Daulton was on the radio with Philly sports talk host Mike Missanelli, in an interview that covered everything from his charity work to Schilling's spotlight hogging to Lenny Dykstra's current madness, so naturally talk turned to steroids and drugs in general and Dutch had no problem putting it on all record. He's been controlled by every controlled substance imaginable.

If I told you all the drugs that I've taken, Mike, you would open that up as a can of worms (laughing). I don't feel that you or anyone else needs to know anything that I've ever done to respect me. No disrespect, that's just the way I am. I feel if I told you all the drugs I've ever taken that would reflect on someone else. I can assure you, there's probably no one in any sport that has taken more drugs that I have. And I think people still respect me. It's not what goes in, it's what comes out.

Comes out of where exactly? Actually, my favorite part of the interview is when a fan calls in asking how the Phillies—2.5 games up on the rest of the NL East—can "turn it around." Ahh, sports radio.

Oh, and I'll let Deadspin operative William explain the picture:

My buddy sent me the attached picture of him and Darren Daulton from the Def Leppard with Poison and Cheap Trick concert in Scranton, PA. Apparently, Dutch's manager is from Northeast Pennsylvania and he was at the concert with him...yes, Dutch still has a manager.

Def Leppard. Poison. Cheap Trick. Scranton. Darren Daulton. Everything's going to be okay.

Darren Daulton joins Mike Missanelli live in studio part1 [950 ESPN]
Darren Daulton: "I Can Assure You There's Probably No One In Any Sport That Has Taken More Drugs Than I Have." [Sports Radio Interviews]

That's where our hero showed up on Saturday to sign autographs and share banter with a rather long line of baseball fans who remembered his glory days in the 1990s. Our coverage of Daulton has been well documented, — he was a particular favorite of Mr. Leitch — and I was kind of sad to see him out of the news over the past year or so. But as we can see in this fine story from Lancaster Online, the former All-Star has lost none of his edge.

"Just because you can't see something," Daulton said Saturday, before an autograph session at the Ephrata Lions' Club's annual card and memorabilia show, "doesn't mean it's not there." Daulton perceives lots of things that aren't conventionally "there." His beliefs are an eclectic hodgepodge of metaphysics, numerology, time travel and even occasional references to the Christian God and Jesus.

Specifically, he believes people with transcendent understanding of all this will ascend to earth at the conclusion of the Mayan calendar (11:11 a.m. Dec. 21, 2012) and then move to a new plane of existence.

Then there was this head-scratchingly brilliant observation, for which it is left to you to interpret:

"Think of all the movies you've seen in your life, even horror movies, whatever. You get to experience all of them. It can get pretty bizarre. That's when you go get the cooler and sit in the corner."

On his second wife, whom he was accused of abusing in 2004:

"Nicole thinks I'm crazy. She blames everything on drugs and drinking. But I don't take drugs and I'm not a drunk. Nicole just doesn't understand metaphysics."

If he's never drunk, what's in that cooler he's got in the corner?

Darren Daulton's Spiritual Journey [Lancaster Online]

But Dutch has recently taken on new individuals to handle his post-baseball career and promotion for this particular camp — and they are doing everything in their power to keep the interviews focused on "Darren Daulton, former major league catcher" than "Darren Daulton,lizard conversationalist."

Daulton's inexperienced PR team, who also hold a monetary stake in the the camp, is trying to keep Darren's promotional interviews as baseball-centric as possible. According to some media outlets who've already dealt with them, there is a legitimate "Can't Talk To Darren List" of people who, regardless of large an audience they bring, won't be considered safe interviews because, well, they'd most likely ask about Darren's unique viewpoints on all things otherwordly and his sketchy personal life, considering that's kept him in the news in the last two years. (Ed. Note: He's being modest, but Mr. Daulerio is on this list.)

But his new PR team is smart enough to know that that side of Darren Daulton is not going to be the one that wheedles Little League parents into plopping down $700 for an week-long overnight camp.

So, like Tom Cruise, Daulton's new people are in search for their client's own personal Oprah; an the interviewer who won't prejudge him for his beliefs and won't ask him to jump off the couch again.

Darren Daulton [On The DL]

Darren Daulton Has Gone Plum Damn Crazy [Deadspin]
Darren Daulton Joins The Fifth Dimension [SI]

Daulton gave an interview to Philly Comcast Sports the other night. He was in rare form.

