If only all things in life were this easy. Now if they could figure out where this apostrophe in Hawai'i suddenly came from everything between me and the islands would be copacetic.

The Budweiser bottler in Hawaii is donating a shiny quarter per case of beer sold to help build new athletics facilities. But the Budweiser bastards are capping their contribution at $100,000. Which quick math tells me is only 400k cases. Or about what it takes to get one Samoan drunk.

Beer sales to boost UH [Honolulu Adverstiser]
Want to support your school? Buy more beer [SportsByBrooks]

It's wonderful to see so many Georgia natives embracing higher education. Just wonderful. Georgia only had 698 season tickets come open and they fill the requests based on a complicated system called "who gives us the most money?"

This year the minimum amount you could donate to add season tickets was $10,651. Then you still have to throw in the six $40 face value tickets. Which is a great bargain. Based on some quick math that's only $223 per missed open receiver by Matthew Stafford. Money well spent.

Proving that bargains remain available in the SEC, Vanderbilt is selling football season tickets (without any donation required) for $99. Or $14 a game. Go Dores.

For about 700 UGA fans, this could be the year to get a ticket [Atlanta Journal-Constitution]

Future bets are out for college football. Updated ones at least. For odds to win the national championship and over/under on wins for the season. Now that we’re about six weeks from kickoff some of these propositions start to get pretty interesting.

Thanks to the NCAA threatening to geld any media outlet that actually mentions gambling and college sports in the same sentence, none of this stuff ever gets talked about. Where’s the money going as we get close to season kickoff on August 28? Not surprisingly, Southern Cal is a big favorite to win the National Championship at 3-1. Followed by the usual suspects of Florida, Oklahoma, Georgia and Ohio State. But who is sneaking into the picture after the proverbial big boys? Missouri at 10-1.

Georgia sliding in at 8-1 is a horrible bet. They aren’t that much better, if at all, than several teams on their schedule and they have a quarterback in Mathew Stafford who still prefers to pick dandelions on the sideline. So waste your money on the Dawgs if you must.

Seven other things that jump out at me based on these odds:

1. West Virginia even under their new coach that no one has ever heard of, Bill Stewart, is still at 15-1. Which seems surprising given a trip out to Colorado and a game at home against Auburn. That's a horrible bet.
2. Virginia Tech is lurking there at 22-1. Just tantalizing enough that if you put your money on them, you’ll start getting optimistic come mid-October before the inevitable Frank Beamer-led tanking. But what special teams! Also, and this is somehow perfect, Virginia Tech’s official site already color coordinates what games you’re to wear white, maroon, and orange. Because when you think Virginia Tech Hokie fans, you think fashion-obsessed.
3. Not particularly surprising but the dismissal of quarterback Ryan Perrilloux from LSU’s team has dropped them from 15-1 contenders to 25-1. At least for Perrilloux’s sake they’re going to be selling sweet tea vodka in Alabama soon. That will end well.
4. Clemson (at 20-1) and Wisconsin (at 30-1) are two teams that are lurking outside the national attention and seem like decent plays. Taking them in reverse order, look at Wisconsin’s schedule. They play at Michigan, which is probably their toughest road game, but get Ohio State, Penn State, and Illinois at home. If Wisconsin can manage to beat Ohio State, odds are they win the Big Ten and could still have a decent chance to play for the national championship even with one other loss on their schedule. At 30-1 that looks pretty good to me. Then, Clemson at 20-1. The Tigers open with a neutral game in Atlanta against Alabama (which they’ll be favored to win) and then play four home games in a row that they’ll be prohibitive favorites in. So a very decent chance they start off 5-0. Now I know that Tommy Bowden has started seasons great before tanking in the past, but you’re telling me that Clemson’s three toughest road games are at BC, at Florida State, and at Virginia? That's ridiculous. None of those three teams are very good. So Clemson at 20-1 looks pretty good. They’ll probably be favored in every regular season game. Unlike, Wisconsin you have to worry about them tripping up in the conference title game, but, still, Clemson’s a good bet.
5. 17 teams are left outside the field. Who’s included in the field that could win the national championship? Not a single team. Seriously, that’s a weak field.
6. Notre Dame clocks in at 100-1. This means they’ll be #12 in the media poll to begin the season.
7. If there are any actual UNLV fans, leaving the odds of their winning the national championship is just rubbing it in. At the very bottom, 1,000-1. And the cum shot on UNLV football fandom, college football behemoth Nevada is only at 400-1.

