You see, Henry belted out a version of the Croat national anthem before the 80,000+ crowd on Wednesday, but made a small blunder at the end. The Register explains:

The ditty is "written in the old Croat style", and instead of singing Mila kuda si planina — "You know my dear how we love your mountains" — Henry thundered Mila kura si planina, or "My dear, my penis is a mountain".

Anyway, as Lion in Oil points out, most countries and their people would be so be insulted and mortified by this slip-up that they'd be calling for Henry's head. But not the Croats. They loved it!

Accordingly, Croatians are now calling for Henry to be awarded with a medal and appointed their team's official mascot for Euro 2008. Mate Prlic, of Croatian footie mag Torcida, suggested: "He obviously relaxed the players so why not invite him to Euro 2008 to keep the winning streak going?"

England Flops Shafted By Enormous Todger [The Register]
Croatian Soccer Players Only Wish Their Penises Were Mountains [Lion In Oil]

So yesterday was a key Euro 2008 soccer qualifier between Croatia and England, everyone all fired up, everything second counting ... and then goalie Paul Robinson made the mistake of his life.

You really hate to see that. Fortunately, nobody makes a big deal out of soccer in England.

Good Grief [That's On Point]

So: It's Australia vs. Croatia. We hope the Croats wear those checkered uniforms. Those are a lot more fun.

Your live blogger with live blogging mostest? It's Jon Shurkin, from SFist.com, a pleasant enough fellow who's rolling up his sleeves and ready to put some shrimps on the Ken doll. Play with us in the comments, and enjoy.

————————————————————————-
Okay, all I can say is wow. That was just sheer bedlam at the end. There was the player who should have been called off, an offsides call that wasn't, a handball call that wasn't, and then the just utter confusion at the end. Not to mention shot after desperate shot by Croatia who really played well, but just not well enough.

I'd hate to be in Croatia right now as that loss was just devastating.

Mazel tov to the Aussies, who unlike a certain team who shall reamain nameless, just gave it their all. Just a great effort on their part, especially considering they could have just thrown ten in the box and played for the tie.

As for the game, as Smyth said it wasn't the best technical wise so lots of people will probably criticize it for it's lack of technique, but sweet fancy Moses that was fun. Shot after shot after shot and all that craziness at the end.

Anways, I'm outtie as I gotta go soak my wrists after typing all that.

93: Australia scores!!!! But after the whistle? Who knows. There's a yellow card and a red card and nobody knows what is happening or if the game is over or what the hell is going on.

Wait, it's over. Australia ties and advances, Croatia goes home. It's a 2-2 tie, the goal doesn't count.

92:50 They don't know how much time is left in the game....

92: They lost track of how many cards Siminc has and whether he should be off or not. Australia is just dithering with the ball right now.

91:20: Srna is mauled before getting a kick off. Two mmore minutes left in stoppage time.

91: Kovac just misses

90: We're in stoppage time and there's now announcement about the time. Croatia shot goes wide.

89: That sound you hear is millions of people screaming as the video feed just went out.

87: Emerton sent off for double yellow card-ness. It's now 10 on 10. Could this game be more out of control?

86: How does Croatia miss that? Someone (sorry, I can't remember who it was) had a wide open shot after a beautiful pass but he can't connect. The ball dribbles slowly passed the goalie but there's two Roos there to defend

85: Simic gets a red card. Or is it Srna? Simic did the tacky tackle, but Srna was doing a lot of close talking to the ref to protest the whole thing.

83:After showing the replay, it looks like Kewell was offsides on the goal and it shouldn't have been counted. Also, they showed on the TV the women Will should have used.

Kewell gets a ball knocked around after a free kick and hits a sideways launcher from the right side of the goal to the left side of the goal, right beyond the reach of the Croatian goaltender. The Aussies bust out a rousing rendition of "Ole!"

78: Goal by Kewell. It's 2-2!

75: On a free kick in front of the net, a Croatian defender gets his hand on it, but no call. Croatia isn't just knocking on the door, but trying to blow the mother up with dynamite.

