Now maybe everybody's least favorite grandpa will age. Jim Nantz will be paired with Clark Kellogg at the Final Four according to the Miami Herald This rumor had been floating around for quite some time and supposedly the final straw was Packer calling the North Carolina-Kansas regional final game over midway through the first half. Advertisers kind of hate when announcers do that. Especially when North Carolina storms back and almost wins the game.

Packer, who had been going year to year with his contract, confirmed through a CBS official Sunday that he no longer will broadcast for the network but is pursuing other projects in basketball. Packer declined to comment further.

Packer's streak of working as the color analyst at every championship game since 1977 (and being a part of every Final Four broadcast since 1975) ranks among the most remarkable in network TV sports history.

Personally ever since Billy Packer took down the St. Joe's number 1 seed in 2004 I've been ready to see him go. Yeah, yeah, that's the pathetic A-10 basketball fan in me, but still, you gotta expect there are some champagne corks popping on Hawk Hill today. I'm not alone in this feeling judging by, and this is not a misprint, the 90.5 percent disapproval that Packer racked up in Deadspin's media approval rating. Ouch, Billy, ouch.

CBS Set To Replace Packer [Miami Herald]
After 34 years, Billy Packer has called his last Final Four for CBS [Awful Announcing]
Media Approval Ratings: Billy Packer [Deadspin]

I guess the call-center job is not going so well. The felony charges are rape, aggravated kidnapping and sexual assault.

Court records say the victim accused Dupay of taking her by force and raping her on the floor of Room 119-2 of the Stein Ericksen Lodge. According to the documents, the victim estimated that Dupay hit or kicked her 150 times after locking the door of the room. The victim said Dupay told her he would catch her and kill her family if she attempted to leave, according to court records.
In the report, Dupay said it got "a little rough" but denied raping her. According to court records, Dupay told investigators, "How can you rape someone you love?"

Back during the 2000 NCAA championship game between Florida and Michigan State it seemed like the Florida backcourt of Teddy DuPay and Brett Nelson were going to have a lot better lives than you or me. Now, not so much.

Ex-Gator Dupay Charged in Rape [Gainesville Sun]

Teddy Dupay, Keeping Himself Busy [Deadspin]

With a nice finger extended to David Stern's 19 year age limit as he crosses the Atlantic. At least according to his lawya, Jeff Valle.

Valle said Jennings will not even wait for his third standardized test result to see if he got a qualifying score after his second test was questioned by the NCAA. The results from the third test are due later this week.

"That's a moot point now," Valle said. "He's not going to the University of Arizona. Brandon plans on going to Europe."

Well, Lute Olsen is holding things down at Arizona nicely. Get rid of most of the coaching staff that was supposed to follow you whenever you retired? Check. Lose another top 40 recruit, Emmanuel Negadu, to Tennessee? Check. Contemplate re-retirement or several years in the NIT? Looking that way.

The Big Lead also has some good stuff about whether or not this represents a new era in NBA-collegiate relations or Jennings is the exception.

Lawyer Says Arizona signee Jennings headed for Europe [ESPN]

And the European Basketball Experiment Begins [The Big Lead]

That honor belonged to Lute Olson's third biggest mistake, Chris Dunn (behind Kevin O'Neill and remarrying). The lanky (terrifyingly skinny) wing was a high school star at Hobbs in New Mexico before failing out of Arizona while redshirting. Dunn attempted to keep his career alive by transferring a few miles down the street to Pima Community College (Go Aztecs!). Eventually Dunn's long frame disappeared from Tucson, apparently bound for another community college back home in New Mexico.

All that was left of Dunn's career as a Wildcat was this beautiful diamond ring, and now it belongs to "gotchampionshiprings" (Shark, is that you?) for the bargain basement price of $860.

2003 ARIZONA PAC 10 GOLD CHAMPIONSHIP BASKETBALL RING

via GoAZCats, which has crashed under the tremendous weight of Chase Budinger's announcement to return for his junior season.

Acting! What's more fun than seeing Russert saying, "it's all about the Benjamins" while doing a fist bump? If you haven't seen Luke Russert's interview this morning with "Today," we recommend doing so immediately, but only when no one's around, lest your boss make fun of you for weeping. We still think the Luke Russert tattoo story is one of our favorite father-son stories we've heard.

We still will never forgive Russert for the Red Sox Nation thing, but we still, three days later, can't believe the guy died. Back to sports now.

So perhaps when he gave a speech in Nashville, Indiana, he made a larger point about life and cell phones by disrespectfully taking a call mid-speech to recommend basketball coach Dan Hipsher for a job, or something. Candid thoughts about Rick Majerus ensued:

It's unrelated, but interesting information: Bob Knight is notorious for buying excellent cell phones, then overusing them for four years to the point where they are no longer functional.

Your Friday Bob Knight Moment [The Meaningful Collateral]

It's becoming even more apparent that the kid was manipulated, but how complicit he was in the whole ordeal remains to be seen. Unless, you count this little nugget from ESPN's follow-up coverage of their "Outside The Lines" report:

Mayo, who talked to ESPN.com using the same cell phone number that Guillory had provided for him (according to T-Mobile phone records and independent verification by "Outside The Lines"), said he didn't speak with anyone from USC on Sunday and reiterated that he had no knowledge of money going from BDA to him. Attempts by ESPN.com to reach USC were unsuccessful Sunday.

That's right: He called ESPN from one of the illicit phones.

Yeah, maybe O.J. Mayo would benefit from a couple more years of college. Or junior high school, really. Also, it's probably time USC imposed a school-wide "No O.J.'s" rule for for their athletic programs.

By the way, Pro Football Talk points out that Gregg Doyel has been all over this for a while.