College Football Odds to Win National Championship [Vegas Insider]

This time it's some place called Chiang Mai. You don't have any idea where that place is either. Wait, okay, it's in Thailand.

Per Wikipedia's entry on Chiang Mai, among the highlights the city offers: "Thai massage: The back streets and main thoroughfares of Chiang Mai have a variety of massage parlours which offer anything from quick, simple, face and foot massages, to month-long courses in the art of Thai massage." Yeah, I always go to back alleys for my foot massages too. Anyway, my old buddy Tebow took the time to Heisman pose with a baby in his Gator Crocs.

That kid is smiling now. But I bet he wasn't smiling after the Tebow circumcision.

Florida Gators![South Asia Rocks]

Tim Tebow and a baby do the Heisman [Busted Coverage]

Or at least 4 million dollars worth of West Virginia. Which, to be fair to mgoblog, is only 64% of the state.

After tons of legal manuevering (which all lawyers know means lots of huffy emails and angry telephone calls; those .4's add up in a hurry), Rich Rodriguez has agreed to pay the full buyout clause of his contract to West Virginia. And by Rich Rodriguez has agreed to pay what I actually mean is, the University of Michigan has agreed to pay most of it.

Rodriguez will pay $1.5 million, spread over three years, beginning in 2010. U-M said it will pay the balance of the sum, $2.5 million, immediately and cover Rodriguez’s legal fees later.

Awesome, there goes my wife's contribution to the Michigan athletic fund.

In other news, call me crazy, but I believe this Michigan story actually broke today. Fist pump! (above the waist)

U-M will pay $2.5 million of Rodriguez's $4 million buyout [Detroit Free Press]

It's enough money to buy the damn state [mgoblog]

Sometimes people think Southerners are weird. Then I link to pictures of guys like Nate Davis who want full-back tattoos to establish their college football fandom and you can rapidly tell we're just like everyone else. Only we drink more. To cover up the pain from our backs being covered in ink.

I mean, who hasn't wanted to get the year their university was founded put on their back for their entire lives? See, we're all about education down here.

Clemson Fan Owns the Alabama Super Fan [deepsouthsports]

Way back in 1997, student managers brought it to Lloyd Carr's attention that those witty rascals at Northwestern were stealing signals from the Michigan offense. Well, okay, maybe not so much stealing signals as noticing what a single player was doing. Perhaps this explains the memorable Northwestern upsets of Michigan in 1995 and 1996. But, three years later, come 1997, Michigan was on to that trick.

"In 1995 and '96, Hansburg said, all he had to do was watch U-M center Rod Payne, a one-handed snapper who apparently placed his opposite hand on the ground for a running play and on his thigh for a passing play.

When the Northwestern coaches pointed at the ground or the sky, All-America linebacker Pat Fitzgerald spread the word on the field."

Wait, that's it? When I heard Northwestern and stealing, I was picturing the Manhattan Project of thievery, the Patriots of college football. Maybe some whale sonar, a few pink dolphins on the sideline, Wilbon from the press box via morse code, something. Meanwhile all Michigan had to do to was stop Rod Payne (one-handed snapper is right up there with putting from the rough in terms of sporting term awkwardness) from not giving away the play for, I don't know, one time in three years? Write it down folks, attention to detail like this is how you end up the winningest program of all time in college football.

Anyway, in glorious detail the Detroit Free Press manages to lionize the student managers who got to the bottom of this complex mystery. It's every slow white man's dream to be affiliated with a national championship and be photographed in the Heisman pose while holding a coaching headset. Trust me, I know why the student manager sings.

This story reads like young adult fiction.

"At home games, Datz and Mike Youtan, a senior from southern California, worked the opponents' sideline as ball boys, keeping their mouths shut and staying out of the way.

Until the fifth game."

Dum, dum, dum.
How 2 ball boys stopped opponent's signal stealing, saved U-M's 1997 title [Detroit Free Press]

Proving that no angle can be left unexamined when it comes to politics, Thursday night football games are now the Democrat’s enemy at their National Convention. Because Obama’s convention speech is the same night as the opening of college football season. Uh-oh, a Democratic scheduler was just decapitated. Yep, as Obama strides to the podium to ignite the country with his impressive support of change and the future four football games across the country will be taking place. In a bravura piece of college football/political handicapping, Steve Kornacki over at the New York Observer's "The Politicker" has offered his take on the significance of these four games.
Thursday's slate: NC State at South Carolina, Vanderbilt at Miami (Ohio), Wake Forest at Baylor, and Oregon State at Stanford.

