“I’m gonna fight ‘em off

A seven nation army couldn't hold me back

They’re gonna rip it off

Taking their time right behind my back” – The White Stripes, “Seven Nation Army.”

Does anyone know if Jack White was properly informed his song became the de facto anthem for the Euro 2008 finals? Would the part-time raconteur even care that his 2003 song has taken on a new life sung inside stadia from Barcelona to Berlin?

Would anyone mind if we took some creative license from White and changed it, for the time being, to a six-nation army after Spain rolled through the tournament? Spain were a perfect six up, six down, culminating with Sunday’s 1-0 win over Germany in Vienna? (Ok, five since Spain beat Russia twice if you want to split hairs.)

Maybe the biggest question is if Spain captured its first major international trophy since 1964 without even breaking so much as a sweat? Perfect in the Group Stage and unscored upon in the knockouts, perhaps the only moment Spanish hearts needed to flutter was when Iker Casillas turned away Italy’s Mauro Camoranesi with his left leg in the quarterfinals?

Certainly Spanish hearts were in their throats during the penalty kick win over Italy and again Sunday until the final whistle blew, but really, that was it and even those scenarios weren’t worth getting your paella in a bunch for. (Granted, if I’m Spanish, it’s another story.)

Spain blew out Russia 4-1 in the opener on June 10 in Innsbruck. It took a while, but it finally broke down Sweden at the end to win 2-1 and could field a second-choice XI against Greece, still winning. It’s hard to think of a major tournament where the eventual champion faced such little offensive opposition in the knockout phases. Apparently Spain coach Luis Aragones found a simple truth in soccer — if your opponent doesn’t have the, ball it can’t score – an expounded on it as often as he could.

Need statistical proof? According to UEFA official stats, Spain’s three knockout opponents mustered a combined five shots on goal during 300 minutes of action. If that’s not total mastery of your opponent, what is? Spain were simply at another level.

Will Spain’s 1-0 victory on Sunday over Germany be recounted for years to come outside Andulucia or Catalonia? Probably not, there were just too many more exciting matches at Euro 2008.

Still, as a whole, the classy Spanish outfit’s six matches will be remembered for it’s positive play, it’s crisp passing and, shall we say, an especially strong fraternal love amongst teammates with a penchant for headbands on the side.

The dude might look like a lady to some, but on the biggest stage of his career Fernando Torres asserted his will on the game, running the German defense absolutely ragged. Was his game-winner the most memorable goal in the tournament? No, it was all about finding that extra gear and beating Philipp Lahm and Jens Lehmann to the ball – a goal is a goal.

Far too often big matches in soccer are decided by mistakes, so it’s nice for a change that Sunday Torres’ first-half flashes of brilliance made the difference. Sometimes I wonder why it’s even worth debating if a goal is ‘worthy’, Torres’ tally certainly will stand the test of time even if Lehmann was involved.

Now Torres’ post-game celebration, wrapping the Spanish flag around his waist like a sarong? I thought that Beckham fellow was playing against D.C. United Sunday.

Another question raised from Spain’s Euro triumph is will it be enough to change the legacy of Aragones to the English speaking media, or will he forever be linked to his notoriously vile comments about Thierry Henry? It is worth noting in this month’s ‘FourFourTwo’ magazine Barcelona’s Samuel Eto’o picks his ‘Dream XI’ and lists Aragones as coach, referring to him as a grandfather figure. (Oh, Eto’o also refers to Wayne Rooney as Roy Rooney, so maybe his Aragones-love ought to be discarded.)

Henry comments or not, Aragones deserves whatever praised is heaped upon in the couple days. Not only did he manage to win the Euro without Spanish icon Raul (who?) in the lineup, but Aragones molded a team with 12 players 25 or younger into champions playing within a system that got the best XI players onto the field in positions they could excel. Sounds simple, but far too often (Steve McClaren cough cough) coaches screw it up. Again, at 69-going-on-70, Aragones relied on sound adages that have survived the test of time.