Mayo denies ex-confidant's claims of gifts, including tv, cash [ESPN.com]
O.J. Mayo , Agents, and basketball [True Hoop]

So it didn't surprise us that Vitale reads student newspapers religiously and tries to motivate student journalists too. From the University of Kansas newspaper:

I have no idea how, but it seems that Vitale must have seen my article written last week on referee Steve Welmer. I have been told that Vitale regularly reads Kansan.com as well as the student newspapers for several other colleges, so maybe that is how he saw my story or got the address to The Kansan. Vitale autographed a couple of things including the cover of a recent issue of American Airlines Magazine and included a message that I will never forget:

"BJ, Rock Chalk Jayhawk Baby. You are an excellent writer. Keep chasing your dreams. Best of luck in your career." -Dick Vitale, Hall of Fame 2008"

OK, so two great things here. One: Vitale signs everything now with "Hall of Fame 2008." We know this is common from people who make Halls of Fame ... but still. Also: We bet he has about 500,000 copies of that American Way magazine next to his desk. Surrounding his desk. Spanning the walls.

Vitale Keeps It Classy [Kansan.com]

The reason the scene in Almost Famous worked so well is because that's the type of thing only a famous person could get away with. We'd stay in school for that too.

Andy Robinson, the leading scorer for the University of Buffalo, was recently assigned a report on There Are No Children Here. Because reading is for suckers, he asked for some help on Facebook.

"I am paying anybody who have read the book "there are no children here' by Alex Kotlowitz $30-40 which in some classes you have to read at UB (even more money if you have to read the book a little more!!) to write a 3-4 page paper, on a couple questions which was assigned."

We love the idea that he's willing to pay more for someone who is willing to glance over the book again, rather than just opine from some vague memory. Robinson was caught, because Facebook can actually be seen by other people, and he's now unable to participate in offseason workouts in lieu of further punishment down the line.

Oh, and all you get is $30-40 for writing papers anymore? That seems awfully cheap. Come on, Andy, you're a college athlete! Bust out the checkbook already.

College Athletes Now Using Facebook To Try And Get Others To Do Their Homework For Them [FanIQ]

So the OJ Mayo era at USC ends with a first-round tournament loss to the other heralded freshman. You may remember the famous tale of Mayo calling coach Tim Floyd to inform he was coming to USC even though the two had never chatted. Many felt that it was a dangerous precedent, allowing the players to pretty much run amok in the name of big recruiting splashes.

And what did the Trojans gets out of it? A first-round playoff exit and, so far, four years of Lil Romeo. On scholarship. At least it's better than what Indiana got out of Eric Gordon.

OJ Mayo's End Of An Era [Rush The Court]

It's pretty amazing, really, that Pat Summitt keeps winning national championships with Tennessee; this is now her eighth, and her second in a row.

We like how Rocky Top Talk characterizes a cute picture of a little boy.

Pat Summitt says that even though this kid is cute as a button, she would rip his freakin' head off if he ever challenged her to a game.

She's like Dean Smith and Coach K rolled into one, John Wooden if John Wooden had to deal with Bruce Pearl hanging around all the time. Pretty impossible not to salute.

Lady Vols Take Their Eighth NCAA Championship [Rocky Top Talk]

Normally when you head to these destination sporting events, the weather and atmosphere are great, but game always seems to end up sucking balls. With the beautiful weather and atmosphere are already in place in San Antonio, the instant classic championship between Kansas and Memphis basically played out like bonus to a neutral fan like myself. Below are just a small sampling of pictures from the weekend that was at the Final Four.

Beginning the trip to the Final Four on the actual, physical road to the Final Four.

Possibly my favorite picture of the weekend: Duke fans, still in an utter state of disbelief that they didn't make it to the Final Four, decided to just show up anyway.

One of 14,000 advertisements for Coke Zero in San Antonio. The only thing that outnumbered the massive amounts of "The Road Ends Here" signs was the number of Coke Zero ads. Continuing with their domination of college basketball over the weekend, Coke Zero even put up four kids in an RV for a month VIP style and let them blog about it (Will, I'm still waiting for the reimbursement check).

In actual basketball action, the streamers begin to fall as Jayhawks claim their first championship since 1988. As you can tell by my seats, I never got that press credential from the NCAA.

General madness on the court as Jayhawk fans remain stunned that they actual pulled off a nine-point comeback in two minutes.

Kansas fans on the Riverwalk following the victory, just taking a moment to soak in the fact they not only won the National Championship, but they can also play with themselves afterward.

Finally, the best way to cap off an amazing trip: Buying a Memphis National Championship t-shirt that was accidentally put on sale. That's one less t-shirt for you, Mali.

Like many of you, we were taken aback by the shots of Williams with his Jayhawks shirt; it's difficult to imagine John Thompson III wearing a Buckeyes logo, regardless of Williams' past dalliances. We asked the quite vocal Pete Jayhawk — who sent us an email at 3:15 this morning mocking our Illini, the jerk — what he thought of seeing Williams in the stands.

I was kind of surprised to see it. My first reaction was to call him a phony or something, then I realized that maybe he isn't so full of shit after all and to cut the guy some slack. I think the UNC game Saturday was very cathartic in allowing me and a lot of other KU fans to finally just get over it and move on.

Then I thought of the reaction that the most idiotic of the Carolina message board fanbase would probably have to seeing Ol' Roy laughing and cheering on the Jayhawks...and I smiled.

We also asked Dan Kois, of New York Magazine's Vulture blog — and crazed Carolina guy — what he thought:

I didn't have a major problem with it. It's easy to be cool with shit like that when you're the one he left his family for. Given the ferocity with which Kansas played in totally destroying us, I would be in favor of anything Roy could do to ensure that next time we play them they don't hate us so much. God, it was like us facing Duke out there.

That sounds about right. We couldn't help but notice, by the way, that Bill Self wasn't exactly wearing a Chief Illiniwek headdress in the Tar Heels-Illini national title game three years ago ...