Toss the latter game on the scrap heap. Not just because it’s a Pac-10 game between two of the worst teams in the Pac-10 but because there’s no doubt that California and Oregon are Obama country. But the other three? Well, if Obama is truly going after North Carolina, it probably sucks that two North Carolina teams are playing that night. Although, let’s be honest, anyone who is dumb enough to make a decision based on a single political speech is also dumb enough to be swayed by a single political ad in the weeks leading up to the election. Let’s just hope for Obama’s sake that those ads air during football games. Or that he begins his speech with a recitation of up to the minute score updates. Who knows maybe he could borrow Stu Scott to handle that. Commenter opening lines for Stu Scott welcome. I'm sure the campaign will take note.

How much does it suck that we live in a country where some people could make a different decision on whom to support for the Presidency based upon a conflict with college football games? A ton. Somewhere Nero is warming up the fiddle.

How College Football Could Be the Death of Obama's Campaign [The New York Observer]

And by “go to college” I mean commit felonies. Well, Mike Detellier has broken down NFL starters by their college conference. And while there is no big surprise, the SEC leads with 137 projected starters, there are some really surprising positional breakdowns. Coming in second after the SEC? Shockingly, BCS whipping boy, the ACC with 121. Followed by the Big Ten with 105, Big 12 with 72, Pac 10 with 70 and the mighty Big East clocked in with a robust 33. Yeah, but Ray Rice is awesome (and not starting)!

For the record, the entire Big East had fewer NFL starters than Tennessee and Georgia (a combined 39).

Which speedy conference has the most starting wide receivers? The plodding Big Ten of course with 13. Interestingly the SEC most outclasses the collegiate competition at defensive end with 17 NFL starters. But pass rushing in college is overrated. Don’t believe me? Ask Troy Smith.

What conferences are the NFL starters coming from? [HoumaToday]

It's pretty well thought-out, actually, and even it even includes a picture of Ron Zook. We're in love. Only two and a half months until kickoff.

Yes, we're trying to deal with Pujols' injury. Thanks for asking.

Seriously: The women's restrooms at Duke games this year — since it's football, you're looking at an attendance of about 45 people — will actually have attendants.

The trailers, which the university customarily rents for events related to alumni weekends, are air-conditioned and even feature an attendant, said Chris Kennedy, Duke's senior associate athletic director. "They're a lot nicer than what we have now," Kennedy said. "It's the high end, the gold standard."

The eight trailers, each of which with six stalls, will be placed around Wallace Wade Stadium near current restroom facilities. For the moment, men are out of luck: They must still brave the original facilities, which were installed with the stadium in 1929.

This is important, because if there's one thing that's important at a Duke football game, it's the bathrooms.

Toilets The Lap Of Luxury [News And Observer]

Williams was arrested Wednesday for trying to steal condoms from a Pay Less Super Market.

A day after he was charged in connection with a shoplifting case, senior safety Torri S. Williams has been suspended indefinitely from the Purdue football team.



Purdue head football coach Joe Tiller announced today that Williams was suspended “for conduct detrimental to the squad,” according to a release from the school.

We really think the theft of condoms should be considered a lower grade of misdemeanor than regular shoplifting. Williams is just trying to stay off this site.

Purdue Safety Wanted To Expand His Coverage [The Wizard Of Odds]

This is actually one of the least brutal ones. Fittingly, Every Day Should Be Saturday and Lt. Winslow contributed to this. We're now scared to leave the house, or drink extra-strong cough syrup.

FootballLOL [The Great Barstoolio]

Tebow, famous for his charity and missionary work, spent his spring break in The Philippines. What was he doing? Circumcizing children.

"The first time, it was nerve-racking," he said. "Hands were shaking a little bit. I mean, I'm cutting somebody. You can't do those kinds of things in the United States. But those people really needed the surgeries. We needed to help them."

Richard Moleno, a Florida graduate and aspiring doctor, said: "You could see he was really into it. He thought it was cool. I'd make a stitch, he'd cut a stitch. He got his hands a little wet in surgery."

Tebow is to be commended for his sense of duty to help the downtrodden; we salute him. So, now that that's out of the way ... BLECH.

