Oh, and T.O. says he wants the ball more. Another scoop for Deion!

• Browns Want Cowher Power. They're 4-6, profane emails are flying all over the place and staph infections are running rampant. Who better to pull the Browns out of their current morass than Bill Cowher, who can defeat bacteria with his menacing stare alone? "Per the source, the Browns are willing to give Cowher a contract worth $8 million to $9 million per year." [Pro Football Talk]

• All Signs Point To Go. Brady Quinn was examined by a hand specialist on Thursday, and has been declared fabulous, plus OK to play on Sunday against the Texans. Quinn complained of soreness during Wednesday's practice and was found to have a slightly fractured pinky on his throwing hand. [Cleveland Plain Dealer]

• Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! ... Jerry Jones takes part of the responsibility for Pacman Jones' suspension. "Yes, I do take responsibility for the fact that it was my own security that the issue was part of," Jones said. "Because it was my guy there that created the problem. ... The way that it was supposed to work in my mind, to some degree, we wouldn't have had that problem." [USA Today]

• Just Call Him Hanging Chad. The Cincinnati Bengals deactivated receiver Chad Ocho Cinco for tonight's game against the Steelers, so adjust your fantasy rosters accordingly. The reason: Violating a team rule. That takes in a LOT of territory, especially when you're talking about Ocho. But that's all the team's saying. T.J. Houshmandzadeh will get even more catches, I suppose. [NBCSports]

• Oh Sweet Merciful Baby Jesus, Make It Stop. Speculation has resumed about Brett Favre's retirement plans, according to the New York Post, which writes: "This offseason figures to contain plenty of drama surrounding Favre's future." For his part, Favre says he "has absolutely no idea" if he's coming back. [New York Post]

• Role Model, Indeed. Spotting a homeless man outside of a Cinemark Theatre in Dallas, Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo paid for the guy to come inside and sit with him and a friend for the movie. The featured selection? Role Model. Bonus quote: Romo, who confirmed the story but didn't want to elaborate, waved Doc over to sit by him and his friend. Doc sheepishly mentioned that he hadn't showered in a few days. "Don't worry about that," Romo said. "I'm used to locker rooms." [Dallas Morning News]

• X-box, Here I Come. Terrell Owens reports flu-like symptoms, Dallas Cowboys excuse him from practice on Wednesday. This can't be considered bad news for the 49ers, who play the Cowboys on Sunday. [Star Telegram]

• Driver's Father In Trouble. The father of Green Bay Packers receiver Donald Driver was involved in an altercation with Houston police on Wednesday and is in the hospital, family members said. Police said Driver was arrested for outstanding traffic warrants and was found to be "unresponsive" upon his arrival at jail. Paramedics transported him to the hospital, they said. Key graph from story: As they beat him and forced him to swallow something, the officers told Marvin Driver Jr. he was "going to see Jesus," according to relatives and community activist Quanell Evans, who identified himself as Quanell X.

The rally was for Lake Highlands' playoff-bound football and volleyball teams, and Smith was evidently in town to promote his latest movie, Seven Pounds. And Romo was there because, Jessica was shopping nearby? Anyway, Smith says something interesting at about the 9:30 mark on the video, saying: "This is the first high school I've visited in about nine years." Considering that his son, Trey, is a sophomore receiver at Oaks Christian High near Los Angeles, that's actually kind of sad.

Besides, fans at Oaks Christian, the night I was there, said that Smith has been to several games. So somebody's lyin'!

As you can see, Smith actually played reporter and asked about Romo's injured finger. I couldn't really make out a lot of what Romo was saying. Who would have thought that a gymnasium pep rally where Tony Romo and Will Smith make an impromptu appearance would be so noisy?

Will Smith, Tony Romo Light Up Lake Highlands Pep Rally [HS GameTime]
Tony Romo And Will Smith At HS Pep Rally [NESW Sports]

* * * * *

Pre-Game Babble

Which over-dramatized headline is worse for America:

"What's Wrong With The Dallas Cowboys?"
"So We're All In Agreement, The Cowboys Are Super Bowl Champions, Right?"
"Tony Romo: Is He Having Good Intercourse On His Bye Week?"
"Is Current Cowboys Head Coach Going To Be Fired?"

Trick question. It doesn't really matter how strong or sucky the Cowboys team is, the team with the star is going to be the dominant story on varions weeks when they don't deserve it. Fortunately Brett Favre's post-retirement retirement party seems to be taking the minds off the non-1980s soap opera known as Dallas. (Yes, fortunately.) The Titans could go to 13-0 and most news outlets would still be analyzing Terrell Owens' stool in a lab to detect any illnesses and whether or not it will affect team chemistry.

Also, Redskins. They're 6-3, one game better than Dallas. Bohh-ring.

Not boring? Environmentally-friendly corporate redesigns. It appears that NBC is promoting Green Week by making their signature peacock logo green as well as every other NBC-affiliated logo. See, here it is:

Damn. I wonder how much extra time graphic designers' computers stayed on to make those logos. Whatever the cost, it's inspired me to help pitch in and save the world from the ice caps melting and turning into water-based leviathans who destroy our coastal towns with smog-shaped pitchforks and styrofoam packing peanuts. So in honor of Green Week, I will hereby recycle old jokes from previous live blogs.

Record In Deadspin Live Blogs
Cowboys: 0-1
Redskins: Does preseason count? No? Then they've never played in one.

Fourth Quarter

11:11 — The Redskins are 0-10 all-time on November 16. CURS3D!!1

In other game-related news, it's over and now the Cowboys are auxiliary NFC favorites should the Giants storyline become banal and/or Eli Manning throws two interceptions.

See you at the next live weblog, provided your contribution to Green Week doesn't involve viewing fewer Internet pages.

11:08 — Michaels: "Barber is the reliever AND the starting pticher." Which makes it a complete game, if you're a purist when it comes to metaphors. But seriously, Marion Barber was able to work his way out of five walks and seven hits, striking out 11.

"Daddy? I wuv you thiiiiiis much!"

11:07 — "Dad? What should I—" "Dog nambit, son, just have the colored boy run right."

11:05 — Dallas doesn't convert the third down, so they'll run it down to 1:08 then weigh their options. Obvious exits are NORTH, EAST, and FIELD GOAL.

11:00 — Romo to Barber, first down, 2:22 left and counting. This appears over, and all they need to figure out if they want to go with Animality, Babality, or Friendship.

10:57 — Brad Johnson is Jamie Moyer, Chase Utley is Jason Witten, Ryan Howard is DeMarcus Ware, Shane Victorino is Shaun Suisham ... damn you, Al Michaels, for this brainstorm exercise.

10:57 — And there we have the world's first Marion Barber-Brad Lidge parallel. This means that Wade Phillips is, you guessed it, Matt Stairs.

10:55 — Observe:

"Eww, you can see his butt!" (Associated Press photo)

10:54 — "Wham" is not "Whap." But if you have 75 percent of a bingo marker that broke in an earlier live blog, feel free to place it down.

10:54 — Time for the Cowboys to grab the clock by the neck and choke it until it bleeds down to about three minutes.

10:51 — It's 4th and 4 on the Cowboysian 37 with 6:46 left. Go for it? Kick it? Punt it? Buy a vowel? Zorn tells his boys to go for it, and I don't think the first down marker is out of bounds, so the Cowboys regain the ball on downs.

10:48 — Devin Thomas can fill in for Jose Theodore if needed, because he deflected pass off his own hands quite well and prevented it from getting by him.

10:45 — Portis limps off to the field, and Shaun Alexander is equally effective as Clinton Portis ... wearing a lead codpiece running over a Persian carpet made entirely out of magnets.

10:44 — Santana Moss runs deep, looks back for the ball, and bravely bats it away.

10:39 — And the go-ahead touchdown is caught by a guy that even Al Michaels had to check the printout to see who he was. Rookie Martellus Bennett nabs his second touchdown of the season and suddenly his fantasy ownership increased from 0.1% to 0.3%.

14 10

10:37 — Nobody's quite sure how Romo was able to shovelshuffleshuttle that ball into the hands of scat-blues legend Miles Austin. John Madden is calling it the "push pass." Michaels is hoping Madden just invented a new word, which is actually two words. No, this isn't a new word(s).

10:37 — Does Jason Witten have bad pinkies? No? Then that 2nd down drop was his own fault.

10:33 — Romo has 155 yards so far on 16 of 23 passes, but to be fair 135 of those yards are attributed to his pinky finger. He's looking to get his team into field goal range, and then maybe not throw an interception.

10:32 — Maybe this last quarter is where all the action is. And we begin with ... a punt.

