The best action of the day will be going down at Bernabeu in Madrid. A win for the home side would pull them within a point of their arch-rivals in La Liga. Real has played like a new team under Juande Ramos, and if they want to make their title run official they'll need a win today.

Arjen Robben will return to Ramos' starting lineup despite a leg injury that was expected to keep him out. On the other side Barca will be without central defender Rafael Marquez who tore up his knee in the mid-week Champions League semifinal leg against Chelsea. The good news for the visitors is that Carlos Puyol will be back in the starting lineup in Marquez's spot, although he won't be available for the second leg against Chelsea thanks to a suspension. It's a shame, really. The game can be seen stateside on GolTV at 2 pm EST.

Meanwhile, in England, the Premier League features five televised matches. Unfortunately the most important one(s) will kickoff before most of us are awake. Regardless of that fact, I feel pretty confident writing that Manchester United has succeeded in burying Middlesbrough deeper into relegation hell. If it turns out that they pulled the massive upset then that's just something I'll have to live with. Chelsea takes on Fulham in the day's second match, kicking off at 9:40 on Setanta. Expect to see plenty of Chelsea's bench in that one as they'll certainly be holding something back in advance of their showdown with Barca.

For the rest of the weekend's televised matches check out Ives' breakdown. Stick around to discuss all of today's matches in the comment section.

We, or at least I, need to thank Friend of the Program Ryan Noel for his invaluable assistance in the creation of this post; he truly is the wind beneath my wings. Translation: I don't know shit about soccer and I called upon a friend to help me out. Thanks, Ryan!

Match of the Week: Chelsea @ Aston Villa
When/Where: 0730 EST, Setanta Sports
Storyline: Chelsea is entering its first Premier League game with temporary manager Guus Hiddink at the helm. Aston Villa is looking to continue its surprising run to a Champions League spot, with a win pushing them 5 points clear of 4th place Chelsea.
Players to Watch: Gareth Barry (Villa) - the Villa holding midfielder is having a strong run of form, helping the Villains to 349 consecutive Premiership minutes without conceding a goal.
Didier Drogba or Nicolas Anelka (Chelsea) - the Chelsea hitmen have struggled to find the net since the turn of the year, with Chelsea failing to score in 3 of their last 4 road games.
Outlook: Chelsea are struggling desperately on the road, while Villa have been imperious in front of net over their recent run of Premier League games. Chelsea might gain inspiration from new manager Hiddink, especially if he elects to start Drogba and Anelka together up top. Villa hope to get England international Emile Heskey back to action, further cementing his partnership with young Gabriel Agbonlahor.
Lineup Predictions:
Chelsea: Cech, Bosingwa, Terry, Mancienne, Ferreira, Lampard, Ballack, Mikel, Kalou, Drogba, Anelka
Aston Villa: Friedel, Luke Young, Davies, Knight, Shorey, Ashley Young, Petrov, Barry, Milner, Heskey, Agbonlahor
Deadspin Pub Prediction: Aston Villa 2, Chelsea 0

Here are your top matches of the weekend:

English Premier League
• Chelsea at Aston Villa (Saturday): 4th place at 3rd place - enough said.
• Manchester City at Liverpool (Sunday): Liverpool host the enigmatic Blues in their bid to keep pace with leaders Manchester United.

Spanish Primera
• Espanyol at Barcelona (Saturday): The Barcelona city derby pits the league leaders against the bottom-dwellers. Derbies are always feisty.

Italian Serie A
• Juventus at Palermo (Saturday): Juve striker Amauri returns to his old stadium, La Favorita, for the first time this season.
• Cagliari at AC Milan (Sunday): Beckham should be fit to face the in-form Rossoblu.

French Ligue 1
• Olympique Lyon at AS Nancy Lorraine (Saturday): The league leaders look to widen the gap against mid-table Nancy.
• Paris St. Germain at Grenoble (Saturday): PSG look to keep pace with Lyon with a road victory at Grenoble.

German Bundesliga
• FC Cologne at Bayern Munich (Saturday): "FC Hollywood" have slipped to 4th, but a win at Cologne temporarily sees them atop the league.
• Hertha Berlin at VFL Wolfsburg: The surprise league leaders leave Berlin for the Volkswagen Arena to take on 6th place Wolfsburg.