When a team plays six games and wins six games, outscoring them 12-3 and playing an attractive brand of soccer, there’s not a whole lot to breakdown. Again, so many times moments of lunacy, or mistakes, or referees whistles determine big matches in world soccer. If one side is simply better – Germany couldn’t even get the ball in the dying minutes thanks to the pressure of Xavi, Senna, Carzola, Güiza, etc. in their own half – it’s almost as much call for celebration.

Tournament heroes: I’ll pay the fine and skip the Inter-nets mandated ‘Best XI’ function. Sue me. Instead, here are some players from teams in the knockout phases that ‘rated’.

• Portugal: Umm…Deco flashed during the group stage, but nobody really stood out in an ultimately forgettable tournament for Ronaldo & Co.

• Germany: Bifi Schweinsteiger ripped Portugal a new one all by himself. Philipp Lahm took and gave vs. Turkey. Lukas Podolski seemed to run out of gas and the German forward line never showed up. Classic second guess, but wonder if Joachim Low wished he brought another striker on his roster instead of Oliver Neuville?

• Croatia: Again, best work in the Group stages – and it’s amazing how long ago they seem. How quick the tourney flies by, all you need it three-in-a-row. Back to the Fiery Madness. Ivica Olic works his ass off, but is limited. Luka Modric is coming into the Premier League with Tottenham with more hype that Heath Ledger’s posthumous performance in ‘The Dark Knight.’ The little man is going to need to score like five or six goals in his first game to meet expectations. England sure likes to eat up a player and chew him out quick. Even money he’ll be joined by coach Slaven Bilic somewhere in England pretty quickly.

• Turkey: A media creation or not, Fatim Terim’s hulking, leathery figure on the sideline had talismanic qualities for the Turks, who all gave about 100 percent of their natural-born ability and heart on every play for nearly 250 straight minutes of games. Moving forward for Turkey is whether this can ever transfer to the World Cup, because now in ways they’re marked men. I’m looking forward to seeing Nihat (and fingers crossed Jozy Altidore) in the 2008-09 Champions League with Villareal. Also, I like Arda Turan’s potential, but how to you bottle up his talent and use it to it’s best potential in a game-in, game-out club season?

• Netherlands: Again, how long ago do the Groups seem? Though I’m not an Arsenal guy, hopefully Robin van Persie can stay healthy for the upcoming season. Another thing, let’s pray this sparks a newfound drive in the Dutch. It’s doubtful this team stays intact, with new coaches and older players. With the right injection of fresh legs, maybe they can make noise in South Africa. Oh right, Wesley Sneijder moved into an elite class with this tournament.

• Russia: After Sunday, Andrei Arshavin’s disappearance vs. Spain doesn’t seem so bad. Look at him at a club near you, though if I were Zenit St. Petersburg I would never ever sell. You’re in the Champions League. Make a go of it! That’s definitely worth following, whether these newfound Russian stars stick in the growing domestic Premier League, or head for the lures of Spain, England, Italy and Germany. Lastly, Guus Hiddink will never have trouble finding another job until the day he croaks. Fact.

• Italy: Daniel De Rossi could quickly morph into the new Totti at Roma if he wants to do that. Wonder where his ambitions stand? Giorgio Chiellini was strong in the back vs. Spain, but a new wave of Italian players need to come forward. If the Azzurri try to stick it out with this core again for 2010 it could lead to trouble. Look at France’s reliance on the past and how far it got them.

• Spain: The tournament champs, ask yourself, did anyone play poorly for Spain in the tournament? Even if a guy wasn’t performing to Aragones’ wishes (Xavi, Iniesta, at times) Spain had a capable player to step right into his shoes. Not sure how great guys like David Silva are, but he had energy to burn up and down the wings. Sergio Ramos, the guy is close to achieving ‘Beast Monster’ status. If he’s able to stay healthy and maintain his stamina, who’s stopping him? (Classy move by Ramos wearing the image of former Sevilla teammate Antonio Puerta in the postgame, who died early in the 2007-08 season.) Carlos Puyol did all the little things at the back. Did you see him out jump Per Mertesacker by a good foot at the end of the match? Spain was good. Not to look too far ahead, Spain v. Argentina, 2010?