73: A bunch of ic's get switched off for Croatia. The new Croatian player looks like Tommy Shaw of Styx.

72: There's a scrum match in front of the goal. The goalie has it, but where does it land? No goal is the call. Wow! There was like two Aussies right there and the Croatian goalie who gets it and falls pretty much right ON THE LINE.

71: Great play by the Aussies in front of the net. There's one great shot that was right at the goalie, then Kewell almost got a shot off of a corner kick that also misses.

68: Kalac is way off-side. Is it me, bu tin looking at Will's choice of pictures, is he showing that he is rooting for Australia? And does the Croatian dude look like a new wave Braveheart? And does the "slutty" girl in the picture really Australian? I thought Aussie women were all tall, leggy, and blonde. The girl in the picture looks more Croatian actually, or maybe it's because she looks like the girl in the sex video.

65: Leko in for Kranjar, the Croatian coach's son and source of much Croatian hullaballoo. That was Aloisi who came in for Australia.

62: First sub for Australia, Bruce for Bruce (and that's your obscure Monty Python reference for the day)

61: Yellow card on Siminic for stiff arming Kewell. Free kick for Australia.

58: The question has to be asked about why Hiddink started Kalac instead of Schwarzer. Schwarzer is the regular goalie and Kalac has pretty much been fumbling everything. If the 'Roos lose this, poor Guus is going to be hammered for that decision.

57: Goall!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! by Croatia. Kovac hit a little squibber from outside the box and the Australian goalie (Kalac) pretty much pulls a Buckner and let's it get right by him.

52: Nice free kick by Croatia, but Kovac's header goes over the net.

51: One more thing about this game, there doesn't seem to be much in the way of flopping, despite all the hard tackles that are going on. Australia doesn't seem like the team to do stuff like that but Croatia did. They've been playing without the dramatics also.

48: Some 'Roo (couldn't make it out) also made a great run downfield and had a great shot on goal but it was all work and no payoff as he got a weak shot off. Hey, it sounds like Fatso Ronaldo scored for Brazil.

46: And we're back. Neil takes the ball from the Aussie side all the way to the mid-section of the Croatian field, passed it to the left for a good opportunity but once again, Croatia gets back in time.

HALFTIME: Wow, what a half. I hate to use a football(American) analogy, but this is like one of those playoff games where each team just marches back and forth every possession. Except, of course, without as much scoring. Considering Australia had to just tie to advance (presuming Brazil beats Japan, which is iffy at this point), you gotta admire the fact that they came out and attacked and then kept attacking even after equalizing the game. Tommy Smyth even started criticizing the 'Roos for keeping up their frantic pace. Croatia feels a little overwhelmed right now but are holding tight fairly well. Considering they got to win, though, they need to get a move on.

Also of note is that while it's a pretty fast game and a pretty physical game, there hasn't been many fouls called and only one card has been issued. The ref seems to be just letting everyone play which is adding to the fun. For anyone who wonders how a 1-1 game can be any exciting, that half pretty much explained how. It was more foosball game than football game.

Expect things to slow down a bit the next half because, well, it has to. And I hope so because my wrists are hurting so much from having to type up something every thirty seconds. Also Australia has to realize they might be teetering on losing control of things and maybe getting a bit defensive about things. Also look for Croatia to pick things up, but they don't seem like the attacking type, more like the counter-attacking types. Guess that'll have to change.

HALFTIME after two minutes of stoppage time. It's a 1-1 tie.

45: Injury time starts. I think it's a minute, but I completely missed it. Austarlia on the attack once more.

42: Kewell makes a nice header straight on goal that's saved. A few seconds later, Prso on the other end gets a shot off that is also taken by the goalie. Not that they were difficult saves, but I swear, there's at least a shot or two a minute.

41: Once more, from the top of the box, Cahill tries an upside down bicycle kick type thingy and completely misses. Nice try, though.