Bonus: Americans Abroad this Weekend:
• Borussia Mönchengladbach v. Hannover 96: Michael Bradley leads 'Gladbach against Steve Cherundolo's Hannover team. Sal Zizzo is not expected to dress for Hannover.
• Bayern Munich v. FC Cologne: Landon Donovan stands a chance at starting for Munich as Luca Toni is struggling with an achilles injury.
• Aston Villa v. Chelsea: Brad Friedel will start in goal with understudy Brad Guzan on the bench.
• Bolton Wanderers v. West Ham United: Jonathan Spector is expected to be dressed and on the bench for the Hammers.
• Rangers v. Kilmarnock: Demarcus Beasley and Maurice Edu are both coming off strong Scottish Cup showings and could both see signifcant time in this SPL matchup.
• Nice v. Stade Rennes: Carlos Bocanegra anchors the Rennes left-side against mid-table Nice.
• Pachuca v. Ciudad Juarez: Jose Francisco Torres leads league-leaders Pachuca against 5th place Juarez.

Please forgive our inability to service your La Liga needs as we barely know enough to keep our Ronaldos and our Ronaldinhos apart. (All you need to know about both, house burglars: filthy rich.) However, please allow us to prepare your Strongbow and your six kinds of sausage as you settle in for a long morning of cursing at the telly (but without the gaiety in your language, please):

Newcastle v Liverpool (7.00 am ET) - We assume this one's already 4-1 by the time you read this, considering the injuries for Newcastle and the competition and all. If not, have another Strongbow on the house; you'll need it to survive what promises to be a strange morning.

Arsenal v Portsmouth (9.00 am ET) - If you choose to slide down the dial on this one, we'll happily break this one down for you in advance: Arsenal makes the extra extra pass and fails to attack except when they do and injure patrons in the 23rd row. Portsmouth confuses Tony Adams for Gerry Adams and refuses to come near the ball. After an appalling 1-1 tie (both goals by Adebayor), Wenger attacks the home groundskeeper for mixing 10% too much Kentucky bluegrass into the seed combination. This has been your Arsenal v Portsmouth early final.

West Ham v Stoke City (9.00 am ET) - If they must. On the other hand, the safest place in Britain this afternoon has to be Upton Park as Craig Bellamy won't be allowed in.

Fulham v Chelsea (9.00 am ET) - Unfortunately, John Terry couldn't make this match as an emergency meeting of the Gritty Gutty Short White Men's Club has been called in St. Louis to discuss David Eckstein's continued unemployment and the possible weakening of the mental powers of the organizating. Also, Wes Welker's snow angel penalty and Craig Biggio's upcoming bid for governor of Texas will be considered.

Blackburn v Manchester City (11.15 am ET) - Sam Allardyce and late sleepers should beware what they wish for.

In stark contrast to last year's meeting Barca is sitting atop the league (and six points clear at that) while Real is struggling to crack La Liga's top four. They haven't even played yet and the game has already cost one coach his job. You hate to see a guy get fired for speaking the truth, but hey, Juande Ramos has a new job! Real is plagued by injuries and Barcelona has displayed brilliant form within the league. The match can be seen at 4 pm EST on GolTV.

Other televised matches of interest...

EPL - Middlesbrough vs. Arsenal In Progress on Setanta
Waaaay too fucking early to care.

EPL - Manchester City vs. Everton at 10 am on FSC
Hey, Buffon will leave Italy to take over the Citizen's net, and it will only cost them £250k a week! Of course that's on top of the £20 million they'll have to fork over to Juventus for the potential transfer. Serious Arab Money.

EPL - Liverpool vs. Hull City at 10 am on Setanta
The Scousers have a scant one point cushion over Chelsea at the top of the Premier League and this morning they're up against Tigers side that is without a loss in their last four matches. Torres remains out with a bad hamstring, but everybody else is back in the lineup for Liverpool.

Bundesliga - VFB Stuttgart vs. Bayern Munich at 11:30 am on GolTV
Munich can work their way back into first place over Hoffenheim with a win this afternoon.

