At a preseason banquet, Hawkins declared that the Buffaloes' 2009 campaign would be "10 wins, no excuses." Since they currently have 3, I'm going to go out on a limb and say they aren't going to make it. Incredibly, Hawkins was given a contract extension last year, even though he has zero winning seasons and one bowl game loss under his belt. They're also in danger of losing scholarships because so many players have left the program their graduation rate is plummeting. But he's signed through 2012 and in order to make him leave, it would cost the school about $3.4 million. Not in this economy.

Normally, they would just ask CU's big ticket donors for the cash, but those folks already gave up $3 million to get rid of last chump they had to fire in order to hire the current chump. (A chump they would probably gladly take back if he wasn't such a fan of rape jokes.) The Omaha World-Herald says that the inner circle of "go to" donors has dried up, but that boosters have started reaching out the former Buffaloes in the NFL to see if they can help create a buyout pool.

Sorry, but I don't think Rashaan Salaam has a lot of petty cash lying around. Looks like you're stuck with Danny Boy.

What's the right price to get Boulder rolling? [Omaha World-Herald]

We know about the Redskins soap opera that has riveted everyone in the D.C. era, except Dan Snyder. Fan are upset. Security at FedEx field is upset because they now how have discipline the upset fans even though they'd rather just stand still and do nothing and that just makes everyone even more grumpy. Now some genius has found the solution to banned signs—a sign of humanity where folks in the upper deck can spell out "Fire Snyder" simply by wearing the right color t-shirt. If they can decode this seating chart first. I don't see how this possibly fails.

They aren't alone however. Browns fans are actually fighting with each other over the best way to voice their displeasure with the team's "rebuilding" process. A group of "Dawg Pound" residents are planning to arrive late to the Monday night game against the Ravens in two weeks, which will surely hurt Phil Dawson's feelings. Meanwhile other Cleveland fans counter with the ridiculous argument that you can't reverse a decade of failure in 7 games. This is not the time to be calm and rational, folks.

But it's not just NFL fans who are pumping up the emo music. Some Colorado students are urging everyone to wear powder blue to Folsom Field on Saturday in honor of one of the worst eras—and uniform choices—in Buffaloes history. Although, I'm not sure why they need the reminder when everyone is well aware that this current team is awful. This "statement" will surely rock academia to its foundations and possibly make CU administrators cancel the football program altogether. It's the only way to be sure.

And of course, Louisville's quixotic quest to humiliate head football coach Steve Kragthrope silently marches on. Shame is not a weapon when your opponent has none.

Or if football isn't your game, maybe write a strongly worded letter to the NBA reminding them that one of their oldest and least successful owners is also a racist jackass. Why should football fans have all the fun?

A FedEx Field Sign Snyder Can't Ban [Fire Snyder Sign, via FamousDC]
Browns Fans' Stand Against Dawg Pound Mike's Nov. 16 Protest [Cleveland Frowns]
Browns fans: Don't protest [Read and React]
Fed-up CU Buffs fans plan powder-blue protest at Folsom [Colorado Daily]
Bag Krag [Bag Krag]
Sterling suit seems to fit NBA just fine [Yahoo]

Burney, self-professed "hopeless romantic and connoisseur of carpe diem," is a senior cornerback and a florid writer who is something like Barbara Cartland in a chinstrap. His debut post, "The Sad Goodbye," went up Thursday and was swiftly bowdlerized by Colorado's athletic department, afraid word might get out that amateur collegiate athletes occasionally engage in shockingly casual sex. Joel Warner of Denver's Westword found the original entry. It began:

This is the first in a new series on CUBuffs.com penned by senior CB Benjamin Burney. Burney will give CU fans a one-of-a-kind glimpse inside the program like only he can.

"The Sad Goodbye"

You can feel it in the air, a tinge that tingles your nose and slowly rolls up your eyes. The grey morning sifts through the blinds as the rainy air from the night before pulls you up out of bed. You roll over and sit up giving your legs a rub as a deep sigh of learned anguish and anxious excitement bellows from your lungs. Your head hangs down as you pop your ankles and toes out of their Nike and Jordan dreamland then look over your shoulder at your girl of the night. She seems to mockingly snore in a deep sleep unaware of your dismay, your libido sheds a salty tear aware she can't be back for awhile, and your body begins to ache as it stares at the rising sun on August sixth two thousand and nine. "Where you goin'?" She asks looking at you methodically putting on weathered shorts, holy socks, and a tattered shirt; you don't look up for fear of her seeing the growing water in your eyes, you just answer slowly, trying your hardest not to personify your words, "Dal Ward...I have to go to Dal Ward... It's reporting day..."

The entry now looks like this. You'll note that "Burney's Blog" has become the group-authored "CU Football Blog," to which Burney says he will not be contributing in the future:

Burney said the blog was later edited without consulting him. He said the plan was for him to write the blog all season. He said he has since been told further editions won't be necessary.

