I'm still in shock. It's inconceivable to me that a team with so much talent, and with their World Cup lives on the line, couldn't raise their game and pull out a W. It was that simple: Win and you're in.

I'm speaking, of course, of the Czech Republic, a team that just two weeks ago I thought was destined for the semis — at worst. But I guess that's what happens when you put too much stock in a World Cup tune-up against a tiny nation like the United States.

Ah yes, the US. Apparently they played today as well, although I was busy following the Larry Brown euthanasia at the time. Is it just me, or does Bruce Arena seem like a natural to replace Isiah when the Dolans tire of him by Thanksgiving?

Thanks to Eric Wynalda — who didn't even wait for the teams to exchange jerseys before showing his firm grasp of the obvious and declaring Arena dead meat — we now know that Cousin Brucie has a bright soccer future behind him. Honestly, even Ozzie Guillen would have handled that with a little more sensitivity. Because let's face it: While Arena certainly didn't remind anyone of the second coming of Alf Ramsay (look it up), it's hard to coach players whose command of soccer's rudimentary skills is worthy of, well, the MLS. Whatever you think of the egregious penalty kick call, it is undeniable that the US were outplayed, outhustled and outthought by a Ghana team that clearly had something to prove.

Show of hands. Other than Freddy Adu's mom, who took Ghana in their office pool? If you were Brazil, wouldn't you rather face the mercurial Italians than a team that even stripped of its best player — Michael Essian picked up a second yellow and will have to sit out — has that giant killer glint in their eyes? The World Cup now has its Gonzaga, and, come to think of it, Ghana and Gonzaga even sound a little alike, if you insert the word "zaga" into everything you say.

As for me, I won't be joining the cast of "CSI Germany" in their autopsy of the American team, because I'm too busy booking my aisle seat on the Ghana bandwagon. At least until they get their asses kicked by Brazil.

David Hirshey will return on Tuesday.

But you knew that: It's Italy vs. Czech Republic, with the second round and all kinds of business on the line. You'll need to be following along both games here, we're afraid.

Your morning live-blogger is Geoffrey Thomas, who is going to be awesome. Follow along in the comments, have a fun time and, obviously, go Italy.

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Well, its over. A lot of people in the audience look pissed.

It's been a blast blogging this game for you all this morning. I hope you enjoyed it. If you are a disappointed about the USA going out, check out payingsodearly.blogspot.com for my article on who to root for when the US goes out (which I knew was inevitable!)

Italy did their job, but it doesn't look like enough to get the USA through to the next round.

stoppage time: Well, the Italians have booked their passage into the next round. Looks like Ghana gets the monumental task of playing Brazil in the next round. Italy could end up with Australia, who has been spunky so far. The Ghana- Brazil game should be fascinating stuff. As for this game, I'm just killing time until the ref blows the whistle, cause the Czechs haven't been in the game for awhile.

87th- Finally- a 4 man jail break leads to a 2 on Cech situation, with Inzaghi faking the pass and finishing in the empty net. It's 2-0 Italy, and this one is JUST about over.

83rd- Inzaghi nearly puts the game away, after some sketchy defending by Pirlo, but his header flashes wide of the post. The Czechs can't even get their hands on the ball

81th- Totti tries to chip Cech again. His teamates should stop making runs, cause he isn't passing.

80th- Hey, T-Moble is sponsering the man of the match thingy... just in case you didn't know. GET THE &#;^#$ graphic OFF the SCREEN!

80th- The Czechs make a sub. I'm not going to bore you with the details.

77th- I'm trying really, really hard not to rail on the announcers too much. I feel its one of those been there done that things in these live blogs. But just so you know, they are terrible.

74th minute- Camoernesi is off, probably my man of the match for Italy. He and Gattuso have been excellent controlling the midfield. I think Italy could insert me into the game and not be worse for the wear. Complete domination. The Czechs have looked defeated for the last 20 minutes.

72- The Czechs are putting toegether some possesion and looking a little better. Nedved forces Buffon into a nice save to his left.

69- Inzhagi pounces on a defensive mistake by the Czechs, but his effort goes just wide. That was an excellent chance to put the game away.