EPL - Tottenham vs. Manchester United at 12:30 on FSC
The Red Devils head into White Hart Lane to face a rapidly improving Spurs side, and they will likely be without several key players. Rooney and Evra will serve suspensions while Rio Ferdinand and Dimitar Berbatov are both likely out with injuries. Ronaldo's also a bit banged up (pussy), but he's a bit more likely to play. Manchester might just need another four goal performance from Tevez to win this week.

La Liga - Valencia vs. Espanyol at 2 pm on GolTV
Watching David Villa and his Valencia side is a pretty good warmup for the big tilt later in the afternoon.

Enjoy the games, and follow along with the fun in the comment section.

Other Televised Matches of Interest

EPL - Bolton vs Liverpool at 7:40 am on Setanta
EPL - Man Utd vs Stoke City at 10:00 am on Setanta
Bundesliga - Bor. M'gladbach vs. Bayern Munich at 11:30 on GolTV
EPL - West Brom vs. Chelsea at 12:30 pm on FSC
La Liga - Valladolid vs Real Madrid at 2:00 pm on GolTV
Serie A - Palermo vs. Inter Milan at 2:30 on FSC
Ligue 1 - Lille vs St Etienne at 2:55 pm on Setanta
EPL - Newcastle vs. Wigan at 4:30 on FSC
EPL - Fulham vs Tottenham (Same Day Coverage) at 6:45 pm on Setanta

Other televised matches of interest...

EPL - West Ham vs Everton at 10 am on Setanta

EPL - Sunderland vs. Portsmouth at 10 am on FSC

Bundesliga - Hamburger vs Borussia Dortmund at 11:30 on GolTV

EPL - Liverpool vs. West Brom at 12:30 on FSC

La Liga - Real Madrid vs Malaga at 2:00 pm on GolTV

Serie A - Bologna vs. Roma at 2:30 on FSC

La Liga - Barcelona vs Valladolid at 4:00 pm on GolTV

Enjoy the action and follow along in the comment section all day long.

Weekends without league play are always a bit disappointing, but fortunately today is positively loaded with worthwhile international matches. World Cup qualifying is back in the spotlight and we're being treated to some great matches in Europe, as well as some crucial matches in Africa and the Americas alike. Today's featured matches at the pub include the European powers like Germany, Russia, Portugal, and Sweden. Additionally the United States is set to take on Cuba in primetime, so sit back and enjoy a marathon of world-class competition. Continue after the jump for a breakdown of the day's televised matches.

There really isn't anything going on until this afternoon, so please feel free to drop in as the day goes on.

Co-Matches of of the Week

Germany vs. Russia at 2:45 pm EST on GolTV
Oh hell yeah, this one should be pretty damn good. The Germans and Russians both put up excellent showings at Euro 2008, and they look to carry that over into the 2010 World Cup Finals. The two countries are the best in their particular qualifying group, so one of these will wind up in the tournament while the other will have to endure another stage.

Portugal vs. Sweden at 2:00 pm EST on Setanta Sports
Ronaldo is healthy, but his countrymen from Chelsea are a bit banged up. Deco and Carvalho are certainly out, however their club and national teammate Bosingwa is good to go. Zlatan Ibrahimovic is ready to lead the Swedes, even if they aren't quite fit in their own right. Expect goals.

Other Games of Interest

England vs. Khazakstan at 12:00 pm EST on Fox Soccer Channel
Capello's squad better come through with another decisive win. Otherwise they'll face the wrath of one pissy queen mother.

United States vs. Cuba at 7:00 EST on ESPN Classic

Sure, the US is all but assured of moving on to the next stage of qualifying. That doesn't mean that you should deprive yourself of a chance to see Jose Francisco Torres debut with the USMNT. The US should win by a couple of goals, the real question is how many Cubans will defect. Considering the game is at RFK I'm going to say zero.

Peru Uruguay vs. Argentian at 12:55 pm EST on ESPN Deportes
All this time I thought ESPN Deportes was a 20 second segment on the occasional episode of SportsCenter. Apparently it's an entire channel, who knew?!

Estonia vs. Spain at 2:30 pm EST on Fox Soccer Channel
Spain is even fun to watch when they're playing against an opponent representing a fictional nation.

Romania vs. France at 4:00 pm EST on Setanta
Usually I'm hesitant to admit my fondness of the French squad because they're...well, you know...French. Now I have trouble admitting it for another reason. Yep, they certainly have sucked as of late. However, I don't see myself getting bored of Franck Ribery and Samir Nasri anytime soon.