Third Quarter

10:28 — Zzzzzzz.... [snarl, mumble, twitch] Wh-wha? What happened? Ah, yes. Exciting game, this is. A 10-7 thriller.

10:22 — Strangely, Marion Barber now has more rushing yards than Hall-of-Famer Bronko Nagurski, making Barber the most prolific rusher from the University of Minnesota. This means something apparently, because the Dallas Cowboys rushing game is almost exactly the same as that of the Chicago Bears of the 1930s. Only with, naturally, less asbestos.

10:19 — See that foot? That's a Bowling Green foot. And the foot kicks the ball well short of three points. Still ... hell of a leg.

10:18 — The West Coast passing game only works if you don't actually act like a West coast athlete and lob the ball laterally like a hacky sack.

10:15 — Split cam on Jerry Jones and Dan Snyder. Al: "It's hard to believe Snyder bought the team in the late '90s." Why, did Snyder run a small dot-com business out of his flat?

10:10 — As the Cowboys drive, let's take a look at something new. How about the status of Tony Romo's pinky sling?

10:06 — Wait. How did Terence Newman intercept that pass when Tony Romo was on the sideline? That must mean ... no ... someone else other than Tony Romo threw that interception? Say it ain't!

10:02 — Antwaan Randle El, do you want to throw the ball out of bounds for once? Sure, here you go.

9:58 — Rock Cartwright didn't like being exonerated on special teams, so he decided to muff the kickoff out of bounds inside the 15-yard line and go back into the doghouse.

Halftime Entertainment

This skit is the reason why Eli Manning doesn't open his door at night.

Second Quarter

9:41 — A modest drive sets up a go-ahead field goal by Bowling Green legendary kicker Shaun Suisham with four seconds left. That's enough time to scrutinize the touchback call, probably, twice.

7 10

9:39 — Rock Cartwright atones with a kickoff return past midfield. And no, Rock Cartwright was not one of the names for Lt. Ryder from Space Mutiny. In fact, here they are.

9:38 — Michaels finally gets to what I've been clamoring about all this time, regarding the touchback play that seems to be the highlight of the night. If Cartwright just tapped the ball gently instead of scooping it up as if it were a newborn on train tracks, they'd have properly downed it. All of this is moot, however; you know you're watching a boring game when the play of the night resulted in a touchback.

9:34 — Barber tested, Bum approved. Running touchdown. OR MAYBE IT'S NOT. But it was. Shame on you for questioning it.

7 7

9:32 — Two minutes left, and Romo and Owens realize that maybe 7-0 isn't a great score for this game to remain at halftime. T.O. catches and runs inside the 5-yard line.

9:27 — Madden is unimpressed with Romo's release on the ball. Find your helmet, Brooks Bollinger! Madden is willing you into the game as best he can!

9:26 — Oh, don't blame this play on Khary Campbell, Al. He sounds like a dude who went to a fine university.

9:25 — After review ... heh, the referee said "rear." Seriously, Cartwright. THE BALL WASN'T GOING ANYWHERE.

9:22 — Ah, my favorite crapshoot play — the punt that lands near the goalline. Ryan Plackemeier 's kick stopped dead on the 1-yard line, and looked like it wasn't really going anywhere, but special teamer Rock Cartwright made sure that didn't happen by Leon Letting it go into the end-zone for a touchback. Seriously. You leave that bitch alone, or come at it with a non-pep pill attitude, and the Cowboys have 99 yards to go for a touchdown.

9:20 — Re: Miller Lite ads. Just once I want to see Ted McGinley ad lib something. My guess is it would sound horrible.

9:18 — Now to outro to commercial with some Stone Temple Pilots... oh, just kidding. Penalty. No advertising dollars for you.

9:16 — Campbell just ran through everyone for over 20 yards on a designed draw. Known affectionately as "how your little cousin beat you on Madden that one time."

9:15 — Both INTs were slant passes to Terrell Owens. Someone check his stool.

9:11 — Romo's quick pass is tipped then caught by the linebacker, Rocky McIntosh, which is my favorite Ben & Jerry's flavor. Why did this interception occur? Simple: poor grip.

9:09 — Madden again emphasizes the importance of the quarterback holding a football well with his throwing hand, with video comparisons between Healthy Romo Hand and Hurty Romo Hand to show us the difference. Huh. And here I thought a QB could just juggle it between his hands nonchalantly before he threw it. The football wisdom I learn from this guy!

9:06 — Madden talked to Clinton Portis in the locker room, asking him if he was going to play. A conversation between Portis and Madden. Even money on either guy as the first person to actually understand something the other says. Translation: sitcom gold.

9:00 — It's about time we talk about a two-year-old loogie. DeAngelo Hall covers Owens well on a third down, eliciting memories of the time T.O. spat in Hall's grill. I wonder where that spit is now... [pensively furrows chin hair]

First Quarter

8:53 — Blogsphere favorite Chris Cooley accepts the Campbell pass and the fans chant "Coooooooooley." Announcers are always obliged to point out that the fans aren't booing at a time like this. Are we so sure it wasn't booing? Maybe they really didn't like his NFL picks.

8:51 — DeAngelo Hall cures locker room cancer by picking off his first pass in a Redskins uniform. Certainly his days in Washington will end amicably.

8:47 — Bum wouldn't approve of no dadgum double reverses. As a result, no gain for Owens.

8:43 — Al Michaels: Wade Phillips asked his dad for some play calling advice, and was told "run the toss more." Wade uses "Ask Bum" and Barber The Third gets a hefty gain on the toss right.

8:41 — Terrell Owens catches a pass in the flat, then does a cartwheel with a little help from an oncoming Fred Smoot.

8:35 — Everybody gets a turn in the Redskins offense. It was Mike Sellers' turn to catch the touchdown. See? Socialism does work.

0 7

8:34 — It's time for some 4th and grit. It's close, but Portis gets the first by five or six yards.

8:33 — Defensive tackle Jay Ratliff hugs Jason Campbell for a loss of eight yards, because he cares.

8:32 — Eye on Clinton Portis' foot. Looks fine to me, he just gathered a first down. Let's see how it holds up against this anvil.

8:28 — A non-fumble carry by Marion Barber isn't good enough to prevent punter Sam Paulescu from, well, punting it to Washington. Pat Watkins' penchant for yanking DeAngelo Hall's mask puts the ball back to midfield, putting the Cowboys in a desperate ... wait, DeAngelo Hall is already with another team?

8:27 — John Madden analyzes Romo's pinkie cast, and seems downtrodden that he wasn't asked to sign it.

8:25 — All right, the Cowboys are going to put their best foot forward on the opening drive. And ... Marion Barber fumbles. (Gets it back, though.)

8:25 — How much Austin is in this opening kick return? Miles O'Austin.

Pre-Game Babble

Which over-dramatized headline is worse for America:

"What's Wrong With The Dallas Cowboys?"
"So We're All In Agreement, The Cowboys Are Super Bowl Champions, Right?"
"Tony Romo: Is He Having Good Intercourse On His Bye Week?"
"Is Current Cowboys Head Coach Going To Be Fired?"

Trick question. It doesn't really matter how strong or sucky the Cowboys team is, the team with the star is going to be the dominant story on varions weeks when they don't deserve it. Fortunately Brett Favre's post-retirement retirement party seems to be taking the minds off the non-1980s soap opera known as Dallas. (Yes, fortunately.) The Titans could go to 13-0 and most news outlets would still be analyzing Terrell Owens' stool in a lab to detect any illnesses and whether or not it will affect team chemistry.

Also, Redskins. They're 6-3, one game better than Dallas. Bohh-ring.

Not boring? Environmentally-friendly corporate redesigns. It appears that NBC is promoting Green Week by making their signature peacock logo green as well as every other NBC-affiliated logo. See, here it is:

Damn. I wonder how much extra time graphic designers' computers stayed on to make those logos. Whatever the cost, it's inspired me to help pitch in and save the world from the ice caps melting and turning into water-based leviathans who destroy our coastal towns with smog-shaped pitchforks and styrofoam packing peanuts. So in honor of Green Week, I will hereby recycle old jokes from previous live blogs.

Record In Deadspin Live Blogs
Cowboys: 0-1
Redskins: Does preseason count? No? Then they've never played in one.

Time for America's favorite senior citizen game, "Five By Five Squares With Words Solitaire."

“There’s just absolutely no, I can tell you without hesitation, thought in my mind about him not coaching the Dallas Cowboys in the future, past this year,” Jones said. “No thought. I haven’t given that one ounce of consideration. ... His contract is his contract.”

