It's usually because they're just so absurd or really lack even the most tenuous of news angles to give them the go-ahead. Other times it's because they're just absolute horseshit. But every Friday until we get sick of running them, we'll present to you some of these not-so-shiny gems. All items should be treated as [Sic'd]. Enjoy...

Thanks For Thinking Of Us While Rummaging Through Your Good Friend's Facebook

AJ,

Big fan…longtime reader, first time emailer. Check out the attached photo. This is from a good friend's Facebook profile. It sure looks to me like Mark Cuban has his way with the ladies in Vegas. Use if you'd like, but please keep my name off.

Have a good Thanksgiving.

P.S. I got some other good Vegas pics of chicks with athletes. I'll email them later.

Good To Know ND Players Are Taking Photos During Practice

Got this from a friend on the team. Jimmy's visor he is practicing with and will wear on saturday night.

Trafficking in Slieze

I am unable to find so much as an unsupported allegation of impropriety by Tiger anywhere in your latest piece of trash in what has become a steady flow a slieze. I come here often and get some big laughs, but I've just about had enough. Are you people trying to see how irresposible and harmful you can be? Bill DeMark

Young Simmons Fan May Have Inadvertently Gotten His Fraternity in Trouble

"Q: I'm pledging a fraternity right now. Last night they put us in a cold shower for one hour and then tied us up outside to a pole wearing only our boxers in 30-degree weather for a couple of hours and I'm positive that the only thing that kept me from getting hypothermia was the fact that I knew you were suffering more knowing that a likeable Yankees team won the World Series. I want to say thank you for keeping me motivated.
— Eli, Binghamton, N.Y."

The above quote is from Bill Simmons popular mailbag column on ESPN.com, published here:

http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=simmonsnflpicks/091125

The behavior portrayed here is extremely disturbing and clearly constitutes hazing, and are grounds for felony and misdemeanor hazing charges. This student appears mentally unstable in believing that somebody's misery saved them from contracting hypothermia, and this certainly is a result of hazing brain-washing techniques.

I suggest you look into this situation, and further investigate the people behind these criminal acts. If in fact "Eli" student was dumb enough to use his own name in bragging about this hazing incident, it should not be difficult to find out who he is, and which fraternity he is pledging.

From the Binghamton University Police Policy:

"Binghamton University Policy on Hazing

Hazing, in any form, is not an accepted practice in Fraternity and Sorority Affairs. Binghamton University takes a strong and proactive stance against hazing for all students on campus. Hazing is against university policy and New York State Law. Please refer to the student code of conduct for a complete definition."

These are the NY state laws on hazing:

http://www.stophazing.org/laws/ny_law.htm

Thanks For Taking Some Time To Stop Drinking And Apply For A Job At Deadspin

Dashiell

I love deadspin! I am interrupting my thanksgiving because I'm forseeing a
blackout and i think i have a solid article idea. Oh my God my grandma
just asked me what a computer does. Anyways Jim Nantz for third time in
the first quarter has called a player down before actually being tackled
and then exclaims when the player riffles off like 5 more yards. Is this
clearly an attempt to make sound bites or does he announce flag football
and is confused as to when a player is down?

My dream is to become a deadspin writer or contributer and have been
caught by my boss many times and he says who pays you the dumb websites
you look at or me. Then I have to tell him that the actual owner is the
one who signs my modest checks not him. How does one get on the deadspin
team? This is not my best idea im a little buzzed and cannot believe how
well im spelling. Hope to hear from you.

Happy Thanksgiving
John L. D

And Here Are Two Photos of Billy Gillispie At A Lexington Bar Sent To Us For No Reason

And Everyone Tries To Fuck With Drew After Pat Murphy

Drew,
I am a student here at the University of Alabama, and have a short and sweet story about the Nicktator. A friend of mine works up at the athletic department, and one day she decided that she would make banana pudding for Coach Saban. So she shows up one afternoon and can not find Saban, and learns he has just left the building. Cute girl, chases down Saban as he is approaching his car. She walks up to him, and offers him the banana pudding she has made just for him. He sternly responds, "I don't eat banana pudding", gets in his car and speeds off. He knew someone with such penchant for Little Debbie does not like banana pudding.

It's usually because they're just so absurd or really lack even the most tenuous of news angles to give them the go-ahead. Other times it's because they're just absolute horseshit. But every Friday until we get sick of running them, we'll present to you some of these not-so-shiny gems. All items should be treated as [Sic'd]. Enjoy...

Good Thing He Didn't Wake Up, Or He Would Have Gone After You

Hello, I have two clear pictures of Jay Mariotti passed out on my friends couch during his after party at approximately 7 am last Saturday/Sunday morning(ed. Note. This is from September). Please let me know ASAP if your interested in obtaining these photos.

This Says A Lot About New York City's Public School System

My name is kareem rivers and I plain on goin to your college for many
reason to be a coach and be a basketball player iam very good in
basketball I my school I use to go to is franklin k lane high school
iama point guard and my coach names is peter banta contact him if u
interesting in a nother basketball player
—shawnprettyboy16

It's Just Not The Same

Subject: "Baby Mangiano"

Zombie Dirk

Sent from my iPhone

Sir, You Are An Idiot

I've been reading deadspin every morning since Berman was chasing leather. I've defended countless posts on your site as relevant to sports or that sports stars should be held to a higher standard. But I cannot even begin to understand how you could possibly think posting about someone's Mom committing suicide has any relevance to anyone other than the family and friends that surely have had to deal with one of the most painful experiences of their lives. There is nothing to be gained here but a few page visits and that is pathetic. I am ashamed of everyone I've been sending to your site for the past decade and I will never return until this post is rescinded.

The Sports Fella Fans Are Vocal

You guys should change the name of your website from Deadspin to "We wish we were Bill Simmons but we are not, so we are going to take pot shots and write jealous columns about him.com".
This is so transparent its not even funny. I wrote Dash about this a couple weeks ago and he said that he hadn't written any columns about the "The Sports Fella" that were truly negative. I guess we would have to argue over the definition of a negative article, but when it begins by mocking the guys nickname its not hard to guess where the rest of the column goes from there. I agree with everyting you guys say about the WWL, don't get me wrong, but Simmons is not on that team. He's not Bristol..
How about this: Simmons is entertaining (and just killing the much sought after younger male demo that most sites would sell thier wives and children for), Deadspin is entertaining also.
Leave it at that. Because while trying to prop your site up as being a true no BS site meanwhile shitting on Simmons every chance you get; you lose a shit ton of cred when you go after a dude who most of your readers find to be a funny and entertaining writer.
Who fucking cares what Simmons is doing? One word answer. Deadspin.

His book isn't some definitive telling of the game of basketball. Nothing with that much humor and smart ass in it can be judged with that set of criteria. Its one fans argument against another one. Nothing different than what happens in every bar on a Friday or Saturday night. The only difference is is that Simmons writes his stuff down. If people buy the book great, but don't go after it for something that its not.
By the way, I am a 27 year old male, work downtown Chicago and I don't get emails from buddies to alert me when Charles P. Pierce writes a new article (Who, oh the guy with middle initial, right, that guy).... I'm just saying. Love the website outside of all the "Sports Fella" BS though, thanks and keep killing it,
Austin

Definitely Should Be Part Of The Budget In 2010

I mean- I know you guys work for gawker, but conservatives really like sports too (besides NASCAR). I'm trying to convince the Packers that I'm the change at GM that they can believe in. We want Rush to own a football team, Shilling to be elected to Congress Linda McMahon to be elected to the senate etc..and since the WWL has some of the biggest libs working for it, it'd be a new avenue to hate them on. Seriously the liberal bias of ESPN may be worse than MSNBC. I know you all don't blog politically very often, I'm just asking for a little conservative spin.

It's usually because they're just so absurd or really lack even the most tenuous of news angles to give them the go-ahead. Other times it's because they're just absolute horseshit. But every Friday until we get sick of running them, we'll present to you some of these not-so-shiny gems. All items should be treated as [Sic'd]. Enjoy...

Texas Lawyers Love To Send Letters

LEGAL DEMAND NOTICE -

Mr. Daulerio & Mr. Bennett;

This email is from the Texas Rangers Baseball Club legal department. It has come to our attention that your website has posted a photograph of our family-friendly Texas Rangers "Six-Shooters" female group with the headline "Whores Are Coming To Dallas " as the immediately preceding caption, at: here

We hereby demand that you promptly remove the photograph of our group. Placing our group's photograph by the word "whore" is libel and implies an association between our family-friendly group and that highly offensive word. Failure to remove the photograph promptly may result in legal action. Please let me know if you have questions. Thank you.

Lindsay Caldwell

Legal Department

Texas Rangers Baseball Club

And This Is Why Drew Sticks To Dick Jokes

•

Just out of curiosity, why do random nobodies at ESPN who allegedly had affairs get named on Deadspin, but someone who voluntarily and admittedly lies about their treatment at a charity event remains nameless? Honestly, they all seem like assholes and I could give a fuck about any of them, but it seems unfair.

•

The guy who claimed he got tossed around while seeking Ali's autograph is indeed an asshole. But wouldn't the whole problem have been avoided if you'd sought confirmation of some sort from ASU and Murphy before slapping the guy's accusations on the Internet?

I love your site, but it might be a good idea to tread with just a little more care.

CTW

•

I hope you reach out to him and personally apologize. In fact, I think you owe an apology to the entire ASU family.

Pat Murphy has not only been a great coach, but an outstanding human in his almost 20 years coaching at ASU. When I read your posting earlier today it made me sick. Not because of the alleged behavior, but because I knew that the story was obviously BS and that Murph's reputation was being unfairly through the mud. The only saving grace was that the commenters seemed to see through the story, that fact speaks volumes.

I like most of your stuff Drew, but you f#$cked up big on this.

BTW, if you give me the clown's name that sent in that story, I'll be glad to pay him a visit.

•

Drew,

The least you can do for Coach Murphy is offer an apology and provide contact information for his charity. The story may have been fabricated, but you were the one who posted it without fact checking it or following up in any way. In fact, it would still be up right now if not for the thoughtful words of Mr. Policar, who demonstrated tremendous reserve in his response. I cannot even imagine what I would do if someone posted such egregious lies about a close friend of mine. Your non-apology of a post makes you this biggest asshole out of this whole situation.

But WHITE IS RIGHT

Barry:

I read your excerpt regading Sammy Sosa's lightened complexion and agree with you until you say: "He just wants to be beautiful."

Sammy Sosa wants to be WHITE. It is unclear what his motivation is behind turning white. Being BEAUTIFUL is a totally different motivation and one would NOT need to be white in order to be beautiful. Naomi Campbell is beautiful, Denzel Washington is beautiful, Iman is beautiful, Michelle Obama is beautiful, Tyson Beckford is beautiful, Halle Berry is beautiful, and the list of beautiful black people goes on and on.

Your wording continues to perpetuate the illogical conclusion that White = Beautiful. Its illogical because all Colors are beautiful, including white. Not just white in and of itself.

Now, This Is More Like It

Hey, how you doin'?

Just ran across your piece of shit website.
Sent this e-mail because there is no way I would register on your site
I am 50 years old, a life time steeler fan. Born in Jersey Shore, PA. (west of Williamsport, Home of little league world series. check a map, if you know how to read one!)

The only thing I agree with you on is band wagon jumpers are fucking ass holes. That's why I hate COWBOY fans.
I have been a steeler fan through good AND bad.

Quit your sniveling cry baby.

Have nice day.......

There Are Drawbacks To Being Number One On The New York Times Bestseller List

Hi,

Would you pay money for an exclusive picture of Bill Simmons' wife? If so, how much?

Thank you,
Ed

It's usually because they're just so absurd or really lack even the most tenuous of news angles to give them the go-ahead. Other times it's because they're just absolute horseshit. But every Friday until we get sick of running them, we'll present to you some of these not-so-shiny gems. All items should be treated as [Sic'd]. Enjoy...

And Here's One Of Her Emails, Too

Excuse me...

I urge you to provide me proof that embedding was permitted from my YouTube account which I assure you wasn't. That's why I'm not going away until you take down the article and compensate me for the escalating level of slander, now up to almost 18,000 views. Have you even asked Barry how he got it? Because no matter what he says, it will be a lie that he took it legally.