Tebow Begins Work On His Doctorate [The Wizard Of Odds]

OK, so the price tag is a little high:

Organizers will seek a corporate title sponsor who likely will pay between $350,000 and $500,000 a year for the exposure that comes with the bowl.

Hey, that ain't THAT much! Somewhere, someone, some crazy rich human out there has to be willing to pony up a vanity cash grab to get their name on a bowl game. After all, it features teams from the Big East and Conference USA! If no enterprising blog steps up, we need a wild rich human. They have to be out there. We desperately want to see a haroldhamberson.blogspot.com Bowl. Badly.

THE EDSBS Bowl: Let's Ride [EDSBS]

Former Michigan offensive lineman Justin Boren, who left Michigan in mid-March citing a "decline of family values" under coach Rich Rodriguez, has transferred to Ohio State. Boren started all of last season at center and left guard for Michigan. Ohio State coach Jim Tressel confirmed the transfer to the Columbus Dispatch for a story in today's edition.

Fortunately, Michigan fans are taking this well.

Boren of course will have to sit out a year before playing his final three seasons with the Buckeyes; a situation made all the weirder by the fact that his father, Mike, played for Michigan under Bo Schembechler in the early 1980s. A bit surprisingly, not all Ohio State players are completely on board with this.

UPDATE: Michigan fans still taking the news well.

Justin Boren Transfers To Ohio State [Detroit Free Press]
Justin Boren Sweepstakes [Buckeye Commentary]

Whatever she's yelled to Tebow, it clearly worked. He is transfixed and eager to answer her inquiries.

Here's another photo from Busted Coverage that clearly shows that Andrews has Tebow standing at rapt attention. She is a captivating interviewer.

Erin Andrews Makes Tim Tebow Blush, Touch Pecs [Busted Coverage]

It's like back before the Civil War when slaves had the right to buy their freedom. A penalty of $4 million is almost like a slave from Africa trying to buy his freedom in America. I think it's an outrageous amount. It's just not fair and it's not related to any damages the university is suffering."

Well said, Marv. And perfectly timed, considering it's the 40th anniversary of Martin Luther King, Jr's assassination. This is exactly the type of oppressive behavior Dr. King devoted his life to eliminating.

Rich Rod's lawyer uses slavery analogy in regard to coach's buyout [Charleston Daily Mail]

It all happened this past August, in Oklahoma City; although the repercussions have stayed with many of us to this day (crosses legs uncomfortably).

A judge has ordered a man to stand trial on a felony assault charge for a bar confrontation that escalated from football trash talking to a near castration. Allen Michael Beckett will be tried on a charge of aggravated assault and battery. The 53-year-old man is accused of tearing the scrotum of 32-year-old Brian Thomas after Beckett taunted Thomas for wearing a University of Texas shirt into a bar popular with fans of the Oklahoma Sooners. The trial is set for April 16.

If you haven't clicked on the original story yet, it's much more graphic. Sorry. Enjoy the rest of your day, guys!

(ABC News Graphic)

The Appropriate Way To Showcase Your Team Loyalty [Deadspin]
Oklahoma Fan To Stand Trial For Injuring Texas Fan In Bar Fight [Dallas Morning News]

Football Sports Information Director Rick Korch was fired — but not yet charged — after a routine sweep of his work computer brought up several instances of child pornography. And he was the one who asked for the sweep.

Korch made a request of university technicians that his computer be checked because it was running slowly. Korch provided his user name and password to university technician Alberto Perez, who discovered files in the computer of sexually explicit material, according to the search warrant. Included in the files was a video of a man having sex with a "prepubescent female" and images revealing "scantily clad females who appeared to be between the ages of 10 and 15 years old in sexual type poses."

Under a folder titled "Season Recaps," university technicians found other images of children engaged in sexual conduct. According to police, one child was estimated to be between 6 and 8 years old.

Blech. At least now they know why his computer was running slowly. Yipes.

Hurricanes Employee Fired Over Child Porn On His Computer [Sports By Brooks]

Well, not so much "kicked him off" as "took his scholarship." Why? What did McElrathbey do to deserve this? He must have robbed a bank or something. Nope: Bowden just recruited too many running backs.

"He said something about how they weren't going to renew his scholarship," said [Clemson tailback James] Davis, who has known McElrathbey since their high school days in Atlanta. "It really surprised me. But there's a lot of stuff you can't say. It's something I guess everybody has to learn to live with."

"We're pretty good at running back right now," coach Tommy Bowden said.