Bold talk for a man whose team is 5-4 and has lost four of its past six games. But getting Romo back has emboldened him. And just in time for the renewal of football's friendliest rivalry, Cowboys vs. Redskins, Sunday night. As we remember from last time, Dallas was 3-0 and making Super Bowl plans when Washington derailed them in Irving, 26-24. They've gone 1-4 since, and have averaged 13.7 points per game without Romo, who injured his finger in a loss to the Cardinals on Oct. 12 and has been out ever since. But now it's the Redskins who are hurting, as Clinton Portis appears to be out with a sprained knee. And since Ladell Betts also has a sprained knee, get ready for a large helping of Sweet Shaun Alexander. Adjust fantasy rosters accordingly.

Meanwhile, bulletin board material continues to fly. First the Redskins' Fred Smoot said that his team "exposed" the Cowboys in their first meeting. Terrell Owens responds:

"I wouldn't say they exposed us," T.O. said. "We just didn't play well. If you look at the situation and the score, we lost by two points. I think there were some opportunities that we missed. If that's the case, I can say we exposed them the last time we played them, when I scored four touchdowns.

"It is what it is. We're really not worried about what somebody else says. If he needs to say that to get himself hyped for this game, then so be it. We'll be ready."

Is it wise to disrespect the Smoot? Stay tuned.

'Boys In Playoffs? 'Absolutely,' Says Jones [NBCSports]
T.O. Shoots Down Fred Smoot's Comment About Redskins Exposing Cowboys [Dallas Morning News]

Not only that, but you get a luxury box for the last regular season game ever in Texas Stadium. (Your cheerleader-laden party falls after the game, natch.) You also get various items signed by Cowboys and a special invite to the new stadium.

How much would you pay? Well, you're too poor. Forget it. We don't care how much you'd pay. However, a truly rich individual will pay $500,000 for the privilege. However, this does not include any fines incurred from the NFL if you allow Terrell Owens to dance at your tailgate party.

Dallas Cowboys® Texas Stadium® End Zone Package [Neiman Marcus]

The Cowboys have been called for penalty after penalty, and Brad Johnson is on his way to the bench after throwing a pair of interceptions. But don't blame it all on ole BJ. When the Cowboys were in position to score following a turnover TO was stripped of the ball by Antonio Pierce. The Giants lead 21-7 at the half.

Update: And as if on cue, Brooks Bolinger enters the game and throws an interception. Suit up Jason Garrett! Touchdown Brandon Jacobs, and it's 28-7.

• That got out of hand in a hurry. Atlanta jumped all over the woeful Raiders with two first quarter touchdown drives which went for a combined 158 yards. Matt Ryan has been downright filthy with a stat line to prove it. The rookie is 13/16 for 184 yards with two touchdowns and no interceptions. Both aerial touchdowns went to Michael Jenkins while Jerrious Norwood added another on the ground. Norwood has paired with Michael Turner for 132 yards. Meanwhile in the other locker room, JaMarcus Russell is 2/7 for nine yards. Seriously. The Raiders have fourteen fucking yards of offense. Al Davis would kill himself, but he's already undead.

• The league is more fun with a little Koren in it. The oft-troubled Koren Robinson returned to the spotlight for all the right reasons this afternoon thanks to a 90 yard touchdown catch and run from Seneca Wallace. However it's the Eagles that have taken control of this game through two quarters. Donovan McNabb has 166 yards passing including two touchdowns, one to Reggie Brown and one to Todd Herremans (an eligible tackle). Somebody named Brent Celek has racked up over 70 yards receiving. Brian Westbrook has had a rough time of it against the Seahawks front line, but Philly leads 14-7 at the half.

• Wildcat... The Dolphins and Broncos are moving along pretty nicely. Both Chad Pennington and Jay Cutler have moved the ball through the air, however Cutler has two interceptions, and the Broncos running game has been nonexistent. Michael Pittman and Ryan Torrain have combined for three yards on nine rushes. Why that's just downright Raideresque! Miami leads 16-7 behind three field goals from Dan Carpenter along with a pick six for Will Allen. Eddie Royal was on the receiving end of Denver's lone touchdown.

But that's not all - he also did some light football tossing yesterday...with the very hand he throws a football with! Yep, no news was big news at Cowboys practice on Friday, as Romo suited up but didn't do a whole heckuva lot. The Cowboys' injury report lists him as questionable (with an "America's pinkie") for Sunday's game against St. Louis, but according to Jerry Jones, if he's a real man, he's playing:

"He threw the ball well so it's very likely that he will be able to play," Jones said on his weekly radio appearance on KTCK. "Again, the question is: Can he handle the pain? . . . It looks like that he'll be able to play."

Snap! Presumably in response to this affront to his manhood, Romo went and did what most guys would do in the same situation: go and watch their celebrity girlfriends perform live in concert at a Texas state fair. Yes, Romo thrilled concertgoers and stragglers-from-the-rib-eating-contest alike by walking through the crowd towards a sound booth to watch Jessica Simpson show off her newfound country chops. And while Jessica Simpson show + Tony Romo sighting = Friday night in heaven for most, you're going to have to do better to impress one reluctant attendee:

"My wife dragged me out here," said Charlie Ball of Fairview, who added that he does think Ms. Simpson is attractive.

Still no word on what Romo's pinkie thought of the show.

Reminder: please send any tips to marcelmutoni@gmail.com and gourmetspud@gmail.com. But just the tips, please. Just to see how they feel.

Cowboys' Owner: Don't Count Out Injured Romo [Washington Post]

Fans get a glimpse of Tony Romo at Jessica Simpson's State Fair Concert [Dallas News]

I also laugh each time I look at this:

Here's another favorite. And now to television, where the Hotels.com people are probably less than enthused with the timing of this:

Cop Who Responded To Pacman Incident Under Investigation [Pro Football Talk]

1. Farewell, Adam Jones: It was in the rumor stages earlier today, but Roger Goodell has unleashed his mighty wrath upon trouble-making defensive back Pacman Jones and suspended him for his latest dust-up. ESPN's Chris Mortensen reports that "Goodell will determine the final length of Jones' suspension following the Cowboys' Week 11 game against Washington on Nov. 16, the league said." Depending on the pending investigation, Pacman could also be in violation of his parole and may wind up in the clink for the fight with his bodyguard. So that experiment went well. [ESPN]

2. Roy Williams on the way ? The Cowboys are supposedly in serious discussions with the Lions about trading for Roy Williams, according to PFT and other "sources" regardless of what the Lions say. So Patrick Crayton and Miles Austin, it was nice knowing you. The only thing is, would the addition of Williams make any bit of difference with Brad Johnson's 40-year-old arm chucking balls? Probably not. But consider the addition of Roy Williams if...

3. Romo might play. According to some media sources, Romo had a conversation with one veteran quarterback after he broke his pinkie, seeking sage advice from this grizzled gunslinger about what to do. And, what do you think this man known for his career-long durability had to say to Romo? So, don't be surprised if Romo finds a special pinkie sling and toughs it out if he isn't in jeopardy of permanently mangling his throwing hand digit. Besides, his team needs him to be that guy right now.

We'll find out soon enough...

Or perhaps he was going for more of a 1970s Robin Williams thing. Or he could have been part of the Steve Urkel wave of the '90s, or be a fan of Dr. Seuss. Anyway, these golfers say he looks snappy.

T.O. WTF Are You Wearing??? Terrell Owens Goes Kanye West [Black Sports Online]

PHOTO: Ganked from the Mighty MJD's Shutdown Corner

On Thursday ESPN had reported that Jerry Jones was "furious" that Pacman couldn't stay out of trouble. Seems not to be the case. The jury's still out with the NFL, however.

"I don't think there's any misunderstanding about the position that Adam has put himself in with respect to all of his behavior," Goodell said on ESPN radio Thursday. "I have been very clear with him on how his behavior cannot reflect poorly on himself, the team, or the NFL. I guess I would tell you that I'm disappointed that we're even discussing this at this point in time. We will have to wait for the facts, and understand exactly what happened before making any determinations."

Body guard Tommy Jones did not press charges following the fight at the Joule Hotel. Wonder what that giant wheel is for?

Meanwhile, Uwe Blog is trying to help Pacman with some Helpful Hints to Keeping Out of Trouble, among which are yardwork, and porn.

Cowboys Won't Suspend Pacman; NFL Mum On Discipline [USA Today]

The specifics about what happened are vague — Jones' name doesn't show up on the official police report — but the DMN's sources claim that Pacman, his girlfriend and two of his bodyguards had some dinner, popped over to the Joule Hotel so Pac could hang with his buddy Ludacris. Witnesses said Pac was looking a little tipsy and also skipped out on his dinner bill. And....why weren't any charges filed again?