I also did not think I would be outing my full identity with a screen name I selected, "PhillySlide," but all that keeps coming up is "SEDonaldson." Your site will not allow me to fix it. That IS your problem to fix now and I do think that is mandatory. I also don't appreciate you telling me that I will "regret" anything. I do not regret standing up for myself. You should regret having a career where you think it is morally ok to defame people. Your parents would be so proud.

Sarah

And Here's Another Lady You Pissed Off

To whom it may concern,

I was connected to your site through a link in a sports article from Yahoo.com. I was thrilled to see a story featuring a female Jayhawks fan with a beautiful back-piece tattoo. However, I was then disgusted to read some of the comments posted below…

AzureTexan

11:25 AM

Hmmm, a Kansas skank. If she clicks her heels three times with enough force, a ping-pong ball will fall out. #kansasjayhawks Reply

Artie Fufkin

09:58 AM

The frat brother with his letters tatooed on his ankle looks like a pus now. Doesn't mean he won't date rape her later. #kansasjayhawks Reply

Hit Bull Win Steak

09:43 AM

alright, the tattoo I can sort of understand, but was the rhinoplasty to get the Jayhawk's beak really necessary? #kansasjayhawks Reply

I then noticed y'all didn't have any women on staff. I would suggest that if you want a female following and fan base (yes there are die hard female fans out there… Look at Jayhawk Kat) you might want to censor out some of these ignorant comments that perpetuate gender stereotypes.. I am fairly sure this email will not go anywhere and nothing will change, but that does not change the fact that by allowing comments like these to be posted you are directly contributing to gender inequity in sport and reinforcing harmful gender stereotypes. At the very least please keep the female sports fan in mind when running future stories and concerning future content.

Thank you for your time,

Liz J. Titus

I Miss You, Too, Philly

So what the fuck? the bigwigs in New York keeping you down from talking shit? I speak for every Philadelphian who read this site and enjoyed the hell out of your writing on the way to being "THE WORLD FUCKING CHAMPIONS" . Talk some shit big boy. Or aren't you really in charge of the site. Sixers beat the Knicks, Birds sent the Giants back up the turnpike with their tails between their legs and now we have a shot to even it up and you ain't a smart ass? Council Rock pussy, Neshaminy '79 says stand up to those New York Gawker fucks and say I'm Philly and I'm Proud!!

Hope to see some better shit-talking tomorrow on the verge of game seven. AND STILL, THE REIGNING WFC's, THE PHILADELPHIA PHILLIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sincerely,

Mike G.

If Anyone Needs A Brazilian Football Or Soccer Coach

Good Afternoon,
I'm Oilson Silva, live in the city of Curitiba in Brazil.
I am looking for an opportunity to work with football or soccer in the United States of America.
play soccer since I was 11 years.
Currently I'm 27 years old with a great knowledge of football.

I got this address by searching the Internet.
I'm sorry if I'm being inconvenient.
I hope you can help me!
Thank you!
I look forward to a response!

my phone is 41-xxxxxx

And If You Need Assistance Finding These Jobs, Contact Tommy Craggs

Hey Tommy great article, my name is mike im 17 and i just wanted to tell you that im a huge fan of the broncos and a bigger football fan in general but i wanted to ask you how a person would go about trying to get a coaching job in the NFL im really interested.

Thanks again, Mike

And We've Also Started To Get Larry Johnson's Mail

Larry,read the news-report that stated you are suspended from playing because of a remark concerning homosexuals...I urge you NOT to recant or take back your statement even if it cost you your job....God made Male and Female,and never made an in between sex...The whole country is fearful of the homosexual-lesbian coalition...Talk show host,Politicians and many pastors are bowing to this vile sickness called gay....Your stand against this behaviour is correct...God warned of such sexual sin and called it sodomy...All three major religeons condemn such behaviour...Brother Johnson,stand up for your belief and never bow to homosexual-lesbian sin....you may lose your job,but,never lose your character or compromise your integrity... Prophet H Walker(overseer)
True Light Pentecost Church

Oh, Aren't You Clever

Hey A.J.,

So I'm walking to the train tuesday morning and I find out that the neighborhood cat "Suede" has gone missing. Is there any chance you guys can forward this to Psycho T so we can get Suede home. If he can bring Sarah back to that irresponsible black girl, then I think he can find Suede.

Thanks,
Chubs P.

Yes, David Stern Is A Huge Fan Of Nazi Shark

Apparently David Stern reads deadspin. All rejoice.

On the Dan Patrick show David Stern said they can't do anything about Tim Donaghy's book. He hasn't read the whole book. "I have read the excerpts that were on Deadspin," Stern said.

It's usually because they're just so absurd or really lack even the most tenuous of news angles to give them the go-ahead. Other times it's because they're just absolute horseshit. But every Friday until we get sick of running them, we'll present to you some of these not-so-shiny gems. All items should be treated as [Sic'd]. Enjoy...

Searching For Erin Andrews But Ended Up With Brooke Hundley

Hey Guys,

My buddy and I were at All Star Weekend, and I guess today he looked back at them and found a pic of Brooke Hundley in the background of and Erin Andrews photo he took. (PS my friend and I told her we loved her and she said Aw, thanks ... great person!)

Anyway, I was crazy picture happy that weekend so I took a look back at mine and among them are some gems. Including her essentially waiting outside the Baseball Tonight ropes for a good 20 minutes waiting for him. Anywho the ones here are her staring and waiting for him just as he's about to leave, and them walking out together.

As you can see from the outfits, it is the same exact night the NY Post photo was run.

Enjoy,
Greg

This Man Has A Few Things To Get Off Hist Chest:

Subject: You're An Asshole

What you did today was childish and seriously damaged an innocent woman's quality of life because ESPN didn't hand you a scoop on a silver player. It reflects terribly on everyone with a sports blog. Fuck you. You're a piece of shit.

-Brian Cook

And More Complaints From The Vocal Minority

•

Dude, you gotta reign it in. I enjoy reading rumor/gossip as much as the next guy but what you're doing is really fucked up. Outing anonymous sources, ruining careers and families based on nothing more than uncorroborated rumors. I'm not saying the stuff you're printing isn't true — it probably is — but this is not a crusade worth fighting. I urge you to hesitate before posting another of these. Just think about what you're doing.

Have you no shame, Mr. Daulerio?

•

I'm sending a copy of this email to both AJ Daulerio and Nick Denton. Maybe it will go unread by both for various reasons. Maybe I am only saying something that has been heard before.

Blogs have been fighting for respectability among other media for years, and I feel you crossed the line yesterday, AJ. I've been a reader of Deadspin for years, and I used to consider Deadspin to be a trustworthy and reliable source of sports information. I think it can be argued that Deadspin has been going downhill for a while, but if it hadn't jumped the shark before, it did yesterday with the "ESPN Horndog Dossier." You openly admitted at the beginning of the dossier that you would be posting tips about ESPN scandals you had gathered for months, maybe years, yet hadn't published. You have no credible source on the stories for Kuselias, Lacey, or "importing" girls, yet you put them up anyway with reckless disregard for journalistic ethics. It shouldn't even matter whether the stories are true or not, because you have no way to know that they're true. If I sent in an anonymous email, saying that I saw Mike Greenberg slap a girl on the ass and make out with a woman who was not his wife, would that get me published on Deadspin? Congratulations on turning a once reputable blog into TMZ. I hope the spike in hits you got yesterday was worth the price of the site's integrity.

I can see how much you care about posting credible news when you say, "And since the tenuous connection between rumor and fact for accuracy's sake has been a little eroded here, well, it's probably about time to just unload the inbox of all the sordid rumors we've received over the years about various ESPN employees." Yeah, just unload any unverifiable rumor you have, smear someone's reputation, throw lots of crap against the wall and see what sticks.

I would be curious to know if Mr. Denton condones this kind of editorial work on his family of blogs. You might even have a legal issue on your hands if ESPN chooses to pursue defamation charges. Even if they don't, even if everything posted was true, posting malicious rumors as fact is reckless and sets the credibility of Deadspin, Gawker, and other blogs back years. I don't need a response to this email. I just wanted to let Deadspin and Gawker Media know what I think about the direction their product is going.

•

AJ, I like your site a lot. I read it everyday, multiple times a day. The recent posts about Steve Phillips, ESPN employees, etc. has been fascinating to say the least, but I just don't get it. What is your agenda? Are you guys doing this to "expose" the heinous acts of certain employees at ESPN or are you trying to post any sort of "National Enquirer" type material just to get more page views?

About 18 months ago, Will Leitch sat through Buzz Bissinger's assault on blogs. Bissinger said "with the Internet, there's too much information out there, and we've become a very mindless country. I don't know how else to say it: We really revel in ignorance and disinformation."

Was Bissinger right?

Jason
Secaucus, NJ

•

AJ- Not sure what you are trying to do here. Why out Kuselias and the executive, who noone has ever heard of? There are thousands of rumors coming out of there about more famous individuals at ESPN, I'm sure you've heard them all. So why go after these two? It seems kind of meanspirited, as these people have families and their statuses as public figures, especially the executive's, are tenuous at best.

Regards,

Scott

•

I work VERY hard at resisting the urge to post comments to blogs or news stories, and equally hard to avoid writing indignant emails, but your inexplicably unprofessional tirade filled with unsubstantiated rumors aimed at destroying individual reputations and lives begs for a reaction. Rarely has a more despicable, childish, cowardly rant seen the light of day, and it's beyond belief that a blog long holding itself out as the protector of the sports' fans' best interests could commit an act even the most vulgar tailgater would avoid in his worst drunken state.

You owe ESPN an apology, and you owe every person mentioned by name an apology. It wouldn't matter if everything you wrote turned out to be true; by your own admission you didn't know for sure when you wrote it——so you STILL owe the apologies!

It's likely SOME OF THEIR CHILDREN are reading those accusations you vomited forth in your blog! IF the stories turn out to be true, their lives are topsy-turvy enough; now, thanks to you, their agony is exponentially ballooned by the taunts of classmates and teammates; their added agony debits your decency account for a long, long time going forward.

Your mea culpa needs to be front page and intense; otherwise the only people reading you going forward will be the guys calling in to the shock jock sports shows you so disdain. For now, you've made those guys look like Mister Rogers.

Please Forward To Mr. Magbary

I used to love your blog, but with the influx of non-sports related bathroom humor, I have taken it off my RSS and bookmarks. I am doubtful most of your readers would want to read about such matters, especially when it has little to do with sports. It is not entertaining whatsoever. I love edgy humor as much as the next guy, but stories about bodily functions and fluids have no place on a sports blog.

Thanks For Your Support?

ESPN reporters has become a whiney liberal bunch of corp losers, the league has TOO many thugs from welfare projects RUINING the Sport.
The league has gotten pathetically politically correct and have ruined the sport for fans.
wondered too if you planned to nail ESPN for the lack of reporting on the LARGE number of gay and bi reporters (former FtBall Plyrs) and the Long held and Widely spread rumors about the CURRENT gay players in FtBall. Ex,,Rumors for YEARS about barry sanders being gay, Steve Young being Bi, Troy Akman being gay and Tom Brady Being so Gay they edited his commercial few yrs ago taking his voice out of his own commercial,

I liked reading your blog
jon

No, Thank You

Hi A.J.

Are you available to do an interview for Entertainment Tonight re: ESPN scandal this morning? We'd be happy to plug/mention anything you need.

I can send a crew to you or have you do the intv in our office-whatever works best for you.

Thanks,

Amy

And One More...Just For Good Measure

Not a daily visitor to your site, but loved what you guys did with ESPN today.

I worked for the New Jersey Nets and Devils out of college and the same shit went on there. What really resonated with me is how similar ESPN is all professional teams or sports-based businesses. One particular Marketing VP, Jason Siegel of Binghampton Athletics sexual harassment fame was the VP of Marketing when I worked for the Devils. And he was doing the same stuff there that he was accused for back in March. When that story broke, me and the guys I used to work with there all agreed it was the least surprising news of the year.

Anyway, many of the people I worked with moved on to work with other professional teams or in one case, the World Wide Leader.

This particular kid was your typical sports nerd. Nice enough guy, attractive enough to be seduced by an older married women (we'll get to that in a second) and would do anything his boss told him to do as long as he could tell people he worked for "XYZ Team" or ESPN. Well he was on the production crew responsible for covering the college world series in Omaha. I would probably say this occurred in the summer of '04 or '05. They're winding down the week and the whole crew decides to go out for drinks. A few hours later when everyone is well on their way, this guy catches the eye of a one Linda Cohn and they eventually sneak back to her hotel room...