"I have been censored. They took parts out of my blog and they took it away from me," Burney said. "It was my idea and it saddens me. They didn't tell me why I got censored, they changed it and it was taken away from me."

Westword points out that the Colorado Politburo also excised Burney's description of a meal ("Two dead pigs oozing with goodness, pretty in pink salmon, and crayon green salad") and its aftereffects ("We always eat too much on the first night and our toilets pay for it"). Gone, too, is his characterization of a series of meetings as "the mundane that sucks the all life out of each one of us, coaches and players alike."

That last edit is maybe even more preposterous than censoring the sexy bits. Any player will tell you that the sport is really one long team meeting broken up by occasional bursts of actual football. Writing about football without describing the tedium is like writing about war without mentioning death. Truth sheds a salty tear.

CU Buffs lets player blog about reality of college football, reconsider after player blogs about reality of college football [Westword]
CU Buffs nix player Ben Burney's blog after risque entry [Colorado Daily]
CU Football Blog: The Sad Goodbye by Ben Burney [CUBuffs.com]

Apparently, for "Kid's Night" at a Nuggets game, they "gangster"ed up the Colorado mascot.

The incident happened when Chip, CU's costumed buffalo mascot, showed up Friday at the Pepsi Center in Denver for a "kid's night" Nuggets basketball game dressed in "gangster-themed" attire. The fuzzy, cartoon-like buffalo replaced his trademark CU clothing with a white T-shirt and baggy pants, a do-rag and fake gold teeth. The costume also had a graphic of a teardrop tattoo below one eye...

We haven't received any pictures of the mascot yet, but, frankly, we can't think of anything we'd enjoy more than With Leather's illustration there. Whatever it actually looks like is destined to be a disappointment.

Non-Racist Mascots Can Be Racist Too [With Leather]

This security guard tackling plumbing at the Colorado-Colorado State game, somehow, has a reasonable explanation.

This stunt was part of a promotion by Denver Water to promote awareness of fixing running toilets and water conservation.

It must be depressing, sometimes, to be the guy in the mascot costume. Kids keep kicking you, it's impossible to convince anyone it was actually you inside there and, you know, it's kind of hot. But being the toilet guy? That's the pinnacle of the profession, we'd think.

Running Toilet Tackled By Security [Detroit Free Press]

One thing he wasn't brought in for was giving time off for his players. During a press conference yesterday, Hawkins was talking about a letter he received from a player's parents complaining about how little time being on the team allotted for happy family hour, or something. Hawkins starts off his "discussion" of this letter in calm form, but then, out of the nether, he explodes into a serious, Dennis Green-level rant.

No kidding: You can hear it right here. (Audio courtesy Lion In Oil.) Our favorite part is, without question, after all the screaming has slowed (slightly), he tosses in a little Hulk Hogan homage. Gotta appreciate that.

Dan Hawkins Rant [Odeo]
Colorado Coaches = Best Sound Bites [Lion In Oil]

The email, which called Castro a "bean-eating piece of shit," among other things, was inspired, Zeigle says, by Castro's pushing of Jackie's sister, Laura, another cross country runner, at a party. (Castro says he was trying to separate Laura's ex-boyfriend from a fight they were having.) Laura is Jackie's twin sister, and she will remain on the team.

It's a sad day for the Zeigle sisters, actually; O'Neal seems to be just another meathead lineman, but the Zeigle twins were once among cross country's fastest rising stars. This story in American Profile magazine from 2002 details their friendship and their devout Christianity; Laura was actually a Nike Athlete Of The Year that season. And now Jackie's getting kicked off the team for racist emails, and Laura's getting in fights at parties, and we ask again: What in the world is going on in Boulder these days?

A Gift For Speed [American Profile]
Recipient Of Racist Email Satisfied With CU's Actions [Rocky Mountain News]

The e-mail says some really lovely things about dragging a guy behind a car and calling him some names that I don't want to repeat.

You really couldn't make your program seem more unwelcoming and hateful towards women and minorities if you tried. Colorado could hire Adolph Rupp, Bob Knight, Al Campanis, and Fisher Deberry and they'd still seem a little bit more sensitive and aware than they do now.

So we're watching the end of the Nebraska-Colorado game on Saturday — Nebraska hammered Colorado 30-3, by the way — and the sideline reporter (whose name we have forgotten; sorry) goes up to Nebraska coach Bill Callahan, who has just had a bucket of Gatorade dropped on him. We pick up the exchange there:

Sideline Reporter: Great game, Coach, congratulations.
Callahan: Thanks.
Sideline Reporter: You're covered there, Coach. Was that one of the more satisfying dumps you've ever taken?
Callahan: (blinks) Uh, sure.

Sorry. Poop humor. You understand.

I Had A Feeling About This Game [Scarlet Fever]

(Update: It appears Phil Mushnick noticed this as well, which makes us feel about 45 percent dumber.)