67- Both Gattuso and Totti have cracks at goal. At some point Cech will get one he can't stop. Just not here

64- Another corner for Italy. Header just wide by Cameronesi

60th- zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Gilardino is off in favor of Fellipo Inzagi. Yep. Italy actually brough another striker in. They want the second goal badly

56th- Italy works a great set piece. Italy is completely controlling this game. Only a matter of time before Italy nets another

52- Nedved just gets played through by Steiner. GREAT save by Buffon. For all the people who think Keller is the best in the world, please tune into this game for a minute. Both Cech and Buffon have been outstanding

50th- wow. Perrota just missed an empty net. Great chance for Italy to be 2-0. Baros gets blown for offsides. Hey!

47th- Italy is looking very sharp on the ball, Totti just tried to glory chip the goalkeeper when Gilardino was wide open next to him. That was a very nasty look from Gilardino, but deservedly so.

45th minute- we're rolling again, no apparent changes for either team.

OK, well it's 2-1 Ghana. The result of an Appiah penalty right before the half. Come on boys! The Italians are doing there part!! It's going to be a tense 45 minutes. God, ESPN is going to get its money out of those U2 commercials. I'm pretty sure they loop with the Adidas +10 commercials for every break during the World Cup. Time for food

It's halftime, and what a huge blow for the Czechs who now have to play the rest of the game a man down. Silly foul by Polak, who clearly earned the second yellow. The Czechs have dominated the first half, but have nothing to show for it. I'm sure Italy will be looking to grab a second goal to put things away early in the second half. Gattuso has been all over the place for Italy, really controlling the midfield. The Czechs need to find a way to get Rosicky more involved and get some more space for Nedved to operate in the midfield. Oh, wait. Nevermind.

Stoppage time: It's Red for Polak, who picked up the earlier yellow. Not Koller, my bad. His first yellow was questionable, but the second was not and its 10 on 11

It's USA 1-1 Ghana! Clint Dempsey with the goal and it's all to play for! My day just got a lot better.

43rd- Shep is still railing on the terrible marking by the Czechs on the Italian goal. Apparently they go over these things "on the chalkboard." Univision needs to start broadcasting in HD

40th- Italy is now officially playing hockey. They are hoofing it in and chasing. Just earned themselves a corner. Cleared by the Czechs

37th- as I was typing "if you want to watch a clinic on defensive soccer, turn this game on" the Italians have a terrible giveaway in the defensive third, but alas Nedved decides to shoot from 40 yards even though he was 3 on 2

35th- Card on Koller for his tackle on Camoronesi. Shep thinks it was a harsh decision, and well, I agree with him. But just this once

10:33- Prepare for traditional italian soccer: "Everyone behind the ball!" Terrible to watch, but extremely effective. They are letting the Czechs attempt to get through the wall of blue.

10:31- Terrible free kick from a dangerous spot by Poborski. 1-0 Italy, 1-0 Ghana, and apparently Reyna is hurt.

10:29- Much better play by Italy. They actually look interested in the game now. Azzuri fans are going NUTS in the stadium. Good times.

10:25- It's Materazzi! The sub for the injured great Nesta! What a great goal off the corner by Totti. Cech was left completely stranded on that play. Wide open. The goal comes against the flow of play, but hey we're all Italian today

10:25- GOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!! Italy!

10:24- Great chance for Italy- Gattuso nearly got his header over Cech, but no dice

10:21- Ball stuck in midfield. Italy is playing like they want the game to end already

10:17- After a great chance from Nedved (saved by Buffon), Coach Lippi has take Nesta off in favor of Materazzi of Inter Milan. Anyone who has played FIFA 06 knows that's a huge blow

2:01: Baros is starting for the Czechs. Good news for Italy!
10:04- Italy is struggling, The Czechs are piling on the pressure
10:05- I hate Fransico Totti. I'm just praying he scores, then breaks his leg
10:06- Italy has a good attack set up by Grosso, couldn't find Totti at the end though.
10:08- Corner for Italy. Grosso is doing a nice job of getting forward from the back to get involved from the left side
10:08- Wow, Baros fails to control a great ball from Nedved. He was alone on Buffon but his first touch failed him. See, I told you Baros being in would be good for Italy. There's no way Koeller misses that chance
10:10- Nedved blast saved by Buffon. Whew... Let Baros take those. Nedved is playing like he's 10 years younger than 35
10:15- The czechs are holding looking like the better team so far.
10:16
So it comes down to this. We actually have to root for Italy. The footy certainly does make odd bedfellows! Anything could happen here, depending on how the teams want to play it. The Czechs certainly looked eviscerating against the U.S., then promptly soiled themselves against the quicker and more organized Ghanians. The Italians will look to play conservatively (read: boring) as they usually do, but Italy isn't safe here either. An Italian loss and a Ghana win could see the Czechs and Ghana advance, which would be a national crisis in Italy, they will be playing to win as well.