On the ride there, Cohn couldn't keep her hands off of him and wouldn't stop saying how much she's been eying his all week and how she loves giving blowjobs. When they get back to the hotel room, she gets on her knees and says to him "I LOVE doing this!" before taking him all in.

I've never been able to look at her the same since.

Anyway, I'm sure you guys are getting tons of shit like this today. I'm obviously not going to give you names, nor do I have a way to verify this, nor do I really care. But go ahead and add this to the ESPN failure pile.

Glad I could help.

(Ed. Note: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!)

(Ed. Note #2: The above story is a joke, if it wasn't clear already.)

Usually, it's because they're just so absurd or really lack even the most tenuous of news angles to give them the go-ahead. Other times it's because they're just absolute horseshit. But every Friday (except today, because shit went kaplooey on me yesterday and I was out on Friday) until we get sick of running them, we'll present to you some of these not-so-shiny gems. All items should be treated as [Sic'd]. Enjoy...

At Least He Wasn't Wearing The Tar Heel Mascot Head At The Time

Towards the end of my tenure in Chapel Hill, UNC played NC State down at Ericsson Stadium (now Bank of America Stadium) in Charlotte, in the hopes of a larger stadium getting more fans. It didn't work; we're a basketball school. I forget the exact year (1999, I think) but the game was on a Thursday night and was being called by the Thursday night ESPN crew. Writing for the student newspaper, a couple other writers and photographers and I drove down to cover the game.

Covering a football game is much worse than watching a college football game, because any break you need (food, bathroom, etc.) must be done either really quickly during timeouts (impossible) or during halftime. So, as expected, the bathroom for the press box was a madhouse when the other writers and I went in there during halftime. We were standing in line for the urinals and happened to be right next to a stall. The guy in that stall was taking a dump, and it was not going well for him - all kinds of farts and splashes were coming from there. Then the very forceful grunting started. This guy was really pushing this one out in a hurry. Being the incredible mature college students we were, we all were trying to hold back our laughter. But we each saw that the other was doing the same, and with each successive noise, we all laughed a little harder. Eventually, everyone in the men's room was looking at us with the "Oh grow up" look on their faces.

Well, we heard the toilet paper roll in the stall being used and then the toilet flush. The man walked out and it was none other than Lee Corso. He saw everyone staring at him, waived his hand, and said a loud "Hey guys" to the entire room in a really excited, upbeat tone. Everyone stood frozen and stunned as he washed his hands and then left. As soon as the bathroom door shut, every single person in there burst into hysterical laughter. If only we had known who it was. I'm sure one of us would have tapped on the stall and given a "Not so fast, my friend" to help calm him down in there. I can't watch him on Gameday without that experience being the first thing I think about.

Yes, Viva La Stool

SUBJECT: stool

what fucking state do you homos represent?? what fuckin teams do you represent...i cant even read your SHIT cause it sucks...i can barely see my screen cause i have so many fucking trophys blocking it....suck a dick...viva la stool

Thank You, Sir, May I Have Another

SUBJECT: PS

id rather watch meatspin.com than read deadspin... 8=====D

Now, We're Also Getting Jason Whitlock's Hatemail

Jason,

Up until now, I respected you. However, now that you have come out against Rush Limbaugh on his quest to become a partial owner of an NFL Team, I have to re-think things.

You have repeated things that Rush supposedly said. You DID NOT fact check these things and you now look like a complete FOOL in my eyes! The only racism that exists are from the likes of you and all other liberal sports media that have run with these lies! In the end, you are just another black guy, looking to lampoon the white guy! Yes, that means you are NO DIFFERENT than President Obama (an "OUT & OUT RACIST", and the "INFAMOUS RACE BAITERS", Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton! I REALLY thought you were above this and a better man than this! YOU ARE NO MAN AND I WAS COMPLETELY WRONG ABOUT YOU! I truly hope the U.S. Citizens (especially the Sports World) remember you for what you are (A TRUE "RACIST") and where you came down on this particular situation! I for one, no longer have ANY respect for you!

Regards,

Eric Miklas

P.S. You Have Shown "YOUR TRUE COLORS" And Now Have Been Proven To Be QUITE TYPICAL!

And one more...

Jason,

I checked out your website ("Deadspin") and would now like to add this,....

If Limbaugh and the "white race" are soooooooo bad, why then are their tons
of pictures of you with WHITE girls hanging all over you?

As I said below, you are "TYPICAL" and you are just another sorry RACIST!

You have now SUNK to the "land of no return" (where Al Sharpton & Jesse
Jackson reside). You will now sow what you reap! "ALL THINGS COME TO
THOSE WHO WAIT". Yours is coming!

Best Regards,

Eric Miklas

He's Mr. ChoochTober That's Why

I was just sent this. I can't explain it, and I'm not sure I want to.

http://icecream4chooch.com/(viaTheFightins)

Emails You Don't Want To Get From The Gawker Office Manager

Hey AJ,

Just to let you know that we cannot see the frog anywhere in the tank.

We can hear the crickets going all day...gee I hope they did n't eat the frog. LOL

Next time you are in please check it out.

Thanks,

Roxanne

Tebow's Christian Army Revolts

•

I am respectfully writing to say that you should be absolutely embarrassed by your article regarding Tim Tebow being the "Lamb of God". If you had any respect at all for the Bible or Jesus Christ, you would not write such things. I am pretty sure that Tim Tebow himself would also be angry and dismayed by your article and the assertions you are putting forth.

•

Tommy, a little jealous, my friend? Look, if you want to live his life and be Tim Tebow, then give it a try. Writing stuff like that makes you look ever so small. Quoting Luke and John? Yes, you obviously know Jesus as well... er not. Hating Tim Tebow for being either a great quarterback, a great person, or a Christian... I'm thinking it's the last one that's the clincher for you. How's this one. "If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first." John 15:18. Jesus knew what he was talking about. You don't.

And Craggs Gets Yelled At By The Guy Who Designed AT&T Park (née Pac Bell)

Tommy

I had designed Pac Bell Park while working at Hok Sport in Kansas City and some other sports facilities. I was too happy about your sensational article and even though it may attract some readers due to its negative spin I don't think it will get everyone to hate Pac Bell once they read the article. I got the impression you don't have a clue of the design intent or even why we used red brick or who design the kid park.

I am not sure if you are a drop out architecture student or a very unhappy person who never got a chance to play baseball in the big leagues. Didn't your mother tell you 'if you don't have anything good to say don't say anything.

Randy

Randy Shear
7027 Gaston Parkway Dallas Texas
75214 USA

Ryan Leaf Used To Be Carried In The Arms Of Cheerleaders, Part 97

While in my local library, I found this carved on a table. It's a heart with RYAN LEAF. I guess some people are into 0.0 QB ratings.

And Then There's This Insanity

AJ, THINK OF THE CONVENIENCE OF HAVING BATHROOM PRIVACY JUST ABOUT ANYWHERE. THE BASSROOM SETS UP ON A BOAT, ON THE GROUND OR THE BACK OF A TRUCK IN ABOUT A MINUTE.

MESQUITE, TX —- Cover Your Bass introduces "The Bassroom" the complete portable privacy system that allows you to spend more time on the water fishing by eliminating those inconvenient moments.

Cover Your Bass is the culmination of research and development from innovators Matt and Kirk Smith, a father/son team of fishermen from Texas, who have created the ultimate portable bathroom for your fishing boat and growing lists of other uses.

Aptly named "The Bassroom" this ingenious product fills the need for a portable bathroom system in a market that has been overlooked and neglected for years. With privacy concerns and today's current "eco-friendly" movements, the Bassroom virtually eliminates the possibility of over-exposure from your boat while providing an environmentally safe alternative to lengthy trips back to the loading dock or using the shoreline as a bathroom.

"We've created this product to fill a void that currently exists in today's fishing arena" said Matt Smith, owner and creator of The Bassroom. "In today's world you never know who has a camera or video phone and would enjoy the 10 minutes of fame by posting a video of you "caught in the act" on YouTube or similar social network websites. The price, privacy, and function of The Bassroom provides security and comfort for much less than the cost of embarrassment or possible legal fees for over-exposure while on the lake. With proper care the Bassroom will provide privacy for only pennies a day. Have one on your boat when you need it." says Smith

The entire Bassroom system is stored in two handy transportation bags that can easily be tucked away in your boat until needed. With a total setup time of approximately 60 seconds, you can quickly construct your Bassroom in times of an emergency and leave the unit assembled while you continue fishing or simply fold down and store. Never have to leave your fishing spot, waste time and gas running around looking for a bathroom.
Although created specifically with fishing in mind, the Bassroom is gaining popularity with hikers, campers, bikers, ATVer's, and tailgaters who find the ease of transport and privacy a welcome addition to their trips. The Bassroom is great on the back of a truck for family picnics and outings

"The feedback we have received from customers has shown a wide demographic range from young adventurers to Pro Anglers. The Bassroom is great for privacy, shade and a rain shield for the entire family, including pets." says Smith.

The Bassroom system itself consists of heavy duty 190T polyester material with access doors on both the front and back equipped with over-sized zippers for easy handling. The polyester is waterproof and flame resistant to assure safety and comfort. The waste disposal bags contained in the full Bassroom system are convenient zip-up bags, constructed of a sturdy 2 mil. black plastic material which effectively and safely handle the waste storage and transporting.

Currently priced at only $104.95 plus $15.00 shipping U.S. for the entire system, the Bassroom will provide years of service with proper handling and storage. Visit www.coveryourbass.com for more purchase details, videos, and product reviews from the experts.
PLEASE TAKE A LOOK AT OUR PHOTO GALLERY ONLINE — The Bassroom can be set up on a boat, the back of a truck, or on the ground, providing a private bathroom almost anywhere.

The Bassroom System is a must have for the tradesmen too !! Plumbers, electricians, landscape companies, sprinkler system companies , brick masons and traveling project managers - think of the convenience of having a bathroom on any job-site in just minutes. BUY ONE FOR YOUR BUSINESS and use it on the weekends for the whole family.

Cover Your Bass (www.coveryourbass.com) Home of the Bassroom is located in Mesquite, Texas providing portable privacy for your boat. 972-849-4868.

FREE TSHIRT OFFER ONLINE — for a limited time

CORSO PHOTO COURTESY OF THE SPENCER HALL DANCING ANIMAL SHOW AT EDSBS

It's usually because they're just so absurd or really lack even the most tenuous of news angles to give them the go-ahead. Other times it's because they're just absolute horseshit. But every Friday until we get sick of running them, we'll present to you some of these not-so-shiny gems. All items should be treated as [Sic'd]. Enjoy...

He's A Big Man, With A Big Voice

So you're going to Minneapolis? You should go to Blarney Pub & Grill, because it's where Jared Allen sings karaoke (see attached pics). You're welcome, bitches.

This Is Not A Place For Political Satire

*

I love Deadspin. I love wasting my time on the site when I should be doing my homework or studying or some crap like that. It's a sports blog, and I love sports. I also love politcs, so I go to political blogs to get my fix for that. When separate, each do their jobs very well. So why are these blowhards continually popping up on Deadspin writing this crap that is neither funny nor insightful in any significant way? You always say "I want to love ESPN, but they keep doing this bullshit like the Farve stunts that pisses the fans off" This is EXACTLY the same thing. No one likes it. It's not even clever writing. If they were meant to be serious, then its fucking retahded. If its all some extended joke, then it's pathetic. Please, please, please, please, please try to get this shit to stop. I would bet my soul that there is not a single reader that enjoys this crap. Thank you

-Brad, UConn

*

Thanks for morphing into the National Fucking Review Online over the goddamned Olympics bid. I've got to go now and spooge on my advanced copy of Going Rogue. You're welcome.

*

Hey AJ,

I thoroughly enjoy your site. Deadspin is appointment reading for me and usually among the first on my RSS feed. I'm usually not the type to chime in on anything (I'm not even a member of the commentariat), but I urge you to keep politics off this site. I don't know what the relationship is between you and Akex Pareene or Ms. Tkotic but, their articles' VERY loose relevance to sports is apalling. I actually agree with a few points made in the articles but, nonetheless, they have no business on a sports site.