Bulgaria vs. Italy at 5:45 pm EST on Setanata
You know what? Just watch football instead. Seriously though, fuck the Italian team in their azzurri pants.

Michael Bertin writes regularly about soccer for Deadspin

Thanks to Jesus, I watched a total of about 35 minutes of soccer this weekend. Okay, it's partially my fault. I was traveling and just assumed Indiana had the modern amenities of the developed world. But the friend I was staying with didn't have Fox Soccer Channel in his cable package. That left me staring at a soccernet gamecast screen for minutes at a time Saturday morning. It's kind of like jacking it. Sure, it's a small relief to rescue the point, but for masturbation the vicarious stimulation comes from moving pictures of naked people having sex, which is infinitely more satisfying than waiting for a little pale blue dot to start blinking on your computer screen (which, mercifully, it did in the third minute of second-half stoppage time thanks to Cesc Fabregas). Maybe the shame you feel when you get caught doing it is all the two things really share.

For Sunday, I found a local Irish pub that had a Setanta sticker in the window and a sign claiming that they showed "Soccer, Rugby, and Hurling." Hurling? No shit. The Irish really had made drinking into a sport. Anyway, in hindsight I'm pretty sure the word "live" was nowhere on that sign.

You can't sell booze in Indiana on Sunday. This is largely for religious reasons, and it is absolutely fucking stupid. Actually to say it's generically religious and not specifically Christian is silly. The only other days you can't buy alcohol in Indiana are Christmas, Easter, and election day, which is surprising because A) if Jesus really had a problem with drinking, he would have turned wine into water and B) I didn't realize we let Hoosiers vote. But come Rosh Hashanah, you can buy all the Manischewitz wine you like. This might be the real reason rednecks hate Jews.

The primary upshots of some ridiculous laws to appease a guy who has been dead 2000 years is that Indiana sends piles of tax dollars into neighboring states once every seven days and I can't watch live fútbol. Yes, places with an on-site license (bars, restaurants, etc.) can sell alcohol, they just can't do it before 10:30. Even then I couldn't find anyone actually opening until 11:00. So, when I got to the previously-referenced Irish pub, they had just one TV in the place, I had to ask them to turn it to FSC, and it was already after half of the Liverpool v. Manchester City match.

The silver lining? It was about the most entertaining 35 minutes of soccer I've seen in a while. And that had less to do with Liverpool's improbable rally from an 0-2 halftime deficit at the (Middle) Eastlands than it did with the running commentary from the old guys siting at the end of the bar. They were able to decipher what the "Man" in Man City stood for, but after that, their grasp of the beautiful game was Buck Laughlin-esque. Examples:

Old Guy 1: "How did that guy know to let the ball go through?"
Old Guy 2: "They got voice commands they use."

Old Guy 1: "What happened to that guy?"
Old Guy 2: "If you accumulate so many red cards, you get kicked out of the game." (Technically not incorrect, it's just that you only have to accumulate all of one red card to get sent off.)

Old Guy 1: "They make substitutions on the fly, don't they?"
Old Guy 2: "Yeah, it's like hockey."

This last one was my favorite as it occurred maybe 2 minutes after a dead ball in which Liverpool had made two changes and City one.

Okay, it's unfair to bag solely on Indiana for their antiquated liquor laws. Most states lean toward the backwardly Puritanical when it comes to Sundays and booze. But in many of those places bars still open up early enough to accommodate soccer watchers. They serve them breakfast and bide time until the clocks say it's okay to open up the taps. The problem is, outside of the major metropolitan areas, there's just not a critical mass of demand to make it worthwhile financially. Similarly, I'm not making fun of two old people for being Midwest simpletons and not knowing much about the sport. It was that they didn't know much but spoke about the game as if they were experts that made them such entertaining jackasses.

As much as I'd like to, I can't really blame Jesus for the fact that, even with all of the strides the sport has made in this country—and ratings for the last World Cup, Euro, and Champions League final all exceeded expectations—as population density decreases, people in the US still literally don't know and don't care much about soccer.