40: On a Croatian corner, the Aussie goalie gets it, then drops it for a few seconds right in front of the goal before picking it up again. Ooops.

38: Croatia 1- Socceroos 1

36: Penalty kick for Australia for a hand ball on Croatia. Then there's a yellow card for some guy who looks like Joe Rogan (Tudor). Craig Moore hits a low shot to the right side of the goal and SCORES for the equalizer.

35: Viduka gets a nice clearing pass in front of the goal but dives so much going for it that he can't get up to kick it. He tries to get up but by the time he's up, Croatia is there to defend. The Aussies are really making me work.

34: Cahill hits another drive from the far-right of the goal that is also stopped. Viduka is mauled in front of the goal but once again, no call.

33: Aussie Kalina shoots one from the top of the box right over the Croatian goal.

31: Simic of Croatia gets a yellow card for, well, I'm not sure. Some unsportsman-like thing involving the ball and a blown whistle.

30 Cahill outleaps the Croatian goalie and heads it over the goalie, leaving an open shot but a whistle calls Cahill for a foul.

29: Cahill gets a header on goal and there's a save. About thirty seconds later, Kewell kicks a line drive from the left that the goalie also saves. Corner kick goes nowhere.

28: Prso again on the right side, doing some fancy dribbling with the ball but once again is shut down by the Aussie D

27: More attempts by Australia from around the box but nothing much going on. They have been pretty much on the attack since they gave up the first goal, playing with an intensity not seen by a certain team this morning (and yes, I'm still bitter)

24: Team Bob's Big Boy counters as Srna goes down the right-side but is stopped by the Aussie D. The Socceroos back on the attack.

23: Aussies still on the attack with lots of lobs towards the box but Australia can't do anything with it.

22: Corner kick by Australia is once again cleared wide by a Croatian header. They need to work on that.

20: Kewell dribbles clear towards the top of the box, passes to Viduka who is open for a second but Viduka just can't pull the trigger and the ball is passed back to the Croatian goalie by a Croatian defender

19: Neil goes up for a header against Prso and it looks like Neil yanks Prso's hair as they go up for the ball. No foul is called. Again, if this was the U.S. game, that would have been a penalty kick even if it was nowhere near the goal.

18:The Socerrros are definately on the attack and get off a bunch of shots on goal. Some even make it to the goalie. Note to the US team: it's called "shooting."

14: free kick by Australia to the left of the Croatian goal is cleared quickly by a Croatian header. Australia recovers and plays around for a bit in the mid-field.

12: A bunch of Croatian ic's pass it back and forth to the right of the Aussie goal, but finally gets stripped by a defender.

11: Kewell of the 'Roos takes the ball down and gives it up right outside the box, Croatia counters but gets just loses it at midfield.

10 And yes, I realize "fast break" is a basketball term. Sorry.

9: Viduka gets a fast break, trips up on the ball around the line of the box, passes it Cahill rather weakly and the ball is kicked out of bounds.

8:Croatia still on the attack. They are, as they say "stepping up" and "taking it to the next level" this game. They play around in front of the Aussie goal, but get nothing until it's finally cleared out.

6: Viduka is pretty much tackled, American football style, right in front of the Croatian goal, but nothing is called. If it was the US game, the Croatian player would not only have been red carded, but their male, first born son too.

1: Kovac and his Flashdance headband is tackled right outside the box. On the free kick, Croatia scores. Goallll!!!!!!!!!! by Srna on the free kick. All of this right after Smyth is talking about how Australia doesn't have their regular goalie (Schwarzer) in for no particular reason

0: For some reason, this game is on ESPN 2 (interrupting some sort of Domino's Championship- God love ESPN 2). And our announcers are Tommy Smythe (Smith?) and Adrian Healey which makes me feel like I'm watching actual real soccer announcers. Healey tells us to "buckle up" for the game. Australia is in there yellow unis, Croatia are in there Bob's Big Boy unis

We're coming to you liiiiiiive from my apartment on a beautiful San Francisco afternoon, perfect weather to spend the day indoors watching soccer. I hope everyone's not too burnt out and disillusioned after this morning's Matrix-sequels like buzz kill. I hate to say it, but as much as it sucked to see the U.S. lose, you have to be happy at least it was to Ghana. Basically any country that throws national holidays for winning a World Cup match probably deserves it more than we, the country that actually has something called NASCAR Nation, does. And it's not like they have much of anything else going for them and I don't mean that in a snotty kind of way, I just mean that it's not like Bono is running around trying to save our asses.