Obviously, depending on the veracity of Pacman's alleged misbehavior, this could have career-changing ramifications, but according to PFT, the Cowboys could also be in trouble because the bodyguards hired to follow Pac were actually babysitters hired by the team, which is a no-no.

Your move, Tank Johnson.

Dallas Cowboys Jones Involved in Altercation [Dallas Morning News]
NFL declines comment on report of Pacman fight [PFT]

“I guess everybody expects us to be some kind of superheroes,” linebacker Bradie James said. “I come in here on Monday and I’m trying to enjoy my win and people are, like, beating us up. So it’s really tough, man. With us having so many expectations, the only people we can make happy is in this locker room, and that’s really it.”

Meanwhile, coach Wade Phillips says that any criticism is really unfair, because the Cowboys have the best walkthrough routine in the NFL. Seriously, he said that.

"We have the best walkthrough team I've ever been around in that they pay attention to everything," he boasted. "There's complete focus on that. Nobody even talks. They go out for 30 minutes every day that you don't see them and they go through the plays and the defenses and the things that are going on they concentrate on those things. And that's part of teaching and learning and that's part of our philosophy on how to get things done."

Which prompted the Dallas Morning News to ask: "Where should the Cowboys put the walkthrough championship trophy?"

Cowboys Complain Pundits Are 'Beating Us Up' [NBCSports]

Ocho Cinco also revealed that he had tried to orchestrate a trade to the Cowboys during the off season.

"If I was in Dallas, they would have to change all of our damn games to pay-per-view because you need to pay to see that," Ocho Cinco said. "I'm serious. I'm so serious. They would have to put all the games on pay-per-view. Because you can't just watch a show like that for free; 81 and 85? Come on, now. Please."

Ocho Cinco said he's angry the 0-4 Bengals are playing so poorly. The receiver told reporters to put Cowboys defensive coordinator Brian Stewart on notice that the Bengals are ready to break out. "Somebody's got to pay," he said. "I don't have a choice. I don't have a choice. Somebody tell Pacman or Adam or whatever the hell he wants to be called — he is going to get it. Anthony Henry, he's going to get it."

Cowboys cornerback Pacman Jones took exception to Ocho Cinco's declaration that their breakout would come at Dallas' expense. “When Sunday gets here I’ll be ready,” Jones said. “I expect him to have the same horrible games [as] the first four weeks. He hasn’t done nothing so far, so hopefully we can keep it like that.”

To be fair, Ocho Cinco said he would kiss the star with respect. "I've got so much respect for y'all," he said. "If I score Sunday, I love Dallas so much, I'm going to take my helmet off, get a fine and kiss the star."

Ocho Cinco Vows To Kiss Cowboys Star After A TD On Sunday [USA Today]

Elsewhere, noting that Terrell Owens is not in the NFL top 10 in either receiving yards or receptions, Blogging the Boys is predicting a huge, breakout game for him against Washington. Which means that if he doesn't get it, we may see the first temper tantrum of the season. Either way, fun!

Also, Hogs Haven has invented a new term for the word "underdog", saying that the Redskins are 11-point "ewoks" against the Cowboys. They also take issue with the fact that the final game between the teams at the old Cowboys Stadium is so early in the season. Yes, having it at the end of the season would be better, if both teams are in contention then. But there's no guarantee that will be the case.

Quite Possibly The Greatest License Plate Ever [Fan IQ]

Marziani left his Cowboys stuff in his hotel room when he went to the game, and while he was gone someone broke in and swiped it. Among the lost items: a helmet signed by Troy Aikman worth, he said, $900, and a 75th anniversary official NFL Cowboy game autographed program that he said that was worth nearly $700.

But if I'm going to generate any sympathy at all, I'm going to need to know how be became a Cowboys fan. Was it his parents' fault?

Bruce Marziani was born and raised in Philadelphia, but, for some reason, roots for the Dallas Cowboys. "When I was just a young guy, my parents came home with an Eagles jacket for me. I don't remember if it was for my birthday or for Christmas, but I made sure to let them know that one was going back. We were going to do things the right way," recounted Marziani.

Nope. It appears that Marizani is just one of nature's mistakes, like the elephant man, or Jay Mariotti. And while he may not be smart enough to know that one should lock valuables in the hotel safe when not in the room, he's also smart enough to know not to go to an Eagles' home game in that jersey.

UPDATE: "This has Tatum Bell written all over it." — I Heart Poop

$3 K In Sports Memorabilia Stolen From Local Cowboys Fan [MyFoxPhiladelphia]

Kat DeLuna was called a "pop sensation" by the Texas Stadium announcer as she prepared to sing the National Anthem at what I'm assuming was the Monday Night game against the Eagles. She caused a sensation, all right. It's the first time I've heard an anthem singer booed who didn't unintentionally botch the lyrics.

That last verse is singing's version of a DeSean Jackson TD celebration. And Ed Hochuli was the one who spent last week apologizing?

Still, it's better than this.

Kat DeLuna National Anthem [YouTube]

The seats, manufactured in Melbourne, Australia, are similar to ones at Qwest Field in Seattle and Soldier Field in Chicago. Camatic Seating also constructed the seats for Atlanta’s Turner Field when it originally opened for the 1996 Summer Olympics. All the seats at the new stadium are between 19 and 20½ inches wide compared to the 17- and 18-inch wide seats at Texas Stadium.

The next step — expandable and retractable seats, so that, say, Dale Gribble could comfortably sit next to Peter Griffin. Make it happen, New York Mets.

Longtime Ticket Holders Test 1st Dallas Cowboys Stadium Seats [The Sporting Blog]

"After the Super Bowl ended, nobody wanted to leave the locker room. It was like being a marine at sea for seven months. You come to land and think everyone wants to run off the ship. But no one wanted to leave. They knew it was the end and they wanted it to last."—Robert Bailey, Cowboys cornerback

When the Dallas Cowboys prepared to leave Texas for Tempe, Arizona, the site of Super Bowl XXX, they made certain every necessary item was packed and loaded for the 1,056-mile journey.
Helmets—check!
Pads—check!
Athletic tape—check!
Shoes—check!
Playbooks—check!
Skanks—check!
Skanks?

Yes, you read that correctly. Skanks. Lots of skanks.

Being a veteran team with a wealth of Super Bowl experience, members of the Cowboys had learned what they needed to survive—and, indeed, thrive—in the week before the big game. Leading up to the first two Super Bowls, Cowboys players combed the streets, clubs and bars of Los Angeles and, to a lesser extent, Atlanta. Yet such an approach comes with risk. The women, for example, could be stalkers. Killers. They might have STDs. Or older brothers with a quick fingers and loaded XM8 lightweight assault rifles.

Hence, the skanks. Knowing that the wives and family members would not arrive in Tempe until the Thursday or Friday before the big game, several Cowboys—ranging from Emmitt Smith and Charles Haley to Erik Williams and Nate Newton—paid for a fleet of 11 white stretches from the First Impression Limousine Service to drive 16 hours and 1,000 miles from Dallas to Tempe, many with their special skank, uh, female friends along for the ride. The price: $1,000 per night per limo (Far from objecting, Jerry Jones brought along his own party vehicle, the six-bed tour bus that once belonged to Whitney Houston). By the time the Cowboys arrived for check-in at The Buttes, the team's first-class, $285-per-night hotel, on the Sunday before the game, the lobby was filled with tacky high heels and legs that stretched from Minneapolis to Mahopac.

"The limo thing was as blatant as anything the Cowboys had ever been a part of," says one team employee. "We had this huge caravan arrive from Dallas, and some guys had a bunch of their dancer girlfriends ride out and party with them. They brought the White House to Arizona."

Irvin enthusiastically endorsed the port-a-skank concept and, in fact, rented his own 10-passenger, 30-foot monstrosity customized with a black leather-and-brushed crome interior (and equipped with a bounty of Absolut Vodka and hip-hop CDs). What baffled some about Irvin's ways was that his wife Sandy was intelligent, loving, an excellent mother to the couple's two daughters—and drop-dead gorgeous. "She's the most beautiful black woman I've ever seen with my eyes," says Kenny Gant, the former Cowboy defensive back. "I've loved her to death since the first time I met her." Yet Irvin—who sported a large gold cross around his neck—never thought twice about professing his devotion toward his family one minute, then jumping into the hot-tub with two coked-up strippers the next. Why, on the evening before the Cowboys departed for Tempe, Irvin had partied with a pair of prostitutes at the Irving Residence Inn.

"This stuff happened more and more under Barry, because the rules were just completely relaxed," says a team employee. "Now here comes Deion Sanders, the most flamboyant guy going. The combination of Sanders' flamboyant ways, Irvin's lifestyle and the fact that Barry Switzer said, 'Hell, I don't care what you do. I'll see you Sunday afternoon,'—it led to bad things."

