Deadspin: Curses

Dana Jacobson Has The Sole Appropriate Reaction To The Mike And Mike Roast

Leitch — Mon, 14 Jan 2008 14:20:18 EST

Last Friday night, they held that "Mike And Mike Celebrity Roast" thing in Atlantic City. It was about as entertaining as you'd expected it to be, according to the Press Of Atlantic City. (No offense to Trey Wingo, but when you host half the show, and the other half is hosted by Jeffrey Ross, you're in trouble.) But we're not here to talk about Mike And Mike, or the Roast. We're here to talk about Dana Jacobson.

The former "Cold Pizza" diva and current "ESPN First Take" Bayless wrangler apparently had a wee bit too much fun.

ESPN anchor Dana Jacobson made an absolute fool of herself, swilling vodka from a Belvedere bottle, mumbling along and cursing like a sailor as Mike & Mike rested their heads in their hands in embarrassment. [Comedian Eddie] Griffin came to the podium to defend her after she was booed by the crowd. Ross eventually had to pull her off stage, too.

We hear rumblings of a rather outstanding video that was taken of this, but we haven't seen it yet. (You know where to find us.)

All told, we've always enjoyed Jacobson — we think of her as, like, the youngest, coolest mom on our block growing up — and we like her even more now. We can think of no more appropriate reaction to being forced to attend a Mike And Mike Roast than swigging from a bottle of Belvedere, Jim Morrison-style, while jumping on stage and, essentially, committing career suicide. We'd do the exact same thing, had we been in that position. And we wouldn't have looked as perty.

Roast Of 'Mike & Mike' In Atlantic City Runs From Brilliant To Terrible [Press Of Atlantic City]

The Tarp That Ate The Cardinals ... On Sale!

Leitch — Wed, 27 Jul 2005 12:32:32 EDT

St. Louis Cardinals, still reeling from the magical season of 1985 that just missed ending in a World Series win, might not want to hear about this, but you never know: Maybe they'll want to burn it. As the final year of St. Louis' Busch Stadium draws to a close, the Birds are auctioning off some old crap they had lying around. Included in that? The actual tarp that ran over then-Cards outfielder Vince Coleman, forcing the Rookie of the Year to miss the rest of the playoffs. The only thing better would be if they were somehow to procure one of Don Denkinger's testicles. That might sell for more.

Man-Eating Tarp Is Bankroll Away [San Diego Union-Tribune]
Don Denkinger [Wikipedia]

Giants Fans Desperately Want To Get Crabs

Leitch — Thu, 30 Jun 2005 12:58:49 EDT

In 1984, the San Francisco Giants, back when the team was terrible and the sports information was wacky, introduced the Crazy Crab, a satirical mascot meant to skewer the concept of a mascot all together. The notion was that Crazy Crab was an anti-mascot, one that would take the abuse of fans frustrated with a lousy Giants team. It worked, too: Crowds and fans alike took turns pummeling poor actor Wayne Doba (who was also in Scarface! — with drinks and food.

Well, now that the Giants stink again, a movement is afoot to bring back the crab. Quoth the online petition site's founders:

At only one year of big-league experience, he'd bring more youth to the team that the Giants sorely need! Plus - no history of injuries! Hey, things can't get much worse... uh, right?...

Rehab The Crab [Official Site] (via SportsFrog)
1984: Love That Crazy Crab [SFGiants.com]

The Curse Of Don Novello

Leitch — Mon, 27 Jun 2005 10:34:09 EDT

The San Francisco Giants, thanks largely to a balky knee that has absolutely nothing to do with steroids, are 14 games under .500, 11 games behind the first-place San Diego Padres and appear stuck in a rather large ditch with poor plumbing and a strange puddle of something green. But a new theory explaining the Giants' early futility has arisen, and it has nothing to do with dudes with enormous heads and mistress issues. It's all due to ... Father Guido Sarducci.

According to the San Jose Mercury-News, the aging "Saturday Night Live" writer — also known, in a "just hoping to become an extra on 'CSI'" type of way, as Don Novello — has put a curse on the Giants. He is furious — well, as furious as Father Guido Sarducci can get — that the Giants have fired his "baseball-fetching Portugese water dogs." They used to go get Barry Bonds home run balls from the bay, but since there is no Barry Bonds, there are no baseball-fetching Portugese water dogs. Sarducci says the hex will not be lifted until the dogs are returned. He then went back to more voice work on Atlantis: Milo's Return.

The Curse of Father Guido [San Jose Mercury News]
Atlantis: Milo's Return [IMDB]

Tampa Now Killing Off Its Pitchers Literally

Leitch — Wed, 01 Jun 2005 10:30:44 EDT

What would you do if you were pitching so poorly that the Tampa Bay Devil Rays wanted to send you to the minor leagues? Legitimate question: No one seems to have any idea what happened to starter Dewon Brazelton. His agent released a statement and now isn't talking, and no one in D-Rays' front office has any idea if he's going to report to Triple-A Durham or not. Meanwhile, he's being spotted everywhere: one "fan" saw him having lunch in Tampa, some think he went to his hometown of Tullahoma, Tenn., and, in what we think it's totally the most likely, many suspect he went to Amsterdam. Heh. Yeah, that's probably where we'd go.

Brazelton's Absence Sparks Rumors [Tampa Tribune]
Brazelton's Agent Asks For Privacy [Tennessean]