Anyways, today's Australia/Croatia game might look like one of those random World Cup pairings between two countries that have probably never been put together in the same sentence in like, ever, but it's actually a pretty big game. And not just for the obvious reason that it will decide who advances and who goes home. There's actually a bit of history between the two squads and even though ESPN will probably beat it into your heads by the end of this game, bear with me.

Turns out there are a lot of ethnic Croats living in Australia (Aussies call them "Wogs" and not in a nice way) all of whom seem to breed soccer players. A lot of Croatian Australians are playing today, and not all for the Socceroos. Three players on the Croatian team (Josip Simunic, Joe Didulica and Anthony Seric) were born and live in Australia but decided to play for Croatia thinking they'd have a better chance of World Cup advancement. Australia's captain, Mark Viduka, is also Croatian but decided to stick with the Socceroos out of patriotism. So what this means is that a lot of people are playing not just to advance, but to not look like idiots. If Croatia wins, there's probably going to be three soccer players who will be going to be looking for new homes in a month or so.

As for styles, since you're supposed to discuss soccer teams in terms of national character, the Aussies play a physical, defensive style but with an attacking style usually not seen in teams that play that kind physical football. Exactly what you'd expect from a country mainly descended from English convicts. As for Croatia, I have no idea what Croatians are known for other than fighting nasty little civil wars with their neighbors. So far their style has been sort of Italy-lite: good defense but not so good offense, great skills but not so great smarts, and an amazing array of haircuts.

Now to the game....

Japan 0-0 Croatia. ...because Darijo Srna mised a penalty kick against Japan this morning in the 21st minute of the game. Great save by Yoshikatsu Kawaguchi, the Japanese keeper, diving to his left to get one of his giant goalie gloves on the low shot. Croatia can still get through with a win, and I hope they do, because they've got the best jerseys in all the World Cup.

France 1-1 Korea . Well, the French finally scored a goal, which had previously been about as rare as them winning a war. What they didn't do, however, was win, giving up a goal to Ji-Sung Park in the 81st minute for the 1-1 tie. That gives France 2 points, and if there's a winner in tomorrow's Switzerland/Togo game, it'll put France in jeopary of not advancing out of a group that includes South Korea, Switzerland, and Togo. Fair to say that France's international soccer efforts are comparable to those of American basketball?

Togo Still Has Issues The Togolese players were considering boycotting tomorrow's game against Switzerland, until FIFA officials stepped in and convinced them otherwise. Players, coaches, and officials are still bitching about money. In the 76 year history of the World Cup, no team has ever withdrawn from a match. I think it's time to send dispatch Drew Rosenhaus to Togo and let him work this thing out.

Watching Brazil yesterday brought to mind an old joke. A bunch of comics sitting around in a steam room, comparing what Deadspin readers are inclined to compare in steam rooms. One of them boasts that no one can measure up to him, and another comic says "wanna bet?" He then goes up to the legendary Milton Berle and begs him to drop his towel to win the bet. Berle, famously with nothing to prove, demurs and, finally, the comic, exasperated, says, "C'mon, Miltie, just show enough to win." (Thank you, ladies and soccer germs, I'll be here all week. Drive home safely.)

But seriously, how much would you show if you were Brazil, and you had all but been awarded the trophy before a single bikini-clad fan had shouted Ole? How much would you have to prove? So yesterday's 1-0 win over Croatia may have looked underwhelming, but I don't think we saw everything that's under the towel.