• My Kingdom For A Free Throw. As a Syracuse alumnus, I feel the pain of Chris Douglas-Roberts, the star Memphis guard who missed three crucial free throws in the final moments of last night's NCAA Championship game. In the 1987 title game, Derrick Coleman blew a freebie just before Keith Smart hit a last-second jumper to give Indiana a one-point victory over my Orange. It's probably no consolation to Douglas-Roberts, but 21 years later everyone remembers Smart's floating baseline jumper; nobody remembers Coleman's brick from the line. This year, Mario Chalmers canned the memorable shot, a three-pointer from the top of the key to force overtime. Given five extra minutes, Kansas went on to win the championship, 75-68, denying the nation a chance to watch Buddha-like Memphis reserve Pierre Niles celebrate under the falling confetti. [Slate]

• SbB @ Final Four; The Greates KU Jayhawk Of All. As we watched the video board play "One Shining Moment" with all the relieved (not excited) Kansas fans, we gazed up at a rather tall gent wrapped in denim, boots and a ten gallon hat. Why, who could it be? Ostertag! [SportsbyBrooks]

• Brandon Rush Leaving On A High Note. Well now that his team has peaked by winning the title, Brandon Rush will leave for the NBA draft according to Yahoo! Sports' Jason King. This isn't much of a surprise considering the fact that it's the third time he's declared for the draft. .. That's where Bob Knight's thoughts on the subject comes in, and he's completely right. The one-and-done rule is eliminating the integrity in collegiate athletics and making a mockery of the concept of student athletes. [Larry Brown Sports]

• Billy Packer And Dick Cheney: Separated At Birth?. "Packer is the Dick Cheney of sports announcing. The only thing that makes him remotely palatable is the serial niceness of Jim Nantz." Cheney! As outlandish as the comment is, there is some resemblance, right? [Lion In Oil]

• Digger Phelps REALLY Thinks Memphis Should Have Fouled. Caught this clip right before the OSM last night and it cracked me up. Digger Phelps is trying to explain how Memphis fouling at the end of regulation would have helped them and that they didn't need a timeout to set up their defense. Jay Bilas and Bobby Knight disagree. Watch as Digger slowly starts to lose it... [Awful Announcing]

• Roy Williams Still Loves His Jayhawks. Walking around San Antonio, there was more than a little animosity directed at North Carolina's Roy Williams from Kansas fans. The "Ruck Foy" and "Royvengence" shirts pretty much explained that those in Lawrence have no love for the school's former coach. Well, in a picture you won't see anywhere else (until CBS spots him on TV), it's clear that Roy still has some love for Kansas. [The Sporting Blog]

• Supernintendo Chalmers! Does it taste like burning, Roy? Kansas wins. Roy loses. We won money on brackets. Life is good. Thank you Supernintendo Chalmers, for that ridiculously impossible three pointer that you nailed. Congrats Billy Self. Tough loss Johnny Cal. And, uh, Memphis, you might want to think about not laughing off that whole "free throw" thing. [Brahsome]

• Just So We're Clear ... So what you're saying, Coach Cal, is that you're not concerned with how your team shoots free throws, right? Are we understanding that correctly? [Rush The Court]

• Yes, Memphis Choked. Sorry, That's How It Is. So we're two major sporting events into 2008, and we've seen two colossal chokes. Though some refuse to admit it, the New England Patriots — two touchdown favorites — gagged against the Giants. The Tigers, up nine last night with 122 seconds left and seemingly a lock to sew up the school's first title, choked. The Masters is this weekend — wouldn't that be something if Tiger faded down the stretch? [The Big Lead]

• A Walk Around Blue Heaven; Kansas Wins The NCAA Men's Basketball Championship. There was no underlying story line of sultry blues against the heartland. We weren't overly bombarded with the message of Goliath-come-lately versus Goliath-Always-and-Forever. Memphis and Kansas met last night without any scintillating story line, and offered up a game for the ages. [Stet Sports Blog]

Man, it feels great when your team wins a championship.

My neck is locked up, my throat is raw, I have pretzel salt in my left eye, and I think I've soiled my lucky boxers.

But it feels good. Damn good.

I vaguely remember the feeling from 1988, when I was a freshman at KU. Of course, that night I flew out the door of my dorm, ran around campus high fiving and hugging everyone I saw, and I don't think I went to bed until the next afternoon.

Now that I'm a dad, I had to try not to wake up my son with my shouting, or blow out a knee jumping off the couch, and I am most certainly nowhere near as drunk as I was twenty years ago. But to think that I get to write the story on my Jayhawks at the end of my first season writing about college basketball on a daily basis is incredible. I'll take it, y'know?

I feel a serious pang for Memphis fans, because that was one hell of a team. A championship team, for certain. When Derrick Rose remembered he was Superman, and started to score, the game felt over. I'm man enough to admit that my team was lucky to get to overtime, where the loss of Dorsey to foul trouble really meant something.

Looking at the box scores, I see things that were never obvious in the flow of the game. Darrell Arthur had 20 points and 10 rebounds? Really? Pierre Niles only weighs 310 lbs? No Way!

One friend who called me said "This is how you know you're old. You're watching Danny Manning cut down the nets again, but he's in a suit this time". Which is true. (Ed. Note: Actually, this is how you know you're VERY old.) Championships make those years without just water under the bridge. And speaking of water under the bridge, I have one thing to say to any of my fellow fans who are still nursing a grudge - let the Roy Williams thing go. The guy showed up wearing a Kansas pin after getting booted by his former team. That's a class act. It's time to let it go. And you may want to stop riding your bike past your ex-girlfriend's house and leaving flaming bags of poop on her doorstep, too.

Let's throw away the anger and bitterness and just enjoy the Bill-Simmons-mandated five-year grace period. No bitching, no complaining, just the beatific smile that a fan gets from the perfect storm. After all, it takes a season without recruiting scandals, without season-ending injuries, and without a loss in six straight games to end up feeling this way, and in all honesty, us fans are just along for the ride. So let's give credit where credit is due - congratulations to Bill Self (sorry, Will) and the 2008 National Champion Kansas Jayhawks.

Now, who wants to sex Sasha?

After a stretch of dull championship games in our sports, we're now back on a roll, with last year's Super Bowl and this national title game. (And we suspect the NBA playoffs have the potential to be epic.) It also brings us little joy that the last two quality NCAA championship games have involved an Illinois loss and a Bill Self title. Alas.