Thanks for your time,

*

Deadspin's hit a new low. get this Pareene queef posts off the site.

*

"When Chicago hosted its famed World's Fair in 1893, the closing ceremonies had to be canceled and replaced with Mayor Carter Harrison's memorial service. He'd just been assassinated, you see.. By an immigrant, no less. So perhaps, one inclined toward politically incorrect fantasias may find himself darkly imagining, the 2016 Chicago Olympics could've ended on a high note."

Is Deadspin now the type of place where right-wing columnists fantasize about the President being assassinated and considering that a 'high note'?

Please don't ruin this site by going right-wing OR left-wing. I, like many others, come here because it is an escape from all the bullshit that is out there. I hope this is a one-time event and we aren't subjected to more drivel (from either side) like this.

Thanks and I do love the site.

John

* From Nick Denton:
Subject: Your Readers Hate The Weekend Guests

We need styled satire posts for you so you can experiment without freaking people out so.

Andrea Kremer Explains To The Football Night In America Audience The Perils Of Pussy Traps And "Half!" On MNF

Andrea Kremer, RAW! Did she steal this outfit from Eddie Murphy's closet?

Oh, Heather

Hey!

I love your site! My boyfriend got me hooked and now I check it every day. One of my friends showed me this video about the Sox/Angels series! I lot of my girlfriends like it so I thought maybe you'd want to post it. The link is below! It's VERY funny...

Thanks!

Heather

Please Send All Inquiries To Drew@deadspin.com

Wats the best email to send tips on current locations of celebrities
like tyra banks and oprah etc in new york

And...The Return Of The Fanny Cough Poet (blows out)

(blows out) this remind of my friend names leon whiskers. leon was a cat. and yes, that is right, I say was. so leon whisker live on teh streets. he have no real home, he have no real family. Just alotta people of the neighborhood that give him love and give him many pets on he head (awww). there was one lady who really like leon and feed him milk every day. Her name was Mrs. Merfs. That's right again, i say was. She whistle every morning and hope that leon make it through the night. Maybe he get into a fight with a group of wild cat that live in teh gutter. maybe he steal a cheese from a rat and teh rat bite him. Or maybe even worse, he get stuck in honey in the garbage and they throw him in that truck and crush him. She could only pray every morning that he is still alive.

So mrs merfs say her whistles and like a clock works, here come leon. mrs Merfs smile, she put a bowl nice milk on teh floor and give him pets on he head. he make a purrs noise and mrs merfs probly couldn't be happier. her baby from the street has make it through another night and now he getting he milk. If you are a old lady that is pretty much one of teh best thing in teh world. it is like they need each other and together they is happy.

So one day me and huerta is watchin america gladaters and we hear a big commotion down the street. it is mrs merfs and they is takin her away in a ambulance. I walk over to see what I could do. Maybe i could help by takin her snuggie to teh hosptial or somethin, I dont know but i feel bad if I just sit there. So I see a fireman who was there and I ask him. "hey what happened? does you knews what happens to mrs merfs?" and he look at me and make a sad face and says "i sorry, but that lady is dead." wow. we is in shock. She had always lived there as far as i could remember and something like this had never happened before. Huerta take it pretty hard because i guess when he was little mrs merfs gave him mounds one time for hallaweens and that is he favorite. I give huerta a pat on the head and tell him that we should get mounds to celebrate she life. It would be a nice gesture and on top of that we was pretty hungry anyway. So we both had a piece of mounds and had a good laugh and cry about mrs merfs. It was just like a irished wake ecpet instead of beer and whiskies, we have choclate and cockonuts.

So a few week go by and there is a lotta hustle and bustles at teh Merf house. They was gonna sell it, so they is fixin it all up. They put a new mailbox on. They trim she grass and plant a flowers. And they paint the house a new color....white. (chills) So again Huerta and me is watchin TV, I think it was like no whammies...yes it was. Huerta was jumpin around all excited because one of them contestants was winning alotta money and kept just JUST missin teh whammies. He was jumping near the window and something catch he eye and he get all quiet. (whispers) "hey studs, did you leave you a stuff animal out on teh grass?" I think for a second and i say no because i think teh last time I use it I put it right away. So i look and it isn't a stuff animal. It is Leon. And he is one of two thing. He is a sleep. Or (blows out) he is dead.

Well, if you are a good detective you probly have already figure out that Leon was not asleep. We go over to him and check for he pulse. Nothing is there. Then we notice soemthing that would stay in our head for teh rest of a life. Leon mouth is all white. why is it white? Is it like he spit is dried? Was he tryin to disguise heself to get away from trouble? No. It take us a few hour to figure out but he mouth was white because he eats paint. The people cleaning and painting the Merf house had left a bucket of paint out in teh back where Mrs merfs used to feed Leon. also, that day there was a special train in teh neighborhood that whistle all morning. huerta and i agree that Leon probly hears that train whistle and think mrs merfs is back and wants to give him he morning milk and some pets. The odds of all them things happening at once is atronautical.

About a year to teh day later Huerta and I was watchin TV, I think it was jeffersons. And when weezie was cookin something, the pot she uses make a whistle and me and heurta kind of look at each other and smile. I think both of us was thinkin about mrs Merfs and leon and that they is probaly in heaven, with mrs. Merf pettin leon while he drinkin he milk. and maybe leon finally live with her because it is heaven and in heaven cats arent homeless (life is much easier for people and animal). The only thing that would have made that moment when weezie pot whistle better for me and huerta was if we coulda splita Mounds. but life aint perfect. Leon is proof of that.

stuqs

p and s...hey mike are u related to that guy names steven schiellberg

It's usually because they're just so absurd or really lack even the most tenuous of news angles to give them the go-ahead. Other times it's because they're just absolute horseshit. But every Friday until we get sick of running them, we'll present to you some of these not-so-shiny gems. All items should be treated as [Sic'd]. Enjoy...

This Man Took 23 Pictures On His Television Of "Arizona Cardinals Camel Toe"

(Anonymous-ish, please. You may call me Jason in Indy.)

So sometimes a booze/weed combo helps slow the game down. Perhaps that's how the rookie NFL QB's are making such a splash the last 2 seasons? I thought I was seeing things at first Sunday night when this luscious cheerleader bounced her Bulbous Bald Femballs my direction. Wish the picture quality were better, but maybe this will spur another Deadspin reader to action. Enjoy.

(Ed. note: He took 23 pictures of this screen shot. 23.)

Dude, Hadn't Noticed

Dude, have you ever noticed in the infamous pic of Kim "Sweet Thighs" Kardashian grinding on Regg "Cock Sucker" Bush (sorry, Im a diehard ND fan) that Khloe (the uglier and much dumber sister) is staring intently, and somewhat seductively/awkwardly at Regg's cock region? Just look in the bachground, it's pretty hilarious. The pic im referring to is the one in your article titled "Our long national nightmare is over: reggie and kim together again," just in case you're a yid and didnt know what pic i meant. Thanks again bro, hope you dont fall down a large set of stairs anytime soon...not that this might be a threat or anything...just kidding i thought it would be funny if i wrote that though. One love ;0

At Least She Is Acutely Self-Aware

From Julia Allison: Subject: "Now This"

is good sportswriting.

I just sent it to Wilbon.

I think you should write something about it!

xo
your favorite clueless sports non-groupie

BTW, did you see my little SONY spot with the other Mr. Manning?

oh yeah, baby

From Me: (Forwarding to Emeritus)

Yay for you?
Sent from my iPhone

From Emeritus:

You actually talk to this species? I had no idea.

I Don't Believe That Was Brought Up In The Chat, No

didn't anyone ask if swallowing Tony LaRussa's cum can make YOU drunk? it seems like the obvious question!!!!

I'm Quite Certain He Said "Niekro"

So i was switching back and forth between football and the tour championship yesterday and around the 7th or 8th hole, I swear the commentator said, "the ol' negro knuckler" after one of tiger's shots. I'm pissed at myself for not recording it and thought for sure you'd have a post on it today. I can't find anything about it online, but you guys are surely better at finding that shit that I am.

Maybe it's just me being racist. But thought I'd give you guys something to do today.

Aw, Buzz

Note: He was supposed to be here, but he was here for a little bit.

It's usually because they're just so absurd or really lack even the most tenuous of news angles to give them the go-ahead. Other times it's because they're just absolute horseshit. But every Friday until we get sick of running them, we'll present to you some of these not-so-shiny gems. All items should be treated as [Sic'd]. Enjoy...

Duly Noted

•

Dear AJ,

I usually find Deadpsin extrememely entertaining, but this email exchange with Sean Salibusry is just sad. I'm not trying to be unny here, there is something gong on in this man's life... maybe alcohol, addiction? To watch (or rather read) someone self destruct is disturbing. Let him have his say in private. He needs help, not a snarky audience taking shots at him.

•

On today's sportscenter, they had Sean Salisbury comments on the internet, and when they had to give some background, they just said "we won't elaborate on that," and promptly moved on to whatever topic they had next.

•

AJ,

Be careful man. I once had a roommate where something triggered and he kind of just lost his mind and went crazy. He would talk and write emails that basically looked exactly what Salisbury is saying to you. I'm just saying watch out, this dude is obviously out there, and whether its true or not feels that he and his family are threatened. I love the site, keep up the good work.

•

AJ

Salisbury sounds depressed, delusional and possibly suicidal.

Ease up on him, man. If he jumps off a building, you don't want any responsibility for that.

Seriously. This is not angry criticism. It's a request for sympathy.

Leftist Filth

Your stupid little article about Jay Feely was well.... stupid. Before making stupid comments about someones political beliefs, maybe you should try educating yourself first, if thats at all possible. Take your little blogs and your stupid little website and shove it up your ass.

The Yalie Is Aggrieved

To whom it may concern,

There is a picture on the front page of deadspin.com that needs to be removed immediately. This is the only contact information I could find on the site, can you please point me in the right direction to have these pictures taken down. It has the subject regarding the Yale/Harvard game.

If this is not done immediately, we will have to take legal action.

Thank you!

•

Nick-

I am writing to you about the story on the front page of Deadspin.com about the college football season.

The story about the Yale/Harvard game with pictures of a man passing out happens to be about friends of mine.

I really need to know who I can email to have those pictures taken down as they are quite embarrassing for my friend.

Please let me know what I need to do to get this taken care of. Thanks

-Steve

The Truth Is, You're A Moron

I read on the Onion.com yesterday that Dallas released Jerry Jones, but I can't find anybody else reporting it. Is there any truth to this?

This Is How You Audition For The Comments Section

"I check out your site everyday, along with other sports blogs. Caught a guy a went to school with posing behind LT today. Wanted to get set up to comment, thinking I could come up with something funny since he sleep walked and pissed on my door."

Just Type "FUCK.AND. NO" On Your Keyboard

Is there anyway to fix my RSS to eliminate all feeds from Drew?

Thank You For Reminding Me

I thought you might be unsure, so I just wanted to let you know you're still a douche who leaves the world just a little more shit filled with each day you spend you time on the interwebz. Congratulations on ascending to near the top of the noble world of paparazzi.

It's usually because they're just so absurd or really lack even the most tenuous of news angles to give them the go-ahead. Other times it's because they're just absolute horseshit. But every Friday until we get sick of running them, we'll present to you some of these not-so-shiny gems. All items should be treated as [Sic'd]. Enjoy...

Mike Vick Also Don't Use Helping Verbs

A friend of mine went to Va Tech at the same time as Michael Vick. Anyways she arrives at a party and sees some of the football players and then saw Michael Vick talking to a lady. They end up dancing for a little bit and then she goes in for a kiss. Vick gives her the Heisman and says "Mike Vick don't kiss, Mike Vick just fuck".

Even FJM Has Its Haters

The "X" logo thing stopped being clever at 9:45 a.m. EST.

Why so much self-referencing stuff? Are you under the impression you have a cult following? You don't. I get the jokes, and they're still not funny.

THE TOPIC OF SPORTS IS MORE INTERESTING THAN THE TOPIC OF YOU.

Please hesitate to do this again in the future. I'd way rather have Mo instead.

Fire yourselves, not Joe Morgan.

And More

It's great to see that the fire Joe Morgan losers are able to get some time off from their temp jobs and working the counter at starbucks. What exactly do they do when they're all in same room, talk fantasy sports, dungeons and dragons, compare notes on what they think it will be like when one of them actually kisses a girl ?