Puff, puff pass: Europe + pregame ceremonies = terriblosity. It’s pretty damned hard to make Enrique Iglesias the best part of a pregame shindig, but leave it to the Austrians. Dancing ballons cones and drag queens in Mozart wigs safe to say, “You’ll Never Walk Alone” has been sullied forever. Next time can we get some crowd shots of hot chicks and guys ripping cigs and skip the wannbe Cirque de Soleil act.

Achtung lieber, raccoons: Deutschland we hardly knew ye. What the hell happened guys? To keep from piling on, but did a single German play well Sunday? Better yet, did a single German not play poorly? Lehmann made a couple saves, but was otherwise a comedy of errors and could have gotten ejected for coming outside the box and letting a ball deflect off his arm. Miroslav Klose? Allo? Anyone home? Then there’s Herr Ballack who was stunningly poor. Maybe Marcos Senna is that good, but Ballack’s biggest influence on the game, near-miss in the 60th minute aside, was bitching with the officiating crew. Plus he got opened up like he took a right cross from Don Flamingo to the forehead. Ballack doesn’t have much time to get this tournament-losing losing monkey off his back.

There’s one German phrase I know very well and it applies Sunday, “Ich habe Durchfall.”

Klose call: I stepped away from the set for a second and returned with a German player writhing in pain after a kick to a very sensitive area.

Just asking: Question for the Inter-nets. What was the old-timey goalkeeper shirt that backup Andres Palop donned during the postgame celebration? … Is the excellent Marcos Senna the first Brasilian player to win the Euro?

Closing thoughts: When the Euro started three weeks ago I, like many, was happy enough to have three weeks of free soccer on free television, even if that network was ESPN. Wouldn’t you know it, from an entertainment standpoint and a neutral standpoint the Euro scored from almost all angles, technical difficulties in the semifinals aside. Is this tournament enough to convert the millions of unwashed masses toward the beautiful game? Who can say.

If people tuned in with an open mind they were sure to have walked away with a different impression of what they perceived European soccer to be, whether it was the Dutch delighting or the Turkish refusal to lose, even if it meant head staples. Only two games finished scoreless and the best overall team ending up lifting the trophy.

Even ESPN did a good job presenting the games and promoting it across all their various platforms. Rece Davis hope you enjoyed it, because the little extra effort made all the difference. Julie Foudy, you know what? You stuck it out and accounted for yourself commendably. And Andy Gray? If you’re sticking around, and trust me American television is usually a lot better than ‘Wipeout’ so stick it out past the summer, please don’t become like the rest of our T.V. pundits. For three weeks in June Andy, you were magic, son.

And hey after all this, we didn’t even miss the English one bit now, did we?

In seriousness when that Leitch guy extended this opportunity I didn’t how it would turn out. The Deadspin commenters made this a most extreme challenge every day. There were literally hundreds of places to click for Euro recaps, so I tried my best to come up with as original stuff as I could from the comforts of my sofa. It was your due diligence to excellence, even in “soc-cer?” that had my eyes bleeding in the wee hours of the morning double-checking where the umlaut placed in Semih Şentürk’s name. (And yeah, that didn’t work out too well.)

I know you guys had a good thing going with Hirshey, hopefully I wasn’t as bad as the T-1000 trying to replace Mulder on ‘The X-Files’. In short, it was privilege to be served up and eviscerated every morning for a couple weeks and at the same time a challenge to try to make you laugh with me, not at me.

For now it’s time to wrap this up and go get a forearm tat, adios.

Let me sign off this post the way I started it, quoting Jack White to sum up the tournament for everyone but Spain.

“And the stains coming from my blood

Tell me go back home.”

After 44 years, Espana picks up their second Euro title and, for now, sheds their underachieving reputation. And it was a dominant run by the Spanish, not losing a game in the tournament and dispatching a tough Germany team in the final without the services of their best player.

What was expected to be a pretty wide open game proved to conclusively owned by Spain. The Germans had few real chances on goal and this could've easily been far more lop-sided than it was.

Fernando Torres is owning shit so far and Spain could be running away with this thing if Torres' first big opportunity didn't go off the goalpost. Jens Lehmann looks overmatched, which is a shocker, and right now Germany's best chances are coming on ticky tack free kicks.