Awaiting the Cowboys and their high-heeled entourage in Tempe were the AFC-champion Pittsburgh Steelers, a gritty 11–5 football team that had upended the Indianapolis Colts in the AFC Championship Game to reach its first Super Bowl in 16 years. Were there ever a textbook example of overlooking an opponent, here it was. The Steelers featured the league's No. 2-ranked run defense and a powerful tailback in 244-pound Bam Morris, but nobody—the Cowboys, the media, the fans—believed Pittsburgh could challenge Big D.

When the Cowboys prepared for Super Bowl XXVII three years earlier, they practiced with an intensity that Jimmy Johnson and his crew demanded. This time around members of the team came and went as they pleased, working out with half-hearted determination. In what was undoubtedly a Super Bowl first, Nate Newton, Erik Williams, Leon Lett and Irvin took a stretch Lincoln to and from practices. The players stayed out early into mornings and arrived to work hungover following wild sojourns to clubs like Empire and Jetz & Stixx. "The police came in and gave us a list of places not to go," Newton said. "I wrote 'em all down and went there."

The Cowboy who partied the hardest, the longest, the latest was not Irvin or Sanders or Newton or Lett but Barry Switzer, 58-year-old night owl. The Cowboy coach transformed his two-bedroom suite into a 24-hour rave, with an endless stream of family members, friends, confidants and strangers. "You have to understand the scene," says Michael Silver, the former Sports Illustrated scribe who spent much of the week alongside Switzer. "Barry basically decided, 'OK, this is the only time I'll ever be at a Super Bowl and I'm going to live it up.' So he called everyone he knew and said, 'C'mon, we're all going to the Super Bowl!'" Along for the ride were—among others—Switzer's three children, his girlfriend Becky Buwick, his ex-wife Kay (the two women shared a room) and a never-ending conga line of former Oklahoma players, coaches and boosters. The end-of-the-week liquor bill exceeded $100,000.

On the night following the team's arrival in Tempe, Switzer and a slew of assistant coaches and players attended a Super Bowl party beneath an enormous outdoor tent. Switzer and Larry Lacewell, the Cowboys' director of pro and college scouting (and the man whose wife Switzer once slept with), downed shots until both were stumbling around like kangaroos atop surfboards. Silver was minding his own business when he turned and spotted Switzer furiously kicking with his right foot. "What the fuck are you doing?" Silver asked. Upon stepping closer, Silver saw that Switzer was actually booting Lacewell, who was trying to urinate beneath a wood deck. "Barry was getting Larry to piss all over himself," says Silver. "Urine everywhere." Done harassing his friend, Switzer stumbled to the dance floor and began hyperactively shaking his body—a la Pee Wee Herman. Nearby Emmitt Smith was grooving the night away, showing off the moves that, a decade later, would make him a champion on Dancing With the Stars, when he caught a glimpse of Switzer. "Emmitt can't believe what he's seeing," says Silver. "He just stops and stares at Switzer, and his jaw drops. He just gets this look on his face that I can only describe as 'Oh my God, my coach is fucking crazy!'"

Switzer's week was one uproarious blur—a little bit of football (Steelers? What Steelers?) mixed in with a whole lot of debauchery. On the night of Friday, January 26, less than 48 hours before kickoff, Switzer hosted his dream party in Suite 4000 at The Buttes—his suite. With his son Greg, a trained classical pianist, jamming away on the room's black Steinway, Switzer led an obnoxious, infectious, inebriated sing-along of Ray Charles' What'd I Say. Instead of repeating Charles' lyrics, however, Switzer and Co. filled in their own words—praising Jerry Jones, mocking Jimmy Johnson.

Tell your mama, tell your pa
I'm gonna send Jimmy back to Arkansas
Oh yes, ma'm, Jimmy don't do right, don't do right
Aw, play it boy
When you see him in misery
Cause Jimmy fuckin' sucks on TV
Now yeah, all right, all right, aw play it, boy

"I didn't know if we'd win or lose the Super Bowl," says Switzer. "But I knew I was gonna have one helluva week. You don't reach the heights and then play it down. You make the moments memorable."

Although the Cowboys expended a great deal of time, money and energy overtaking Tempe, not every player thought it appropriate to turn Super Bowl week into Animal House II: Attack of the 300-pound Texans. Defensive lineman Russell Maryland, for example, spent much of his free time reading, watching TV and quietly touring the area. Upon graduating from Chicago's Whitney Young High School in 1986, Maryland—a former usher at St. John Church—made a promise to the congregation that he would live righteously. "My mom and dad would tell me all the time not to embarrass the Maryland name," he said. "And I took that seriously."

Linebacker Robert Jones, about to play his final game with Dallas, avoided the limelight and temptations by sticking with his wife, Maneesha, and their two sons. "I didn't come to party," he says. "I came to win."
And then there was the man deemed Cowboy Most Likely to Blow the Super Bowl. Raised in Southern California, Larry Brown attended Los Angeles High, spending four years as a moderately successful All-City selection. With few available post-graduation options, Brown enrolled at Los Angeles Southwest College, where he played tailback as a freshman and defensive back as a sophomore. Asked to assess Brown's collegiate legacy, Henry Washington, his former Southwest coach, noted that, "Larry wasn't what you'd call a great player. But he always got the job done."
Brown believed his two years of junior college ball would result in attention from UCLA or USC or at least Cal or Stanford. Instead, the only offer came from Texas Christian University, home to the mighty purple-and-white Horned Frogs.

Though Fort Worth was a far cry from L.A., Brown took advantage of the opportunity. He started both seasons for TCU and was named one of the Most Valuable Players of the 1990 Blue-Gray game. "I was sure I'd be drafted in the first four rounds," says Brown. "I'd played on the same stage with the guys from Miami and Florida State and Notre Dame and I more than measured up."

On the afternoon of April 21, 1991, Brown sat before his television and waited to be drafted. On April 22, he waited some more. Finally, with the 320th pick of the 12th round, the Cowboys nabbed Brown. He was the 57th defensive back selected, following such immortals as Jacksonville State's David Gulledge and James Smith of mighty Ripon College. In the minutes preceding the pick, those in the Dallas draft room debated Brown's merits. "The kid's OK," said one scout. "Not great, not terrible."
"That may well be," said another, "but he's already in Texas. He won't cost us an airplane ticket."
Larry Brown it was.

By Super Bowl XXX, Brown was enjoying his fifth-straight season as a Cowboy regular—and nobody could quite figure out why. Neither especially fast, strong nor tough, Brown worked moderately hard and studied film with average acumen. When Dallas signed Deion Sanders, it was assumed Brown would finally land on the bench. Then Kevin Smith got hurt and the crabgrass of cornerbacks remained. "Larry's hands were awful—just awful," says Clayton Holmes, his fellow cornerback. "He was knowledgeable on defense and he would bust his ass on the field. But he couldn't catch and he played scared. On the sideline, it was always pretty clear he just wanted the game to be over with."
Despite the drawbacks, Brown was—if nothing else—liked. He cracked corny-yet-well-received jokes, rarely complained, attended church weekly and never ripped teammates or coaches to the media. "He was a really good guy with a great outlook on life," says Greg Briggs, a Cowboys defensive back. "He appreciated what he had going."

Brown's unyielding positivism was put to the test in August 1995, when his son, Kristopher, was born 10 weeks premature, weighing one pound, nine ounces. Immediately following his delivery, the baby was brought to the ICU and placed on a ventilator. With each passing hour, Larry and his wife Cheryl gained hope. Their 1 1/2-year-old daughter Kristen had been three months premature, and she turned out to be perfectly fine. "Then I was holding him one day and I noticed that the back of his head was kind of soft," says Cheryl. "They took him in to do an X-Ray and found that part of his brain had dissolved."
Kristopher Brown was brain dead.
"The hardest day was when we had to decide to take him off the respirator," says Brown. "We talked and prayed, but when you're not going to have a brain, there's no hope. I'm still in disbelief. Every day, I'm in disbelief."
Kristopher died on Thursday, November 16, the worst day in Larry and Cheryl's lives. Brown had been away from the team for several days, and Switzer insisted he not return for that Sunday's game against the Raiders in Oakland. "Take whatever you need," Switzer said. "Give yourself time to heal."

Despite his wife's objections, Brown decided the best way to recover would be to do what he loved most. On the day before the game Brown flew to Oakland on Jerry Jones' private jet. He was mentally drained and physically weak—and shocked by the reaction of his teammates. The Cowboys had decided to dedicate the rest of the season to Kristopher. Every helmet was adorned with a small KB sticker. "The whole thing moved me to tears," he says. "Before the game I told myself, 'Play this for Kristopher,' and I did. My conditioning was so poor that they took me out to give me oxygen, but I felt like I was in the right place."