The worst part is that Clemson, which basked in all the great publicity from McElrathbey last year, tried to keep this quiet or, worse, imply that it was McElrathbey's decision. (It was Davis who blew the whistle.) Quite charming.

The Truth Comes Out: Clemson Ran Ray Ray [The Wizard Of Odds]

• "They low down, they dirty, they some snitches ... I just hate Tennessee."

• "I'm not a dog person."

• "Their colors are throw-up orange. Like puke inside of a pumpkin orange, and I don't like pumpkins."

• "Their stadium is like a garbage truck drivers' convention."

I also like the last line by the reporter, who claims this as the best interview he's ever done. Look out, Erin Andrews!

Eloquence Has A Thousand Forms [EDSBS]

Johnson, 19, was taken to the Leon County Jail. He faces charges of filing a false report to law enforcement and making false official statements. Both charges are misdemeanors. "During the course of the investigation, he decided to confess to committing the act," FAMU Police Chief Calvin Ross said Friday evening. Johnson's mother, Mina Forte-Ferguson, told the Tallahassee Democrat and FAMU authorities Thursday that three men rushed in her son's room at Gibbs Hall about 4 a.m. Tuesday and pushed him on the bed. Forte-Ferguson then said the intruders wrote "Mike + football = death" on his mirror, television and refrigerator. Johnson's parents returned to Durham, N.C. following several meetings on campus, including one with head football coach Joe Taylor.

And a reader reminds us that this is the same FAMU that once featured Mike Gillespie Sr., the head men's basketball coach who was jailed for stalking. Nice.

FAMU PD: Quarterback Jailed After Making Up Attack Story [Tallahassee Democrat]

Yahoo points out some fun baseball-related Obama merchandise. Though we're still a little concerned about Emmitt Smith supporting him. He's absolutely going to call him Osama at some point, without question.

Finally, Obama Campaign Wear For The Baseball Fan [Yahoo! Sports]
Obama Hooks 'Em In Visit With 'Horns [Austin American-Statesman]

(By the way, enjoy the comments on that Stateman story.)

Thing about it is John Adams could write circles around any of you internet All Stars. ... John Adams is your alls daddy and you all know it. So why hate?

That one was signed John Majors (and wouldn't it be something if it really was him?). Excerpts from other messages at LWS, and the Outer MonVolia message board:

• "John Adams is Larry Flynt and his atricles are my Hustler." — NoogaVol

• "Sorry to hear about your sister's passing, but like you said stupid is stupid ..." — Toothless Athenian

• "It is interesting to note that almost every comment critical of Adams for being critical of Flummo has either misspelled words or grammatical errors." — Riversetvol

We're adopting that first one, by the way, to replace "Sports News Without Access, Favor or Discretion."

He Is So Evil That The Mere Mention Of His Name Makes Satan Weep [Losers With Socks]

The jokes, of course, are there to be made, and we understand: It's an odd little high school drama all wrapped up, a confused kid getting himself in over his head. Realize how much he had to plan here. He had to start the initial rumors about schools interested in him in the first place, he had to call the press conference to announce his "decision" and, in the masterstroke, he actually went through all the trouble to bring hats with him from each of the final two schools and dramatically pick Cal. (We think it's a good sign for Illinois recruiting that he even thought to make them up as a potential suitor.) The most amazing thing about this, we think, is that he ever had the notion that this might work. Surely, someone was going to notice eventually? Or perhaps he thought the Cal Golden Bears would just say, "Well, he says he's going here ... I guess he is!"

It's a vivid, and poignant, reminder that as much as we obsess over college sports recruiting, these are high school kids, prone to the same fits of immaturity we all were at that age. Kevin Hart did something very dumb, because that's what teenagers do: Dumb things. He just happened to do it in an industry that obsesses over the every whim of 17-year-olds. Poor kid.

Prep Football Player Gets Caught In A Lie [Washington Post]
Kevin Hart Made The Whole Thing Up [Deadspin]

Really. He confessed.

"I wanted to play D-I ball more than anything. When I realized that wasn't going to happen, I made up what I wanted to be reality," read a statement sent out by Teri White, assistant superintendent of the Lyon County School District, on behalf of Hart. "I am sorry for disappointing and embarrassing my family, coaches, Fernley High School, the involved universities and reporters covering the story.

Holy cow. Poor, dumb kid. Much more on this tomorrow. And we'll (hopefully) see you in Alameda.