Joe

Me: Your ire is slipping!

Joe:

LOL, I think I hit a nerve. Those dudes have about as much of chance of becoming tv writers as Bill Simmons

Your Commenting Abilities Have Been Put On Notice

I dont get the comment section on your site. Is it a place where your loyal users can comment on the related article and have discussion? Or some vessel for unemployed factory workers to try their hand at witty humor? The comment section is a complete waste, your regular troupe of losers try to out-do eachothers obscure pop reference or utter randomness posing as humor. Its a poor mans version of a snickers candy bar commercial, they have the credibility of a washed up athelete, you have nameless internet wanks who think theyre Seth McFarlane. Get this idea of your comment section being fresh and innovative out of your head. Regular users cannot participate, which thwarts any chances of users return. Its stupid, and apparently so are you.

Sincerely,

Not dumb enough to comment.

Imitation Is The Sincerest Form Of Flattery And Deep-Seated Psychosis

Dashiell,

I wanted to personally apologize to you. While in Atlantic City this weekend a woman asked me what I did for a living. Unable to admit that I do crappy marketing I told her that I was a writer for Deadspin, figuring she would have no idea what that meant, and think I was a tool for smugly dropping a name. She actually did know Deadspin, and asked what my name was. Seeing as how like one picture exists of you in the internet, I said you. She got really excited and called her friend over. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to steal your identity. If it makes you feel any better, I found out minutes later that she was 40 (I'm 25) and had two kids back home. Sorry.

Oh, and for some reason this woman might think you are lightweight drinker. Sorry again.

Elliott

I'm Sorry You Have Still Not Gotten Over This

AJ and Will -

A friend of mine forwarded me your coverage of Mark Whicker's piece regarding Jaycee Dugard. It is difficult to overstate how rediculous you both look in light of AJ's now infamous Cultural Oddsmaker article making fun of Chris Benoit's murder-suicide of his wife and mentally retarded son.

Duplicitous does not seem to cover it.

Perhaps AJ you could direct Tommy over to your earlier piece before he hands the title of "worst piece of sports journalism ever committed to page" over so easily.

At least Mr. Whicker had the decency to run a public apology. — BJP

The Origins Of A Name: He Actually Thought It Was Pronounced "ESS-PIN"

From: Nick Denton: this is what I sent over to Patric for Deadspin logo

Tim Tebow Cornhole Photo Courtesy Of Reader Grayson G.

It's usually because they're just so absurd or really lack even the most tenuous of news angles to give them the go-ahead. Other times it's because they're just absolute horseshit. But every Friday until we get sick of running them, we'll present to you some of these not-so-shiny gems. All items should be treated as [Sic'd]. Enjoy...

Barry Switzer: Well Hung Hero

So it's sometime in the 70s, back when Barry Switzer was young enough that he wasn't just presiding over some of the greatest shenanigans in college football history, he was participating in them too. A couple of friends-of-the-program are gallivanting around with some young ladies in a hotel room, as friends-of-the-program did back then. They decide to call Switzer to harass him for not being in a position to participate in the good times that were about to transpire. Switzer does not appreciate the phone call.

The hotel is twenty minutes away. Switzer is banging on the hotel-room door in ten. Switzer is clearly Billy Simms. Switzer is also clearly naked. Now would also be a good time to mention that Switzer's got a fourth Selmon brother dangling between his legs (he is well hung).

To everyone's laughter and astonishment, Switzer busts into the room and prepares to run the wishbone straight into the opposing team's ovaries. However, for reasons that are familiar to the vast majority of American men who aren't Mormons, Switzer cannot call his enormous package to attention. Rather than cringing in shame (Barry Switzer doesn't do shame), he storms to the corner of the room, sits in a chair, and starts yelling at his uncooperative offensive unit:

"Goddamn it! You look like OU, but you play like OSU!"

Oklahoma State went to two bowl games in the 1970s. One of them was the Tangerine Bowl.

He Is Not Amused By the Rampant Suckage

The "Your Team Sucks" and "Your Stadium Sucks" features are incredibly pointless and nauseating. Most of them are the same recycled arguments you can pull on any team's fans or stadium. There was always a sort of nonchalance about Deadspin that I admired — that it wouldn't stoop to ESPN's incessant mockery of any team that doesn't have a winning record. It is neither classy nor creative in any regard. For example, the "Your Stadium Sucks" feature for Oriole Park at Camden Yards' main argument was that a lot of other stadiums have copied the blueprint OPaCY set. How is that a legit logic? It's mind-numbing. Please cease any similar features in the future.

JETS CAKE

First off I love your site it's probably the most real sports site on the internet keep up the good work. I saw the why your team sucks article on the Jets the other day I thought it was well done, even for this Jets fan I was able to laugh at it. Speaking of the Jets my cousin got married a few weeks ago and for the rehearsal dinner we got him a scale model Jets helmet as the cake. I thought these would be good to show on the site. Let me know what you think.

Thanks,

Chris

Dirty Slaves Just Doesn't Have The Same Ring To It

Drew,

Here's a quote from "Why Your Team Sucks: Cleveland Browns":

"Please crucify the Browns like the dirty Jews that they are"

What is this doing in your column? I know it's an email from a reader but it's FEATURED (as the first reader email) in your column. This implies some sort of editorial endorsement.

If that same email was sent to you, but instead of saying "Please crucify the Browns like the dirty Jews that they are" it said "Please string up the Browns like the dirty slaves they are" would you have featured it in your column? I'm actually curious.

Thanks for your attention,

Max

Mark Reynolds: Goat Fucker

Uh AJ or whatever or whomever takes up space in the Gawker offices..

For some awful reason I was reading about Mark Reynolds of Arizona Diamondbacks. So check out his Wikipedia page and let me know if you see what I see.

Apparently Mark Reynolds is documented goat fucker...it's on the internetz, it must be true..

Please use whatever sort of journalistic skills you have and figure this one out.

"Mark Andrew Reynolds (born August 3, 1983, in Pikeville, Kentucky) is a third baseman/first baseman in Major League Baseball who plays for the Arizona Diamondbacks. He is nicknamed "The Sheriff" and he is a documented goat fucker".

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mark_Reynolds_%28baseball%29

Dan,

Maryland.

Little Man In Blogger Clothing

Of course Hout had a smirk on his face. The Broncos had just destroyed a team who had been talking smack for weeks. Blount was the one who said the Broncos were going to get an ass whoppin! If anyone deserved to be talking a little smack after the game it was the Broncos.

And yes Dashell, a part of me would be a little pleased to see that s—- eating grin wiped off of your face!

What is it with bloggers who are generally little people until they bravely get behind a computer screen and keyboard.

The people of Boise and Oregon have been great about this situation. Your comments about Hout show that you are an little man in blogger clothing

Ha. He Said Squirt.

With regard to the Boise State/Oregon postgame incident: So, you think it's OK to punch people in the face just because they are smirking. Your comment makes me want to wipe the smirk off of your dumb little adolescent face. How would like that squirt? Steve Spellerberg

It's usually because they're just so absurd or really lack even the most tenuous of news angles to give them the go-ahead. Other times it's because they're just absolute horseshit. But every Friday until we get sick of running them, we'll present to you some of these not-so-shiny gems. All items should be treated as [Sic'd]. Enjoy...

Citizen Journalism At Its Finest

A. Has anyone actually SEEN Mark Sanchez's birth certificate? If I am not mistaken, Sanchez is a Mexican name. And have you seen the way he scrambles? Is it possible he honed these skills evading the US Border Patrol? All I'm saying is that someone should at least look into it...and perhaps we should save QB jobs in the National Football League for those who are, you know, US nationals.

B. This morning while fetching some bagels for my family, I was passed on the street by Will Leitch, a famous sports blogger (see attached photo). He was wearing a Cardinals #47 Ludwick t-shirt and maroon shorts. He was sweaty and surprisingly small.

Just thought you'd like to know!

DH

KEEP UP THE SUCK

It's really hard to ignore how much worse the site has become with you in charge. I'm a Philly guy myself and I do(?)/did like when you would write in occasionally when Leitch was running the ship, but since you took over the site has simply sunk to mediocrity. I could care less about the comments - what bothers me is how often you just link to other stories on other sites rather than have original Deadspin stuff. That's the lazy way out. Craggs journalism is hardly journalism. In fact, it's not, and what he writes usually just sucks. The only good thing I've seen in the last, I don't know, four months, was the homage to the Mets season yesterday.

This email won't do anything, I know that. The site won't change, it'll just continue to get worse and worse, but I couldn't take it any longer. I had to voice my opinion via email.

My suggestion - put Drew in charge. When he writes I actually laugh, and it seems like he tries. He won't just link to another site. Also the FJM guys. They gave a damn. You should take some notes, but until then, keep up the suck.

That's His Prerogative

You never talked to the parents of the 120 folks who want to stay and become young men and leaders. You talk to "former" players who dont like to work and left the program. Cmon Mr Cragg how bias can you be? You corner two young freshman during media day and of course they are going to say that they work all day long...this is nothing more than a smear campaign and you know it! Get the facts before you write stuff like this. Talk to your fellow journalist and see what they are saying about Rosenberg's article. Presents fact Mr Craggs.

Bobby Brown

This Person Does Not Want Drew In Charge

Drew Magary is 20% more gay than your average sportswriter.

Fuck you. You fat ugly piece of shit. I know what you look like and I speak on behalf of every Niner fan when I wish you a slow and painful death. You self righteous asshole, how dare you write about the 49ers. You are dog shit and you don't deserve to write about the 49ers. I'm sorry you had to live through the 80's and 90's and watch the best team in football. Jerry Rice, Joe Montana, Bill Walsh, Ronnie Lott, your fat ass doesn't deserve to hold their sweaty jock straps, and this team will be back. Fuck you. You sit behind a desk and think that you can write whatever you please. You better watch your back Drew Magary, your personal information is on the web for anyone with half a brain to hack and find out where you live. You are a fat, angry slob. FUCK YOU. if you ever write about the 49ers again you will be sorry.

Asshole.

-49er Faithful

No Hitting, FYI

AJ,

Bringing Craggs on was genius but it seems this Blazer Girl is the
Foxy Brown to your Reservoir Dogs. Please do not condone the voice of
blond sorority girls that have sports knowledge based off what they
hear off Sportscenter and Rome is Burning. You are ruining Deadspin
with this girl. Sorry dude. I was a big fan of yours but Jesus
Christ, did you end up at a Red Bull promotion and fell in live with
some cute girl that had half a pulse on sports?

I know i have no credence as I attempted to send you a video of a bud
of mine pissing himself in a pair of Depends, but Jesus Christ, if
Leitch pooped the bed with the idea of going on Costas Now, you are
entering the same said bed with explosive diarrhea.

I have faith that you will make the right decision. (I.e. hit it and quit it.)

Matt T.

Dallas, Tx

Yeah, You Guys Suck Too

What the fuck happened to the comments on this site? They used to be funny and entertaining, now it just seems like you have a bunch of little politically correct, crybaby pussies trying to drop life lessons on me. Every time I I read the comments on the site, I feel like I'm in the middle of a debate, with a bunch of socialist nerds, in a political science class. You have a bunch of people, who's opinions I could give two shits about, telling me why it's so wrong that some big black man knocked out a douchey looking white guy for talking shit after a football game. That is funny. That is in the word's of Kenny Banyan "Gold". Why take something so good and ruin it by talking about how disgusting nature of someone's actions. If I wanted that I would go read that yinzer Jay Mariotti's blog.

Example:

Image of Black Hammer White Lightning Black Hammer White Lightning
10:42 AM

"But isn't part of you a little bit pleased that he wiped that fucking smirk off Byron Hout's face?"

Not at all, Dash. How exactly did Hout "start it" when Blount was talking shit all week leading up to the game. As soon as he got a little of it back, he got all punchy.
Reply

I find more enjoyment from reading the comments of an article on foxnews than deadspin. You need to strip all these pansies' commenting privelages and encourage more participation from ppl like Gourmet Spud. It's bad enougg I'm wasting my company's money reading comments about sports, but at least try and help me waste their money reading something that makes me laugh.

Impotently,
Former avid reader of Deadspin comment section

No, Thank You. I Guess.

