Update: Finally the important details:

West was actually carrying three guns: a Beretta 9mm in his waistband, a Ruger .357 strapped to his leg and a shotgun in a guitar case slung over his back, said Maj. Andy Ellis, a spokesman for the Prince George's County Police Department. ... Ellis said it was unclear where West was going and why he was armed.

I'm confused? So now he's playing in a band?

[Washington Post]

It starts out singing the praises of KFC, as he haphazardly attempts to rhyme "chicken" and "ingredient." He on for a few more minutes when he gives shout-outs to Chipotle, hot sauce, barbecue sauce, then expertly segues into a funky "juice in my lap" breakdown.

Don't be discouraged by my description — it will possibly be the most entertaining seven minutes of your entire day. And I'm sure the previous sentence will not come back to haunt me in the comments section at all. Whatever. Juice in my lap, y'all.

Delonte West Freestyles [WFNY]

"We ain't popping no Kris, that's $500 a bottle. It ain't that serious. It ain't going to get you drunk. Make sure you put that in there. We ain't doing a $500 bottle, we're doing a $99 wine and dine."

There was much more. Well, his courting rituals might not have worked out so well: His girlfriend just beat him up.

The mayhem began after the Green lost to the Golden State Warriors at the TD Banknorth Garden when Caryn Taylor, 31, got into an argument with West's sister, Danielle. Taylor, who had a "few cocktails" at the game, "pushed" Danielle West during the dispute, according to a police report. The group hit downtown hotspot District after the game where Delonte West confronted Taylor about the fight with his sister.

"During this conversation West stated that Taylor became argumentative and put her hands around his throat in a choking manner," the report states. When West, his sister and some friends returned to the apartment around 2:30 a.m., Taylor was there and she started yelling at him, reportedly calling him a "(expletive) bastard." West told cops that she went upstairs to the bathroom, slammed the door and started smashing glass. West, 23, went into the bathroom and found her covered in blood and jabbing at her wrists with shards of glass. Taylor bit West on the hand as he tried to stop her from slashing herself, the report states. Taylor told police she wasn't trying to kill herself but was cutting herself to show West she wasn't "(expletive) around" about their relationship.

You know, it's almost like wining and dining a lady with the $99 bottle of champagne doesn't work!

Enraged Galpal Choked, Bit West [Boston Herald]
Delonte West's Happy Valentine's Day [Deadspin]

(via Information Leafblower)

Some highlights:

• "I would tell her, she would have to wear white. She must have on a white dress, because I'm going to have on white. I'd have told her in the note, she has to wear her hair a certain way, just the way I like it."
• "From there, I'd have the music pumping on the radio. The Jim Jones pumping, you know, 'Summer in Miami' song pumping. Got to keep a little gangsta, you can't be too soft. You can't be in there playing some guy that's crying, talking about don't leave me and love me baby, wah wah and all that. "
• "We ain't popping no Kris, that's $500 a bottle. It ain't that serious. It ain't going to get you drunk. Make sure you put that in there. We ain't doing a $500 bottle, we're doing a $99 wine and dine."

We're not gonna swipe from the whole story, because you really have to read this on your own. But we would like to formally salute Page 2, the Boston Celtics, St. Joseph's University, the District of Columbia, Adam West, and anyone else in the West family, for making this moment happen, and possible.

Flowers, Popeye's And Romance [Page 2]

I want to win a championship ring. The day I get that ring, I am going to hang it on a shoelace and tie it around my neck. Then I m going to get a pair of the sunglasses that Dwayne Wayne wore in the show "A Different World" and visit every state in the country on a moped wearing nothing but the ring, those sunglasses and a pair of Chuck Taylors with the inscription "What Would Jesus Do?" written on the sides. I m serious!

Yeah, pretty easy to say when you play for the Celtics.

Delonte West Diary [Celtics.com]