Hart Saga Comes To An End: 'I Made It Up' [Reno Gazette]
Kevin Hart Might Not Have Been Recruited At All [Deadspin]

(Photo via the Reno Gazette)

You gotta feel pretty bad for the kid; it looks like a nasty recruiter was doing the whole thing as a scam.

Hart claims, in a police report, that a Kevin Riley falsely represented himself as a recruiter — a middle man to big-time college football programs — and led the 6-foot-5, 290-pounder and his family to believe there were scholarship offers available when there were none.

Obtaining money with a false pretense is the charge on the report at this time, said Deputy Dan Lynch, who took the report. Finding Riley could be difficult, though.

The cops say they have "no info to identify a suspect." So the guy, really, is gone. This picture, we think, is the saddest part: He actually had a hat for California and a hat for Oregon, and made a big dramatic production of choosing which one he was going to put on. That really breaks our heart a little bit.

Recruiter Allegedly Involved In Hart Case [RGJ.com]
This Recruit Is Unreal [Washington Post]

Kevin Hart did it right: Buy into the dream that a big-time college is recruiting you, hold a huge press conference to announce your commitment, then have it revealed that the whole thing is a sham.

As high school seniors, we should all have been so lucky.

We should all have been ogled by skeevy grown men who drool over our 17-year-old "hip swivel" and text us day and night ("So R U Going 2 FSU?") when they aren't stalking us in our high school parking lot.

We should all be rated on a star system, one through five, even though unless your name is Vince Young, being a "5" usually no more guarantees ultimate success than being a "2." (Why do we never hear about "1-star" prospects?)

We should all be the subject of ugly rumors on message boards at web sites bought by Yahoo for $100 million. ($100 million! For a glorified message board!)

We should all get a series of YouTube clips that show only the greatest highlights of our potential, set to a soundtrack of Souljaboy, death metal or catchy Christian rock. (Screw Sam McGuffie: Where was the video of Big Daddy Drew as a high school senior, regaling classmates with dick jokes that flashed his future promise?)

We should all have enjoyed a Signing Day moment on ESPNews, putting on an ugly hat (Shocker: Haverford over Penn!) while mumbling thanks to mom and boasting of Econ stardom as a true freshman.

We should all enjoy being the center of a recruiting battle between Michigan and Ohio State that has bloggers like Brian Cook dissecting every sliver of new info... then ditching both schools for Penn State. (No, I have no special inside info about Terrelle Pryor. Stop emailing me, Coach Rodriguez.)

We should all be able to commit, de-commit, then re-commit to the college of our choice, with that college's faculty recruiters lapping our taint every step of the way.

We should all be able to use the phrase "strong lean" as it relates to our stress-addled teenaged mind's decision-making ability and have adults we have never met before spend more time parsing that phrase than they spent with their children that week.

We should all be part of an incoming freshman class that is ranked against every other freshman class in the country, then have that ranking debunked by everyone as being complete and utter bullshit.

(Oh, wait: Rivals and Scout rankings may be ridiculous, but U.S. News and World Report college rankings are still the unrivaled king.)

Kevin Hart knows, that's what Signing Day is really about: Inflated hopes, unfulfilled promise(s) and a bunch of sketchy-ass people telling you things you shouldn't believe, but do anyway. Hell, that's the entire college experience. (So who's going to let the kids in on THAT?)

As usual, send comments to danshanoff-[at]-gmail-[dot]-com.

Seriously, either Hart's a huge liar — doubtful — or someone is playing the worst joke on him of all time.

it appears that Hart, pictured above with Fernley coach Mark Hodges at Friday's ceremony, was the victim of a prank. Somebody, it appears, has been impersonating [Cal coach]Tedford. There never was a scholarship offer — let alone any official contact — from the Golden Bears. Hodges, who has been a coach for more than 20 years, now says the matter is a "law enforcement investigation."

Oregon was another so-called finalist for Hart, and somebody appears to have been impersonating an Oregon representative as well.

OK, now you can bet we'll be following this for the next few days. Whoever did this is the cruelest human on earth. Also: Clever. But to be clear: Evil.

Did Somebody Impersonate Tedford?

Apparently, Carpenter, according to the online witnesses (that's the only place people are speaking up), took a bit of an issue with someone mocking his shirt and lost his mind.

