of MarkKelsosMigraine MarkKelsosMigraine
    08/25/09

    @Hatey McLife: Arizona Employees Working on Martin Luther King Day?
     Reply
    MarkKelsosMigraine was starred MarkKelsosMigraine was unstarred
    Image of ClueHeywood ClueHeywood
    08/25/09

    @MarkKelsosMigraine: Arizona Wingnuts? Arizona Assault Rifles? Arizona Identity Thieves? Arizona Floridians?
     Reply
    ClueHeywood was starred ClueHeywood was unstarred
    Image of MarkKelsosMigraine MarkKelsosMigraine
    08/25/09

    @ClueHeywood: Now you took it too far. I think you owe all the identity thieves out there an apology.
     Reply
    MarkKelsosMigraine was starred MarkKelsosMigraine was unstarred
    Image of ClueHeywood ClueHeywood
    08/25/09

    @MarkKelsosMigraine: I live in Arizona. Can I just shout the apology out my window? It's bound to find a couple of meth-addled, wingnut identity thieves who moved here because Florida is "too classy."
     Reply
    ClueHeywood was starred ClueHeywood was unstarred
    Image of Steve U Steve U
    08/25/09

    In reply to Why Your Team Sucks: BUZZSAW
    Beanie Wells sneezed, will be out seven weeks

    Which coincidentally is the exact length of time that Beanie Sigel has been out of prison this decade.
     Reply
    Steve U was starred Steve U was unstarred
    Image of MarkKelsosMigraine MarkKelsosMigraine
    08/25/09

    In reply to Why Your Team Sucks: BUZZSAW
    Drew, this was a golden opportunity. Arizona is filled with crazy racists! Here is a start:

    [gawker.com]
     Reply
    MarkKelsosMigraine was starred MarkKelsosMigraine was unstarred
    Image of Chris Hanson's Axe Chris Hanson's Axe
    08/25/09

    In reply to Why Your Team Sucks: BUZZSAW
    Beanie Wells can't drink from a water fountain

    Jesus can't you go one fucking post without a racist joke.
     Reply
    Chris Hanson's Axe was starred Chris Hanson's Axe was unstarred
    Image of ClueHeywood ClueHeywood
    05/26/09

    In reply to Anquan Boldin To Drew Rosenhaus: You Have Failed Me, Now Go
    Report: Lions UFA D.J. Boldin now seeking six-year, $60 million deal.
     Reply
    ClueHeywood was starred ClueHeywood was unstarred
    Image of JohnnyDakotaStateU JohnnyDakotaStateU
    05/26/09

    In reply to Anquan Boldin To Drew Rosenhaus: You Have Failed Me, Now Go
    Rosenhaus is also proud to represent some other famous younger siblings, most notably Chad Ochouno through Chad Ochoquatro
     Reply
    JohnnyDakotaStateU was starred JohnnyDakotaStateU was unstarred
    Image of 92BuickLeSabre 92BuickLeSabre
    05/26/09

    @JohnnyDakotaStateU: Those are his older brothers. You're thinking of Chad Ochonueve and Chad Ochodiez.


    (Also, Charlene "Chad" Ochotres is a girl.)

     Reply
    92BuickLeSabre was starred 92BuickLeSabre was unstarred
    Image of Hit Bull Win Steak Hit Bull Win Steak
    05/26/09

    In reply to Anquan Boldin To Drew Rosenhaus: You Have Failed Me, Now Go
    Typical Lions. Someone else always has Michael, and we get Tito.
     Reply
    Hit Bull Win Steak was starred Hit Bull Win Steak was unstarred
    Image of HochuliApology HochuliApology
    05/26/09

    In reply to Anquan Boldin To Drew Rosenhaus: You Have Failed Me, Now Go
    Dear Anquan-

    Not good to break your face and be seen yelling at your coach all the time during a contract year.

    Sincerely,

    Everyone
     Reply
    HochuliApology was starred HochuliApology was unstarred
    Image of ClueHeywood ClueHeywood
    05/26/09

    @HochuliApology: Better yet, in a year you want to renegotiate with two years left on your existing deal.
     Reply
    ClueHeywood was starred ClueHeywood was unstarred
    Image of David Hume David Hume
    05/26/09

    In reply to Anquan Boldin To Drew Rosenhaus: You Have Failed Me, Now Go
    "I'm hopeful we can work this out and he can return to the ___________ family in the near future.


    What he's not telling you is that he cribbed this line from page 142 of The Complete Idiot's Guide to Running an Incest and Molestation-based Cult.

     Reply
    David Hume was starred David Hume was unstarred
    Image of Weed Against Speed Weed Against Speed
    05/26/09

    @David Hume: I believe that's okay. Isn't that book part of the Pubic Domain now?
     Reply
    Weed Against Speed was starred Weed Against Speed was unstarred
    Image of David Hume David Hume
    05/26/09

    @Weed Against Speed: "I understand that there are ignorant people there who want to hurt me, and you, and us. Remember, though, God has spoken to me, and he says that if you want to go to heaven, those panties are hitting the floor, pronto."
     Reply
    David Hume was starred David Hume was unstarred
    Image of Hit Bull Win Steak Hit Bull Win Steak
    05/26/09

    In reply to Anquan Boldin To Drew Rosenhaus: You Have Failed Me, Now Go
    We are proud to continue to represent his brother, yup you guessed it...Frank Stallone
     Reply
    Hit Bull Win Steak was starred Hit Bull Win Steak was unstarred
    Image of dont-forget-where-you-came-from-cheese mac dont-forget-where-you-came-from-cheese mac
    05/26/09

    In reply to Anquan Boldin To Drew Rosenhaus: You Have Failed Me, Now Go
    We are saddened by the loss of John, but we are proud to continue to stand behind his brother, Robert Kennedy.


    -C.I.A.

     Reply
    dont-forget-where-you-came-from-cheese mac was starred dont-forget-where-you-came-from-cheese mac was unstarred
    Image of White Speed Receiver White Speed Receiver
    05/26/09

    @dont-forget-where-you-came-from-cheese mac: "Nothing can go wrong with this experimental B-24. We're so confident, we've got a Kennedy and a Roosevelt on board."


    -Consolidated Aircraft

     Reply
    White Speed Receiver was starred White Speed Receiver was unstarred
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