The frustrating Michigan State team returned—the team that beats itself with bad decisions and worse shooting. They didn't lose a lot this season, but when they did lose, they lost bad and tonight was no exception. I guess the Spartans did better than they did in the December matchup, but not much. They were out of this game four minutes into it and I guess they didn't give up, but they certainly never had a chance. Sigh.

Make no mistake, though—North Carolina is awesome. With everyone on board, they were one of the most complete teams you will ever see. They made winning look effortless. Even if Michigan State cuts their turnovers in half and makes a few more threes, they probably still lose by 10. Obviously, we all would have preferred a more competitive final, but this outcome was inevitable from the first practice way back in October.

So the best team won, Michigan will go back to being a depressed and lonely place, and I just hope that somewhere in the student ghetto of Cedar Village, thousands of drunkards will refrain from embarrassing the Michigan State name one more time. Try to keep the fires under control, kids ... it's a school night.

SN on streets of East Lansing: "Everyone appears to be in good spirits." [The State News on Twitter]

Ballard was walking back to his hotel after Saturday night's semi-final games at Ford Field when he stopped to assist a man who appeared to be suffering a seizure on a sidewalk. When the mayor stopped, two or three other men surrounded him and stole his cell phone from his pockets, the mayor's office said.

I suppose that's one way for tourists to contribute to the economy of Southeast Michigan. Not that anything like that would ever happen in Indy, where the Final Four will be next year.

Michigan State Police had issued a law enforcement warning in advance of the event that a nationally known group of professional pickpockets was expected to arrive for the event.

A nationally known group of professional pickpockets? Why does this sound like the pitch of a Nicholas Cage movie?

Indy mayor says he was victim of pickpockets at Final Four [Detroit News]
Detroit pickpockets grab Ballard's phoneIndianapolis Star [Indy Star]

You know I'm usually not one for trash talking, especially after the fact, but ... screw the Big East. The "greatest conference of all time" had three number one seeds this year and the ugly, brutish Big Ten beat two of them. Easily. And they scored 80 points doing it. (Sorry, Digger Phelps!) They don't play that way because they can't play any other way—or because Leitch and I enjoy it so much—they play that way because it works.

Now that I got that "no one believed in us" crap out of my system, I can just sit back and enjoy Monday night. I don't know if Michigan State can beat North Carolina, and I don't really care. The Tar Heels are finally starting to look like the team that dismantled the Spartans back in December; I just hope it will be closer than 35 points this time. But everyone knew they were the best team then and everyone knows they are the best team now and if UNC wins the title, so be it.

Because I do believe they are going to play the second-best team in the country and I'm just glad that State was able to prove it. I didn't get to Detroit this weekend or get alcohol poisoning on Cedar Street, but I think my downstairs neighbors know what's what. Plus, the Spartans sent a message and the State of Michigan got at least one nice victory—and three million new jobs, right?—and that's enough for me this year. Big bad UConn got pushed around last night and the looks on the players' faces as that realization slowly came over them was all I needed to see.

Police disperse Cedar Village crowd; few incidents reported [The State News]

I was going to write up a Final Four preview, and then I checked out Storming The Floor, and I realized that their Final Four preview is far better than anything I could come up with, so check it out. It's sure to be a fun night of basketball and, God forbid you're anything like me, booze.

****

Thank you for allowing me into your homes and hearts today. The estimable Dashiell Bennett will be here tomorrow, so you know it's gonna be good. Stay gold, Ponyboy. Stay gold.

STF's Final Four Breakdown [Storming The Floor]

Thibodeau and another Maine teen with a similar story (autistic team manager, scored 9 points in his team's final game) have been sent to Detroit by a bunch of McDonald's owners to see the Final Four up close and personal. Maybe it's their way of making amends for the McLobster. Whatever the reason, it's yet another reason for us to be jealous of kids with Down Syndrome and autism; they get all the lucky breaks.

Hoop dreams come true for two high schoolers [NECN]

Yes, I checked into the emergency room on Friday night (for, let's say ... "exhaustion") about a half-hour before the tip of the Michigan State-Kansas game. Still have no idea what happened there. On Saturday afternoon, after 20 hours of staring at the ceiling, I figured the Regional Final games would help me pass the time, but apparently, the closest CBS affiliate broadcasting the game was in Guam. It was fine as long as none of the players moved.

Even better, when they finally did discharge me ... it was in the middle of the first half of the Louisville game on Sunday. So I had to rush to the pharmacy to get prescriptions, then rush home in time to catch the second half, and somehow ... it wasn't even that close. Not that I'm complaining. I don't think my fragile system could have handled a Villanova-like nail biter.

So my alma mater is in the Final Four again and I missed almost all of it, but I finally spent last night in my own bed, dreaming of reasonably-priced ticket packages. Of which, naturally, there were will be none. I'm sure that even in a depressed economy you will be able to find 75,000 Michigan residents able to pony up the home team premium for seats. But that's okay. I'll probably just end up stabbing myself in the thigh on Friday night and heading back to the E.R. Hey, you don't mess with a streak.