I would expect the Czechs to come out strong and try to get an early goal, with the Italians happy to defend for the first 60 minutes or so. After that, anything goes! Hopefully the Italians will get an early goal against Petr Cech, so we can relax and focus on Ghana!

Should be a great morning of soccer!

10:17- After a great chance from Nedved (saved by Buffon), Coach Lippi has take Nesta off in favor of Materazzi of Inter Milan. Anyone who has played FIFA 06 knows that's a huge blow

2:01: Baros is starting for the Czechs. Good news for Italy!
10:04- Italy is struggling, The Czechs are piling on the pressure
10:05- I hate Fransico Totti. I'm just praying he scores, then breaks his leg
10:06- Italy has a good attack set up by Grosso, couldn't find Totti at the end though.
10:08- Corner for Italy. Grosso is doing a nice job of getting forward from the back to get involved from the left side
10:08- Wow, Baros fails to control a great ball from Nedved. He was alone on Buffon but his first touch failed him. See, I told you Baros being in would be good for Italy. There's no way Koeller misses that chance
10:10- Nedved blast saved by Buffon. Whew... Let Baros take those. Nedved is playing like he's 10 years younger than 35
10:15- The czechs are holding looking like the better team so far.
10:16

So this is what we waited four years to see: Bruce Arena, sitting on the US bench, his face pinched, his arms folded tightly across his chest, looking like an excellent candidate for a hemorrhoidectomy. Was he thinking about the "Give 'em hell" pep talk he had received only an hour before from President George W. Bush, one that sounded eerily familiar to the message our Cheerleader-in-Chief had given American troops before we invaded Iraq? Or was he perhaps wondering how it is possible for his four college-educated defenders to be unable to find a bald six-foot-eight Czech lurking five feet in front of their goal? Could it be that in his pre-game tactical discussion, he had told his players, "Listen fellas, just because this guy Koller has scored 42 international goals with his head off free kicks or corner kicks doesn't mean you should pay him any special attention in the box?"

So this is what we waited four years to see: Landon Donovan, the US player most likely to end up on a Wheaties box, reminding us why he washed out not once but twice in Germany as a club player. He played like scheiss. For the Americans to have any chance against the Czechs, Donovan was going to have to break down their rearguard with his speed and sorcery. He was going to have to run at defenders and turn them inside out, just as he does every week in Major League Soccer. So how to explain that, with the exception of one corkscrewing run in the first half, Donovan didn't TRY to beat anyone, 1-v-1, until the game was hopelessly lost? Could it be that scything through the back four of, say, Real Salt Lake, is not the best barometer of a player's ability to perform against the world's elite teams? Oh I forgot, the US is an elite team, according to the geniuses at FIFA (which ranked the Americans fifth).

So this is what we waited four years to see: DeMarcus Beasley, whom the otherwise astute New York Times columnist George Vescey proclaimed to be "America's best all-field player" on the eve of the match, getting schooled time and again on the right side of midfield, where he looked about as comfortable as Ann Coulter at a seder table full of liberals. Where was the vaunted "swagger" he spoke of in SI recently, not to mention the electric pace and defense-shredding moves that caused Dutch juggernaut PSV to fork over millions to MLS for his rights two years ago? Having been the first American to appear in a Champions League semifinal, surely he couldn't have been awed by the occasion. And once it was obvious that he was overmatched against the likes of Nedved and Rosicky (please save some of your goal-scoring mojo for Arsenal next season, Tomas), why did Arena not only stick with him, but move him to yet another position (right back) where he appeared even more lost? Is he really that versatile, or are we so Nicole Richie-thin in defense that Arena gambled Beasley would play himself out of his timid funk?