Mostly: What a fun tournament. Even with all No. 1 seeds in the Final Four, we had three legitimate glories: Western Kentucky's last-second win, Stephen Curry's brilliance and Mario Chalmers' massive shot. That's three more than last year. We'll take it.

(Getty Images photo)

Last week, we wrote that free throws didn't matter as much in college basketball as fans like to think that they do. We would like to officially withdraw that statement. Heavens.

(Amazing photo via Getty Images)

We're not gonna live blog this game, because, sheesh, it's on TV, you can watch it, but we'll pop back in postgame to congratulate the winner. Yes, even if it's Bill Self. Enjoy.

By now, most people aren't paying attention to their pools, because most people are already out. But those still hanging around will be more riveted than ever; this is their reward for not being lame like us and picking either North Carolina or UCLA.

In our bracket, it's down to two potential winners.

If Kansas wins: "McC 2," by "S. McCormick," is all set to claim the crown. Impressive.
If Memphis wins: Either "Bob Knight's Bookie," by "T. Stehney," or "Oy with the Brackets," by "B. Woodall" will win, depending on the tiebreaker.

Out of 3,472 brackets, that's not bad. Remember, the winner gets an autographed copy of God Save The Fan — actual value: $0 — and a free post ... actual value $3.90. Good luck, y'all.

Whether you loved this all-top-seeded Final Four or hated it, you have Larry Brown to thank. The king of the basketball gypsies played his college ball at North Carolina and went to the Final Four with UCLA in 1980. He also coached at Kansas, taking them to their most recent Championship in 1988 before bolting for the Clippers.

So what's his connection to Memphis? Brown mentored John Calipari, taking him on as an assistant at Kansas in the late 80's. But wait, that's not all! He did the same with Bill Self, at around the same time. Cal went out on his own in 1985, the same year Self was hired. That Brown guy has quite an eye for coaching talent, eh?

Looking at the programs, they seem very different. The University of Kansas was founded in 1865, and still had cows roaming the campus around the time James Naismith assembled the first-ever Jayhawk team in 1899. Naismith, who had a losing record at Kansas, begat Forrest C. "Phog" Allen, a man who provided nearly 50 years of stability and helped forge the reliable foundation that has led to legendary status for coach and program alike.

Memphis has been an urban campus all along, fielding their first squad in 1920. Under the name Memphis State, coach Gene Bartow and player Larry Finch took the 1973 Tigers to the Championship game, where they became one in a long line of victims of UCLA's dominance of the era. Bartow went on to succeed John Wooden at UCLA two years later, and the Memphis State/University of Memphis program continued to be very, very good, if not yet great. The Pyramid helped recruiting fortunes, but it was the hiring of former UMass coach Calipari in 2000 that signaled the beginning of the current rise of the program.

As it stands right now, however, this is a matchup of two blue-chip squads, each of them hungry to finish dominant seasons with the ultimate - an NCAA championship.

Memphis relies heavily on two superstars. Chris Douglas-Roberts and Derrick Rose are clearly the top scoring options in the innovative Dribble-Drive Motion offense. For Kansas, Brandon Rush is the most talented player on the floor, but when he goes through a scoring drought (which has happened often in this tournament), he has three more guys averaging double figures to back him up. The emergence of freshman big man Cole Aldrich in the UNC game gives Bill Self another big body to throw in the mix.

I'll be accused of being a homer, but the tale of the tape is all I have to go with right now.

Storming the Floor's Predicted NCAA Champion: KANSAS

Kansas, of course, is one of the top four jobs in the country, but Self is from Oklahoma — remember, his first job, from back when he had his real hair, was at Oral Roberts — and Oklahoma State, led by eccentric multimillionaire T. Boone Pickens, might offer him $40 million for 10 years. Win or lose tonight.

After what he's accomplished at Kansas, it's time to make Bill Self one of the highest-paid coaches in college basketball. If Kansas doesn't, then Oklahoma State certainly will.

The numbers may be far-fetched, but the buzz circulating throughout the Final Four is that Oklahoma State is prepared to offer Self a 10-year, $40 million deal that would include a $10 million bonus if Self remains in Stillwater throughout the contract's entirety. Most of that money would come from oil tycoon and prominent Cowboys booster Boone Pickens, who during the past five years has donated more than $230 million to the school for matters relating to both athletics and academics.

Sheesh: Honestly, poor Kansas. Every time they make the national title game, there's a chance their coach is lured away. Though we honestly can't imagine Self, after a Kansas loss tonight, saying, "you know, I could give a shit about Oklahoma State right now."

Tourney Talk, Then Contact Talk [Yahoo Sports]

Now one has to wonder what Rose was afraid his teammate was going to say about him. "What do we think of him? I mean, once you get past the premature ejaculating and toenail eating, he's a pretty nice kid who can make things happen on the court. It's a good thing too, we almost forgot his Cabbage Patch Kid doll on the trip. That really would have put us at a disadvantage tonight."

Derrick Rose Does His Best Clay Davis Impression [The Sporting News]

(Aside: Snipped from this 30 seconds of press conference goodness was John Calipari using my favorite noncommittal phrase. "There ya go." It can basically get one out of any situation without breaking a promise, lying, or letting someone down. "Hey, maybe we could go to my sister's volleyball game after dinner." It's almost instinctual, the reaction. But in this case it's the cynic's catch-all safety valve. Just a remarkable phrase all around.)

One side of the bracket held the dazzling freshmen, the other side was about upperclassmen. The meeting of the West Champs and the South Champs had the Eye of the Tiger. And the meeting of East Champs vs. Midwest Champs had the Wig of the Jayhawk. Or something like that.

Memphis 78, UCLA 63

I'm sure a headline writer with a schmaltzier sense of humor will make something vomit-inducing out of this one, but I'm just going to say Rose > Love in San Antonio. Memphis guard Derrick Rose is from Chicago, and he pulled out moves reminiscent of a certain Bull in this one. The high-flyer put in 25 points to go with nine rebounds and four assists. Oh, and that included 11-12 FREE THROWS. In fact, the Tigers hit 87 percent last night, but according to the box score, only two players even shot FTs for Memphis.