Dallas won 34–21, momentarily lifting their cornerback's blighted spirits. For the remainder of the regular season and into the playoffs, Brown was a mixed bag of emotions. He could focus on football, but thoughts of his son always crept in. There were good days and bad days, smiles and tears. Against Green Bay in the NFC title game, his fourth quarter interception of a Brett Favre pass sealed Dallas' trip to Tempe. "Larry had a very, very hard season," says Darren Woodson. "He deserved something really great happening to him."

The Pittsburgh Steelers were pissed off. Who could blame them?

In the two weeks leading up to Super Bowl Sunday, members of the AFC champions were asked hundreds of questions—nearly all of them having to do with Dallas' irrefutable advantages in skill, experience and legacy. It was as if the Steelers were lambs being led to slaughter; the questions from the media their last rites prior to the butcher's knife. "The whole thing was really annoying and disrespectful," says Levon Kirkland, Pittsburgh's standout linebacker. "You got tired hearing how great Dallas was. Everyone thought Dallas would run us over. We believed we were going to shock those guys."

Throughout the week, members of the slighted Steelers griped incessantly. Why, they wondered, had each member been permitted to purchase only 20 Super Bowl tickets, while the Cowboys were granted 30 apiece? (This was an understandable complaint. Recalls Greg Schorp, a member of Dallas' practice squad: "Everyone on the team was selling their tickets for $2,000, $3,000 a pop. It was a great chance to make a lot of money.") The Steelers also caught wind of Dallas' snazzy digs at The Buttes, which was like The Four Seasons compared to their digs at the $180-per-night Doubletree Paradise Valley Resort. During a team meeting, linebacker Greg Lloyd fumed aloud about the "cheap-ass accommodations," when head coach Bill Cowher interrupted him to say, "Greg, I'd like to introduce you to Peter Ottone, the hotel's general manager, who's standing next to you."

As the Cowboys loafed, the 13½-point underdog Steelers felt they had something to prove. Under the 38-year-old Cowher, Pittsburgh had implemented a 3–4 defense that evoked comparisons to the old Steel Curtain of the 1970s. Like Dallas, Pittsburgh's unit—led by the Lloyd, Kirkland and veteran linebacker Kevin Greene—was built on merging speed, reaction time and power. "We were the best in the league, and there was no way Dallas was going to take advantage of us," says Kirkland. "Whether they knew so or not."

With lines clearly drawn between the "good" Steelers and "bad" Cowboys, Dallas nestled comfortable into its black hat. The Cowboys were callous and cocky; perfectly represented by the string of expletives Irvin fired at the assembled TV cameras three days after the victory over Green Bay. "The media can't control my mouth," he said. "I'm not living on the plantation. Get the hell out of my face with that." One week before kickoff a PR firm announced that, come Feb. 2, the Cowboy cheerleaders would release a video entitled, "1996 Dallas Cowboy Superbowl (sic) Shuffle." During Dallas' Media Day session, Sanders said that Arizona was "too white" for his tastes. "I just bought a 747 and I'm telling them to stop in all the other cities and bring some black people in here," he said. "Someone asked me if I'd like to live here. That's like asking Rodney King to take a stroll through the LAPD."

Wrote Dan Shaughnessy in the Boston Globe:

The Cowboys are going to Super Bowl XXX, which means two long weeks of bad hair, big egos, big hair, bad egos, arrogance, corporate gluttony, cheap shots and cut blocks.

Ugh. Dallas in the Super Bowl means Nike "swoosh" stickers on every cactus in Arizona. It means 77 Farrah Fawcett look-alikes prancing on the sideline. It means the insufferable Neon Deion as Grand Marshal…
Really, how can anyone root for Dallas? If you back the Cowboys, you've got to be an insatiable front-runner, a cabbage or, worse, a Texan.

On the morning of Super Bowl XXX, Larry Brown woke up, brushed his teeth, took a shower, ate some breakfast and, before leaving the hotel for Sun Devil Stadium, heard his wife ask, "Larry, are you nervous?"
It was a fair question, in that Larry Brown was almost always nervous. Whether he was playing for Texas Christian or the Dallas Cowboys, rare were the pre-game rituals that didn't include heaping spoonfuls of anxiety. For some reason, this day was different.
"Nah," he said. "With Deion on the other side they're going to be throwing at me all day. I plan on picking off two or three balls by the time it's over."

Although Cheryl would later boast of her husband's Nostradamus-like moment, it didn't take a starting NFL defensive back to know that, in the battle of quarterbacks, Dallas possessed a tremendous advantage. While Pittsburgh's secondary had to contend with the strong-armed Troy Aikman and his two favorite targets, Irvin and tight end Jay Novacek, Dallas' defense would be facing Neil O'Donnell, the league's most ordinary signal caller.
A fifth-year veteran out of the University of Maryland, O'Donnell possessed above-average accuracy, slightly below-average arm strength and an introverted personality that hardly inspired teammates. "Neil was very self-critical," says Mike Tomczak, Pittsburgh's backup quarterback. "He was a tough kid from New Jersey who strived for perfection." O'Donnell's stats were always more impressive than the actual, in-the-flesh player. Over 12 games during the '95 season, he threw for 2,970 yards and 17 touchdowns, with a mere seven interceptions. "Was Neil a good quarterback?" says Andre Hastings, a Steeler wide receiver. "Well, he was pretty O.K., I guess. But I would never say he was a Hall of Fame or Pro Bowl type of guy. He did his job."
"I look at it this way," says Ernie Mills, another Steeler receiver. "We ran a lot of four- and five-receiver sets, so somebody was going to be open."

After the requisite two weeks of hype, Sunday evening finally arrived. It was a mild evening in Tempe—70 degrees, little breeze, a blue, cloud-less sky. As America's Team, the Cowboys were used to charging onto the field and hearing substantially more cheers than boos. Such was certainly the case in the previous two Super Bowls, when the Cowboys were the Rolling Stones playing Madison Square Garden and the Buffalo Bills were Bad Ronald at the Stormville Flea Market. This time was different. The Steelers represented every blue-collar American fatigued by the whole flash-and-dash Dallas mojo. It didn't hurt that Pittsburgh had won an NFL-high four Super Bowls, a past that made them one of the league's more popular franchises. "Usually when we came to Arizona, if there were 75,000 fans at the game, 50,000 or so were Cowboy fans," says Dale Hellestrae, Dallas' long snapper. "Well, this time we go running onto the field for pre-game warm-ups and we're getting booed. Cowboy fans were outnumbered by Steelers fans and those Terrible Towels are everywhere. I remember us looking around and going, 'What the hell is going on here?'"
Dallas took the opening kickoff and casually marched down the field behind a 20-yard pass from Aikman to Irvin followed by a 23-yard Emmitt Smith run. Though they settled for a 42-yard field goal from a shaken Chris Boniol ("I couldn't make a kick from 25-to–45 yards in pre-game," Boniol says. "I mean, not one."), the Cowboys had set a tone.
After limiting Pittsburgh to three plays, Dallas dominated again, this time starting at their own 25-yard-line and confidently attacking the vaunted Steeler defense. The key play—the sort of play that becomes a game's signature—came on a first down and 10, when Aikman dropped back and launched a 47-yard spiral to Sanders, who dashed past cornerback Willie Williams to make an artistic, over-the-left-shoulder haul. Four plays later Aikman hit Novacek, who tiptoed into the end zone from 3 yards out. When Boniol kicked another field goal on the following series, the score was 13–0.

Across the nation, 94.8 million TV viewers began to wonder whether Diana Ross' halftime extravaganza would feature songs from her Supremes days or the solo years.
"Those Cowboys sure didn't lack for confidence," says Kendall Gammon, the Steelers' long snapper. "But neither did we. We were new to the Super Bowl, so maybe there were some nerves. But we were too good to lie down and get our butts kicked."
Following an exchange of punts, Pittsburgh attacked. Facing a third-and–20 from his own 36-yard line, O'Donnell rifled a 19-yard bullet to Hastings. "That was awful," says Switzer. "(Linebacker) Darrin Smith was supposed to play zone and just stay in the middle. Instead he followed a receiver and (Hastings) was wide open. If the players just followed my damn instructions we would have won easily."