I started experiencing these different realms, these different planes of existence ... I know exactly what I'm capable of doing. ... People talk about speaking with lizards and stuff. You can communicate with anyone, with nature, that's all that happened there. To me, that's not a big deal now. I like to astal travel, teleport, travel through time ... December 24, 2012, by the way, that's the number. As seven billion people, the world will rise to another level of consciousness. I don't have all the answers.

Oh, you do, Darren: YOU DO.

Dutch Speaks [Philadelphia Comcast Sports]

After nearly a week off, the Deadspin SHOTY Tournament kicks back up today — just three more first-round matchups left — with a guy who seemingly shows up every week around these parts, if just to make himself more famous, against a former Philadelphia hero who has only made Deadspin once, but in a rather glorious way.

It's No. 4 seed Jay Mariotti against No. 13 seed Darren Daulton, a matchup of two people who have never been in our kitchen.

Let's go to the videotape!

No. 4 Seed: Jay Mariotti
2006 Highlights
Brought together the Cubs and the White Sox.
Shrunk from Ozzie Guillen's manly challenge.
Inspired a loving fan site.
Reveled in all the fame.
Declared war on Wikipedia using the famous "whining" method.

No. 13 Seed: Darren Daulton
2006 Highlights
Time-traveled in a way that was difficult for those of us who do not understand metaphysics to comprehend.

So, go vote: Who advances to the Elite Eight?

Gawker Media polls require Javascript; if you're viewing this in an RSS reader, click through to view in your Javascript-enabled web browser.

Anyway, after watching the "Real Sports With Bryant Gumbel" segment on HBO last night, some guy sent us the following email.

I don't know if you speak for Darren, but if he likes hearing from other people who have had a lot of the same feelings, and experiences that Darren is facing, and would like to converse, I'd be happen to write to him, and describe my experiences. I watched the Brian Gumbel, HBO sports special on Darren, and I don't think Darren is crazy at all. These are legitimate experiences that he is having, and others like myself are having the exact same experiences. I could also speak to his 2nd wife, and help her to understand what he is going though. Thanks for listening.

We actually found this email very charming; there's something to be said for someone who wants to use their time-traveling experiences to help people rather than, you know, sneak into a women's locker room and then zip off to medieval times or something. But we are afraid we are little help; we do not speak for or to Daulton. Well, at least not the current version; we were chatting with the 1993 Daulton just the other day, however, and you know what? Dykstra's a dick, apparently.

Darren Daulton Is Freaking Insane [Deadspin]

To recap: Daulton claims he is a time-traveler who is in tune with the secret frequencies of the universe. And, somehow, that only taps the surface. NoobSports points us to this recent Franz Lidz article, which we somehow missed. Daulton even explains away his domestic violence incidents.

"I've been thrown in jail five or six times," Daulton says from his home in Tampa. "Nicole thinks I'm crazy. She blames everything on drugs and drinking. But I don't take drugs and I'm not a drunk. Nicole just doesn't understand metaphysics."

(If only Bobby Cox had tried that excuse.) Honestly, we're really not sure what more we can say here. Sometimes, we get a little overwhelmed.

Yo, Homeboy Be Crazy [NoobSports]
Beam Us Up, Dutchie [SI.com]

(UPDATE: Well, this would explain why we missed it: We were on vacation when Lidz's story ran. MJD was all over it back in February.)

Dutch, pictured above at "Darren Daulton Day" in Philadelphia (a promotion that really drew a crowd, evidently), believes that we're all going to vanish soon. Specifically, December 21st, 2012, at 11:11 a.m. Greenwich Mean Time. I'll let him explain.

"That will be the end of this dispensation. I really don't know how to explain it. I don't know what words to use so people won't think I'm goofy. But by Dec. 21, 2012 [the last day recorded on the Mayan calendar], people will have a pretty good idea. It's all about consciousness and love. We have the ability to create whatever we want. We're all made of energy."

I'm going to test his theory. I'm going to sit here and, with my mental energy, attempt to create a world where Darren Daulton is sane. Hold on, give me a few seconds.

...

Nope, didn't work. So much for that theory. This has been, by far, the most popular tip of the day. There's a lot more crazy where this came from, both in this SI interview, and this chat with the Philadelphia Daily News.

Daulton caught off base [philly.com]
Beam us up, Dutchie [SI.com]