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New York, 4:32 AM
Thu Nov 26
15 posts in the last 24 hours

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posts about #dartmouth more →
Bill Simmons Shapes Young Minds
Nation Stunned By Brazen Kidnapping Of Keggy The Dartmouth Keg

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Christmas Ape
07/20/09

In reply to Bill Simmons Shapes Young Minds
They should make him the GM of your household!
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Get Him A Body Bag, Yeah!
07/20/09

In reply to Bill Simmons Shapes Young Minds
man, this kid's going to be in for a rude awakening when his Friday nights are spent driving three hours to Hampton Beach in hopes of scoring mescaline from a 50-year-old biker chick with a face like a catcher's mitt.
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David Hume
07/20/09

In reply to Bill Simmons Shapes Young Minds
A bad idea to be sure, but not as bad as that time I held an Italian food competition as a fundraiser for the Saratoga County Dermatologists' Association.

I still can't believe how mad people got over the Capital District Pizza Face-Off!

sponsored by Andrew Weinhoff M.D.!
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ClickClickThud
07/20/09

In reply to Bill Simmons Shapes Young Minds
This kid clearly got in to both schools on the strength of his essay, "The Sports Columnist that has had the Greatest Influence on my Life."

/Jason Whitlock'd
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StuScott Booyahs
07/20/09

In reply to Bill Simmons Shapes Young Minds
Dartmouth it is. The kid just isn't ready for Holy Cross yet.
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Steve U
07/20/09

In reply to Bill Simmons Shapes Young Minds
This is just like the time in Teen Wolf when Daniel-San and Kevin Youkilis were in that cage match with Ric Flair and Kevin McHale. Then they all went to Vegas, where Rick Adelman kept losing at blackjack to the Eastern European dealer who looked like J-Bug crossed with the 2008 New England Patriots.
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Starburied
07/20/09

In reply to Bill Simmons Shapes Young Minds
Mail Bag Credits (In order of appearance)

Chad - L.A.: Bill Simmons
Bill Simmons: Himself
Evan - St. Paul: Bill Simmons
Johnny - NY: Bill Simmons
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Kid Canada
07/20/09

In reply to Bill Simmons Shapes Young Minds
Woody Paige once told me that if I wanted to be a successful sports personality, I should follow his example and go to clown college.
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HockeyMountain
07/20/09

In reply to Bill Simmons Shapes Young Minds
Amateur. Rick Reilly, Before he was Rick Reilly®, once advised Homer to choose saving his dental plan over a keg of free beer.
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DirkToberFest
07/20/09

In reply to Bill Simmons Shapes Young Minds
Bill Simmons also would have told Tom Watson to hit 7-iron on 18. But really, what's the difference between those 2 schools? If you're not going to school where it's warm (Arizona, California, Texas, any SEC school), then you're probably not having fun and not banging hot chicks.

The reward at the end? A well-paying job in New York City (cold as balls most of the time) that works you 100 hours per week. Have a nice life!
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dont-forget-where-you-came-from-cheese mac promoted this comment DirkToberFest was starred DirkToberFest was unstarred

dont-forget-where-you-came-from-cheese mac
07/20/09

@DirkToberFest: I'm going to have one hell of a time getting home tonight if they moved New York to Greenland.
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DirkToberFest
07/20/09

@dont-forget-where-you-came-from-cheese mac: Would you rather be in Greenland or be near New Jersey? It's questions like these I struggle with each time I consider moving to Greenland.
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BrianVan
07/20/09

@DirkToberFest: You can get a job in NYC? That's funny, I know 10+ people**, including me, who would argue differently.

(**YES, WITH IVY LEAGUE CREDENTIALS)
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Weed Against Speed
07/20/09

In reply to Bill Simmons Shapes Young Minds
Bill Simmons Shapes Young Minds

It should come as no surprise that he considers himself the Mr. Miyagi of sports columnists.
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Gourmet Spud
07/20/09

In reply to Bill Simmons Shapes Young Minds
If you think that's an indication his ego is out of control, you may want to skip next week's podcast, where he gently walks a heartbroken Tom Watson through an assisted suicide.
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dont-forget-where-you-came-from-cheese mac
07/20/09

In reply to Bill Simmons Shapes Young Minds
Obviously, you've never heard of the "Dartmouth Offense" which involves playing on skis and shouting hilarious quotes from Animal House.
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Edited by dont-forget-where-you-came-from-cheese mac at 07/20/09 11:27 AM

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