Sure, the Kirstie Alley-like Ronaldo, who was once a legend in his own time and is now merely a legend in his lunch time, looked as swift and energetic as one of Bruce Arena's boys. Come to think of it, maybe he should have taken that $120 million dollar offer from the New York Red Bulls, or at least a case of Red Bull. Not since 1998, when a dehydrated Ronaldo collapsed from nervous exhaustion in the locker room just before the World Cup final and yet still took the field, has there been such a sorry sight in a canary-yellow jersey. When coach Carlos Alberto Parreira finally put an end to his misery in the 69th minute, the Brazilian fans booed the man who had delivered them the 2002 World Cup. Can you imagine Red Sox fans booing Big Papi or Curt Schilling?

"Ronaldo said he is not at his ideal fitness, so let's wait until he improves his performance and we see the player we know and love," said his teammate Kaka. Fair enough, but as far as I'm concerned, the guy played like caca. As for Kaka, he showed that your name is not your destiny. His scorcher from 20 yards was yet another reminder that Brazil has so many weapons in their cache that someone should call a UN inspector.

The most lethal, of course, is still Ronaldinho, even if yesterday he hardly brought his Joga Bonito, tantalizing with a flick here, a back heel there, but never wreaking the kind of havoc that made him World Player of the Year in 2004 and 2005. It is worth noting that the Brazilians historically do not play like "Bra-ziiiiiil!" in their opening matches, having squeaked by Scotland 2-1 in 1998 and Turkey in 2002. The bad news for the rest of the world is that they grow stronger as the tournament progresses, and by July 9, I'm confident the towel will be off, and we'll see every inch of their amazing talent.

(By the way, it appears our friend Mr. Hirshey has gone and got himself all famous-like.)

Anyway, the World Cup favorites kick off today, right now, actually, hence this whole "live blog" thing. Brazil takes on Croatia in Berlin, wherever the heck that is. It should be fun just to watch the Brazilians.

Your man with the plan is Michael Colacicco, of Naughty Baseball, so follow along in the comments and feel free to email us with thoughts for Michael. We'll pass them along to him. And, as always, enjoy Brazil.

——————————————————————————-
Thanks for listening. I hope you enjoyed the game and look forward to doing it again...CHEERS!

The man of the match: I'm going with the obvious choice of Kaka...and lo and behold, ESPN agrees with me. A case could be made for Ronaldinho who created a lot of offense, and played well defensively. And a special third place prize should be given to that ballsy Croatian, who managed to get through security, run on the field and make a name for himself on this here blog.

Post-Game: Foudy's back on, looking glorious as ever. As for the game, the Brazilians didn't look quite as overpowering as expected. In the second half Croatia put on more pressure and had three or four legitimate shots at tying this game. But then again, Brazil also had a handful of opportunities to go up by two scores.

GAME OVER: Suprise, Surprise
BRAZIL 1-CROATIA 0

Injury Time: Srna with one last shot for Croatia—he crosses, but it's cleared out by Brazil.

88:00: Apparently ignited by the actions of the jeaned fan running across the field, Prso chips the ball to Kranjcar, but the ball lands on the top-netting of the goal.

85:00: HA. Finally some excitement. I was running out of things to say. A Croatian fan just sprinted across midfield! I didn't really see it because ESPN doesn't support such endeavors, but the game has been stalled for about 2 mins.

83:35: Emerson hits the ground hard...The Croatians need to get something going. They're playing like they're up 1-0—getting stuck on their heels inside their own 18.

81:42: Cafu, this is what I get for calling him an old man, makes a nice run down the sideline, resulting in a corner for Brazil.

79:00: More of the same. Brazil is attacking, but can't finish the deal. Croatia has been largely on their heels in the last ten minutes. On a side note: Croatia has nearly caught up to Brazil in fouls. They aren't leaving without getting their moneys worth.

73:00: Brazil attacking. Robinho takes a shot, stopped by Croatia. Adriano a shot off the rebound and the ball sails out of bounds.