Chris Douglas-Roberts has the Magna Carta* tattooed on his arm, and he laid down the law in this one with 28 points. Next game, it might behoove the Tigers to get a couple more players involved in the game.

*This is a lie, but I hope my High School History teacher is reading this.

Kansas 84, North Carolina 66

The Jayhawks built a lead in the first half that was so huge even they couldn't choke it away. Still: Give them credit for trying. A 2-2 tie in the opening minute was the closest North Carolina came to a lead, but a flurry of points from Danny Green cut holes in what was once a 40-12 gap. With 11 minutes left in the second half, the Kansas lead was cut to four, but the Tar Heels didn't have enough gas in the tank to seal the deal.

Davidson-killer Sasha Kaun spent much of the game on the bench with foul trouble, allowing Bill Self to introduce his latest hulking white man to the world; freshman Cole Aldrich was impressively cool, scoring eight and grabbing seven rebounds, as well as hitting all four of his free throws. Throw on one of those pencil-thin beards and you got yerself the poor man's Kevin Love.

So, your NCAA Championship game is set. If there were underdogs in this Final Four, these are they; Kansas vs. Memphis for the title. I'll make my official predictions closer to game time, but for now, I think I can confidently say two things. One, John Calipari can get you in a nice Hyundai for no money down, and nobody beats his prices. Two, Bill Self may actually say "Golly!" in a live televised interview. Meanwhile, Roy Williams and Ben Howland will have some time to visit the Alamo.

Getty Images Photo

Is it too much? You make the call!

The NCAA said the ad is acceptable if they removed the girl. Conversely, others might say the ad is acceptable only if Vitale is removed. Plus, those watermarks leave something to be desired.

And so the advertising world turns. If an ad campaign causes enough attention to the point of controversy, it gets way more attention than were the ad to be seen in the Final Four program, seen only by the staunch few who actually buy those things.

New Hooters-Dickie V Ad Pulled From Final Four Program [Awful Announcing]

Here's what the kids are predicting on the series of tubes:

Kansas Vs. North Carolina
Jay Bilas: North Carolina.
Seth Davis: Kansas.
Stuart Mandel: North Carolina.
Storming The Floor: North Carolina.
Deadspin: Kansas. Call it a hunch. We're not ready to see Bill Self in a national championship game though.

Memphis vs. UCLA
Jay Bilas: Memphis.
Seth Davis: UCLA.
Stuart Mandel: UCLA.
Storming The Floor: UCLA.
Deadspin: Memphis. No one has looked better the last week. And we were wrong.

So, light 'em up, people.

Police say that Joel Brodsky was wandering around Indian Hills High School, his 10-year-old son in tow, on March 26th with his hair slicked back, wearing gray pants and an untucked dress shirt, and carrying a New York Giants helmet supposedly autographed by Eli Manning when he happened upon a pack of boys in the hallway who were on break from an SAT prep course. Brodsky introduced himself to the lads as Mark Adams, chatted them up for a bit, and then promised all of them college scholarships if they could set him up with a "16 or 17-year-old girl for sex", according to reports.

The students, annoyed and alarmed by the fake Mark Adams' creepy proposition, alerted authorities who eventually tracked Brodsky down and arrested him on child endangerment charges.

Now, imagine you're Joel Brodsky: old, horny, trapped in an unremarkable life that doesn't satisfy your wanton desires. It's time to transform yourself into someone new, someone different, someone important...like Mark Adams!

And why Mark Adams? It seems Adams is not just a 15th-tier college basketball analyst on ESPN — he's also an aspiring Tony Robbins, who even has his own EnthusiAdams corporate motivational courses:

So, Why Mark Adams? Simply because Mark is not just another motivational speaker with a canned message. He takes the extra time to 'scout' your team and become a part of your coaching staff. He prepares just like he did as a championship coach to assist your team to win your next championship. Mark is a winner and his ENTHUSIADAMS will be contagious!

So, you see, kids: Brodsky failed at securing a date with an underage girl for one reason and one reason alone — he lacked the proper amount of enthusiadams.

Cops Say School Intruder Was Looking For Sex [NorthJersey.com]
Mark Adams! [EnthusiAdams]

STF Final Four Capsules

Team: Kansas Jayhawks

How they got here: Beat #16 Portland State, #8 UNLV, #12 Villanova, #10 Davidson

Key player: Pick 'em. Brandon Rush led the scoring against Portland State. Mario Chalmers took over against UNLV. Then it was Rush again vs. Villanova. Sasha Kaun, of all people, saved the Jayhawks' bacon against Davidson. UNC's all-everything Forward Tyler Hansbrough is better individually than any Jayhawk who will check him, so the 'Hawks will have to throw big bodies at him. That means the perimeter defense of Brandon Rush on Danny Green will be crucial. If Rush can limit the long-distance shots and hit a few of his own, Kansas might be able to pull this one off.

Rooting interest: There are no underdogs in this Final Four, so we'll be looking for other reasons to root for these dominant teams. For Kansas players, basketball has been a refuge from personal pain, as illnesses, murdered relatives, car accidents and other difficulties have beset many of the players all season long. It would be nice to see a ray of sunshine. In addition, it's been 20 years since Danny and the Miracles claimed the 1988 crown, and now Mr. Manning is on the Kansas sideline as an assistant coach. That may be just the edge this star-crossed squad needs to get over the hump.

Final Four History: KU's last Final Four appearance came in 2003, when they defeated Marquette by more than 30 points before falling to Syracuse in the championship game. The coach who pulled that off, Roy Williams, is currently sitting on the other sideline. This is the first time Kansas coach Bill Self has made the final weekend with any team.

Team: North Carolina Tar Heels

How they got here: Beat #16 Mount St. Mary's, #9 Arkansas, #4 Washington State, #3 Louisville.

Key Player: Tyler Hansbrough. The Naismith Award winner for player of the year in college basketball has made even the haters give a little grudging respect. He never takes a play off, and he is capable of turning to the jumper when his inside game struggles. However, getting his hand on every rebound in the vicinity gives him ample chances to score, and when he scores, the Tar Heels win.

