A helpful reader forwarded along this Craigslist posting, with no further comments. None were needed. I present it to you in its entirety.

We are looking for height-challenged female(s) (as in midget, dwarf, munchkin, little person, just don't know the correct non-offensive terminology) to help run our fantasy football draft. We will be 10 males in a suite at the Mirage drafting for four hours on August 29th starting sometime in the late afternoon.

Your duties will be to make sure none of us run out of frosty beverages, to keep track of players taken on an oversized draft board (step stool included), and to wrestle under a glass table while either partially clothed or not clothed at all (this is why we would prefer more than one of you). Bonus points if you know something about football, know how to mix drinks, and enjoy making sure everyone is having a good time. We promise we will not degrade you by using your head for a coaster, nor will we expect any special favors as we value professionalism over anything.

Last year when I posted this ad we received an offer from a female who simply had no legs, which I determined to be cheating. So please, only true little people apply.

If interested, please respond by Friday. And don't worry about bringing anything as we will supply beverages, glass table, and rainbow with pot of gold.

Yes, obviously it's a joke. But imagine you were invited to this draft; you'd be pretty psyched, wouldn't you?

Wanted: Height-Challenged Female(s) for Fantasy Football Draft - mm4ww [Craigslist]

Manhattan's hottest, newest nightclub is hosting Jeremy Shockey's New Year's Eve Party and we want to surround his guys with the city's hottest girls. If you think you can dress, dance, and drink the part, then please send one head and one body shot, as well as your name and contact info, to brunofierce@gmail.com. Free entry and open bar all night long to the ladies we select.

I hereby encourage all of our more buxom female readers to apply for this noble job. You know you want to go.

Don't forget your cameras.

Time Before Baseball Practice
"I am here for two months before i head back up north. I have this morning before practice.....looking for a woman to enjoy the morning with. Can be married or single, disease free is important. I am 5 9 180 short hair and blue eyes, in shape, of course."

Doing the math, they've decided it's Reds utilityman Ryan Freel ... or Farney, anyway. Allotting for the fact that it could have been anyone, you, us, Howard K. Stern, who put that ad up there, we agree with Freel, or whoever the anonymous poster is: Disease free is important.

Baseball Player Takes To Craigslist Seeking Early-Morning Sex Romp To Ease Spring Training Tension [The Big Lead]
Ryan Freel's Little Friend [Deadspin]

...was the star quarterback in a potential state championship 4A high school football team.
...had a cheerleader girlfriend.
...was on his way to college.
...was carrying a solid 2.3 GPA.

But then he got sacked. And now, this individual...

...was dumped for Chad, the backup QB.
...watched his dog Fluffy die.
...was fired from his job because of the depression stemming from Fluffy's death.
...is homeless.
...wants you to give him a Fleshlight.

He's also requesting a laptop, any form of pornography, marijuana, a Wu Tang Clan tape, a box of Capri Suns, a non-Memorex blank CD-RW, viagra, and a copy of the Richard Marx single "Right Here Waiting For You" to help him mourn the death of Fluffy.

I don't have any idea what to say about this, but I thought it should be brought to your attention.

In need of some help guys [craigslist]