On fourth-and-one, Cowher's directive was a simple one: Make a first down and steal momentum. Come up empty again, and the night belongs to Dallas. Into the game came rookie receiver/running back/quarterback Kordell Stewart, who gained the needed acreage with a three-yard dash. As Stewart popped to his feet, thousands of Terrible Towels twirled in the air, transforming Sun Devil Stadium into a swaying black-and-gold ocean. With 13 seconds remaining in the first half, O'Donnell hit receiver Yancey Thigpen with a 6-yard touchdown strike. A potential blowout had turned into a legitimate battle. Halftime score: 13–7.
"We were rejuvenated," says Hastings. "The rest of the game was going to belong to us." In the Steelers' locker room, Cowher was at his fiery best. The players loved their head coach because he never concealed an emotion; instead, he was known for shoving his ironworker's jaw in a Steeler's face and screaming or crying or laughing. Now he was all rage. "Those sonsofbitches thought you were nothing!" he screamed. "They thought they were going to run all over you! They thought you were a joke. Well, they're not laughing anymore! We took their best shots! Now it's our turn! Let's go take what's ours …"

As Cowher spoke, not a peep was uttered from his players. Pittsburgh had endured two weeks of ridicule, and it stung. The players stormed back onto the field with a fire Dallas lacked. This was about disrespect; about payback; about overcoming the odds and doubters. "You hear enough trash, you snap," says Hastings. "We snapped."

After dueling unsuccessful drives to start the third quarter, Pittsburgh began to grind its way down the field, rolling over a sagging Cowboy defense to its own 48-yard line. Facing third down and nine, O'Donnell received the snap, took five steps backward and was pressured by Chad Hennings, who charged through the middle of the Pittsburgh line. On the verge of being sacked, O'Donnell tossed the ball to the outside, where he expected to find an uncovered Mills. Instead, it floated into the arms of Brown, who returned it 44 yards to the Steelers' 18. On the Dallas sideline, players lept with excitement. "I can't lie," says Brown. "That one was a gift." With 6:42 left in the third quarter, Emmitt Smith ran in from one yard away, handing Dallas a 20–7 advantage.
"That was Neil's fault," says Mills. "He played great for us that season, but on the one play he made a really bad read."
The Steelers and Cowboys traded aborted drives, and when Pittsburgh got the ball again, they used nine plays to advance from their own 20-yard line to the Cowboys' 19. But on third-and-eight, O'Donnell was hammered by Dallas defensive end Tony Tolbert, who slammed the quarterback down for a devastating nine-yard loss. A 46-yard field goal from Norm Johnson cut the Dallas lead to 20–10 with 11:20 left in the game, and then Cowher—a calculated gambler—took a major chance. With the Cowboys lined up for a run-of-the-mill kickoff, Norm Johnson squibbed the ball off the tee toward the right sideline, where Pittsburgh defensive back Deon Figures scooped it up. First and 10, Steelers, on their own 48-yard line. "At that moment I was thinking, 'We're gonna lose this thing. I can't believe it,'" says Dallas linebacker Jim Schwantz. "Because I thought it was gonna be an easy game. I thought we'd throw our helmets out there and win."

Nine plays later, Pittsburgh running back Bam Morris rammed through a one-yard touchdown run, cutting the deficit to 20–17. "Once we got the jitters out," said Steelers cornerback Carnell Lake, "we outplayed them."
It was going to happen. It was really going to happen. The Pittsburgh Steelers were about to beat the Dallas Cowboys. Impossible. Unimaginable. With 4:15 left in the game, Pittsburgh got the ball back on their own 32-yard line, momentum on their side, the fans in a frenzy, one of the greatest upsets in Super Bowl history within reach.
And their quarterback was nervous.
Extremely nervous.
O'Donnell's eyes were wide and his breaths were deep. "I talked to some offensive guys later and they said Neil wasn't looking so good in huddle," says Jerry Olsavsky, a Steelers linebacker. "I didn't understand that—we weren't scared on defense. We were never scared on defense."
On first down and 10, O'Donnell scrambled left and threw toward Hastings, who dropped the ball.
On second down and 10, two men sealed their eternal NFL statuses:
One turned into Mookie Wilson.
The other—Bill Buckner.
O'Donnell and the Steelers bounded out of the huddle convinced they had a play certain to work. O'Donnell would take a four-step drop and fire a pass to Hastings, who planned on using his speed to run a slant route across the field and in front of the sagging Dallas secondary. Worst-case scenario, Hastings scoots for a first down. Best-case scenario, he outruns the Cowboys and scores the game-winning touchdown.
"We were going to pull it out," says Olsavsky. "I felt it."

Aware of O'Donnell's spineless reputation, Cowboys defensive coordinator Dave Campo spent the game urging his linemen to thump the Steelers quarterback whenever possible. "We caught Pittsburgh by surprise by running zone blitzes," Campo says. "We wanted to confuse their quarterback." When the two teams met to open the 1994 season, the Cowboys sacked O'Donnell nine times. The memory was in his head. Had to have been. Now, with a Super Bowl in the balance, Campo wisely called out "Zero!"—code for a nine-man blitz. Darren Woodson looked toward Brown and shouted, "Larry, be aggressive here! Be aggressive! They're coming your way!" As O'Donnell dropped back, he was harassed by a collapsing wall of defenders. He did what a good quarterback does—threw to the spot, knowing exactly where Hastings was supposed to be and trusting the route-running abilities of Pittsburgh's second-leading receiver.
Yet instead of slanting one way, Hastings went the other. For the second time that evening, Brown was in the exact right spot at the exact right time—all alone with a football fluttering his way. It was Christmas and Easter and Kwanzaa and Purim rolled into one, and Brown eagerly caught the ball and dashed 33 yards to the lip of the end zone.
"It was like a cartoon—noooooooooooooooooo! Poof!" says Hastings. "It was a pretty bad feeling. Like, 'This cannot be happening.' It's one thing to get blown out and say 'OK, it wasn't our Sunday.' But to be that close, it's pretty heartbreaking."
Emmitt Smith scored shortly thereafter, and the game was done. The Steelers had held Smith to 49 yards rushing, limited Irvin to five catches for 76 yards, held Aikman to a single touchdown pass … and still lost.
Cowboys: 27.
Steelers: 17.

"We gave away the Super Bowl," said running back Erric Pegram. "We gave the darn thing away."
What few Steelers could know in the immediate aftermath was that while O'Donnell was responsible for interception No. 1, it was the inexperienced Hastings who, in the final minutes, cost his team the victory with the errant route. Hastings later publicly blamed O'Donnell, kicking off a mini-war of words among ex-Steelers. "That definitely wasn't Neil's fault," says Tomczak. "He made a read and it was right. Mistakes were committed by other people. But the quarterback always gets blamed."
Though O'Donnell turned into Pittsburgh's No. 1 goat, Brown found gridiron salvation. Upon entering the locker room, he was greeted by an unruly serenade of "L.B.! L.B.! L.B.!" The 12th round pick was now Super Bowl XXX's unlikely MVP. He would get the car and—as a pending free agent—a $12 million contract to join the Oakland Raiders.
Wrote Shaughnessy in the Boston Globe: "(Brown) was like a backup catcher who wins a World Series game by getting hit by a pitch with the bases loaded. He did almost nothing to earn the trophy. Twice Brown was standing in the open field, minding his own business, when an O'Donnell pass came his way. Both of his catches could easily have been made by Mike Greenwell, Jose Canseco, Charlie Brown or Downtown Julie Brown."
Few could argue.
"Man, Larry knows he's lucky," says Briggs, the Cowboy defensive back. "If I'm standing there like he was, minding my own business, I'm the Super Bowl MVP. Shoot, that would have been sweet."
Briggs pauses, taking a minute to reconsider.
"But you wanna know something," he says. "Larry was a great dude. And guys like that deserve to have their moments, too. So God bless Larry Brown. God bless him."

"That particular official gets a lot of criticism. He's a highly criticized official in the NFL," Jones told the AP.

That particular official. Chilly, Mr. Jones. This is an overly cruel remark when you consider how hard Ed is taking all of this criticism. Don't the guns fool you — Ed Hochuli is a hyper-sensitive soul, who craves positive reinforcement. I mean, look at the type of music the man listens to when he goes running:

Runner's World: Is there one thing you listen to if you really want to kick-start your run?

ED: If I'm really looking for a pump from music ... I'll setup my iPod with different playlists. I'll listen to the electronic. I got a lot of electronic or trance. That kind of music that has a heavy beat with no lyrics. That's what would be the motivating music, if you will.

Trippy. Maybe Hochuli screwed up that call (and many others) because he's suffering from the long-term side effects of MDMA abuse?