71:40: Kaka nearly strikes again. Misses slightly wide right on a laser from outside the 18.

69:30: Croatia's Babic with another hard shot for Croatia, but Dida smothers it.

68:54: SUB: Ronaldo out, and Robhino in. No pressure for this kid—he's only been labeled as the next Pele.

67:00: The Croatians attacking much harder in this half. Darijo Srna, a young and very talented player putting on most of the pressure, but Croatia keeps coming up short.

66:07: Croatians don't get mad, they get even. Robert Kovac avenges his brother by nailing Adriano to the ground, and a booking in the process.

65:00: Prso with another strong drive down the center of the Brazilian defense, but he's stopped short.

61:50: Cafu with a great cross to Ronaldinho, but the header is stopped by the Octopus.

59:20: Roberto Carlos delievers a poor pass across field, and Prso intercepts it. Delivers a weak attempt at Dida.

58:00: Ronaldinho off a set piece crosses the ball into the box, but it's cleared by the Croats.

57:16: The Croatians can't beat the Brazilians at anything. Total fouls: Brazil 13-Croatia 7.

55:44: Ronaldo with a fabulous shot outside the box, but the ball sails over the bar. Really, the first positive thing for Ronaldo so far in this match.

53:01: A great shot again by the Croatians—Klasnic from outside the box fires a strike that Dida nearly drops. Definitely looks like a pro-Croatian crowd, given its proximity to Berlin, but there are many Brazilian supporters in attendance as well.

50:00: Robert Kovac delivers a great ball to Prso in the box—Dida with a nice diving save for Brazil. Croatia...inches from tying the game.

47:30: A great tackle by the other, younger Robert Kovac. I didn't mention it, but both these guys were born in Germany.

46:10: Foul on Brazil's Juan, a nice kick to a Croatian's back.

We're back. Croatia kicked off and not much doing.

Still Half-Time: Not that this is related to the World Cup, but the Golden Boy JJ Redick with a DUI late last night/early morning today. As a UCONN fan, I can say that Marcus Williams is officially off the hook for stealing those computers.

Half-Time: Brazil 1-Croatia 0. Ahh...The legendary women's soccer star Julie Foudy now with commentary. I think she's pretty hot, my friend says she's busted. Can anyone back me up?

44:00: I've always wanted to say this: KAKA SCORES! Crack open those Brahmas baby!!! A great shot from about 20 yards outside the box—upper left corner.

42:00: Emerson booked for stepping on Tudor's in-step.

40:00: Kovac finally goes off due to "injury,"—this time, for good.

38:00: Croatia with a nice opportunity on a set piece outside the box—Igor Tudor slides in, but the ball sails over his head. Best attempt so far by Croatia.

36:30: Brazil's Emerson with a nice shot outside the box that misses high. The Brazilians are up 6-2 in the shot category.

35:20: What do you know? Kovac is taken off the field on a stretcher, and then one minute later he's back...

33:30: Although I've mentioned a lot about the Croats thus far, the Brazilians still pretty much own this game. Adriano with a header that runs wide.

32:02: Foul just outside the penalty box for Brazil. Ronaldinho takes the free-kick, and hits it right into the "wall."

30:00: Like many soccer players though, Kovac seemed unable to get off the field a minute ago, but is gingerly jogging now. Funny how that works.

29:00: Nico Kovac and his cheeky headband are down. Adriano gave him a nice stiff-arm down the sideline.

I didn't mention it earlier, but apparently, Ronaldinho is worth $100 million dollars. Take that Cuban!! Kinda...

25:00: Croatians threatening again, but they can't seem to get through the final third of Brazil's defense. Great game. Lots of pace.

22:28: Waiting for it all day...no, not a goal, but Niko Kranjcar. Took a deep shot from outside the box that missed right.

21:01: A run by Niko Kovak—who is 35 mind you—tried to slice through the Brazil defense, but is stopped just beyond midfield.

19:00: Croatia with a corner, but it's cleared easily.

