Smith told Sirius' NFL radio that he's yet to see the smiley Romo "snatch somebody up" for not doing their job on the football field, which means, I assume, that he's never seen him be a leader nor kidnap a small child in a shopping mall.

And although Romo vowed to become more Col. Jessup this year, Smith isn't buying it.

So when ... you say things are going to change, and you've never been that dominant personality or in that leadership position then, as a player, you lose me," Smith said. "... I'm sitting there saying, 'OK, now you're going to become a leader?' What happened [in previous playoff seasons] when we got knocked out both times?

"Now all of a sudden, you're going to change? And our talent level is less than it was two years ago [when the Cowboys made the playoffs as the NFC's No. 1 seed, only to lose to the Giants]. How much better can we be?"

Prop bettors take note of the Cowboys 15/1 odds to win the Super Bowl this year because remember what happened when Tiki Barber decided to publicly criticize the quarterback and former coach of his former team.

According to one source, Millen will take the spot once occupied by the comically incompetent Smith, adding color and pregame/halftime/post-game analysis with Stu Scott and plastic cup assault victim Steve Young.
Remember that regardless of Millen's disastrous overseeing of the Lions, many in the broadcasting industry think he's one of the best in the business at x-ing/o-ing/colorizing. NBC brought on Millen last year as a special correspondent for their Super Bowl coverage and it seemed imminent that he would join them full-time this season. But Norby (!) swooped in with the big dollars and now Millen's in Bristol.

Thankfully there is no Monday night game in Detroit this year, or else Millen would probably get hit in the face with an object that would most likely cause more disfigurement than a souvenir cup.

Other shake-ups that will happen: Yes, Adam Schefter from NFL Network is in, longtime football reporter Len Pasquarelli is out. ESPN says Len is staying put.

ESPN is putting together some sort of comment for me, but I have to go meet some people so I don't feel like waiting around all day. If/when they do, I'll fix anything wrong with this report via one of those cute little "UPDATE" things.

As you were. Oh, and hi guys. Happy Saturday.

UPDATE: Espn "Respectfully declines comment." Later!

Why is this sad news? Because Emmitt Smith was one of the greatest broadcasters that the world has ever seen. In a world where most people are forced by the Man to use such boring things as "proper syntax" and "words that exist", Emmitt boldly blazed his own trail through an alternate grammatical universe. Here's hoping that Kissing Suzy Kolber still finds a way to work him in now and again. Goodnight, sweet prince.

Emmitt Smith Out At ESPN [DallasNews.com]

If you could assemble a superstar, Frankenstein-style, from Andrews's patients, it would have repaired knees from quarterbacks Peyton Manning and Donovan McNabb; a hip from dual-sports sensation Bo Jackson; shoulders from Michael Jordan and Charles Barkley; and elbows from the New York Yankees' Andy Pettitte and the Chicago Cubs' Kerry Wood. "I've always liked fixing people," Andrews says. "I want to get these athletes back to doing what they did before."

Andrews is 66, owns a private jet and his own minor league baseball team, brings in $60 million in revenue every year, was once an SEC champion pole-vaulter at LSU, and greets every athlete, no matter how famous or talented, by saying, "Hey, big man." Some great paragraphs from an article you absolutely have to read.

Because Andrews treats players on nearly every team and in nearly every sport, his reach is greater than that of any athlete, coach, or even commissioner. The totality of his work — redirecting careers, changing the fortunes of teams, even cities — makes a compelling case that he's one of the most influential figures in all of sports.

How much money has Andrews made for players by extending their careers?

Only a fraction of his patients have been identified in published reports. In an analysis of 40 baseball players who are known patients and whose salaries could be obtained, Andrews's career-extending work has led them to garner almost $1.3 billion in guaranteed money. Ten NFL quarterbacks whom Andrews treated went on to secure more than $333 million in contracts.

"Doc saved my career," says Brees, one of those QBs. "What he was able to do with my shoulder was truly amazing."

Read the article. Even though it's long and Fast Company has broken it up into 9 pages without a view all pages tab. Bill the time to "legal research regarding advanced procedures." Thank me later.

The most valuable player in sports: James Andrews [Fast Company]
Meet James Andrews [My Hogtown]

It also says that Smith will "continue to travel to the Monday Night Football game site each week for Monday Night Countdown." Notice the emphasis on "travel" and not "actively contribute."

Smith has about one year left on his contract with ESPN and he's being given an opportunity to continue his employment in this new role — just with a lower profile. So Sunday morning SportsCenter will be like the Sylvan Learning Center for Smith, as most of the football watching audience will still be asleep.

But make no mistake — this is a demotion. As one person involved with the ESPN's NFL crew put it, "This was an obvious decision." Yes. He got debacled.

Carter In, Emmitt Out On NFL Sunday Countdown [PFT]
Emmitt Smith Still On ESPN But Chris Carter Takes His Place On NFL Countdown [AOL Fanhouse]

Whatever your thoughts on Emmitt Smith's debut season as an "analyst" last year, you cannot say that it was not entertaining. To say the least. It can't be a good sign when your employer is pointing out that hey, you're improving! Kind of. Research matters, apparently.

But, boy, can Emmitt cut a rug!