Random rednecks. Thank you facebook

This Song Has The Potential To Be Huge

I Want to Fuck Your Face Until You Sneeze Pud Snot

(INTRO)

(WANKY GUITAR)

(DRUM FILL)

(CYMBAL CRASH)

Oh, how I want to penetrate your mouth with my wang...
so you'll have a throatful of of scrotum meringue
I'll smack that dirty mouth with my thunder snake skin,
and maybe if you're good...(BEAT)i'll stick it under your chin.

(WANKY GUITAR)

Yeah, you herpe'd faggot, I'm gonna blow the love fog in,
drop my balls in some yolk, let's get to homo egg noggin'
Cover your back with my squishy thick man spray,
punch your mother in the face, then fuck her on a stingray

Pre Chorus:

You're flying blind, your eyes are filled with spunk,
You want my love you have to worship dago junk.

CHORUS:

Iiiiiiii....gonna fuck you, fuck you, fuck you fuck you in the face
fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you in the face.

Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you in the face.

The pud snot's rockin', let's join the gang rape.

Tha't's all i got right now. I envision this sounding a little like Tin Machine.

It's usually because they're just so absurd or really lack even the most tenuous of news angles to give them the go-ahead. Other times it's because they're just absolute horseshit. But every Friday until we get sick of running them, we'll present to you some of these not-so-shiny gems. All items should be treated as [Sic'd]. Enjoy...

New Vikings Quarterback Used To Get All The Girls

Or "Brett Favre Gettin' Jiggy" via Ghosts of Wayne Fontes

Penn Football Is Trying To Toughen Up Their Image

After seeing those slack jawed D-2 faggots giving each other hand jobs in the Trench Coat Mines of Colorado, I had to send this pic.

This is Meanstreet,
-f

Ruination, Etc.

We're really going back to that well huh? Are you trying to bang her? Maybe you're just doing hand stuff. Who knows, there could even be a little mouth stuff peppered in there. It has to be something to that effect, because I can't think of another reason why she's writing for Deadspin....again.

If that's the case I'm not knocking your hustle, I'm just trying to understand how a girl who wrote an article making fun of stereotypes in a bar, while she is herself, a giant fucking stereotype, ends up back for round 2. I get it baby, you're so different it hurts. I'm impressed.

Listen, I love Deadspin, and if all it takes to write for you guys is posting a few douchey pictures of myself in sports gear consider it done. I've got a great one of me from my senior year at Iowa wearing Hawkeye overalls. I look like the biggest hillbilly fucktard you've ever seen. Pencil me in for a column next week on how Jay Cutler brought cool back to Diabetes after Ron Santo ruined it in this town.

I show up for the way Drew can phonetically break down any dialect, and stay for Tommy's run down of why every stadium sucks. I don't need Blazer Girl messing that up, unless she's gonna cut me in on some of that hand stuff. Then she can write whatever she feels like. Oh and you ruined Deadspin or something, bitch.

All the best,

Pat Kenny

More Blazer Girl Outrage

AJ, I've always thought that the whole "AJ has ruined Deadspin" thing was drastically overstated, but this makes give pause. This is the dumbest fucking thing you've ever done. Blazergirl was intolerable in her brief Deadspin cameo, and I hoped that you'd seen so and acted accordingly. Holy shit this sucks. I give up. No more Deadspin. This sucks. Just because I'd fuck that hipster dumbshit doesn't mean I care what she says about ESPN. No offense, but you suck.

Bye,
Chad

To Be Fair, Mr. Craggs Will Earn $28k This Year

Tommy – What was the point of that piece, other than you had to eventually get around to trashing Fenway for your deep-thinking stadium series? Have you ever been there? Is it really that bad a place? You seem to have a problem that some people really like a place that you don't. You are certain they are wrong. You are offended that others see something you don't. Yours will be a long life.

But then again, I'd be pretty pumped if I was pulling in $27,500 to crank out this kind of superficial, one-dimensional trash.

Idea: Camden Yards. Tell us all how bad that place is!!! It will be awesome. I can't' wait!!!

Is this the best they could teach you at UNI High? Your parents must be so proud too. Failed at ESPN and now you're doing this mindless crap that will lead you nowhere. But at least you're making $27,500!!

Awesome, Tommy. Awesome.

It's usually because they're just so absurd or really lack even the most tenuous of news angles to give them the go-ahead. Other times it's because they're just absolute horseshit. But every Friday until we get sick of running them, we'll present to you some of these not-so-shiny gems. All items should be treated as [Sic'd]. Enjoy...

This Batshit Lady Hates Grady Sizemore's Girlfriend

Well my sport compatriots,
it seems that a Playboy Playmate of the name Brittany Binger *she is one of Kendra's BFFs* is dating Outfielder Grady Sizemore of the Cleveland Indians.
They have been dating since December 2008.
Grady was recently seen with Brittany in Seattle a few weeks ago. Shitfaced and drunk out of his mind.
The pictures were leaked by Brittany Binger's mother Cinda Binger to help her get more press for her
potential fame and reality show.

Sounds like Brittany is following in the footsteps of her BFF Kendra Wilkinson who is now married to a pro-athlete?

Rumor has it that Brittany is broke and is trying to get work albeit the guitar hero commercial.

I thought this would be of interest to you...and if you post it, the Grady's Ladies may all die of hearttacks or start purchasing semi-automatic weapons.

pictures are attached.
i found them initially on talk sports where her mother leaked them.

hope you post these

you're biggest fan
lady f

(Ed. note: Of course she sent the same thing to many, many other websites Why she hatin'?. )

Mess With The Tebow You Get The Angry Emoticon

Man, you are one silly ass dumb doofus. What a crappy anti-Tebow piece you wrote, full of animosity and vitriol and lacking in journalistic style. Fortunately I do not have to contend with you ever again...You, dude, are history.

G O G A T O R S !!!!!!!Click Me!

Jared Allen Is Friendly

Sympathy For The Lupica And A Rightful Condemnation Of Homophobic Taunts

Lupica should have berated the kid for using the word "faggot." Why you published that dipshit's story just condones all the teenagers out there that read your website that it's okay to berate strangers by using it as well.

I'm all for satirizing pretentious people in sports, but use some common sense.

Alright. I live in New Canaan, same town as Loop, and he's widely known to be a prick. If you didn't know, he wrote a self-important book about a youth basketball team of shorter kids or some crap like that because his son wasn't a good enough to make the travel teams and it was a conspiracy, blah blah blah.

But couldn't you tell from reading that King kid's post that the kid was a total shithead? He's a private school douche bag, the kind that looks down on public school and thinks his "buddy" got screwed by the headmaster. Boohoo, Mike Lupica told on my headmaster. His headmaster! What a twat. I'm gonna go ahead and demand a redaction on the grounds that the kid who sent in the complaint is definitely a twat.

Ruination Redux

AJ,

Just wanted to drop you a line and thank you for completely ruining Deadspin. I think that the transformation of the site from a witty, alternative POV site into one dominated by filth, snarkiness and sarcasm is complete, don't you think?

For example, it doesn't bother me that you published the Josh Hamilton photos. Instead of posing the question of how that incident may effect his perception in the general public, and more specifically, his standing among the Christian community, you heave out drivel like "Casting stones is God's job and God's job only - especially when it comes to those who slurp body shots off of a giant pair of heaving breasts in a Tempe bar." Hamilton's "mistake" or "dalliance" or what-have-you is only the latest athlete screw-up that you guys have pounced on with unbridled glee. Those pictures drive traffic to your site, so I expect you to be happy about them; but do you have to display that happiness so readily?

That's not to say that the entire site is garbabe; no, the ESPN insider riffs are informative and amusing, the stray "not about an athlete that made a mistake in a bar or coach that cheated on his wife" story is interesting, and Drew is obviously comedy gold (and the best writer on the site, by far). But, more and more I'm finding that my perception of the site is of a shark looking for the blood in the water. Deadspin is no longer "Sports news without access, favor or discretion." You exhibit virtually no discretion in the tawdry stories you run. You clearly have access, whether you choose to use it or not (you hosted DP's show, for Pete's sake!). And you clearly exhibit favor (and especially dis-favor) on a daily basis.

As a matter of fact, your proclamation regarding the Vick signing was downright offensive. JFC? Really? You may not be a Christian, or particularly religious; hell, you might believe in that Flying Spaghetti Monster I've heard so much about. But, frankly, the vast majority of this country identifies with Christianity or, at the very least, the Christian God. Why JFC it when there is really no need to?

I write this to you because it is a shame that Deadspin has literally gone off the rails. I've talked to several friends recently who told me that they just can't read the site anymore. Sadly, I'm now at that point as well. I doubt that a handful of readers concerns you either way, and your page views still seem to be doing well, so I may be in the minority. But, I just wanted to voice my opinion on my way out the door.

Good luck,
AW

It's usually because they're just so absurd or really lack even the most tenuous of news angles to give them the go-ahead. Other times it's because they're just absolute horseshit. But every Friday until we get sick of running them, we'll present to you some of these not-so-shiny gems. All items should be treated as [Sic'd]. Enjoy...

Joakim Noah Just Adores Perry Farrell

Hey AJ,

Thought you guys would enjoy this pic of Joakim Noah this past Sunday at Lollapalooza checking out Snoop Dogg. The kid in the picture is my best friend Kevin who grabbed him as they saw the big clown walking along. Noah apparently was a big fan of the John Starks jersey he was rocking. The reason for the middle finger in between the beers is because the girls taking the pics were graduates of Georgia and chanted Go Bulldogs as they took the pic. Keep up the good work and enjoy.

And Here's Another Joakimpalooza Sighting...

Dog Pictures Are Blasphemous Now, Too?

Dude,

Any way you can change the header with Vick and the dog?

It's quite disturbing and blasphemous.

I enjoy your publication, but this just isn't right.

Thank You, Sir, May I Have Another?

Subject: Lowlife

Came across your post while surfing. Only the most wretched lowlife would use such language.

Stu Scott Is No Fab Five Freddy

I was watching the 11 o'clock Sportscenter, and Stu Scott was giving his lead on an Eric Mangini story. He was listing great djs in hip hop history, a list that included "Professor Griff of Public Enemy."

As you probably know, Terminator X was the dj of Public Enemy for years, followed by DJ Lord. Professor Griff was the leader of the S1Ws, a sort of militant dance troupe, and as a result played a lesser role in the group's success.

I find it hilarious that Stewart Scott, who at 44 was certainly around during PE's prime, and who is often credited with bringing "hip hop culture" to Sportscenter and the WWL, has no clue who Public Enemy's dj was/is. Public Enemy is easily one of the top 5 most important/influential rap groups in history, and Terminator X is not only one of the finest hip hop djs in history, he is far from an unknown to anyone who has an even rudimentary knowledge of hip hop music. Kindly murder this phony on your site.

Nick Denton: Tyrannical Sports Fan

Nick: hey hey
me: Hey. How's Budapest?
Nick: it's okay — though [redacted] is driving me crazy with her chit-chat and giggling
me: Ha.
Nick: can't she at least pretend to work?
me: Yes. Her happiness is distracting.
Nick: haha
how did the Josh Alexander story pan out?
I saw the traffic's stayed b
pretty strong
me: Yeah, it was tremendous.
And it's Josh "Hamilton." But why quibble!

It's usually because they're just so absurd or really lack even the most tenuous of news angles to give them the go-ahead. Other times it's because they're just absolute horseshit. But every Friday until we get sick of running them, we'll present to you some of these not-so-shiny gems. All items should be treated as [Sic'd]. Enjoy...

I'm Still Unconvinced It's Not Him

PHOTO: This fine establishment

Excoriating Bill Simmons For His Lack Of Commitment

see espn.com front page today... the most important column of the last
5 years; he could've written something spectacular about David Ortiz's
steroid revelations - but no, he struck out ... hell, he didn't strike
out, he put the bat down and did the chicken dance and sodomized
himself at home plate on a 0-0 pitch and the umpire was forced to
eject him on grounds of utter embarrassment.

he made it a fucking *podcast*. *spit!* *fuck!* you goddamn asshole, Bill!

really, he could've made it a column, but he made it a podcast. allow
me to compare the two forms of expression by analogy. a column is the
Sistine Chapel. A podcast is someone shitting himself with diarrhea
in a fit of epilepsy, and calling it art. And he stooped to it - in
the most anticipated column everyone was expecting him to post, he
denatured himself into going with that lowest form of human
expression; the fucking podcast - proudly making twitter resemble
Dostoyevsky since 2006.