Rudy was sitting outside the stadium after the game and one of the students asked him why he wasn't wearing gold. He then started yelling back at him "oh yeah what sport do you play? what sport do you play?" and ended up running down the ramp and chasing after the kid trying to start a fight with him. Rudy continued to challenge him to a fight and repeatedly called him a homosexual.

Again, just some random Internet people, but there are a lot of them, and the stories are popping up all over the place. We are wondering if he really kept calling the guy a "homosexual;" that's a lot of syllables to pronounce when you're really pissed off like that.

ASU QB Shouts Gay Slurs While Wearing Hot Pink Shirt [Bland Life]

Rodriguez, who took the time to shred every file in his WVU office before departing to become the head coach at the University of Michigan, will have the favor returned at the Nailers game on February 2. The Nailers are offering discounted tickets to any fan that brings in a newspaper article or picture of the former West Virginia University football coach to contribute to the industrial sized paper shredder that will be stationed in the concourse.

But that's not all.

Any fan who wears WVU apparel to the game will receive $2 off their ticket price. Ohio State fans will also receive the discount by wearing their gear to the game to demonstrate their mutual distaste for Michigan. Any fan caught wearing University of Michigan apparel will be charged double in order to help Rodriguez pay his $4 million buyout to WVU.

Let's tailgate! I've got a few sensitive documents that would make a lovely salad.

STILL UPSET: West Virginia Hockey Team Hosting A 'Shred Rich Rodriguez' Promotion [Detroit Free Press]
Wheeling Nailers [Official Site]

Stevens was not a nice fellow. Not that then-coach (and current UCLA helmer) Rick Neuheisel minded.

About the same time, Jerramy Stevens emerged from his room. He lived with several teammates in a house north of campus. He pulled a pair of women's underpants out of his jeans pocket and, according to a police report, told a roommate, "Look what I have."

Stevens said he'd had sex with the freshman, whose middle name was Marie. "No way," the roommate said. He couldn't believe it, because he had heard Marie was a virgin. Stevens' story made the rounds. A friend of Marie's heard one football player ask another: Did you hear that Jerramy had sex with Marie in the dirt outside a fraternity? Meanwhile, Marie and her friends tried to figure out what had happened.

To get an idea of what kind of culture Neuheisel was fostering, here's a quote from a teammate after hearing of police questioning Stephens:

"Well ... he's my best friend," the player said. "I hang out with champions." Stevens, the player said, was "the type of guy where usually when he fools around he ends up having sex cause he's a charming guy, chicks dig him."

The story is full of nastiness, including a brutal email Stephens sent to a female acquaintance. We'll say this, and it'll be the last time we ever say it: We wish Joey Porter would have put his face through a wall.

Victory And Ruins [Seattle Times]

Take defensive high-schooler Will Compton for example. On Wednesday, the 6-foot-2, 225-pound linebacker prospect from Bonne Terre, Missouri, reaffirmed his pledge to Nebraska. Why? Because NU assistant Mike Ekeler is down with the kids.

The Huskers' first-year linebackers coach showed up at Compton's home Sunday with a temporary tattoo on his arm. It read "Compton" in Old English lettering above a Blackshirts emblem.

"Knowing him, that's not surprising," Compton said. "When he did that, it put a big smile on my face."

College Football Coaches Are Weird [RTC Talk]
Compton Reaffirms Pledge To Huskers [Omaha World-Herald]

We asked one of our favorite new voices in this little online "community" of ours (and huge — and white — LSU fan), the Cajun Boy In The City, to address this for us. Because we're petrified.

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I really don't think that even on a day of unparalleled verbal excellence that I could summon the eloquence to accurately describe how much seeing this video pains me deeply. As an LSU fan, a native Southerner, a native Louisianian and as a HUMAN BEING, it stings in places that rarely get touched. I feel dirty by mere virtue of having watched it, but let me at least give a shot at making a larger point and, in the process, attempt to defend those of us with above room temperature IQs.

Irony being the prickly lover that she is, I felt compelled to touch on race relations in America, something that I rarely do, in a post about the Obama candidacy on my personal blog a few days ago. Going back and reading what I wrote after having just watched this video frustrated me to the point of wanting to punch myself repeatedly in the genitals.