So this is what we waited four years to see: the US, proud quarterfinalists in 2002, taking a big dump on the manicured field in Gelsenkirchen in front of a couple of billion people who had to be giddy with relief that the Americans are still years — or perhaps decades — away from being a global threat. At least in soccer.

(More roundup after the jump.)

Italy v. Ghana

If you wanted a sneak preview of whom the Americans will lose to next and next, this was the match to watch. Ghana may have lost, but at least they took the occasional shot on goal, which, as any serious student of the game can tell you, is one of the best ways to score. Being a hottie like Luca Toni is another. Even without Ghanian-born wonderboy Freddie Adu, Ghana looked like it could be a spoiler in the group. They even have their own version of Jan Koller in Chelsea hard man Michael Essian, albeit 10 inches shorter but no less intimidating.

Italy, meanwhile, showed that, despite the swirling match-fixing scandal and some hobbling stars, they now have an attack to go along with their lockdown defense. They still cry like little regazzas when anyone tackles their flowing locks, which is why Bruce Arena will no doubt be running drills the next few days on how to get inside your opponents' hair.

David Hirshey will write regularly during the World Cup.

Anyway, we had the same reaction watching that brutal United States 3-0 loss to the Czech Republic a couple of hours ago. That game definitely needed the "Bad Day" song ... or at least gruesome, gross videos of an assassinated leader. With the worst loss of the World Cup so far, it will be telling to see if the air has already been let out of the brief, "Hey, we care about soccer in the U.S.!" balloon. Will everyone still watch Saturday now? What if they lose? Will the ratings of the Ghana game beat the Stanley Cup Finals?

We're sure David Hirshey will have plenty to say about this tomorrow, but we, infinitely dumber about soccer, must merely say: When's the NBA Draft again?

Introducing Your World Cup Closer [Deadspin]
Live Blog: United States-Czech Republic [Deadspin]

The matchup: The United States vs. The Czech Republic. Some folks believe the Czechs are the best team in this Group, and others think it's Italy. Hardly anyone thinks it's the U.S. though.

But a win here, or even a draw, would be a mouth-watering good start. Your live-blogger today is Brandon Hollihan. If you have any comments for him, feel free to email him, and he'll be right there with you. And enjoy! U-S- ... uh, what's the last letter again?

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FULL TIME: That's it, and what a debacle that was. At least we see Oguchi taking his shirt off, revelling in his physique and threatening to beat people up afterwards. (Actually, would you want to exchange shirts with someone who played so poorly? Who'd he give his to, Nedved? I hope not.)

ESPN2's booth leaves us with postmatch comments, and Lalas and Wynalda are PISSED. As soon as Julie (hey, I leanred her name, Julie Foudy!) opens her mouth, Jason says, "Who is she? And why isn't she in a kitchen somewhere???"

Truer words have never been spoken. I'm CliffX, thanks for reading, and go Cubs.

90' Two minutes added time, which doesn't matter. Bruckner is an evil genius, man; it showed in the way he prepared for the US trying to cross in the ball all those times in the first half, he denied them everywhere. Balboa agrees with my sentiments on Onyewu's tough outing. Shame, really.

85' Moment of the match happens in the booth, when Balboa pleads to the audience that there's still two matches left, and the US only needs to regroup and they'll be fine. As he says this, a box in the upper right corner reads, "Next match versus Italy, Saturday at 2:30 ET." Runner-up for moment of the match goes to a blond-haired Czech guy sporting a mullet AND the last name Polak. Rosicky is substituted and gets an ovation for his work, as he well should. He's the man of the match.

81' Anyhoo Josh Wolff is now in there for the US. Yellow card goes to Galasek for tackling Johnson. Johnson then fires a nice shot that goes a bit too high. This is tough to watch.

74' Cech actually moves! Donovan crosses one in to Jonhson, just missing the striker as Cech smothers the ball....

Okay, I'm done blogging.

Yeah, so Nedved just slotted the ball to Rosicky, who had beaten off a napping Onyewu to easily slide the ball past Keller. 3-0 Czechs. That's kind of equivalent to 30-0 in an NFL game. And now the Czech fans are going NUTS, while Sam's Army looks for an exit ramp.