The majority of the first half was pretty sluggish but things have started to pick up. If Germany wants to do anything, it'll stay that way. YES, I KNOW THEY'RE COMPOSED! THEY'RE GERMANS!

• WHAT'S THAT ON ABC'S THE OUTSIDERS? PEOPLE TREATING MONKEYS AS CHILDREN!? Rise, fellow simians, rise!
• Whew. Excuse me there.
• Germans making a good-faith effort to advance the ball at the opening of the half, but Spain maintaining good containment on passing lanes.
• Silva might just want to leave the shooting to Torres.
• Best chance for the Germans so far in the 60th minutes goes wide. And Angela Merkel could use a George W. Bush backrub.
• And Silva comes out at the 66th minute. 'bout time.
• Casillas punches a shot off to somewhere near Madrid.
• Somehow Torres gets a yellow card for colliding on a header. The officiating in this game is horrible.
• That's a big whiff by Marcos Senna right there. However, we've down to the final 10 minutes and the German's aren't coming out with much in the way of a response.
• 
  

Image via Euro2008Girls.

(Ed. Note: Getting beer.)

• Now it's the Italian's turn to put on some pressure, however Luca Toni can't rid himself of the Spanish defenders. Two consecutive corners won by Italy, but neither could be converted. Toni went high with the second effort.</>

• Cazorla may have taken a nut-shot right there.

• Spain have worked the ball upfield and look to set up off of a throw. Villa falls down, but manages to sweep the ball to Fabregas, who can't do anything with it.

• Spain is called offside yet again. They should be winning this game by now.

• This fucking blows. Extra time is half gone, and so am I.

• Ah crap, a dumb foul and a free kick for the Italians is upcoming.

• The ball is fired wide and nobody moves for it, leaving Spain with a throw.

• And here comes Del Piero. Where was he fifteen minutes ago?

• Casillas boots a goal kick right back to Italy, but they misplay back to Spain.

• Tick-toc, bitches.

• More great chances for Spain without anything to show for it. I imagine they're quite frustrated, whereas this is exactly what Italy prefers.

• Oh get up and finish the fucking game, you cock!

• The end came down to one final attempt by David Villa, but it was off by an agonizing margin. Penalties are on the way, so enjoy that.

Penalties

• David Villa is up first, and he certainly doesn't miss that one. 1-0 Spain.

• Grosso buries his as well, tied after the first round.

• The sub Cazorla tucks it away without a problem.

• CASSILAS WITH THE SAVE! Brilliance from the team's captain. 2-1 Spain after 2.

• Senna delivers for Spain, he's been a bright spot most of the day. Italy needs a goal here.

• Camoranesi steps right up and beats the keeper. BUFFON WITH THE SAVE! The commentators jinx Guiza, La Liga's leading scorer, and he was denied!

• SAVE CASSILAS, HE DOES IT AGAIN! Cesc is up for the win, and there was never a doubt about it. Fabregas should be under appreciated no more back home in Spain. SPAIN WINS IN A SHOOTOUT!

Yeah I hate shootouts, but that was highly enjoyable.

Image via Euro 2008 Girls. Hopefully it can help turn things around.

• Both teams have had decent chances early in the half, but nothing on net.

• Oh my god, it appears that Luca Toni has ruptured his Achilles tendon!

• Nope, he's OK.

• Another cross in to Toni, but he's unable to get anything to it, that's a shame. And yes, I am now openly biased, as if I hadn't been before.

• Cassano had openings but he led Ambrosini about ten yards too far, out for a goal kick.

• Torres comes right back down the pitch with great pace, and once again he's been unable to control it when confronted. He needs somebody in there to help distribute. Like say, Xabi and Cesc.

• Luis Aragonés might be having a stroke, somebody should really check on him.

• Once again the Spanish side has gotten the ball in good position with multiple attackers only to find themselves out manned by a small army of white shirts.

• Torres goes for the cross instead of making an effort at goal but it's broken up with ease.

• The Italians go to the bench first with Camoranesi coming on.

• David Silva has a go from distance after a broken corner. It landed somewhere in the first dozen rows.

• Finally Iniesta is called back to the bench in favor of Cazorla. And hey, a double! Xavi is off for Fabregas!

