BASEBALL

You'll Have To Do Better Than That. The Phillies' Pedro Feliz could learn so much from Albert Pujols when it comes to injuring the guy who's throwing at you. Pujols's liner pretty much killed Chris Young, you may recall a couple days ago, but Feliz's weak little liner merely grazed the cheek of Astros closer Jose Valverde. He went down, and we thought Feliz had his first career frag. Instead, Valverde pulled a Lazarus, got right back up, and finished the inning for the save and the 4-3 victory. Hunter Pence hit a couple home runs, neither of which damaged anyone's face.

♫ Holliday Roo-ooooooooo-oooooooooo-ooooooad. With all the media speculation of whether or not WIlliam Randolph will lose his managerial job, the Mets rallied around him and took care of business in Colorado. Wouldn't it have been nice were that the case? Instead, Matt Holliday ruined the Amazins' Christmas, homering off Billy Wagner in the 9th to tie the game, then in the 13th inning he knocked in the winning run, 6-5. Furthermore, I don't mean to alarm you, but I think Fernando Tatis hit a home run in this game.

BASKETBALL

Nobody Has A Case Of Spurmania. We all knew San Antonio would bounce back from their extremely disappointing Game 1 loss with ... really? A 101-71 loss? Well, that's what it says. I say we roll with it. Even though Kobe Bryant led all scorers with 22, this was really Lamar Odom's night, who finished with 20 points, 12 rebounds, 4 blocks, and 8 blurns. Absolutely no relief came the way of Tim Duncan and Tony Parker, who only combined for 25 points, largely in part because of Manu Ginobili and his broken fingernail. Looks like the sock puppet opera on the plane flight back is out of the question.

SOFTBALL

So the softball teams are in the Super Regionals and junk. Betcha didn't know that one. Arizona beat Oklahoma 3-1, thanks to Wildcats pitcher Taryne Mowatt striking out 13 batters. Mowatt could not be reached for comment. Stupid caller ID.

[flips coin]

Basketball! Yao Ming and Yi Jianlian were on the same court, which mean the game was so big in China, it was visible from space. In what was dubbed China's Super Bowl, I sure hope the Chinese enjoy disappointment, because Yao had 12 points and Yi ended with only 6. Tracy McGrady, who once ate Chinese food, had 33 points and 11 rebounds as Houston outlasted Milwaukee 91-83.

[pulls name out of hat]

Golf! We know Tiger Woods is good at the "I'm winning, so you can't have it" thing, but the "I'm way behind, let's do something about that" thing is new, or at least rarer. Woods was down by four shots with seven holes to play, but his five birdies propelled him ahead of Ernie Els to win the tournament in Dubai. Because of the win, Tiger Woods now owns two Middle Eastern countries.

[spins "Price Is Right" wheel]

Baseball! There's actually baseball going on. One catch: It's not on the mainland. But that's acceptable. The Caribbean Series has a new all time home run leader, and it's Miguel Tejada, who now has 13 career ¡dingers! in the event.

[closes eyes, opens Ouija board]

Hockey! The surging Montreal Canadiens tore through the Islanders 4-1. They're three points shy of first place. If this Canadian team continues to play well, they might have to be relocated to a non-hockey town in the United States. I hear Birmingham is lovely this time of year.

[gently rolls baby onto hopscotch board]

Skiing! In France, ... wait ... skiing? Well, that's what it says. In France, Bode Miller won his third super-combi World Cup and fifth World Cup event this season. Winter sports sure have a lot of World Cups.

[microwaves plastic toy soldiers]

College basketball! Eddie Sutton has finally 800 career victories as San Francisco defeated Pepperdine 85-82. Sutton is second among active coaches, although that's giving a very liberal definition to "active coach." USF is now free to finish the season with a ridiculously long losing streak.