Rooting Interest: UNC went through a difficult stretch in the mid-season to get here. When guard Bobby Frasor went down with a torn ACL, that was a harsh blow. Then Ty Lawson, who was taking some of Frasor's minutes, was out for seven games with a sprained ankle. Magical leprechaun Roy Williams used all of his pixie dust to keep the dadgum Tar Heels in it, and even a home loss to Duke didn't faze his club. They just went back out and returned the favor in Cameron to end the season. Plus, it's just difficult to root against a head coach who says "Doggone."

Final Four History: Carolina's last Final Four was in 2005, the year they won it all. That was Roy Williams' first championship game win, but he had the benefit of four trips to the final weekend with Kansas before he ever took the Carolina job, including two Championship game losses. And lest we think that Coach Roy owns his opponent, it was Bill Self and the Illini that knocked Williams out in the Sweet 16 in 2001.

PREDICTION: CAROLINA. If this were all about runnin', gunnin' guard play, Kansas might have the edge. But Sasha Kaun, Darnell Jackson, and Darrell Arthur will have their collective hands full trying to pin down Hansbrough. Rush or Chalmers will have to have an out-of-body experience from behind the arc to pull this one off.

Team: Memphis Tigers

How they got here: Beat #16 Texas-Arlington, #8 Mississippi State, #5 Michigan State, #2 Texas

Key player: We love the old-school style of first team All-American CDR as much as the next guy, but point guard Derrick Rose is difference between this team and the two Memphis teams that were stopped in the Elite Eight. Rose has elevated his game late in the season in the scoring department and gives the Tigers not only an elite point guard to control the tempo, but a go-to man down the stretch when the game is on the line.

Rooting interest: Memphis has to be the Cinderella (or Rumpelstiltzkin ) team of the Final Four, right? Well, actually no, any team that goes 37-1 and spends five weeks at #1 can't seriously be considered a Cinderella. The only reason that they are even considered an underdog is fact that everyone and their brother had the Tigers crapping out two weeks ago and that the other three teams in the Final Four have a combined 48 Final Four appearances between them. Want a better reason to root for Memphis? Seeing the reaction of old, white sports reporters having a collective heart-attack while watching a Memphis team that couldn't give two shits about fundamentals or free throws cutting the nets down will be well worth it.

Final Four History: Memphis doesn't have nearly the pedigree of a UCLA or North Carolina, but it has made appearances in two other Final Fours, which is alot more than many teams can claim. In 1985, the Tigers ran into Rollie Massimino's miracle Nova squad and fell in the semifinals. In 1973, the Tigers advanced all the way to the championship game, where they were defeated by the Bill Walton-led Bruins.

Team: UCLA Bruins

How they got here: Beat #16 Mississippi Valley State, #9 Texas A&M, #12 Western Kentucky, #3 Xavier.

Key player: The easy choice here would be to go with Mr. Chest Pass Kevin Love as the key player for the Final Four, as he has no doubt been in first four games, leading the Bruins in scoring each time Thing is, Love is going to get the Bruins at least 20 and 10 as long as he steps on the floor. The key to UCLA advancing to the championship game will whether or not anyone in the recently inconsistent supporting cast steps on the offensive end to help him out. In particular, Josh Shipp can't play with his head inside his ass like he did against Texas A&M and Xavier, scoring a combined five points in those two games. The Bruins will need Shipp to be a viable outside threat if they hope to beat Memphis and UNC/Kansas.

Rooting interest: Sure, UCLA has more champions and Final Four appearances than any team in college basketball, but this UCLA team is fast on its way to becoming the Buffalo Bills of college basketball if they don't win the NCAA Championship this season. The past two seasons, UCLA's season ended after facing the Florida Gators. With Joakim Noah and the rest of that Gators squad scattered around the NBA, the Bruins have no excuses this season. So unless you want Berman picking UCLA to win the national championship for the next 12 seasons like he did with the Bills and the Super Bowl, root for the Bruins to get it done this year.

Final Four History: The Bruins under John Wooden kind of owned the 1960s and 70s, making the Final Four in all but one season from 1962 to 1977, and winning the whole thing 10 times in the process. Want to know the team that stopped that UCLA run? Idaho State, which knocked off the Bruins 76-75 in the Round of 32 in 1977. Bet you didn't see that coming? Bruins also reached the Final Four in 1980, 1995, 2006 and 2007, so you can guess that they Bruins are pretty used to this whole thing by now.

PREDICTION: UCLA. This one is probably going down to the wire thanks to the athleticism of Memphis, but the Bruins are way overdue for a complete game on both offensive and defensive ends, so we'll go with them in a tight one. The Bruins defense will not allow the same kind of easy shots that the Tigers got against Texas and Josh Shipp can't stay in a shooting slump forever. Also give the Bruins the edge in the hunger factor, as the Tigers' season was probably made when they advanced to the Final Four, while the Bruins will be viewed as a colossal failure if they don't cut down the nets this season.

Stop the presses! Ohio State has won a championship! This is like the Red Sox ending the Curse of the Bambino! Or at least like Susan Lucci finally winning a daytime Emmy. Clearly, the rioting and overturning of cars will continue unabated in Columbus until Monday.

Clearly, the secret is to not face an SEC team in the final. And having Jamar Butler go buck wild helps, too. Butler had 19 points and 8 assists to make damn sure the Buckeyes didn't go home empty-handed this season. Seven-foot freshman Kosta Koufos poured in 23, a total he only exceeded once this season, and that was way back in November. Something tells me these guys will be back in the Big Dance next March. Memo to Thad Matta: ask yourself, What Would Huggins Do?

CBI Preview

If Tulsa vs. Bradley is the championship game nobody ever wanted to see, the brilliant decision to turn it into a three-game series must have driven viewership into the negative digits. This is like the college basketball version of "Groundhog Day", where two coaches wake up every morning and prepare for the same team again, and when they finally break the cycle tonight, nobody will know or care about their triumph.

Then again, if I ever get my wish to write a Trivial Pursuit card, you can expect a question about who won the first and only College Basketball Invitational.