• Oh my, a massive scramble in front of the Spanish net. Casillas was off his line but he was able to recover with a great save on Camoranesi's first touch.

• Camoranesi drew two fouls in one minute without flopping once. Impressive.

• Mother fucking Luca Toni. Once again he drops to ground at the slightest hint of a breeze and the ref couldn't be quicker to blow...the whistle that is.

• David Villa's free kick caught a shoulder and a head on the wall, deflecting it just over the goal and onto the netting.

• Toni gets another shot at a header near the goal but it's the same result as always. Maybe they should try putting it on his foot.

• I just heard the name "Gattuso" and got a bit ill.

• Oh hell, no. Villa is yellowed for flopping in the box. Where has that call been on Twinkle Toes Toni?

• The only way Italy could be enjoyable is if they were in a ring with Andre Berto.

• Cassano is off for Di Natale.

• That Italian fist-full-of-jersey maneuver isn't very subtle, yet the Spaniards press forward.

• Luca Toni grew a mustache because he was running out of reasons for people to hate him.

• Ah crap! Buffon bobbled a shot by Senna only for it to bounce harmlessly off the post and back into his hands.

• Fortunately now the Italians are stealing crosses from one another, danger averted for Spain.

• Torres is done for the day, Guiza has taken his place.

• Another great opportunity for created by Villa for Spain, but Guiza inexplicably used his forearms to control the ball.

• Just a few minutes left before stoppage time, and then extra time. [sigh] And then penalties.

• Luca Toni is down and screaming on another quality tackle by Puyol, and the referee rushes over to perform emergency mouth-to-cock.

• Ugh. Extra time. New thread coming up shortly.

Xabi Alonzo and Cesc Fabregas start out on the Spanish bench once again, while Alessandro Del Piero is the most likely sub for the Italian side. Both Casillas and Buffon enter the game in top form for their respective countries, so goals will be at a premium.

• Spain is on form and the Italians have barely survived thus far. If the Spaniards are going to overcome their history of choking like dogs, today is a big first step.

• The players are warming up and we'll be underway shortly.

• I always expect the Italians to have a more rousing national anthem.

•The play has been restricted to the middle of the field thus far, no chances for either side with two minutes gone.

• Cassano wastes little time before hitting the ground.

• Villa stops an Italian run prematurely with a perfectly timed sliding tackle. That would look pretty good in Stamford Bridge.

• An Italian free kick is placed comfortably in the keeper's hands.

• Villa has a go at goal, but it's deflected up in the air to Buffon.

• After losing possession to Cassano, Torres comes within a few inches of him resulting in a free kick.

• Another Italian flop, and this time it's a yellow for Iniesta. God I hate this shit.

• Spain is completely lost on offense. They are literally standing around with their arms up trying to figure out where to go with the ball.

• Torres is finally able to get possession to the edge of the box, and he's taken down without a call. If a call had been made it would have been quite harsh.

• Oh good, now the Italians are trying to hurt Villa. I'm not nearly drunk enough for this.

• The Spanish side finally show the pace of their offense, but Torres couldn't put it on target.

• Ambrosini with a quality cross, but Perrotta only manages a glancing blow with the header.

•

• Ambrosini and Toni are finding some room in the Spanish defense, but they haven't had any real quality shots on target.

• Spain is set to take a free kick from 25 meters, Villa and Silva are lined up. Villa blasts ones low across goal and Buffon collapses on it with relative ease. Not a bad effort, but not enough.

• We're 26 minutes in, and Italy has continued to play it tight and depressing. If Spain wants to open things up they are going to have to get Fabregas in the lineup at some point.

• Iniesta did well to make himself available at the corner of the area, but he was pushed off the ball by the defense. No call, no shock.

• Hey a yellow for Ambrosini! Of course it couldn't have been much more obvious. It looked like he was going to put Senna in a figure four.

• Silva worked hard to get himself a shot in the middle of the field. It was wide of goal, but Buffon tipped it out. A foul is whistled on the subsequent free kick.

• Italy finally takes their foot off the break getting a good cross in to Toni. The striker's header is well defended, and Spain retakes control.

