An unnamed source—obviously fearful for his life and liberty—has confirmed that the flatulence giver was indeed CBS golf analyst David Feherty, at least according to golf blog Wei Under Par. Whether the sound came by natural or unnatural means, remains unclear. But it's so much more insidious than just a simple passing of the gas. The source also claims that Feherty and Tiger Woods have an ongoing "fart feud" and enjoy cracking each other up with the sounds of bodily functions. That would explain why someone was able to rip one off in the golf god's presence without caddy Steve Williams corking the offender with a five iron.

So there you have it—Tiger Woods thinks farts are funny. He is not just a machine. He's a machine with a heart.

Source Confirms David Feherty Was Buick Open Farter [Wei Under Par]

Now, luckily there are enough golf fans out there that still watch the less-heralded tournaments (and Tivo them) or this video probably wouldn't have surfaced. And the noisy flatulence segueing into "if you don't get it into the light brown area" is an unfortunate coincidence.

Oh, and the tournament was apparently pretty good too, as Kenny Perry defeated Charley Hoffman in a three-hole sudden death playoff.

CBS Golf crew: Faldo Rips One? [You Tube]

So yesterday, when asked about whether or not he was ready mentally to be a starting NFL quarterback again, the Steelers' Ben Roethlisberger said the following quote: "The doctors said there's nothing wrong with my brain, but I'm having brain (cramps) out there. It's one of those things where you make mistakes and you learn from them."

Actually, that's not quite true: That's just what the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette quoted him as saying. But Roethlisberger, of course, did not speak in brackets: He said "brainfarts." And they bleeped him! Who bleeps "farts?" We've consulted our handy AP Stylebook, and there appears to be no concrete rule against using the word "fart."

That mainstream media! Always trying to censor the TRUTH, man!

Pittsburgh Media Frightened By The Word "Fart" [Dave's Football Blog]

Of course, one musn't forget the team that Maddux left, the Chicago Cubs, which has dealt with decades of futility and now must deal without the calming, adult, mature nature of a Hall of Famer in their dugout every night. It's about class; it's about dignity.

But don't just take it from us; listen to former teammate Ryan Dempster:

"We've been sharing locker space for three years," [Dempster] said. "It's kind of weird not having him there to talk about golf or talk about pitching, farting on each other, whatever it is."

We'll confess: It has many years since we played organized sports — high school, of course, four-year backup catcher in baseball and freshman year backup strong safety in football; our presence on the team was the equivalent of having a third-string kicker who's a girl — but we very much remember farting on our teammates before games. Of course, they didn't have greenies back then, so we needed something.

By the way, that photo is of Dempster spraying Cardinals fans with a hose at Wrigley Field last week. Jerk.

Ex-Mates Feel Void Left By Maddux, The Clubhouse Sage [Chicago Sun-Times]