Welcome Back, Byron

Leitch — Wed, 19 Sep 2007 16:00:30 EDT

Byron Leftwich, here showcasing his vaunted scrambling ability, has signed a two-year deal with the Atlanta Falcons. It seems like a logical destination, though we hope it doesn't affect Joey Harrington's performance having a guy breathing down his neck. You don't want to mess with a beautiful thing like Joey Harrington.

Anyway, Falcons fans are tongue-in-cheek about their savior.

The Atlanta Falcons DID wandereth the desert for two games, and verily they DID sucketh it hard. Lo, they DID raise their cry to the sky and ask for help in their most sucktastical journey. And in answer to their calls, The McKay DID send a most wondrous Byron Leftwich in response. Placated, the Falcons DID rattle off 14 wins in a row on way to a most glorious Super Bowleth victory.

We'd think they would have to change their offense from what they were initially planning, because not only would the same offense not work for Byron Leftwich and Ron Mexico, we're not even sure they're playing the same sport.

Byron Leftwich Signs A Two Year Deal [The Falcoholic]

NFL Roundup: Daunte's Blues

Leitch — Mon, 19 Sep 2005 08:55:17 EDT

• If you somehow were able to make an emotionless, painless robot clone of Bea Arthur, and you pounded that clone in the face with a polo mallet for 25 minutes, then slammed that head in a car door 15 times, then severed the head with an exceptionally long and sharp toenail, then put the head in a microwave until it began to bubble up and then finally burst, and then you covered that exploded head with months-old maple syrup and planted it in a field of fire ants ... you'd have an approximate physical manifestation of how Vikings quarterback Daunte Culpepper feels right now.
• You know what would be really funny? If the Lions finished 4-12 this year, and GM Matt Millen was like, "Joey Harrington just needs more weapons" and then drafted him another wide receiver.
• If Brett Favre killed a man at midfield right before a game-ending drive that failed, afterwards, he would be called "heroically unconventional" by Peter King and Len Pasquarelli after the game. Well, as long as Favre still gave out the phone number to his Mississippi farm, where he's always out mowing when they call.
• Oh, and we just read the following sentence from Pasquarelli, about Jags QB Byron Leftwich: "Swathed in more ice than the body of Ted Williams, bearing huge discolored splotches and limping noticeably, Leftwich settled in front of a locker stall following a 10-3 defeat, looking like one oversized 250-pound welt. Had the Colts been charged with assault and battery by the local constabulary, the prosecutor would have only had to present a naked Leftwich to the jury, and deliberations would have lasted maybe 30 seconds." Doesn't that sound kind of like the "romance novel" that Mr. Garrison wrote on "South Park?"
• We are 100 percent that the reaction to the news that Jets wide receiver Laveranues Coles had gone public with the fact that he was sexually abused as a child by the majority of football fans was, "we can't believe he didn't get in the endzone on that play to the 1. We're starting T.J. Houshmandzadeh next week; Coles could have had two TDs."
• Speaking of fantasy football, it was totally a good idea to start Eagles linebacker Mark Simoneau as our fantasy football kicker rather than Lions kicker Remy Hamilton. Just a last-minute hunch.
• Lesser people, they might consider abandoning their team if a potential game-winning final drive were lost by a freaking false start penalty. Not us. Just don't mention the Buzzsaw to us today, OK?

Deadspin: byron leftwich

Welcome Back, Byron

NFL Roundup: Daunte's Blues