• Torres has the ball in space and he's able to work it into the box, he has help but chooses to eschew it for his own shot, deflected out. Silva gets a good look at it and nearly beats Buffon to the far post. Finally, a little back and forth.

• Italy's first corner of the game goes unconverted, but they've maintained possession in an attacking position.

• Silva is tripped up right at the edge of the area, and there's another brutal no call. What the fuck is going on?

• The Spanish side continues to press the Italians without anything to show for it but some bruises to their lower extremities. Stoppage time awaits.

• Just one minute is added, so I'll be closing this one down. Keep your eyes out for the second half live blog coming up shortly.

• Sneijder makes a nice run, but his shot had no chance of getting past the keeper. The Russians are getting kicked around a bit at the other end, and the ref has finally called a foul. Free kick to come.

Image via Euro 2008 Girls

• Arshavin made another beautiful turn only to see his shot swallowed up by van der Sar.

• Neither team is backing off at this point, but eventually the Netherlands will probably start playing for penalties.

• van Persie's shot took a couple of deflections, but it was ultimately secured by the keeper. The Russians quickly get the ball back downfield, but Arshavin skies one over the bar. The Dutch have no clue how to handle him.

• Pavlyuchenco just crushed one into the corner of the bar. That might have been the hardest shot I've seen in the tournament along with Podolski's late miss against Portugal.

• Arshavin shreds the Dutch defense once again, leaving it off for Torbinski, who promptly deposits the ball in van der Sar's hands. In case you were wondering, Arshavin is not Leo Messi.

• Afellay wisely stops another Russian counter with a timely shove in the back. The free kick is awarded outside of any danger area.

• Just a few minutes remaining in the first extra period.

• Ruud was only about ten yards offside. We're seeing all aspects of classic Ruud today.

• END OF FIRST PERIOD.

• They've switched sides and the Dutch have kicked it off. I'd expect to see the Russians taking control of possession in this period, with the Dutch increasingly confident to go to the penalties.

• The Ruskies were calling for a penalty, but the ref was wise to not award it. Orange riots are especially ugly.

• Stop reading my live blog, Smyth!

• Wow, the Russians are running roughshod over the Dutch, yet they can't get any good shots on target.

• The Dutch need to be a bit more agrresive than this, they just have to be mindful of the counterattack.

• Torbinski picks up a yellow with a late challenge, and he becomes the second Russian to be suspended should they move on.

• Holy shit! A Russian defender tried to head it back to the keeper, but he looked like he wanted to score. And now they're screaming at each other. Teamwork!

• DAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGER! GOAL, TORBINSKI! 2-1 Russia with minutes to play.

• I didn't see who provide that cross, but it was a beautiful floater to the back post and Guus's sub finished the job with ease.

• Sychev is on for Russia and he doesn't waste any time before taking a crack at goal, just high.

• GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAL! ARSHAVIN! He's dominated the match, and he deserved a place on the scoreline.

• 3-1 Russia, and it's just about official.

• It's all over in Sweden, and another favorite has been denied entry into the Semifinals. The Russians will go on to face the winner of tomorrow's Spain/Italy match, but they'll be without two players due to yellow card accumulation.

Image via Euro2008Girls.

• As expected Robie van Persie has been called up from the bench to begin the second half. The Dutch attack has been prolific in the first few minutes, but even another perfect set piece to Ruud couldn't get them on the board.

• Boulahrouz just picked up the game's first booking with a yellow card. He's been a bit chippy since being taken down early in the match.

• Boulahrouz, who is of course playing through personal tragedy, has been removed from the game in favor of Heitinga.

• Just moments later van Persie picks up a yellow of his own for a high elbow to a defender. Arshavin produced another beautiful free kick but it was inches wide.

• GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAL, RUSKIES! Pavlyuchenko delivers once again for the Russians off of an easy cross. The Dutch defense has been caught flat footed and now they'll need some goals to result from their slick play.

• Now van der Vaart has joined the yellow club party, and Tommy Smyth is starting to frighten me.

• There are 30 minutes to play, but the commentators don't seem to be giving the Dutch much of a chance, which is pretty absurd.

• The Dutch have made another change with Afellay coming on for Engelaar.The young Berber should add some versatility to the Dutch attack.

