Of course the best part of the American Crossword Puzzle Tournament is that it's the only competitive activity around that ESPN has not yet seized in its bony talons. Although it might be fun to watch Mike & Mike host it.

Over the weekend, various competitors wondered aloud why ESPN hadn't yet picked up coverage of this event. After all, they air Scrabble and the spelling bee, why not crosswords? Probably because for a spectator, the first seven rounds of the ACPT are very, very boring. People file into a ballroom to work silently on a crossword. As they finish, they raise their hands and skulk out. Sure, the format could be reworked for TV, ginned up with intensive editing and post-production, but it would destroy the homey feel of the affair. As a CNN marketing producer who flew up from Atlanta for the competition remarked, "I like that it's not polished. It's not quite together."

GREENBERG (studying sheet): "Hey, what's a eight-letter word for work break?
GOLIC: (accidentally stabs self with No. 2 pencil).

Now I Know What An Etui Looks Like [Geek Out New York]
American Crossword Puzzle Tournament
Hey Kids! It's The Deadspin Crossword Puzzle! [Deadspin]

Sorry the crossword isn't interactive — technology confuses me. But you can print it out and pretend that you're working at your desk! I'll post an answer key later, but I don't think anyone will need it. First one done wins a pint of Chunky Monkey! Oh, and if you don't finish it, I'm afraid that Mr. Crossword here will be waterboarded.