Cowboys Owner Jerry Jones On Ed Hochuli: 'He's a Highly Criticized Official' [MDS' Fanhouse]

Obviously, Jackson can't be chucking the ball away a yard and a half before he actually makes it into the end zone. The one knock on the guy throughout training camp was that he was brimming with overconfidence and his tendency for showboating. I think we can all agree with that assessment. And as was pointed out multiple times, this wasn't the first time Jackson's premature celebrating cost him a touchdown:

Jackson had broken free for an apparent 53-yard touchdown reception in the 2005 Army All-American Bowl at the Alamodome when he spread his arms in a swan dive and dove toward the end zone. He landed at the 1-yard line. Fortunately for him, Jackson caught seven passes for 141 yards and threw a 45-yard touchdown pass to earn MVP honors as his West team won 35-3. "I redeemed myself with a great game," the Long Beach, Calif., athlete said. "It was a little embarrassing, but I did it, so I just had to move on."

And he'll move on again. We all will. It'll take a little more than an aborted touchdown to make Philadelphia love him any less. Well, me at least.

*****

Some notes from last night: Unfortunately, I couldn't come up with a decent bar to watch the game with my Eagles' brethren but the next time this opportunity arises I will plan better. Thanks to those who text-messaged suggestions and to those who just text-messaged for the sake of text-messaging. A very special thanks to all of those non-Eagles fans who took the time out of their busy schedules to shit talk. Some of my favorites:

• "Your eagles suck. Don't show your faces in this division again this year. A Giants fan."

• "Eagles fucking suck. I hope this game is a 0-0 tie."

And my favorite one, from an ESPN personality who happens to be a rabid Dallas Cowboys fan:

• "Eat paste you dick loving eagle douchebag. DeSean Jackson makes Vince Young look like a Mensa member."

Best. Celebration. Ever [Mr. Irrelevant]

Of course the other fantastic white guy moment on Monday night came during Felix Jones' kickoff return for a touchdown, in which Cowboys' coach Wade Phillips tried to run with him down the sideline. As one reader put it, it was a little like watching a sumo marathon. Anyone have that video?

This Is Why YouTube Rules And White Guys Don't [Orland Kurtenblog]

Terrell has it right when he says Philadelphia was in love with him when he was wearing Eagles green during 2004. It was amazing. However, the argument of which guy had a bigger impact on the other’s play isn’t worth having and something Owens continually brings up. They both clearly stepped up each other’s game.

The Linc chanting, “Teee Ohhh, Teee Ohhh, T. O.” was a beautiful thing. I get excited now just thinking about how awesome that team was. But Terrell gets it wrong when he says the rift was due to Donovan’s feelings and antics.

He cites Donovan being jealous where as most Philadelphians will tell you that it was McNabb who went about business as usual. Donovan wasn’t the one who suggested he’d rather have another team’s receiver to throw balls to, Donovan wasn’t the one who whined and complained his way out of town.

Terrell Owens’ most recent rant is quasi delusional. Not only that, but the entire crew of ESPN’s NFL Game Day show agrees with me.

Whoa.

Tom Jackson points out the fact that T.O. is 1-3 against the Eagles since joining the Cowboys. Talk after you win.

Mike Ditka calls Terrell’s antics childish and expresses Owens’ need to let it go.

Chris Carter wins the sound bite war by saying T.O. has to realize that “we’re not going to love him as much as he loves himself.”

Even T.O.’s homeboy, Keyshawn Johnson, tries to bite his lip and pleads with Owens to leave all this revisionist history alone and lead your team to a Super Bowl. He points out that Donovan was winning and going to Pro Bowls before Terrell got there, McNabb played in the 2004 conference playoffs without a receiver and did just fine, and when the focus shifted back to Owens in the Super Bowl, they lost.

Keyshawn gets it right. We know T.O. is an incredible football player, but his revisionist history is childish.

Donovan McNabb wasn’t jealous of Terrell Owens. It was the other way around. And holy shit!, everyone seems to be in agreement about it for once.

Also, Fuck Dallas.

Warning: the audio in the video is slightly off. But you get the gist of it.

image via SI.com

A story in today's Fort Worth Star Telegram tells the tale of two Cowboys fans named Bill and Sharon White, who were returning from an out-of-town trip late Sunday night only to have their journey home side-tracked by a blown tire. Bill pulled the car into lighted parking lot strip mall to fix his busted ride, but was having trouble with the jack and the air compressor. It was near midnight and the Whites were stranded, helplessly watching "hundreds" of cars go by, anxiously waiting to get home to watch the Cowboys game they had on their Tivo. Finally, one "well-dressed young man" with a bandage on his chin, pulled over to see if the couple needed some assistance. Sharon kept eye-balling the guy as he helped her husband fiddle with the compressor and then...:

"You are Tony Romo," she said. No reply, just a smile, and then it was back to work on the compressor.

Finally, they got the tire aired up. Enough, anyway, to make a slow drive home.

"I didn't want to bother him," Sharon said, "but I asked again, 'You're Tony Romo, right?' " I knew it was him by then. But he smiled and said, 'Yes, ma'am.' "

Sharon: "I did something no 50-year-old woman should be doing, but I screamed real loud, and then jumped up and hugged him."

So they got home, safe and sound, and finally got a chance to see how Romo got that bandage on his chin. Nicely done, Tony.

Anyway back to reality: fuck the Cowboys.

A fine Sunday indeed for Tony Romo [Fort Worth Star Telegram]

"It feels good man, you know, to get a second chance and I just have to take advantage of it," said Jones. "First and foremost, I don't want to let myself down, definitely my little girl down. I'm thankful for Jerry [Jones], the fans in Dallas and my teammates for believing in me. I need to keep doing what I've been doing to get reinstated, staying with myself and my teammates and staying away from those knuckleheads and just stay focused."

We can all agree that Jones is an idiot, but he still received a harsher punishment for an off-field act than any player in league history. And he's still only plead guilty to a single obstruction of justice felony. And that was after the suspension ws levied. Meanwhile the NFL, public relations masters that they are, planned on dropping this news on the Friday before Labor Day figuring that the attention would be muted over the long weekend. Until then, let it rain.
NFL fully reinstates Dallas Cowboys cornerback Adam Jones [Dallas Morning-News]
Pacman was at Hooters when he got the news [Pro Football Talk]

This year, the previews will be a little shorter, but will hopefully give us enough of a taste so that, come fall, we'll all be officially sick of previews.

Today: The Hard Knock'd dicks of Dallas. Your author is Mike Fisher.

Mike Fisher, for 18 years a Dallas-based sportswriter and radio talk-show personality, covers the Dallas Cowboys and the Dallas Mavericks and whatever else he damn pleases at his DallasBasketball.com. “Fish’’ is the bastard behind the Charles Haley “Bananas’’ entry in our (soon to be returning) “Dark Side of the Locker Room’’ series.

His words are after this active verb.

I thought about recruiting Howie Mandel to co-host this Cowboys preview but I was concerned I’d touch him and aggravate his Mysophobia (which, by the way, sounds like a fake disease as voiced by those hi-LAR-ious Spanish basketball Olympians). So I’ll do it myself: The 24 Reasons The Dallas Cowboys Are Going To The Super Bowl – “Deal Or No Deal’’-style.

As models, we’ve employed female members of the America’s Team Family: Sarah Shahi (“The Sopranos’’), Wade Phillips’ daughter (burlesque!), Jessica Simpson (sitting on her father’s lap, at the creepy insistence of Papa Joe himself), Kim Etheredge (T.O.’s former PR voice, in all her eye-rolling, gum-popping, split-ending brilliance) and assorted painted hussies now taking turns as active Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders. “The pick of the litter,’’ as Jerry Jones once termed them.

Strap it on: The 24 Reasons The Dallas Cowboys Are Going To The Super Bowl:

24: Despite a four-decade involvement in Texas football, the Cowboys are saying farewell to that grand, fun, bloated, gray-topped football dinosaur. Yep, this is the final season.

23: Oh, and in addition to angling toward dumping Coach Wade, they might be saying farewell to Texas Stadium, too. Ba-DUM-dum.
Seriously, the avuncular Phillips has proven to be the idyllic antidote to InfalliBill Parcells, who certainly contributed to the rebuilding of the franchise but who is also certainly the evil that drove T.O. to an “accidental’’ suicide attempt. (Now it can be told: Mary Kate Olsen’s tragic FBI-protected secret? Bill Parcells killed Heath Ledger.)

22: Meanwhile, the Cowboys, storybook team that they are, will not lose the final home appointment at their venerable hole-in-the-house. God will watch – as will most the rest of the distracted or dysfunctional former contenders.
21: Consider the wobbly field: Green Bay? Brett’s a Jett. Philly? Andy Reid’s busy taking parenting tips from Hulk Hogan. The Giants? Even with their title, they speak as if they are burdened by a nasty case of Dallas Envy. (See Briefcase No. 3.)

20: The movie “Pineapple Express’’ coins the phrase “God’s v