• The two sides just exchanged fruitless corners.

• Ruud looks like he got away with an inadvertent hand ball, but play continues. The Dutch attackers are getting the ball with their backs to the goal, and they've been unable to turn and shoot. Another foul on the oranje ends the attack for now, and it looks as if Afellay is bleeding.

• Russia had another good look at goal, but De Jong intervened . The Golden Guus has gone to the bench, something the Dutch probably wish they could do.

• Ruud comes through with his patented "fall down near the area" maneuver to give the Dutch another chance to even things.

• And van Persie blows it. Just under 20 minutes left to play.

• Sneijder really needs to stop touching the ball, it just isn't working for him.

• If UEFA were run by David Stern the ref would be awarding a penalty kick any minute now.

• I would sooner put my nuts in a vice than watch the Jonas Brothers movie.

• It comes as little surprise that Smyth knows way too much about those guys.

• The Dutch are still losing, and Torbinski has come on for Guus's side.

• Sneijder rattled the advertisement behind the goal, not even close.

• The Russians are countering again, and they played around a bit too much in the box.

• The Dutch have earned another corner, eventually resulting in a wide attempt from Sneijder. Maybe it's time to give somebody else a shot at it. Meanwhile, Sneijder's lining up another set piece.

• GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAL! NETHERLANDS! Sneijder finally put a ball where it belongs and Ruud van Nistelroy headed it into the back of the netting. We're all tied at one, with four minutes remaining.

• Wow, Russia almost took the lead right back, but the dangerous cross was cleared.

• Ruud showed tremendous concentration on that goal, delivering the header while managing to keep his balance. We've got just two minutes of injury time to play before heading into the extra frames.

• Kolodin is off! The Russian has just picked up his second yellow of the match.

• Well apparently not, the ref has changed his mind, and the replay vindicates him. I'm just not sure why he pulled it to begin with.

• We've got another 30 minutes of extra time coming up in a few moments, and I'll be back with a fresh post.

We're live on ABC's glorious HD, and the Dutch are looking spry in their orange shorts. Guus has his Russian squad peaking at the right time to challenge his home nation, but few believe that the Ruskies can keep pace with the Dutch. The game should be getting underway in a few minutes, so if you'll excuse me I'm going to finish my Indian carryout and help myself to the first beer of the day.

• Van Persie and Robben start out on the bench, but they should see the field before this one is over.

• I understand that it's relevant and all, but I really wish they'd stop talking about dead babies, it's bringing everybody down.

• Yuri Zhirkov just had the first good chance of the match off of a free kick, but van der Sar came up big in net once again. The subsequent corner is dealt with and the Dutch take the ball back.

• The Russians storm right back down and get a clean header off of a cross that goes over the bar. Eight minutes in and the Russians look feisty.

• Another free kick for the Russians, but it had a trajectory similar to that of the Mir.

• The first stoppage of the game comes on an injury to Boulahrouz, he's off for now, but he should return shortly.

• In case anyone was wondering, I hate Dirk Kuyt. Just thought I'd clear that up.

• The match has been fairly free-flowing, but quality opportunities have been hard to come by in the first 20 minutes. I get the feeling that this will open up with time like a nice Barolo.

• Boulahrouz is back and now he's doing the fouling. Zyryanov has a free kick in a promising area, but he's unable to challenge the Manchester goalie.

• The Dutch have had plenty of success linking up on long balls, but they haven't done much with them. Engelaar couldn't keep his attempt on target following a corner.

• Van Der Vaart just deposited a set piece in front of the far post, but Ruud was a half-step shy of converting an easy one. The Dutch have maintained possession and they're finally starting to apply the pressure.

• And just like that the Ruskies are flying down on the counter attack. Arshavin put a beautiful move on the ball and van der Sar was fortunate to get a finger tip on the ball.

• And now the Kolodin is firing on goal at will, one shot forced the van der Sar to make another spectacular save. Not much play going on in the midfield right now.

• It's become impossible to keep up on all the action right now, the attacks are coming that frequently. Ruud put a shot on target from close range, but he was unable to avoid the keeper.