70' CROSS-BARR. Thomas Rosicky—with no pressure whatsoever, notes Balboa—fires another great shot toward goal that hits the crossbar and bounces into touch. It's worth noting by now that he's headed to Arsenal next season, and he's playing like a million quid today. Eddie Johnson gets in a couple shots on the other side, but we STILL have yet to force Cech into a save.

68' www.myspace.com/cliffx Hey, it's more entertaining than this.

64' Keller makes at least one save, but otherwise, the US attack looks even worse. I really can't believe that. Soccer's a game of two halves (and that amazing 2005 CL final proves that), but Bruckner's tactics have competely shut our guys out.

61' CliffX is back. Sorry! Should've gone to Burger King instead. I get back in time to see Reyna get a silly yellow card. Czech player Luckvic gets a card too.

52' Now it's Nedved's turn to take a dive. Unlike Koller, the Danube's Dawson actually got up.

50' Czechs attacking the goal (again) and with more fervor. If they got lucky in the first half with Convey's dinger, we just got lucky with their near goal.

49' Koller is officially out of uniform and at least walking around. It's imperative he attempt to look hurt, or else he might get suspended for being such a wuss.

Opening of second half: Onyewu fouls early, and good for him.

Hey everyone, this is Jason. CliffX is getting me a sandwich and relinquished control of the keyboard. It better be a good sandwich too.

I'm not a futsoccerbol fan by any means, but I will say that ESPN is doing their damndest to make this sport as unappealing as possible. Dave O'Brien is tantamount to the third plague of Moses when it comes to sports commentating. I don't remember if that was the locusts, the ferrets, or the ebola plague, but every time the Davester makes an inane comment about the number of runs the Americans are behind, or how many downs they have left, I wish I had been the firstborn in my family so that Yahweh could strike me down in the final plague. That'll learn ESPN.

This game, however, has been exciting if not completely frustrating. It's always nice to see smaller countries do well against larger nations, although if we want a pissing contest with the Czechs we can always bring them over here for some "how's the economy going" action. Ours might be going in the crapper now, but at least there's no breadlines.

On a serious note, the breaking news is that Ben Roethlisberger has been hurt in a motor vehicle accident. They say the injuries are not life threatening, which is good, but he's a local boy for me. Even though I'm a Bengals fan, I still have love in my heart for Big Ben. I hope he gets better.

In terms of stats, the United States are winning the possession game, but with no production. The last stat I saw was a 64% to 36% difference in time of possession, but it's hard to swallow since the Czechs are completely dominating our defense. Koller's loss to injury are big, but our defense needs to step it up like whoa. Hell, another striker would be even better, because a good offense and a good defense is better than a bad offense and a bad defense (there's my Maddenism).

The Czechs are also winning the mullet game, with 2 mullets to America's none. All the mullets in the crowd I credit to the Czechs as well. Should America step this up? I vote yea.

HALF-TIME: Well, I'm gonna go get a sandwich, and let Jason commentate, in the meantime, enjoy this video: http://www.i-am-bored.com/bored_link.cfm?link_id=15862

45' There's one minute of stoppage time, which is enough for Onyewu to make a long throw directly to Cech (not a good start for Onyewu today), and the whistle blows. Ugly first half for the Americans. They need a second striker.

43' O'Brien notes how Peter Cech speaks five languages. "Dialects are not languages," retorts Jason.

42'Koller makes a dive in the box. For the second time today. Oh, wait, actually he's hurt, as they bring out the stretcher for him. Well then, if the Czechs have a problem, they're now down TWO strikers. I say just put in Vladimir Smicer, if only because he somehow scored in the 2005 Champs' League Final. Most unlikely goal EVER.

40' Guys, that might be it. These Czechs are for real, and Nedved's efforts are inspiring all the midfielders. Coach Karel Bruckner, Anton's long-lost descendent, is also getting a lot of praise from Balboa.

37' TESTICLES AND VAGINAS. Midfielder Tomas Rosicky, who Jason says looks like "Jake Gyllenhall, only gayer", cracks an awesome strike from about the same range as Reyna, only this one's on target and Keller is helpless to stop it. Shoot.

35' The US get the right idea, waiting for players to get inside the box and cross it to them. Unfortunately, Peter Cech hasn't even been tested yet, and that could be forboding in the second half. He's one of the worlds' best.

32' I get the feeling the Dave O'Brien is reading off Wikipedia when describing the life stories of some of these soccer players. Nedved assumes good control and wins a corner, but that's thwarted. US are starting to look more in this thing.