Let's hear it, kids: Do you like the Emmitt Smith? Do you not like the Emmitt Smith?

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Brilliance, in historic mashup form.

What makes Emmitt so awful? There's an arrogance there — the guy DID win "Dancing With The Stars;" he's earned it! — but everybody over there has that; we think it's something as simple as Emmitt seemingly refusing to do any research, assuming that his status as Emmitt! Smith! will draw people's rapt attention. He's Emmitt Smith, dammit! He drives a Dodge Stratus!

The best portrayal of Emmitt we've seen yet is, not surprisingly, from Drew at KSK.

So, to you teams hoping for a magic salutation to beating this New England team, all I can say is keep masturbating that ball up the feel. That's all I can tell you! I wish I knew more, but I'm just an anal cyst. Sorry.

Honestly, we're not gonna be able to watch Emmitt the rest of the year and not think of this column.

In Football, It's Very Important To Be Able To Masturbate The Ball Down The Feel [Kissing Suzy Kolber]

Back on earth, people are taking a closer look at Mr. Mexico's past problems as we await his arraignment on Thursday. The real tragedy is that MikeVick.com has exceeded its bandwidth limit and is not longer available. Maybe we should all say a vigil to that too.

Smith: Investigators Using Vick To Get At Others [Atlanta Journal-Constitution]

Seriously, we never thought we would see the day when an "analyst" of a major sporting event was jumping up and down on the sidelines and yelling at a player to "run!" ... but that's exactly what you saw Eddie George — who has a freaking restaurant on campus — doing in the first quarter last night. Across from him was Emmitt Smith, who ... well, at least he didn't dance, we'll give him that.

Still, we think there's something to this idea; easing on down the slippery slope, it's honestly just a matter of time until they just go ahead and have the mascots doing halftime analysis. Now, if only Stanford could make it into a title game ...

Despite Rookie Status, Fox Hits The Ground Running [USA Today]

And thankfully, I won't have to watch him feel the heat with somebody. With somebody who (somebody who) loves him. Sigh.

The retired Indiana Pacer's star and TNT NBA analyst, 41, tells Us Weekly that he was approached to be on Season 4 of Dancing With the Stars, but decided to pass. The former basketball player said that he was flattered by the offer, but declined due to scheduling conflicts.

Reggie Miller Rejects Dancing With the Stars [Us Weekly Online]

Emmitt's pretty fired up about the whole thing.

"It is awesome! It is awesome!" declared Smith, after hugging his professional dance partner Cheryl Burke. "We came a long way, we really have."

"You don't get into a competition unless you think you can win," he said after Tuesday's dance finale.

We congratulate Emmitt on his "victory," and hope that once the feverish glow of conquest fades, he is able to find something to sate that torturous thirst for competition that taunts all retired athletes. Might we suggest "Fear Factor?" You don't go in there and start milking goats with your mouth unless you think you can win.

Emmitt Smith Wins Dancing with the Stars [People]
Football Great Emmitt Smith Wins ABC's 'Dancing With The Stars' [The Star Phoenix]

We were asked the other day why we mocked people like Jerry Rice and Emmitt Smith so much for their last sad grasps at fame and/or fortune once they can no longer succeed on their chosen fields of battle. They are, after all, celebrities, and this is the type of endeavor celebrities undertake: Dancing around on television and smiling and acting all together inoffensive and cute nice. But they are, in the spectrum of celebrity, D-list: This is why they are on a show with Mario Lopez and Tucker Carlson rather than, you know, Jack Nicholson and George Clooney. But these are legends: Emmitt owns just about every rushing record, and Rice might possibly be the best football player of all time. And they're making idiots out of themselves on reality shows, just so people will remember who they are, which, of course, is all we want to do: Remember. Instead, they just won't shut up.

Emmitt Smith Danced Like A Teddy Bear [The Sports Pulse]

As you should have known from Jerry Rice, it can always get much, much worse

TMZ has learned that retired NFL running back Emmitt Smith and former child star Joey Lawrence are the latest "stars" to jump aboard the ABC groove train and will shake their moneymakers on the TV juggernaut this fall.

And you thought judging a Miss Universe contest was bad. We're not going to say the words "Roberto Clemente" and simply point out that we wish that those old Charles Schwab commercials were true, and that retired athletes all just played shuffleboard and took cruises together. Of course, we bet they'd get a reality show out of that too.

Will Joey Lawrence Be The Next Stacy Keibler? [TMZ]
Emmitt Smith Encourages You To Keep Looking At Him [Deadspin]

But who joined this illustrious crew of A-list stars and starlets? Why, no other than all-time leading rusher Emmitt Smith! You might have thought that ending his career with The Buzzsaw That Is The Arizona Cardinals was a humiliating way to shuffle off the stage of public view, but we have to think that trading witticisms with Santino Rice from "Project Runway" is about 1,000 times worse. And that's saying something.

There really is nothing sadder than a world-class athlete shortly after he retires. Jerry Rice on "Dancing With The Stars" (while still sitting by the phone waiting for SOME NFL team to call), Emmitt Smith judging Miss Universe, Michael Jordan doing anything ... honestly, Roberto Clemente had the right idea.

MIss Universe 2006 [NBC.com]