Money quote:

Roy is so tortured about being hated by KU fans, but, like most egomaniacs, Roy wants it both ways, to be loved by one divorced fan base while being married to another, no matter what happened in between, and hence all his moaning about those dadgum great things he done for the good people of Kansas. Roy's got some weird personality disorder — he MUST be admired and remembered the exact way that HE wants to be remembered. It's the same quote over and over ad infinitum: "I gave my all, and no one appreciates me anymore..." Well ... a) it was your job to give your all, for which you were paid like an oil baron and fawned over like a rock star and b) just be a man with your decision and quit crying about it like a sixteen year old girl whose ex-boyfriend won't return her calls anymore after she ran off with the JV quarterback. It's ridiculous. I'm tired of the media and talking heads portraying KU fans as this whining group that has no right to feel about the guy the way they want to. All these articles wouldn't dare criticize or at least point out that Roy is emotionally off his rocker, also, and just because he won a bunch of games at KU he deserves to be let off the hook for being a jack ass about the whole UNC thing. KU fans are being absurd? I think it's the other way around.

Does raise the stakes a little bit; we're certainly looking at the situation a little differently. That's about as compelling a case as we can imagine.

Sonya, of course, became the camera-friendly mom cheerleader of the tournament, leaving many media outlets scrambling for anything resembling a close-up shot that could adequately capture her beauty. (Chris Mottram's due diligence should be acknowledged.)

However, the above photo of the future mother-i'd-like-to-flambee comes from the 1999 Virginia Tech Hokies Volleyball media guide, which featured this photo of young Sonya Adams, the Hokies 1986 leader in aces, pre-MILF blossom.

This, if anything, shows that young Stephen's tremendous upside potential is completely legit.

Did you know that there's a whole six days between the Regional Championships and the Final Four? I mean, that's a lot of space to fill. It's a time when highly paid journalists dust off their templates and write soft-focus features about college athletes, detailing how they escaped their hardscrabble lives, or overcame the obvious detriments of having famous parents, whichever may apply. There's a lot of column space to fill, and not much basketball action going on (which is why we wrote about the NIT and CBI yesterday).

But the other lazy writer trick is our favorite. That's right, we made lists over at STF.

First Team All-STF

Tyler Hansbrough, North Carolina
Kevin Love, UCLA
Michael Beasley, Kansas State
D.J. Augustin, Texas
Chris Douglas-Roberts, Memphis

This bears a striking resemblance to every other First Team compiled by anyone with eyes and a television set, but it's a nice jumping-off point nonetheless.

Second Team

Stephen Curry, Davidson
Derrick Rose, Memphis
Luke Harangody, Notre Dame
Brook Lopez, Stanford
Eric Gordon, Indiana

All-Awesome (Players who might have been inconsistent, injured or one-dimensional, but we love them anyway)

Kenny George, UNC-Asheville
Jarvis Varnado, Mississippi State
Patty Mills. Saint Mary's
Tyrone Brazleton, Western Kentucky
Jonny Flynn, Syracuse

All Name Team

Chief Kickingstallionsims, Alabama State
Dionte Christmas, Temple
Longar Longar, Oklahoma
Gyno Pomare, San Diego
Da'Veed Dildy, Stanford

Mid-Major All-Stars

Stephen Curry, Davidson
Courtney Lee, WKU
Arizona Reid, High Point
Jason Thompson, Rider
Josh Duncan, Xavier*

*Xavier refuses to claim mid-major status any more. So pretend you didn't see this.

Game of the Season

Western Kentucky-Drake, NCAA Tournament, Tampa

Floor Storming of the Year

William and Mary over VCU, CAA Tournament - "That Just Happened"

Most Annoying Subplot of the Season

Kelvin Sampson's Phone Scandal

The J.J. Redick Memorial Most Hated White Player of the Year

Greg Paulus, Duke (Unanimous)

Best Media Member - College Basketball

Tie between - Bill Raftery and Gus Johnson. We couldn't decide if we liked shouting about vegetables more than being able to convincingly mimic a myocardial infarction.

Coach of the Year

Herb Sendek, Arizona State - This former ACC Coach of the Year who was run out of Raleigh for all the wrong reasons took over the Sun Devils and promptly amassed a 2-16 record with his inherited roster. Then he recruited his ass off and turned it around to the tune of 21-13, an NIT berth, and a sweep of in-state rival Arizona. Which means...

Worst Coaching Job of the Year

Kevin O'Neill, Arizona - O'Neill seemed sort of like a sympathetic figure when the season started, but that was before he pulled a reverse-alchemist and turned gold into shit. He had at least three great players and the #1 schedule in the country, and made a mockery of a proud program. Lute won't even let him hold the remote control during commercials any more.

Easiest Team to Root For

Baylor - To many, the Bears were just a squad that made the NCAA tournament and lost immediately in lackluster fashion. But for a school that survived the Dave Bliss administration, just putting a competitive team on the floor was a major milestone.

Biggest Disappointment

N.C. State - expected by many to build on the season-ending hot streak from 2007, the Wolfpack fell flat with a 15-16 record that denied them entry to even the NIT.

Quote of the Year

"You can't blame it on any one thing because we made a bushel of mistakes. But the difference in the game was the technical foul on our fans." Arkansas Pine-Bluff Head Coach Van Holt, whose team lost when fans stormed the floor after a tie.

Anyway, Penn State guard Stanley Pringle was charged yesterday for getting his Mike Cooper on.

Police said Pringle, the team's point guard, sat behind the victim in the stacks section of the library, attempted to start a conversation with the woman and began masturbating. Police have filed charges of public lewdness and disorderly conduct against him in connection to the incident, but Centre County District Judge Jonathan Grine, who is out of the office, was unable to sign the criminal complaint as of 2 p.m. today. Without the signed complaint, Pringle cannot be formally arrested.

For the record, Penn State is denying the charges.

So, did this:

exhaust every possible library masturbation joke you could come up with? Let's find out.

Basketball Player To Be Charged In Library Masturbation [Daily Collegian]
Deadspin Hall Of Fame: Carl Monday [Deadspin]

(By the way, it's just great to see that video again. We miss it sometimes.)