Deadspin commenter tcw04 is taking us all to Vegas [Deadspin.com]
Arsenal Secure Late Point [Goal.com]
Goal of the weekend (skip to about the 3 minute mark) [YouTube.com]

Match of the Day

Chelsea vs. Aston Villa at 10 am EST on Setanta
Believe it or not Aston Villa could position themselves to top the table by afternoon's end. All it's going to take is three points at Stamford Bridge, accompanied by a draw or loss by Liverpool. Chelsea sits atop the league, but they're coming off of an ugly scoreless draw in Romania that resulted in a knee injury to Drogba. Joining him in the trainer's room are the world-class trio of Deco, Carvalho, and Essien. A draw certainly isn't the worst outcome in the world.

Other Matches of Interest

EPL: Manchester City vs Liverpool at 10 am EST on Fox Soccer Channel
City could really use a definitive home result against one of the big four, and playing at home with Robinho in form it's not out of the question.

Werder Bremen vs. Stuttgart at 11:30 am EST on GolTV
Suttgart sits in second place in the Bundesliga, and today they face a Bremen side that leads the German league in goals scored and goals allowed.

Serie A: Juventus vs. Palermo at 12 pm EST on Fox Soccer Channel
Both teams sit four points behind Lazio on the league table, but try not to get too excited. Juve comes in on the heels of back-to-back draws and they've managed just four goals in Serie A this year.

La Liga: Valladolid vs. Valencia at 1 pm EST on GolTV
Valladolid has won their last two home matches in La Liga, but this week they face a stiffer challenge. Valencia is the side in form and they are unbeaten so far this season.

Serie A: AC Milan vs. Cagliari at 2:30 pm EST on Fox Soccer Channel
Cagliari has a -9 goal differential and they've yet to secure a point in Serie A this season. So sit back an enjoy watching the Brazilian trio of Kaka, Ronaldinho, and Pato carve up an opponent.

La Liga: Real Madrid vs. Espanyol at 3 pm EST on GolTV
Real has really picked things up in the early part of the season while Espanyol has been struggling. Wesley Sneijder should be available for the home side.

EPL: Everton vs. Newcastle at 4:30 pm EST on Fox Soccer Channel
The horror.

Image via Who Ate All The Pies

Match of the Day

Barcelona vs. Atlético Madrid at 4 pm EST on GolTV
Even if you don't follow La Liga you should probably try to catch this one. Atlético won't challenge for the title like their hosts at Camp Nou, but Sergio Aguero alone makes their attack dynamic. Opposing him is Aguero's fellow Argentina national, Leo Messi, quite possibly the most entertaining player in the world.

Premier League Match of the Day

Manchester United vs. Blackburn at 12:30 pm on Fox Soccer Channel
Dimitar Berbatov and Wayne Rooney began to find their attacking rhythm until the latter was taken off with an ankle injury in Manchester's mid-week win over Aalborg in the Champions League. In all likelihood the Red Devils will have to go on without Rooney today against Blackburn, who will be without their goalie Paul Robinson. Blackburn's Paul Ince is making his managerial debut against his mentor, Sir Alex Ferguson.

Other Matches of Interest

Arsenal vs. Sunderland at 10 am EST on Setanta
The Gunners picked up the easy mid-week win they needed over Porto in the wake of last weekend's disaster against Hull City. They look to carry that momentum through against a banged up Sunderland side.

Fulham vs. West Brom at 10 am EST on Fox Soccer Channel
Fulham has one sick striker and one suspended striker, so they damn well better find some time out there for Clint Dempsey.

Werder Bremen vs. VFB Stuttgart at 11:30 am EST on GolTV
The last time these two sides met in Stuttgart they combined for nine goals, six of which were scored by the home side. Bremen is coming off of a mid-week draw in the Champions League against Inter, with Stuttgart tying Cherno More Varna in UEFA Cup play.

Villarreal vs. Real Betis at 2pm EST on GolTV
Hey, I think I just saw Jozy!

Match of the Day
AC Milan vs. inter Milan at 2:30 am EST on Fox Soccer Channel
The Special One and the Horse-faced one both make their Milan derby debut in a match that's not to be missed. Of course I'm not saying it should take priority over today's early NFL action, but God gave us the DVR for a damn good reason. The two Milan sides are loaded with world class talent, and together they form one of the greatest rivalries in all of sports. There's really nothing not to like about this one. Except for Marco Materazzi. He's still a fucking schmuck.