Oh, and one more thing about all the "the State of Michigan really needs this" stories that will nauseate you this week. I don't want to get into a whole Detroit/Ann Arbor/East Lansing "who loves who more" thing, but to all our Michigan-based readers out there, I just want to say this. If you catch any out-of-work Wolverine fans trying to latch on to this everybody-feel-good moment and saying things like "I was pulling for State all along" and (heaven forbid) "I hope WE can pull it out" ... just go ahead and punch them right in the mouth.

Lansing March Mania [Lansing State Journal]
Destined 4 Detroit [The State News]
A fairy tale for Tom Izzo, Magic and all Spartans [Detroit Free Press]

Normally when you head to these destination sporting events, the weather and atmosphere are great, but game always seems to end up sucking balls. With the beautiful weather and atmosphere are already in place in San Antonio, the instant classic championship between Kansas and Memphis basically played out like bonus to a neutral fan like myself. Below are just a small sampling of pictures from the weekend that was at the Final Four.

Beginning the trip to the Final Four on the actual, physical road to the Final Four.

Possibly my favorite picture of the weekend: Duke fans, still in an utter state of disbelief that they didn't make it to the Final Four, decided to just show up anyway.

One of 14,000 advertisements for Coke Zero in San Antonio. The only thing that outnumbered the massive amounts of "The Road Ends Here" signs was the number of Coke Zero ads. Continuing with their domination of college basketball over the weekend, Coke Zero even put up four kids in an RV for a month VIP style and let them blog about it (Will, I'm still waiting for the reimbursement check).

In actual basketball action, the streamers begin to fall as Jayhawks claim their first championship since 1988. As you can tell by my seats, I never got that press credential from the NCAA.

General madness on the court as Jayhawk fans remain stunned that they actual pulled off a nine-point comeback in two minutes.

Kansas fans on the Riverwalk following the victory, just taking a moment to soak in the fact they not only won the National Championship, but they can also play with themselves afterward.

Finally, the best way to cap off an amazing trip: Buying a Memphis National Championship t-shirt that was accidentally put on sale. That's one less t-shirt for you, Mali.

After a stretch of dull championship games in our sports, we're now back on a roll, with last year's Super Bowl and this national title game. (And we suspect the NBA playoffs have the potential to be epic.) It also brings us little joy that the last two quality NCAA championship games have involved an Illinois loss and a Bill Self title. Alas.

Mostly: What a fun tournament. Even with all No. 1 seeds in the Final Four, we had three legitimate glories: Western Kentucky's last-second win, Stephen Curry's brilliance and Mario Chalmers' massive shot. That's three more than last year. We'll take it.

(Getty Images photo)

Last week, we wrote that free throws didn't matter as much in college basketball as fans like to think that they do. We would like to officially withdraw that statement. Heavens.

(Amazing photo via Getty Images)

Now one has to wonder what Rose was afraid his teammate was going to say about him. "What do we think of him? I mean, once you get past the premature ejaculating and toenail eating, he's a pretty nice kid who can make things happen on the court. It's a good thing too, we almost forgot his Cabbage Patch Kid doll on the trip. That really would have put us at a disadvantage tonight."

Derrick Rose Does His Best Clay Davis Impression [The Sporting News]

(Aside: Snipped from this 30 seconds of press conference goodness was John Calipari using my favorite noncommittal phrase. "There ya go." It can basically get one out of any situation without breaking a promise, lying, or letting someone down. "Hey, maybe we could go to my sister's volleyball game after dinner." It's almost instinctual, the reaction. But in this case it's the cynic's catch-all safety valve. Just a remarkable phrase all around.)

One side of the bracket held the dazzling freshmen, the other side was about upperclassmen. The meeting of the West Champs and the South Champs had the Eye of the Tiger. And the meeting of East Champs vs. Midwest Champs had the Wig of the Jayhawk. Or something like that.

Memphis 78, UCLA 63

I'm sure a headline writer with a schmaltzier sense of humor will make something vomit-inducing out of this one, but I'm just going to say Rose > Love in San Antonio. Memphis guard Derrick Rose is from Chicago, and he pulled out moves reminiscent of a certain Bull in this one. The high-flyer put in 25 points to go with nine rebounds and four assists. Oh, and that included 11-12 FREE THROWS. In fact, the Tigers hit 87 percent last night, but according to the box score, only two players even shot FTs for Memphis.

Chris Douglas-Roberts has the Magna Carta* tattooed on his arm, and he laid down the law in this one with 28 points. Next game, it might behoove the Tigers to get a couple more players involved in the game.

*This is a lie, but I hope my High School History teacher is reading this.

