That's enough for me. But things have been rather bleak on the Dartmouth campus so far this school year, as Keggy — the unofficial school mascot invented in 2003 by writers of the campus humor society The Jack-O-Lantern — had been missing in action for six months. That was due to a shocking incident this past summer in which Keggy's storage closet was ransacked and his costume pilfered, with only small parts of Keggy ever recovered by police. Those terrorist bastards.

From The Dartmouth Independent:

Many here on campus have noticed Keggy's absence this past year at his staple diet of Dartmouth football and hockey games, especially his prominent presence amongst the throngs of fans at Memorial Field. One Jack-O member emphatically connected the dots: Keggy was gone and football team let the shit hit the fan this year. What else is there to say?

But following a laborious reconstruction project by the Jack-O-Lantern staff (your tuition dollars at work, mom and dad!), Keggy made his triumphant return last week during Winter Carnival with a tour of the Dartmouth campus. And finally, Hanover, New Hampshire feels whole again.

More from the Keggy file:

• Was created by students in 2003 after a school vote winner, the Moose, was deemed unacceptable.

• Has been interviewed in Playboy Magazine.

• "Shortly after Keggy's introduction in 2003, a group of students stole the Keggy costume from its home in the Sigma Nu fraternity library and sent threatening notes to Keggy's creators, including photographs of the mascot bound and gagged with one black eye. ... Keggy was eventually returned with minor damage to the costume."

• Keggy is too large and unwieldy to use the stairs or fit through doorways on the Dartmouth campus, causing its creators to declare the school "keg inaccessible."

• Keggy has not updated his blog since Sept., 2007. Come on, Keggy!

Keggy's Back! [The Dartmouth Independent]

Longtime readers know full well of our fascination and affection for Keggy, the mascot with a heart of gold(schlager). Well, because it's a Friday afternoon, it's freezing in New York City and everyone just wants to go home/out and eradicate any lingering brain cells after the work week, we present this prank video featuring Keggy and a bunch of enterprising Dartmouth students. If this doesn't get them to enroll, nothing will.

The Dartmouth Redemption [IvyGateBlog]
Can One Costumed Beer Mascot Make A Difference? Yes He Can! [Deadspin]

I must offer a sincere apology to the Native American community, and the Dartmouth community as a whole, for an event that will understandably offend and hurt people within our community. In late December, we will host a men's ice hockey tournament that includes the University of North Dakota Fighting Sioux. UND is one of 14 colleges or universities that continue to maintain a Native American name and image to represent their athletic teams.

Let me state clearly that UND's position is offensive and wrong. When we scheduled UND nearly two years ago to participate in our tournament, we did so without considering their team's nickname and symbol. Perhaps we should have, but I deeply regret that we didn't.

First off ... Dartmouth has a Native American community? Really? More to the point, whether or not you think UND (and our Illini, for that matter) should change their mascot — and we tend to think they should — it seems a bit self- flagellating to flog your own school because you're playing the team in hockey. It is just a game, after all. Academia is so funny.

Apology For Hockey Team Mascot [The Dartmouth]

(By the way, the photo is of the Fighting Sioux dance team. So you know.)

Actually, students at Dartmouth are a little pissed that Keggy was named to the list, as they see him as a sign of protest against "The man." Take a look at the posts in the site's comments section, one of which is partially excerpted here:

What's important about Keggy is not so much that he's a giant beer or that he filled the void of a humanoid mascot at football games, it's that he represented a giant "$%#! you!" to the Dartmouth administration. Kegs are banned at Dartmouth unless you register them way in advance. The administration that took our kegs and tried to cut the entire swim team over Thanksgiving break tried to throw us a bone by letting us choose the next mascot, and Keggy turned the whole shabang into a giant shitburger. Keggy kicks ass, even if he comes off a little dorky as an official Ivy League mascot.

Also, no mascot list could be complete without this:

St. Louis College of Pharmacy's mascot is a Eutectic. Just so you know, this is not actually a creature, simply a chemical process.

Sad, really.

Eight Mascots That Need To Die [Armchair GM]