•If he's going to bang his way through Hollywood, why not try a little acting? Derek Jeter has a cameo as a homeless man in the new Will Ferrell movie.

•Holy shit. I don't ever want to see the Bears on national TV ever again (not that I get the NFL Network, but you get the idea). Jay Cutler passed the ball to 12 different players; five of them on the 49ers.

•Maybe Jamal Lewis had a point about Browns practices being too rough? DE Keith Grennan ruptured a patellar tendon during yet another one of Eric Mangini's "opportunity drills." If the point of these optional practices is to give players the opportunity to prove to coaches that their knees won't explode, Grennan failed to impress.

•Joe Namath's yellow Lab was declared dangerous and must be muzzled, after it attacked a UPS driver and a nurse. Expect Joe to be running the wildcat offense for his retirement community's recreational period football team soon.

•Cam Ward will miss a month of action after having his leg sliced by a skate blade. Want the only proof you need that players aren't as tough as they used to be? Clint Malarchuk was back in goal a week later.

•An eighth grader was suspended for shaving Bengals stripes into his hair. The school claims it violates their code of conduct on hairstyles, but I think his real crime is being a Bengals fan.

•Tired of the flowchart meme yet? Too bad, because here's a really good one for NHL suspensions.

•Finally, because it's sweeping the Interwebs, it's the Dock Ellis LSD No-Hitter. In cartoon form!

Taibbi's one-page editorial from the October 29 issue (not available online, because it's 1998, I guess) on the state of the Browns contains plenty of his legendary invective and rage and a host of elaborately constructed zingers—the opening line compares Mangini to Augustus Gloop—but it doesn't answer the most important question at hand: How could anybody care this much about Eric Mangini?

Taibbi's fire is off the charts here. He calls the 2009 Browns "one of the truly thrilling sports disaster stories ever" and "the most fucked franchise in all of sports." To which we can only say, uh ... have you met the Tennessee Titans? The Browns are bad, but it's not even clear yet that they are worse off than the team was a year ago. And Mangini may or may not be a complete dunderhead endangering the livelihoods of otherwise healthy young men, but why would the readers of Rolling Stone give a shit about that?

Plus, is this really news? Everyone already knows Mangini is terrible. It's not like Matt is pulling a Slate-esque counter-intuitive takedown by pointing out that Mangini is not as smart as Bill Belichik. We're all well aware.

The bloggers at Cleveland Frowns think it's just another typical example of EAST COAST BIAS, but that bias usually manifests itself as completely indifference, not unbridled anger. Perhaps Cleveland fans are just annoyed because criticizing the Browns is supposed to be their job.

Why is Matt Taibbi Writing about the Cleveland Browns? [Cleveland Frowns]
Taking it from all sides [Cleveland Sports Torture]

Obviously, getting fired by the New York Jets is a bond between two men that can never be broken, but what else could these two possibly have to discuss? Their favorite New Jersey toll plazas? The best places to find parking in Foxboro? Nylon vs. wool pullovers? I'm sure USC fans would prefer that Pete Carroll not "talk ball" with anyone but his pets, lest Mangini's unique brand of winning football rub off him. If the conversation went anywhere beyond "latch on to a rich private college and never let go," then it went too far.

The world found out about this through Carroll's Twitter feed (of course) which is also how Pete denied the vicious rumors that two of his players may have used steroids. It's nonsense really. This is Division I football, folks, not the American League West.

Mangini + Pete Carroll = ?? [WaitingForNextYear]
Pete Carroll (PeteCarroll) on Twitter [Twitter]

The Browns' new head coach/mob restaurant frequenter recently ordered that a giant mural at the team's practice facility, featuring such legends as Jim Brown, Otto Graham and Paul Brown, be given the ol' Berlin Wall treatment. In its place at present is a blank wall, painted white. Either he intends to replace the mural with something he deems to be of even more significance, or he is a really, really big fan of shadow puppets.

While certainly bold, the move is not without precedent. Back in 1945, Chicago Cubs manager Charlie Grimm became fed up with his team's annoying tradition of making it to the World Series. So he instituted a strict "no goat" policy (goat's blood being a popular performance enhancer at the time). And the rest, as they say, is history.

Mangini Tears Down Browns' History [Bob Glauber, via Bob's Blitz]

It's still close to Christmas, so let's call it the Gift of the Mangi. From the Cleveland Plain Dealer:

Lerner interviewed Mangini the next day. Lerner was so impressed that he never wavered from Mangini as his first choice. The owner also interviewed Giants defensive coordinator Steve Spagnuolo, Patriots offensive coordinator Josh McDaniels and Browns defensive coordinator Mel Tucker.