Lazy, lazy, lazy sack of shit. What a waste ... he always gives the
shout-outs to those who print out his long columns and read them on
the john ... how can I possibly read his f'n "podcast" bullshit. No
transcription available, just audio because he is too lazy to put his
words into writing, too lazy to put in the effort, but damn glad that
his fuck-assed "podcast" made the front fucking page ... the BS
report, proudly hosing those that want a column full of real words and
actual English, since 2005.

Fuck your self-serving elitist bullshit. Fuck your demented laziness.
Fuck your weaseling through your contractual obligations with ESPN by
putting in the minimum effort, and occasionally submitting these
sub-worthless defecations known as "podcasts" when your audience
expects actual content. Fuck Jack O, fuck your dialogue, fuck you
being a sorry assclown who can't be bothered to sit down and type up a
real column. Fuck your audio, and fuck the valueless godfucked
goddamn fuck out of your PODCASTS! (spit! cough! fuck you!)...

until it becomes available in honestly written form, I declare it
entirely valueless, just a pathetic substitute for his columns, every
time he is too sorry and stupid and lazy and fucked to take the time
and effort to make something of value, he falls back on his fucking
podcast, mails in the whole performance, and calls it a job well
done... well a big fucking fucked "fuck you" to you too, you goddamn
pile of worthless clowns.

he could've made the grand slam by writing as little 500 or 1000 words
about his perspective, given that he was the #1 Red Sox fan in the
time that they won that World Series in '04 and put him on top of the
world - either way he could've gone with it, whether to endorse and
forgive, or to condemn and denounce, the use of steroids by his team
... either way, all he had to do was do some writing - and he failed
to do that. Not only did he fail, he refused - he passed on the task,
thinking that with his magical mystery oh-so-amazing podcast it
absolves him to be devoid of any and all responsibility towards the
readers, towards the ideal of writing anything of substance.

again, he made a fucking goddamn motherfucked podcast. I'd rather he
come to my house and personally shit on my head and stab me; that way
at least I'd know he understands how much he is hurting his loyal
audience and knows how much it is a conscious choice... this way, by
eschewing accountability and yawning towards the soma and the
dereliction and the death that is the podcast, the opiate of negated
responsibility ... by noting that he can make off like a bandit by not
putting in effort, not writing columns, not doing anything to fulfill
any expectations that his readers may have ... he makes himself dead
and uncomprehending, a waste of flesh and all physical reality - his
opinion reflected solely through his idiotic, banal, demented,
lowest-common-denominator "podcast" mentality ... he is left
unconsiderable and deceased and worthless, all because he couldn't be
bothered to sit in front of a computer and type up 1000 words on the
topic, and instead he jacks off with Jack O, sits back, relaxes, takes
the total easy way out... indeed, he keeps defecating harshly on his
loyal readers, and he makes his the most important statement of the
last 5 years by skirting every value at hand and reducing himself to a
"podcast" instead of a column ... noting that that is all we are
worth; recipients of an idiotic stream of babble - not a real column,
not what we have grown to expect, just nothing, just shit, and we'd
better learn to smile when we are forced to swallow it down.

fuck your podcasts, Bill ... fuck you for defecating and selling out
on the literary tradition that, at the absolute very minimum,
specifies a dialogue with your readers.

A Thoughtful Observation About Antoine Walker's Financial Troubles

live in the building across the street from Antoine Walker's downtown Chicago house. I have decided that there is no way that he is completely out of money, considering I see hookers leaving his place 3 at a time at 8am on weekdays.

We Miss Greg Wyshynskii, Too

Subject: HOCKEY EXISTS: You guys are doing a bad job at promoting the world's greatest sport: hockey. No news about Alex Burrows accusations? WTF. If he was a baseball minor leaguer you'd be on 24/7 watch. STEP THE FUCK UP.

-An angry canadian

And

Subject: JEREMY ROENICK RETIRES: Today, one of the cockiest human being that ever lived, Jeremy Roenick retired from hockey without winning a cup. Where's the deadspin article, Patrick Roy stanley cup rings joke and A GODAMN ARTICLE ABOUT HOCKEY!!!!!

P.S. He's from the USA if that helps him making the main page.

There Are Worse Ideas (blows out)

I hope this is the right place to send this...

I'm fairly good friends with "Studs." I've been privileged enough to read his work at a couple websites (footballguys.net and establishedboard.com),

Here are some of his NFL picks from a couple years ago:

He's been at it for a couple years now, and it's literally one of the funniest things I've ever seen/read/heard anywhere. The problem is that whomever's been submitting his stories to you guys has been editing them slightly, which has disgruntled Studs a little.

I don't know if S&D would be willing to do a weekly thing for you guys, but he's obviously great. His email address is studsandduds@aol.com if you'd like to get in touch with the man himself.

Uh, Oof...

Hey AJ,

So this past weekend, I went to the Yankees/White Sox game at U.S. Cellular (horrible ballpark). My buddy "MM" had a keen eye as we were filling into the stadium. He took this photo of a Sox fan shortly before we took our seats. Yes, the shirt reads "Happy Birthday 2 My Little N*ggers" and has photos of the two kids blown up on it. To think there would be such race retrogression in the land of Ozzie and Obama!

We get a massive amount of tips in our inbox each week. Some are pretty interesting, but don't get published for one reason or another.

Yep, These Are My (Non) Readers

Tommy Teenager Is Not Happy

i dont think ive told you this lately, but you killed deadspin. so congrats on that.
basically everything that used to be great about deadspin when leitch left now sucks.
as a fellow philadelphian, i gave you some space to figure shit out, but man, you really blew it.

jesus you suck,
tommy.

ps- i hope you have some chapstick at the ready for everytime you've sucked denton's dick.

Dash Bennett: Alabama Bigot

Dashiell Bennett:

It is amusing to me to read such a poorly written article about a practically irrelevant sporting event by a pompous, self-righteous blowhard. The joke is actually on you, Mr. Bennett. While you think your witty, little Birmingham-bashing rants are garnering you favor and praise among your ilk, it's comical to see such ignorance on display. Birmingham is not without its problems (much like your fine city is not without its problems), and I cannot wait for the day that this city elects a competent mayor. But for you to continually bash an entire group of people based on geographic location alone is ignorance at its finest. You've never been to Birmingham, but your incredibly high level of disdain is as if Bull Connor put a fire hose on you himself. You're like Arthur Frommer (oh geez, I really don't wish to give your little posts that level of credibility) ranting about how terrible of travel location a place is he has never been.

In short, you're a bigot, Mr. Bennett. Albeit, your brand of bigotry has become widely-accepted today, it is bigotry nonetheless. It's actually quite the anomaly because you've become exactly what, I assume, led you to hate Birmingham, AL with such passion.

Sincerely,

Jon Sharpton

Birmingham, AL

Yes, We Get It: Todd Reesing Should Not Be Drinking Wine Or Playing With Tiny Dogs Or Dudes Or Whatever He's Doing In These Photos

(The Mainboard, others)

Please Send These Questions To Mr. Craggs For His New Weekly Column "Why Your Period Sucks"

When in menstrual cycle does face break out? Before I go ahead, is there any pointers you might have? Any info much appreciated.
Thank you in advance.
Warmest Regards, Joan

Matt Stafford And Knowshon Moreno Like To Crush Alot

I'll Forward This Right Over To Him

hello my name is r.mack and i am very concerned about T.O I BELIEVE HE NEEDS A SPIRITUAL LEADER IN HIS LIFE.I BELIEVE THAT IF HE DOESNT CHANGE HIS LIFE AROUND HE WILL END UP LIKE ALOT OF RICH MEN GAIN THE WHOLE WORLD AND LOSS YOUR SOUL. I BELIEVE T.O YOU CAN GET YOUR LIFE RIGHT THREW JESUS CHRIST THE AUTHOR AND FINISHER OF OUR FAITH. YOU WILL NEVER BE ALONE WHEN YOU HAVE JESUS IN YOUR LIFE. JESUS WILL BE THERE TO CONFORT YOU WHEN NO ONE IS THERE. COME TO OKLAHOMA T.O AND GET YOUR SPIRIT FEED AND EXCEPT JESUS AND IF YOU HAVE LETS LIVE LIKE HE WANTS US TO

No, Thank You

Whats up man. I was talking to my friend about what a dictator roger goodell is, and i said he should start running cuba, which led to the nickname Fidel Goodell. Feel free to use this, i haven't heard anyone else say it.

Thanks.

Enjoy

(blows otu) this remind me of my friend names qwerts. about 4 year ago he was married to this lady names henry etta. every thing seem normal in the outside. sure they have they problems (what couple dont) and they have good times too. one time at teh carnival qwerts threw quarter and it land perfectly on a red hole and bigno, he win a car. that night we all drive around until teh sun come up, laughin and talkin about that great throw he make. qwerts have his arm around henry etta teh whole time and they was kissin and smilin and you just knews that it was probly teh greatest time in the history of a world for them. i remember that night so clear because henry etta win that cd by kelly clarpson at the whackmole. we was playing it in the car and every time she sing since you is gone, huerta would burp real loud. it was one of them magic night where everything was perfect.

so a few month later I see qwerts and lets just put it this way, he is devistating. I ask him what is wrong "hey qwerts, you look sad, what is problem." "hey stups, it is henry etta. a few night ago she act all weird and next thing i knews, she is gone like a candle of a wind." So i just pet him on teh head and tell him everything gonna be alright and maybe she just forget somethin somewhere and she go to get it. you never really know what it could be. maybe she just see animals and she following them. who knows.

well, (bloews out) about 4 day later we get an answer. and just thinkin about it make knots on my stomach. qwerts was still sad so me and huerta decide that we gonna take him to teh carnival to cheer him up. huerta even buy that kelly clarks cd and teh way there we play that song over and over and huerta burps everytime...lol. we was really laughin and having great time and for one moments, it like qwerts was smilin and he forget about he problems. mission accomplist.

So we get to teh carnival and we doin all the thing we like to do. we all ride the coaster, me and huerta ride the swingin pirate ship and sit on the ends across from each other and when one of us get as high as we can we make funny face at the other guy. qwerts even go to the quarter toss to try to win another car but they dont let him throw one because he probly is so good at it. finally it is gettin late and qwerts decide he wanna play wackmoles before we go. he saw last time that one of they prizes was a paddle ball and he dog (at teh time) jimmy c had chewed the ball off he old paddle so he needed a new one anyways.

Just as he walk up to the game, he see something that will change he life forever. It is henry etta and she is playin whackmoles with another man. They is playin together and teh other man is behind her and they is holdin that mallet together. They was laughin and havin what look like the time of a life. Qwerts start walking over to them and huerta try to stop him, but I grab huerta arm and say "let'm go". Qwerts go over to them and say "henry etta, what is goin on. I am so sad and i dont knew where you is and now I come here and see you playin whackmoles with another man." I am so sad." It turn out that the other man is names Paul Swish. Some of you may know that he grandfather Josia Swish invent whackmoles and Paul been around that game he whole life. That is why henry etta like him because she favorite game is whackmoles and in teh wackmole world, teh swish name is Royal T.

We start walkin away and then huerta have an idea. "hey swish, how about you and qwerts play one whackmole game. who ever get hi score get henry etta." qwerts stop and he turn around to look over at paul and henry etta and they look at each other and think for a moment. Paul nod and wink at henry etta and he yell back " ok, you on." Wow, my heart start beatin like triples. This is exciting, this is a game that will change life for everyone involve. Me and huerta start rubbin querts shoulders. Huerta pull a towel out of he back pocket and put it around he neck. Qwerts step up to he machine and paul swish step up to his. A huge crowd is now gathered around as news spread of teh whackmole show down where the winner get henry etta. It is qwerts verse Paul swish. And now the game of a lifetime starts.