"I said, 'Do you want to be an assistant for three more years or five more years? He said, 'No.'"

Olson's 48-minute press conference was reportedly stand-offish, blunt and a little confrontational as the media attempted to get some answers about why exactly the coach needed to take off so much time:

Frankly, even though I realize I'm a public figure, I don't think I need to go into every nuance of my private life. There were things going on in my life that did create some health issues that I needed time to address. But it was not a health scare."

Um, you kind of do, coach. Not every nuance, but perhaps you could offer a little bit of self-deprecation or enthusiasm toward the media and the fanbase that respectfully backed off of your ugly marital turmoil the whole time you were having your end-of-life crisis. And even though the coach said yesterday that he's "excited" to be back (but didn't act like it ), the only question really left to answer is this: Is Arizona excited to have him back?

'Zona's Olson Spars With Media [SI]
Olson: O'Neill Out [Wildcat Online]

East Coast Bias has the same thought we do: Why is the Indiana job so attractive?

Indiana could lose all 5 of their regular starters from last year, as two seniors graduate, two starters were dismissed from the team this week, and Freshman Eric Gordon could bolt for the NBA. At this point, the Hoosiers program is clearly a rebuilding job, while Marquette seems to be on the cusp of something bigger.

By the way, we're pretty certain Kelvin Sampson is gonna pull a Todd Bozeman and coach, like, Stephen F. Austin in a couple years, bring them to the tournament, get promoted to a mid-major job, then to BCS school, and then this whole process will repeat itself.

Oh, and Crean has the greatest endorsement possible:

"He's got a brilliant basketball mind — definitely a good hire for Indiana — I was very vocal about Dan [Dakich] getting the job, but Tom is definitely qualified and will do an excellent job at Indiana," Knicks coach Isiah Thomas said before his game in Milwaukee on Tuesday. "Any way that I can help him, I definitely will."

What could possibly go wrong?

Is Indiana Really A Step Up From Marquette? [East Coast Bias]

NIT Semifinals, Madison Square Garden

Massachusetts 78, Florida 66. No 2 ½-peat for the Gators. The UMass Minutemen spoiled the NCAA tournament rematch by overcoming a nine-point halftime deficit in convincing fashion. New York native Dante Milligan had 17 points, 12 rebounds, and 3 blocks in front of his family and helped the Minutemen move on to face Ohio State. This is so nice for the downtrodden people of Boston, who just haven't had much in the way of sports triumphs to root for recently.

Ohio State 81, Ole Miss 69. The Buckeyes, on the other hand, actually get another shot at winning a postseason tournament. Jamar Butler and Evan Turner each scored 17 points for Ohio State. Ole Miss was toast from the get-go, as they managed to tie the game at eight-all with 14:58 left in the first half before OSU blew the game wide open. It'll be Buckeyes vs. Minutemen for the NIT championship tomorrow in a nice little appetizer for the main event.

CBI Championship Series

In order to explain this mess, I'd have to take a serious interest in it, and I'm not sure I can do that. Suffice to say that, rather than playing one championship game nobody really cares about, the brain trust behind the inaugural CBI decided the last two teams standing should play a three-game series to decide which team will be the answer to a future killer sports trivia question. C-USA also-ran Tulsa currently has a one-game advantage after beating MVC entrant Bradley 73-68 on Monday night. Bradley has a chance to even the score tonight in Peoria, but I think I speak for all of us when I say that I hope they have too much pride to subject us to more of this charade.

The funniest thing about this interview is that, of course, Roy Williams really did leave for Kansas just more than a week later. Which everybody pretty much figured, which is why Bonnie Bernstein asked it. That brought Bill Self to Kansas, which brought Bruce Weber to Illinois, which ... well, nobody but us really cares about Southern Illinois' coach.

Since everyone will be talking about this all week, we thought we'd go ahead and just remind of the video, considering they won't be able to show it. Which is a shame. Shit is such a better word from flip, honestly.

That's Not Very Nice [Rush The Court]

Self finally got that stuffed rhino off his back with Kansas' stirring win, and, even as bitter Illini fans, we're happy for him. Besides, you know, now Bill James can keep his how-far-ahead-are-we? calculations for one more weekend.

We had forgotten that it had been a while since Kansas had made the Final Four. Kansas fans we're awfully happy about it.

We love the guy at the end. Somebody's got Self's back, that's for sure.

Earlier this season, a great debate was raging about which of two superior college basketball players should be named Player of the Year.

Our choices at that time were simple: Did we value the smooth versatility of Kansas State's Michael Beasley, or the gritty determination of North Carolina's Tyler Hansbrough? Some cast it as callow Freshman vs. Experienced Upperclassman. Some went for style vs. substance. Some even said it came down to black vs. white. In the end, it was the success of Hansbrough's team, and his ability to produce when the game was in doubt, that put him over the top and garnered him the Naismith award.

That was before the NCAA tournament started. Since then, Beasley's Wildcats flamed out in the second round, and Hansbrough has continued to prove his worth. But hold up, partner. There's a new gun in town. Stephen Curry appeals to both camps - he has been effortlessly dynamic, putting up an average of 32 points per game in four tournament appearances. He has also been gritty, willing his team back from deficits and coming through in the clutch (mostly). And he has a hot mom. So, can we go back to early March and vote him POY?

No need. The John R. Wooden award, college basketball's version of the Heisman Trophy, has been in play this entire time. Wooden award panelists had until 3 p.m. yesterday to vote, which means they saw Curry's incredible explosion in the tournament and have no doubt given it all due weight in their deliberations. Of course, Hansbrough has also been excellent thus far, but it can be argued that his supporting cast of McDonald's All Americans made his path a bit easier.

The award won't be announced until April 12, but we can all dream in the meantime. Perhaps the distinguished voters were swayed. Maybe this year The Chicken Dancing Fetus can take the prize from Beaker with a Bowl Cut. Or, heck. It could still be Beasley.

The Final Wooden Award Ballot: [WoodenAward.com]