• Sneijder's free kick from the center of the pitch was deflected harmlessly for a free kick. Everything Sneijder touches today has suffered from a similar fate.

• De Jong with a great opportunity, but the header was wide of target.

• There are just a few minutes remaining in the half, and despite plenty of chances things remain scoreless.

• van der Vaart received a pass in the center of the area and he fired the shot directly at Akinfeev in net. That's a ball you have to put in the corner of the net. Injury time approaches.

&#8226; That's the half, I'll be back shortly with a fresh post up top.

Turkey pulled level moments later, with mere seconds remaining in stoppage time, when Semih Şentürk deflowered the Croatian goal with a drive from just inside the box. The knockout stage's first round of penalty kicks was won handily thanks primarily to Rüştü Reçber, the backup goaltender filling in for suspended Volkan Demirel, who stopped Mladen Petric's attempt.

Croatia compiled their problems by missing net a couple of times on their own, much to the dismay of their Nazi loving fans and at least one actual Nazi. The Turks will now move on to face the Germans, who know nothing of this Third Reich of which you speak. Unfortunately they'll be without four of their players, thanks to a suspension and an assload of yellows.

Now we turn our attention to what promises to be another thrilling match with the Netherlands taking on Russia in this afternoon's third quarterfinal. I'll be here to live blog both halves, because I sure as shit don't have anything else going on.

A German beat writer, en route from Verona to Vienna, checked in just five minutes before the flight. Aww, you're not gonna make it! What're ya gonna do?

The 27-year-old reporter, who has not been identified, called police saying a bomb had been planted on the Air Dolomiti flight to Vienna on Wednesday, police in northern Verona told Reuters by telephone on Thursday.

The airport was closed for about two hours and two incoming flights were forced to land at another airport

Quite a brilliant piece of police work they did here. Turns out they had caller ID, and the number was identical to the reporter's cell phone. Which is why you always carry out phony bomb threats via carrier pigeon.

German Reporter Stages Bomb Scare When Late For Plane To Euro 2008 Match [The London Paper]

Okay, I've been to Amsterdam. I smoked some nice pot there. They try to get you to put all this tobacco in it, but whatevs, it's good. But nothing that would make me conceive, or even understand, the opening ceremonies of EURO 2008 yesterday. This Fanhouse-provided clip is like a Bjork/Michel Gondry rendition of South Park's Imagination Land gone horribly wrong.

Let's see, we've got Q*bert, the yodeling skier from The Price is Right, silhouettes of black and white dancers (a pithy commentary on interracial ballroom dancing, no doubt), the Ice Queen from the Chronicles of Narnia, a fierce-looking cow and finally a human-formed, color-changing bullseye at the end. What's wrong, meteor, can't take a hint?

Euro 2008 gets underway today and to head off the inevitable flurry of violence that's just going to happen anyway, authorities in Switzerland have sent out letters of warning to 320 people who are listed on the country's hooligan database.

Swiss police have been writing to suspected football hooligans asking them kindly to refrain from violence at this month's European Championship.

"We know you to be a person who hasn't always stuck to the rules at sporting events," explains the letter sent to some 60 known troublemakers, before ending: "We hope that any encounter between you and us at this event will be nothing but pleasant. If you have any questions about this matter, please contact us. The Police."

I knew The Police had gotten back together, but I had no idea it was to issue sternly worded letters to soccer hooligans. Anything that keeps Sting out of the recording studio works for me.

If the Second War of Schleswig taught us anything, it's that the Danish lack problem-solving skills. Yesterday, during a Euro 2008 qualifier, a Danish player punched a Swedish player in the stomach, and was, of course, red-carded and sent off. Apparently feeling like it should be perfectly legal to punch other players in the stomach, a Danish fan rushed on to the pitch and attempted to punch the referee.

The game itself? Well, we don't know yet. The ref, despite Denmark having battled back and pulled to a 3-3 tie, got pissed off, left the pitch, and awarded a 3-0 win to Sweden. Nice try, but I don't think he can do that. UEFA is reviewing.

Danish Hooligan Attacks Referee [SOX & Dawgs]
UEFA to decide result of Denmark-Sweden Euro 2008 qualifier marred by attack on ref [PR Inside]