Mangini's hiring increases the possibility of Crennel staying with the Browns, perhaps as defensive coordinator. Mangini and Crennel worked five years together on Bill Belichick's New England staff, sharing three Super Bowl championships. When Crennel was named Browns coach in 2005, Mangini was his first choice for defensive coordinator, but Mangini opted to stay in New England as Crennel's replacement in charge of the Patriots' defense.

Going from Brett Favre to Brady Quinn in a month's time is one Mr. Toad's Wild Ride, to be sure. Welcome back Eric, although we never really had enough time to miss you!

Cleveland Browns Reach Contract Terms With Eric Mangini As Head Coach [Cleveland Plain Dealer]

Cowher, of course, will and should demand the moon; including a new quarterback, one would imagine. I just don't see Bill living through another will-he-or-won't-he offseason Favre retirement drama. From the New York Daily News:

The Jets are interested in former Steelers coach Bill Cowher, and Cowher is interested in talking with the Jets about their head-coaching vacancy. The Jets and Cowher have agreed to meet to discuss the job, a team source said. It's unclear when that meeting will take place. A potential obstacle in a Jets-Cowher marriage could be the role of GM Mike Tannenbaum. Sources say Cowher would want to bring his own personnel guy.

Apparently Newsday's Bob Glauber had the story first, which did not please either ESPN or Mike Francesca.

Meanwhile, the Daily News is also saying that, after having been rebuffed by Cowher, Browns president Randy Lerner will contact deposed Jets head coach Eric Mangini about taking the Browns job. And just to keep the revolving door moving, let's move Romeo Crennel to CBS to replace Cowher.

Eric Mangini Could Replace Romeo Crennel With Cleveland Browns [New York Daily News]
Jets, Bill Cowher Agree To Discuss Coaching Vacancy [New York Daily News]
Source: Jets Still Pursuing Cowher [Newsday]
Cowher Reportedly Still Will Interview With Jets [NBCSports]

The NFL is like a good mob movie: When things go bad, someone's gotta take the fall. Get in the car, Eric. From Fox Sports:

Players began getting calls from team officials this morning informing them of the move, telling them that it will be announced at 10 a.m. ET and that GM Mike Tannenbaum, who appears to be safe, will be addressing the team at noon. ... Owner Woody Johnson, following yesterday's loss to the Dolphins, was visibly upset and agitated, a definite swerve for the normally even-keeled owner.

What's next for Mangini? According to Pro Football Talk, his role in Patriots Spygate may hinder his empoyability, and that kind of makes sense. But there's always Al Davis out there looking to make the move no one expects.

Mangini Out [Pro Football Talk]
Mangini Takes Fall For Jets Collapse [Fox Sports]

Now, Eric Mangini has been issued an ultimatum by both New York papers. (Maybe they should have called each other last night.) Win, or get lost. But what about that 8-3 record? What about the rebirth of Gentleman Brett Favre? They beat the Patriots and the Titans on the road! I guess they aren't excited about the fact that the Jets have to beat the Dolphins and the quarterback they ran out of town (because, admittedly, he was useless) and get a ton of help from some other teams, just for the opportunity to lose a first-round playoff game. It's funny how those things work out.

But Mangini is not the only one hoping to win some job security this weekend. Andy Reid, Wade Phillips, Norv Turner, and Lovie Smith would all rest a little easier if their teams could show some last-minute life, although all four could keep their jobs anyway despite supremely disappointing seasons. It's also funny how some people—like that annoying secretary you hate—never seem to get fired, no matter how much they screw up.

Then there are the coaches who have already failed. A single win can't save them at this point, but the continued ineptitude of their organizations may leave them right back where they started next next fall. Guys like Romeo Crennel, Rod Marinelli, Jim Haslett, Herm Edwards, Marvin Lewis, and whoever Al Davis has running his freak show at the moment. Will any of them survive for 2009? Will someone unexpected join them on the bread lines? Will I ever stop asking questions I can't possibly answer?

There is only one request. Please keep Mike Singletary on in San Francisco. He may or may not be the guy to turn this team around next year, but at least he keeps folks like us entertained.