Teh moles is comin up fast and qwerts is really concentrate, he hittin almost all of them. he is biting his toungue and sweatin, he is tryin he best. I look over at paul swish to see how he doin. I will never forget what I see as long as i live. he is holdin that mallet sideways out in front of him with he hand in teh middle of it and he turning it with only he wrist and he hittin moles with both the top of the mallet and teh bottom of it (teh handle!). He is hittin moles so fast that teh crowd is screaming and applause. He other hand is on his hip and he look like a spanished bullfighter. It is breathtaking! And the worst part is that he is beating qwerts by thousand of points. It almost like he knews which hole that moles is comin out of before the moles do. Finally the game is over and qwerts have 520 points. He look over to see what paul swish score is and he see 340. He jump in the air and scream "I win!! henry etta is mine!" Then huerta tell him that he don't see the 6 in front of the 340. Paul swish actually score 6340 points and simply demolish qwerts. Paul and henry etta hug and kiss and they skip away forever, laughing and hi-fiving to teh crowd. paul was signin autogramphs as well.

That was 4 years ago and now qwerts is married to a real nice lady. He don't like to talk about henry etta and now when we go to teh carnivals, he avoid whackmoles all together (he only do squirt baloons). But he get through it and he a better man for it. we heard a few year ago that paul swish get beat at whackmoles by a chinesed boy and lose henry etta so qwerts take some comfort in that. Last we hear was henry etta live honk kong.

so basically what i sayin is you never know. life is unexpect and just kind of gotta roll in it.

stud+s

p and s while i was typin this huerta leave me voice mail that was just him doin burps...lol

It's usually because they're just so absurd or really lack even the most tenuous of news angles to give them the go-ahead. Other times it's because they're just absolute horseshit. But every Friday until we get sick of running them, we'll present to you some of these not-so-shiny gems. All items should be treated as [Sic'd]. Enjoy...

Yeah, This Is A Splendid Idea. And Not At All Creepy. Nope. Not One Bit.

AJ,

I don't know if you read this but if you do, maybe we can figure out a way to deal with the Erin Andrews saga. Over the years of her being on the sidelines we, the fans, have come to objectify her and want her. ESPN made sports sexy and beautiful but there was a dark consequence. After awhile of seeing her on TV and listening to her decent amount of knowledge of the sport she was covering, I begun to respect and a reporter and a person.

Last week when that video of her in hotel room was posted, I was shocked. The thought that someone, anyone, could go up to you peephole and record you is damn scary. That could my mother, my girlfriend, my sister, even me. You think when you close that hotel room door you have your privacy but we saw that busted. The creep who recorded her deserves everything he has coming to him, problem is I don't if we will ever find him. The creep violated Erin Andrews privacy and stole her trust of the fans in the process.

He totally and completely disrespected her and I wish I could comfort her or apologize for his actions. I feel guilty that someone would do that and creep-ed out that it will happen again. Perhaps Deadspin can create an Open Letter to Erin to somehow apologize for his actions and hope she understands that what he did does not represent the fans as a whole. Like Will said, if I saw her right now, it would be hard to look her in the eyes.

That's Mssrs. Bitches, Sir

Normally I respect your site, at least I did up until I read this. What the fuck is wrong with you guys? At least respond to his points like men and not bitches?

Why don't you address his points you fucking assholes? As you can tell this has really got me agitated because I agree with a lot of what he wrote and your site's response is a joke, just like Stu Scott said it was.

You want respect? Earn it you little bitches.

I Did Not Notice, But I'm Sure It Wasn't Intentional

I am sure you noticed, but just in case….in the replay editions of the ESPY's, ESPN edited out the coaches comments who won the Jimmy V award about Erin Andrews….in his actual speech, which was aired on the original airing of the ESPY's (and subsequent airings) that coach (Southern State Univ in ND) thanked, "all of the hard working and dedicated folks at ESPN who place him directly behind Erin Andrews on the red carpet……not sure if this is noteworthy, but I found it interesting and thought you would too (assuming you were not already aware)…..

Shiver

I Apologize For My Apologizing And My Prescience. Nice Use Of "Doth" Though.

AJ,

you do realize, that even in your mea culpa, you belie your stated intentions. Deadspin is still basically the only ones talking about this, and your comment that this is a legitimate news story that will most likely get picked up by the mainstream media is simply false. You continue to be the main proprietor and benefciary of the Erin Andrews hype machine, even in this sad moment, despite your obviously genuine intention not to be. Maybe the best idea at this point is to just shut the fuck up about it - right now, thou doth apologize too much.

I Wonder How Many Were Sold?

Erin Andrews Is Paying For Geraldo's Sins Or Something

Save the sensitivity for Ms. Erin Andrews. Remember, she is a reporter; and reporters have no morals when it comes to getting a story for their careers (Geraldo, Cooper, ESPN's anchors).

How many times do paparazzi and reporters force their way into people's "private" lives, just to get a story? We always hear of everyone's privacy being exposed in the media, but not the reporters and anchors themselves.

It's about time they felt the wrath of: "invasion of privacy."

Bantu-Biko

Touche'?

And Finally...Choi To The World

I Still Have No Idea What This Says

It's usually because they're just so absurd or really lack even the most tenuous of news angles to give them the go-ahead. Other times it's because they're just absolute horseshit. But every Friday until we get sick of running them, we'll present to you some of these not-so-shiny gems. All items should be treated as [Sic'd]. Enjoy...

Yeah, I Have No Idea

the oddest pairing I've ever seen

Internet Explorer Users Love The New Commenting System

•

Tell them to start over. I have years of experience with this sort of thing. When you get the first substantive complaint, you back off to the prior version until you get things fixed. The non-paying customers are the worst.

•

Clumsy looks funny, doesn't it? Anyway, the new comments setup is awkward. I find myself looking at Deadspin less often. Perhaps I'm burned out - the humor is harder to find.

•

The layout of the comments is basically unreadable. I used to be a regular visitor of your site (At least 3 years), but I have to admit; I'm finding your product not worth the hassle. It's a shame too. You guys had a good thing going.

•

Well - It is NOW. I had been loving the site - it provides a great service in supplying me w/ plenty of mirth and sports info thruoghout the day. However, since the "commenting re-format", I constantly get the "Internet Explorer cannot display, etc...." At work, if I hit the refresh arrow, the page comes back up, but then I get "A script is running which slows down blah blah..." At home ,where I have pretty minimal security settings, The page comes up for a few moments, then - "Internet cannot display.....", but the page will not come up at all when I refresh - so no dice at the house whatsoever - which sucks. What was wrong with the previous format? Besides the fact that it worked, it was also easy to read, keep track of, etc... By putting latest comments at the top - you screw up the whole flow of the "thread narrative". I know many sites use this format - but I have never understood this. Who wants to read a book backwards? What good does a comment on page "1" do me when it references a comment on page "3"? I hate to complain - cause I really dig the site, and it helps me get thru the day w/ a smile - but WTF with the new format????

- A loyal reader/chuckler to self that everybody at work probably wonders about - (esp. when I try to explain a post and/or comments to someone who has no frame of reference - fuhget about it)

•

Big fan of the site…been away for a few weeks on vacation and it seems the comments have changed and for some reason my computer keeps crashing when I click on a post. Did I miss something? Do I need to update something on my computer for the comments to load successfully?

•

Don't you realize how completely ridiculous it is to post any sort of comment up to Deadspin now? On a linear level, as well as a fucking common sense level, it's completely retarded.
Who benefits from this?

At this point, I'm sure you've decided that you've grown up, and now don't need my readership....I truely hope that you continue to thrive, as I still have fond memories of what this sight used to mean....

WTF,

flightjkt

Fucking Thanks

He's Right: Drew Magbarey Is A Punk

Don't know how I landed on your blog, but never again- Drew Magbarey is an immature punk and moron. Clean it up or stay where you are (nowhere)

And Choi Turns Out To Be The Nicest Person On The Planet

Hello~ ajd

I was so proud of meeting you.

It was a very impressive interview, your comfortable office, nice weather.

and now I got some questions about your blog.

1. what is your blog`s motto?

what message do you want to give your readers?

2. what does the 'deadspin' mean?

3. among a lot of gawker`s blogs, which is deadspin`s location? (you know) a kind of ranking...

pageview, revenue,

4. during the interview, I thought your blog is not a just blog but a 'new media' as your influence,

now that you`ve become a popular, powerful...

how do you keep the balance between presenting promotional content and genuine content?

your answer will be very helpful for me.

thank you.

Choi

It's usually because they're just so absurd or really lack even the most tenuous of news angles to give them the go-ahead. Other times it's because they're just absolute horseshit. But every Friday until we get sick of running them, we'll present to you some of these not-so-shiny gems. All items should be treated as [Sic'd]. Enjoy...

Jay Mariotti: Cad

(Ed. note: Here is an IM conversation between myself and a lovely lady who shared a recent run-in with Jay Mariotti, the soon-to-be Blog Star Of The Chicago Tribune. Some of this has been edited to protect the innocent, but the story is too amusing to pass up. Enjoy.)

AJD: Spill, please
NICE YOUNG LADY:knew about around the horn, whatever, but I certainly didn't know or care who was on it
NICE YOUNG LADY: I pretty much told all of this to mariotti who goes off on how he's a huge star
and how he relates to [NFL Players] because he fears cameras and photos taken of him in clubs as well
NICE YOUNG LADY: and how he can't be spotted with alcoholic beverages (like the one he was holding) because ESPN would ream him out
NICE YOUNG LADY: (unlikely)
NICE YOUNG LADY: and how it's really tough to be so well known
NICE YOUNG LADY:and famous
AJD: Really.
NICE YOUNG LADY: and have everyone up in your grill
NICE YOUNG LADY: I am paraphrasing
NICE YOUNG LADY: he did not use the word "grill"
AJD:Yes.
NICE YOUNG LADY: and he's divorced
NICE YOUNG LADY: and got my number
AJD:Nuh uh.
NICE YOUNG LADY: You cannot use any of this verbatim
NICE YOUNG LADY: CANNOT
....

NICE YOUNG LADY: I would NEVER EVER EVER EVER
EVERRRRRRRRR [hook up with him]

NICE YOUNG LADY:besides I think he had a girlfriend there
NICE YOUNG LADY: some blonde
NICE YOUNG LADY: anyway ... so we talked for quite some time
and he's going on about his schedule, how he films 250 days a year
NICE YOUNG LADY:how it's so intense.
NICE YOUNG LADY: and he makes me WATCH A CLIP ON HIS PHONE
AJD:REALLY
NICE YOUNG LADY: I am not making this up.
NICE YOUNG LADY: okay, now I feel like a gossiping bitch. Am I being a gossiping bitch?
NICE YOUNG LADY:I sort of am.
AJD: Not at all!

Step Inside The Mind Of Tommy Scraggs

(Original doodle before this.)

Plaxico Being Shady? Get Out Of Here!

I live in South Florida and saw none other than mr. plaxico burress on Monday night...albeit briefly...and under VERY SUSPICOUS circumstances. Scene: Crabby Jacks (Pompano Beach). Plax pulls up on his black moped/motorcycle hybrid and comes inside (no one recognizes him as this is a real "good ol" boy type place, but they have great wings and cheap beer!). He goes outside and sits at the bar by himself but DOES NOT order drink(s) and/or food. Crabby's is the type of place where everyone is "partying". A big russian mobster type looking guy comes up and gives plax a big hug...and this is where it gets good....passes off something to Plax!! Plax quickly gets on his bike and takes off down federal highway....I tried to take a camera pic but could not get one quick enough....

BOTTOM LINE: From my "experience"...it was obvious that Plax was picking up a bag of cha-cha...

PS
Even after plax left...it was obvious that mr. "russian mobster" and his crew were "partying"

Crazy Joe Devanna Still Angry, Crazy

The Herd Is Strong

Fred Boone, Ladies And Gentlemen

An Angry Sauna Would Like Us To Pass A Message Along To Jeff Pearlman

MasterSaunas: You're the douche bag for writing such an article, you rely on athletes and then talk shit when someone retires….fuck off pearlboy…clark had more talent in his left nut then you do in your entire body. Why don't you talk to clark in private if you have a problem instead of spewing onto the internet your deadspin claim…too bad you didn't remember the rest of the verbal beat down you took after the no screw you…..jackass…

ME: What article are you referring to, sir?

MasterSaunas: pearlman...about Will Clark...what an asshole this pearlman is....anybody
can write an article or have an opinion, but pearlman should keep his
thoughts to himself.

Very funny that someone farted in his face though....maybe he should get a
clue...or maybe it's just a vendetta situation with him...like a scorned
women or little boy, maybe the fart wasn't meant for him, pass this email on
to him....