14:30: Off a corner kick, Roberto Carlos another great shot off a half-volley, and another great save.

14:00: Roberto Carlos from ten yards outside the box. A great save by Stipe Pletikosa, or the "octopus," as they like to call him.

12:45: Pretty slow right now. Old man Cafu just got a touch for Brazil.

As if the Brazilians weren't favored enough...ESPN2 just told us they haven't lost a first round game in WC play since 1934.

8:15: Counterattack by Brazilans. Ronaldinho to Kaka—shot wide right.

7:17 mins: Prso laying the pressure on Brazil. Croatia with a corner. Dida, a 6'5" giant makes an easy save.

4:40 mins: Dado Prso had an aggressive drive down the left sideline. The first relative break for the Croats. According to soccernet what this man lacks in skill he supposedly makes up for with his muscular and aerial presence...hmm...

2 mins: Croatians trying to set the tempo...A.K.A. knocking down their more talented counterparts.

1 min: Brazilians coming out in a 4-4-2. Roberto Carlos with a try early on, but it's wide right.

That's enough pregame crap. Let the games begin!

The Croatians will be more than happy to get out of here with a tie. From what I've heard, Brazil's only "weakness" is that the left side of their D tends to be a little too aggressive, having trouble getting back on the counterattack. Croatia should at least try to exploit this.

An intriguing match up: Fatty V. "Fatty"
Niko Kranjcar is called "Fatty," by the Croatian media for his lack of fitness. What could be worse? How bout the President calling you fat—Pres Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva asked Brazilian striker Ronaldo if he was fat or not during a videoconference.

Croatia...as Deadspin mentioned in their "four tiny tidbits," the originator's of the necktie, or, "cravat," as they like to call it, also has a rich soccer tradition and is the other favorite (besides Brazil) to make it out of Group F. Some controversy you should know about: Manager Zlatko Kranjcar is being mangled in the Croatian media for naming his 21-year-old son, Niko Kranjcar, the "playmaker," of the Croatian side. It's never fun to play with the coaches' son, but I don't think his dad is the only one who thinks he's good. He is supposedly coveted by Barcelona, Liverpool, AC Milan and inter.

Brazil: Known for beautiful women, the sinister little caipirinha cocktail, and the biggest party in the world, these guys are also pretty good at soccer. Heavy favorites going into the cup, this current Brazil side has all ready been compared to the great World Cup championship teams of 1958 and 1970. That Nike commercial says it all: Ronaldinho (the best player in the world), volleys it to Ronaldo (the formerly dubbed best player in the world), who volleys it to Adriano (the best player in Italy)...You get the idea.

A plan indeed.

• 1. Free Jerko. First and foremost, the Croats have a player named Jerko Leko. ... They flopped at Euro 2004 with playing Bremen hitman Klasnic. New coach Zlatko Kranjar likely won't make that mistake. ... A pretty good mix of stars and role players who seem to like playing with each other. Also good mix between young and old. ... One of the few teams in Fifa 2006 online that can consistently defeat Brazil. Although that seems doubtful when they meet June 13 in Berlin.

• 2. Being Severina Vuckovic. Of Croatioan descent: None other than, John Malkovich, Vanna White, Bill Belichick, Nick Saban and the lovely Severina Vuckovic, who is known as the Croatian Paris Hilton. She even has her own sex tape scandal that has tarnished her wholesome image. But we refuse to show a link to that here (we couldn't find one).

• 3. What Could Possibly Go Wrong?. Former Croat legend Zvonimir Boban earned international acclaim for stopping the police from beating a young fan following a riot between a Dinamo Zagreb/Red Star Belgrade match (Oh, those wacky Serbs.). Suffice to say, bring your bulletproof vests should Croatia somehow find a way to play Serbia.

• 4. King Me. Croatia lays claim to inventing the necktie (no word on the piano-key variety). Also, if you get bored, you can Tivo one of their games and pause it and play a game of checkers on their jerseys. — (thanks to Mike Cardillo).

(Tomorrow: Costa Rica)