Bondy: Near time to Jet-tison Mangini [NY Daily News]
JETS GOTTA WIN OR IT'S TIME TO DEEP-SIX ERIC [NY Post]
Raiders' coach wants to stay [Sac Bee]
Even if Dallas Cowboys make playoffs, Wade should be gone [Star-Telegram]
Making a case for Reid to stay as Eagles' GM [Philly Inquirer]
NFL Playoff Scenarios [Yahoo]

In a certain way, the Jets derailing the Patriots' perfect season would be the ideal, most beautiful way for this all to go down. People are concerned about the postgame handshake now? Wait until Mangini destroys Belichick's dream season.

There's no way that's gonna happen of course, but man, it would make Mangini a hero and completely eradicate the team's disappointing season. If only. If only.

We like Jets coach Eric Mangini, even if he's way too young to be that football-coach tubby. But we — as obsessed "Sopranos" fans since the very first episode — hope he understands the honor bestowed upon him. He cameoed last night on what was one of the most intense, breathtaking episodes of the most intense, breathtaking television programs of our lifetime. We're not gonna give away any spoilers, but ... well, we hope Mangini understand how blessed he was.

Yes, That Really Was Eric Mangini On The Sopranos [The Fanhouse]

(By the way, we're going to be doing a whole "Sopranos" thing on Friday, so we ask for your forgiveness in advance. Oh, and Kissing Suzy Kolber takes a look at Mangini's acting career.)

"I thought it was a prank call," [Tommy] Rowlands said, laughing. "When I returned his call, it was a voice mail and it said he was from the New York Jets, so I figured if someone was pranking me, they're going to great lengths to make the joke work. At that time, I knew it was real."

Strange thing too: He wanted them as wide receivers. OK, not really.

Mangini Is Pulling Out The Mats [Just Call Me Juice]

So HandshakeGate, or, ultimately, HugGate, involving Patriots coach Bill Belichick and Jets coach (and longtime assistant) Eric Mangini, seems like a bit of a bore to us, though we did enjoy seeing Belichick shove that photographer out of the way as the coaches approached each other. Unleash your Sean Penn, Bill! Hey, keep the act going, and let us know what you think of the Bush administration!

Anyone who watch the Patriots' victory yesterday realizes that the game was closer than the final score, though that's more of an existential discussion, since a score is what it is and can only contain itself and nothing more. (Whoa!) Jets fans are keeping a positive attitude about the loss, while the Patriots head to San Diego to see if it's possible for a Bill Belichick team to beat a Marty Schottenheimer team in the postseason and have it possibly called an upset.

Jets Fall To Patriots 37-16 [JetNation]
The Cult Of The General Manager [Slate]

This photo, from today's New York Times, shows various New York Jets hanging out with Elmo on "Sesame Street." We loved "Sesame Street" as a kid, and have little desire to make fun of the show or anyone for appearing on it. That said, right after this photo was taken, Coles and Elmo shared stories of their similar childhood experiences, and then Mangini ate him.

J-E-T-S Are A Hit On Sesame Street [New York Times]

• We congratulate New York Jets coach Eric Mangini on his first victory as coach of the New York Jets. We don't follow the Jets all that closely, so we were surprised to see that the 35-year-old coach (the youngest in the NFL) was so ... portly. He's only 35; you really should pack on that much extra flab until you're 40, at least. We don't remember him being that fat in New England. When we think of the new generation of team leaders, we imagine Sgt. Rock-types like Joe Girardi. But this guy, at this rate, isn't gonna make it to 50.
• Honestly, if that hit that Trent Green took had happened to Kurt Warner, our Buzzsaw champion would just be waking up right about now, asking Leinart to have his child.
• Chris Simms kind of looks like the type of guy who would get another man's name tattooed on his leg. Except less manly.
• We still have a soft spot in our hearts for Jake Plummer ... but that's looking extremely bad right now. At least he didn't try to throw with his left hand again.
• We're not necessarily saying that they look bad, but we still can't quite fathom the mindset behind the redesign of the referee's uniforms. Are they supposed to be slimming? Are they supposed to provide an alternative jersey for Foot Locker employees? Did they just get bored?
• The sad thing is, Brett Favre ... the "gunslinger mentality"'s gone! Not fun. You can retire before Week 5, right?
• It was difficult to enjoy all the games yesterday afternoon, considering it didn't involve one brother's team going against another brother's team.
• The bar we were at yesterday featured about a dozen Cleveland Browns fans and eight pitchers of alcohol .... you can probably figure out how that went. Lots of barking, lots of woofing, even a chant of "DEN-NIS! NORTH-CUTT!" (Really.) We can't imagine how crazy they might have been had they, you know, not lost at home to a bad team. We're not sure they noticed the score anyway. This is, of course, why NFL Sundays are so much fun.