Other Televised Matches of Note

Portsmouth vs. Tottenham (in progress) on Setanta USA

Pompey and Spurs: It's a veritable orgy of disappointment!

AS Roma vs. Atalanta at in progress on Fox Soccer Channel

The Romans are struggling, but the bigger surprise has been the success of Atalanta. The underdogs come in with some momentum, and a result in the capital could push them into the top four, albeit in late September.

Wigan vs. Manchester City at 11 am EST on Fox Soccer channel

If City is going to be a serious player in the Premier League this year they'll need to lock up all the points they can against the Wigans of the world.

Cologne vs. Schalke 04 at 11 am EST GolTV

Carlos Zambrano won't be pitching for the Cubs today, but you can see him in the Budesliga!

Valencia vs. Deportivo La Coruna at 1 pm EST on GolTV

After a whole lot of talk about a potential move David Villa re-upped with Valencia last month, and Los Che tops La Liga's table along with their rivals Villareal.

Atlético Madrid vs. Sevilla at 3 pm EST on GolTV

Sevilla finally have their chance to exact some revenge on the Madrid side that kept them out of Champions League play. Atlético took both matches between the two last season thanks to their dynamic attack, and Sergio Agüero's side is in form with wins in four of their last five matches. Although Sevilla has been a bit underwhelming thus far, they are unbeaten in the last month, a stretch that includes thee wins. This one should be a lot of fun to watch, with scoring chances aplenty on both sides of the pitch.

Match of the Day

Everton vs. Liverpool at 7:30 am EST on Setanta USA

Sure, the Merseyside Derby may not have quite the same contentious atmosphere as some others in Europe, but it's always a big deal when Liverpool and Everton square off. The men in red have dominated play in the past three seasons in which they've pulled off two separate doubles. While the Toffees do have the advantage of hosting at Goodison Park it's Liverpool that comes into the match in better form. They remain unbeaten through the first two months of the season and they're coming off of a midweek win in the Carling Cup over Crewe Alexandra.

Conversely Everton has had a rough go of it thus far, including a midweek loss to Blackburn, with their only victories coming against West Brom and Stoke City in Premier League play. The Toffees will need an inspired effort to defeat their arch-rivals, but if you're in a betting mood Bodog is favoring them to pick up a single point with the line set at +.5 for the hosts.

Other Televised Matches

Manchester United vs. Bolton at 10:00 am EST on Setanta USA

The defending champions will have Edwin van der Sar back in net, but their real problem in the early going has been finding the oppositions goal. Fortunately for the Red Devils they'll face a struggling Bolton side without the services of their own banged up keeper. Manchester really needs a solid win this morning to keep from falling too far behind the early pace. They're favored by 1.5 goals, although the payout on that bet is pretty meager at -155.

Borussia Dortmund vs. Stuttgart at 11:30 am EST on GolTV

Stuttgart has been strong in Bundesliga play this season, but the black and yellows can pull even with last year's sixth place finishers with a win.

Arsenal vs. Hull City at 12:30 EST on Fox Soccer Channel

The table-topping Gunners shouldn't have too much trouble adding another three points in their home match against the surprisingly game squad from the Tigers of Hull City. Arsenal showed their strength by letting their youngsters run wild in an easy mid-week Carling Cup victory. This time around they'll put their full squad on display. Well most of it at least. Frenchman Samir Nasri will miss another match with his injured knee, however that should hardly keep Arsenal from three points.

Real Betis vs. Real Madrid at 2 pm EST on GolTV

Yep, it's f'real.

Barcelona vs. Espanyol at 4 pm EST on GolTV

The Barcelona derby features the return of Theirry Henry from a throat infection that despite conflicting reports has nothing to do with sucking dick for a solid year. Barca shouldn't have too much trouble earning a result, even away from the friendly confines of Camp Nou.

Match of the Week

Inter Milan vs. AC Milan tomorrow at 2:30 on Fox Soccer Channel

Tomorrow's Milan derby is surely worth your time, and that's coming from an unabashed hater of Italian football. Once again I'll be siding with AC, seeing as how Inter is pretty much evil incarnate even if they are guided by a certain manager. More on this match in tomorrow's edition of the Deadspin Pub.