As a child of America, a child of the South, a white child of the South at that, I think that I speak for a great number of us when I say that we want to support a black candidate for the presidency. It's a desire that springs forth from way down, down in that place where the body meets the soul, and it's rooted in part by feelings of guilt, though largely unwarranted and somewhat irrational, over the injustices perpetrated upon blacks by our ancestors. It pains us when people from other places stereotype us as being a bunch of backward hicks because of things that happened long before we were even born. It pains us when we hear reports of pockets of racism that still occasionally take place, such as the whole Jena, LA saga, because these unfortunate incidents only serve to reinforce that stereotype, even though these sorts of things are fading quickly with the passage of time. Older southern Americans that were raised in pre-integration America, thus more likely to be steeped in the ignorance that breeds racism, are dying off. The younger generations are, and there are of course exceptions to this as there are for every rule, much more tolerant and accepting. We went to school with black people. We have close friends that are black people. We have entered into romantic relationships with black people.

The times, they are indeed a-changin'.

Um, yeah, so much for that I guess.

With all of that said, I will say that having grown up in a small town near New Orleans that I can attest to the horrendous depths of despair that life in the New Orleans area housing projects had become for many people. To describe it as epidemic would be a gross understatement. Just picking up the local newspaper or watching the local news was all too often an exercise in human tragedy, we're talking complete lack of respect for human life or authority, and lost within the idiocy displayed in the video are legitimate concerns that many locals have had for years over that. But Jesus, there are certainly a million better ways to express that concern.

In the end, I would hope and pray that anyone seeing this would keep in mind that these people don't speak for the majority of us. It's sad and disheartening and downright revolting I know, but please don't paint us all with the same broad brush. Now excuse me for a moment ... I've got some self-loathing genital punching to do.

Before this season, we heard the mother Mini Muhammad sorta deny that she ever said McFadden would declare for the NFL draft early. This weekend, his father jumped into the fun, refuting an ESPN.com report that he already filed the NFL draft papers:

Graylon McFadden would not confirm either report Saturday evening when contacted by the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette.

"Well, I've been told to tell everybody 'no comment' and to get on the back shelf,"he said. "So, no comment."

McFadden's dad denies filing NFL draft papers [Democrat-Gazette]
Darren McFadden's NFL Draft Status Downgraded From "Yes" To "Probably Yes" [Some Stupid Website]

(Aside: How parents named Graylon and Mini settle on a normal boy's name of Darren is beyond me.)

Nothing major: Just another bar fight.

The fight involved one of the bar bouncers. Authorities say that one of McFadden's relatives was being escorted out of Ernie Biggs when McFadden and the people he was with got involved in a fight with Brant Hankins, the bouncer.

The argument went into the streets of the Rivermarket where the Little Rock Police Department put D-Mac in handcuffs for "agitated and provoking aggressive behavior." Once he calmed down the handcuffs were removed.

We will confess that upon first read of this story, we were confused who this "Ernie Biggs" was. It turns out, that's the name of the bar, and it's Little Rock's premier rock and roll dueling piano bar. Boy, and check out their stylin' piano players. Seems exactly like the type of place you'd find Darren McFadden after midnight, absolutely.

Darren McFadden In Fight At Little Rock Bar [Fox16]
Ernie Biggs [Official Site]

The book's case against Bush is built heavily on the testimony of one man, Lloyd Lake, who is at the center of the controversy. Lake, a convicted felon whose past in examined in the book, allegedly provided or arranged for hundreds of thousands of dollars in benefits for Bush and his family, much of which went directly to into the hands the USC football star. Lake goes so far as to claim that Bush was the one lobbying to further the partnership in clear violated of NCAA regulations. He says Bush had to convince him to follow through, urging, "Let's do it," in a face-to-face meeting.

I would suggest picking up a copy just so that you'll have something to read to your kids at bedtime.

YOU: "In February 2005, Bush asked for and was given $13,000 — by Lake — for the purchase of a car, a 1996 black Impala SS."
BOBBY: "Was it a fast car, daddy?"
YOU: "Yes. And Reggie wanted to upgrade the car and received another $4,000 from Lake for a new stereo, tinted windows, and high-performance tires and rims."
BOBBY: "That's called 'pimping,' right, daddy?"
YOU: "Yes."
BOBBY: "Will you read it to me again?"

Coincidentally or not, the Falcons chose the same day to say that they'd like to talk with Pete Carroll about their coaching vacancy. At any rate, it's all a lot more interesting than the BCS title game.

Carroll reportedly has no interest in the Falcons' job. Huh. Can't imagine why not.

First Glance At The Dreaded Bush Book [Los Angeles Times]
AP: Falcons Want To Interview Pete Carroll [USA Today]