28' THE POSTMAN!!! I get flashbacks of Kevin Costner's worst movie ever, as Reyna smashes a great shot from about twenty yards, but the ball hits the post. Man.

26' Anyways, raise your hand is you think the US' FIFA ranking is a bit too high. That's funny, Gasface didn't raise his hand.

24' TOO CLOSE. Nedved batters Cherundolo (I think) on the right side, crosses in to Grygera who heads the ball, just right of the goal. Too close right there.

20' What I can tell you about the Czech formation is that they've got 6'8" striker Jan Koller up front by himself, and he's creating enough problems for the defense. It was supposed to be perhaps him and Aston Villa striker Milan Baros, but the latter is hurt and won't make an appearance today. Funny, I thought that'd be a good thing...US tries to find something in the middle.

17' Good run by Donovan as he takes the ball towards the front and forces Rozehnal to knock him down. Roz gets a yellow card for that. They waste the following free kick though, sending it to Beasley on the wing instead into the box, and he loses possesion.

15' Onyewu tries a long ball to McBride but that doesn't work. They'll need more people forward if they want to try that.

11' Sorry, had some techincal problems there. Jan Koller scored on a header from a cross on the right side; no one on the US had that side coverd, and it's 1-0 Czechs. The US get a few crosses on the other side, but the Czechs are now starting to browbeat them already. That's a scary sign for a team playing five midfielders.

6' Dammit.

1' Screw it, I was going to write the starting lineup for the Czechs but the names are wayyyy too difficult to write that quickly. The big names are the goalkepper Peter Cech, midfield Pavel Nedved, and striker Jan Koller. Both sides exchange freekick but then Onyewu beats up the cheater Nedved and gets a yellow card for it. By the way, Onyewu's the Brock Lesnar of soccer, 6'5" and 215 pounds and ready to become a huge star in this Cup.

0' We're off! US win possesion to start. Balboa notes the contrast between Euro US players and MLS players. That could be the biggest disadvantage for them, as the Czech players come from the biggest leagues in Germany, Russia, France, and England. Early free kick for the Czechs doesn't go anywhere.

0' Typical American television coverage; they show our anthem but not the Czech's, which is awesome and talks about bombs and destruction and shit.

0' If you want to start complaining about announcers, do it now and get it out of the way, as we have O'Brien and Balboa are in the booth. Jason spots one mullet on the Czech squad well beating the over/under at 3. The players step out to huge applause at the beautfiul AufSchalke Arena in Gelsenkirchen. Will to me on AIM: "They all brought kids! Awwwww!"

Hey y'all, it's CliffX and I welcome you to Deadspin's commentary of the United States versus the Czech Republic in Group E of the World Cup. Today's commentary is brought to you by 'Snakes on a Plane.' I've had it with these motha-f*ckin' snakes on this motha-f*ckin' plane.

My boy Jason has joined me to watch the game and play House to my Bill Simmons. Together, we did this video:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=IJMyLm6jEPc&search=lazy%20winthrop
Will refuses to acknowledge its existence, I'm telling you.

The ESPN2 booth people are doing, well, just ok. I like Wynalda and Lalas, but the chick on the right...ouch. She's like a prettier version of John Kruk. C'est la vie. Oh yeah, some correspondent just made a really stupid crack about blood plasma or something. Let's get rolling with the US lineup, in a 4-5-1 formation:

G Keller

D Lewis Onyewu Pope Cherundolo

M Convey Mastroeni Donovan Reyna Beasley

F McBride

Expect Donovan to push up a lot, obviously.

• 3. Cech And Mate. At one point last season Petr Cech set the record for most time without conceding a goal in the English Premier League. Of course in Germany he won't have John Terry or William Gallas patrolling his box. Or "The Special One" causing referees to be fired.

• 4. Grooming Tidbits. Rangers forward and current NHL points leader Jaromir Jagr imported the Eastern European mullet to North America, where it mutated with the main DNA stands of "Hockey Hair" and "Tennesse Waterfall." Also, Nedved looks like Patrick Swayze in Point Break. That's minus points, Johnny Utah. — (thanks to Mike Cardillo)

(Tomorrow: Trinidad and Tobago)