Kansas 84, North Carolina 66

The Jayhawks built a lead in the first half that was so huge even they couldn't choke it away. Still: Give them credit for trying. A 2-2 tie in the opening minute was the closest North Carolina came to a lead, but a flurry of points from Danny Green cut holes in what was once a 40-12 gap. With 11 minutes left in the second half, the Kansas lead was cut to four, but the Tar Heels didn't have enough gas in the tank to seal the deal.

Davidson-killer Sasha Kaun spent much of the game on the bench with foul trouble, allowing Bill Self to introduce his latest hulking white man to the world; freshman Cole Aldrich was impressively cool, scoring eight and grabbing seven rebounds, as well as hitting all four of his free throws. Throw on one of those pencil-thin beards and you got yerself the poor man's Kevin Love.

So, your NCAA Championship game is set. If there were underdogs in this Final Four, these are they; Kansas vs. Memphis for the title. I'll make my official predictions closer to game time, but for now, I think I can confidently say two things. One, John Calipari can get you in a nice Hyundai for no money down, and nobody beats his prices. Two, Bill Self may actually say "Golly!" in a live televised interview. Meanwhile, Roy Williams and Ben Howland will have some time to visit the Alamo.

Getty Images Photo

Now, at last, is the Jayhawks' chance to extract some measure of revenge against Huckleberry Roy Williams, he who doesn't comprehend the enmity, by denying him another title that he couldn't win them. In this likely shootout, a lot hinges on whether the three-man rotation of Sasha Kaun (Sasha Kaun!), Darnell Jackson and Darrell Arthur can help slow stupid-face Psycho T.

Since Ty Lawson's return, the Tar Heels have looked pretty unstoppable. And that might not change if Brandon Rush decides he doesn't need to play all that well at any point in the tournament. But, hey, it's a Final Four game in the Chalk Bracket with more than a modicum of emotion. That'll have to do.

Joey Dorsey has to play down his embarrassing domination at the hands of Greg Oden last year and Darren Collison needs to shake the specter of last year's performance in the title game. Each will have their hands full dealing with the likes of Kevin Love and Derrick Rose.

I'll be blogging the game from a bar in Adams Morgan in D.C., celebrating the [undisclosed] birthday of some blogger woman. (I hope she enjoys the glass ceiling I got her!) But, anyway, yeah, Adams Morgan. If there's a delay, it just means I've tripped over the mounds of douchebags.

Here's what the kids are predicting on the series of tubes:

Kansas Vs. North Carolina
Jay Bilas: North Carolina.
Seth Davis: Kansas.
Stuart Mandel: North Carolina.
Storming The Floor: North Carolina.
Deadspin: Kansas. Call it a hunch. We're not ready to see Bill Self in a national championship game though.

Memphis vs. UCLA
Jay Bilas: Memphis.
Seth Davis: UCLA.
Stuart Mandel: UCLA.
Storming The Floor: UCLA.
Deadspin: Memphis. No one has looked better the last week. And we were wrong.

So, light 'em up, people.

STF Final Four Capsules

Team: Kansas Jayhawks

How they got here: Beat #16 Portland State, #8 UNLV, #12 Villanova, #10 Davidson

Key player: Pick 'em. Brandon Rush led the scoring against Portland State. Mario Chalmers took over against UNLV. Then it was Rush again vs. Villanova. Sasha Kaun, of all people, saved the Jayhawks' bacon against Davidson. UNC's all-everything Forward Tyler Hansbrough is better individually than any Jayhawk who will check him, so the 'Hawks will have to throw big bodies at him. That means the perimeter defense of Brandon Rush on Danny Green will be crucial. If Rush can limit the long-distance shots and hit a few of his own, Kansas might be able to pull this one off.

Rooting interest: There are no underdogs in this Final Four, so we'll be looking for other reasons to root for these dominant teams. For Kansas players, basketball has been a refuge from personal pain, as illnesses, murdered relatives, car accidents and other difficulties have beset many of the players all season long. It would be nice to see a ray of sunshine. In addition, it's been 20 years since Danny and the Miracles claimed the 1988 crown, and now Mr. Manning is on the Kansas sideline as an assistant coach. That may be just the edge this star-crossed squad needs to get over the hump.

Final Four History: KU's last Final Four appearance came in 2003, when they defeated Marquette by more than 30 points before falling to Syracuse in the championship game. The coach who pulled that off, Roy Williams, is currently sitting on the other sideline. This is the first time Kansas coach Bill Self has made the final weekend with any team.

Team: North Carolina Tar Heels

How they got here: Beat #16 Mount St. Mary's, #9 Arkansas, #4 Washington State, #3 Louisville.

Key Player: Tyler Hansbrough. The Naismith Award winner for player of the year in college basketball has made even the haters give a little grudging respect. He never takes a play off, and he is capable of turning to the jumper when his inside game struggles. However, getting his hand on every rebound in the vicinity gives him ample chances to score, and when he scores, the Tar Heels win.

Rooting Interest: UNC went through a difficult stretch in the mid-season to get here. When guard Bobby Frasor went down with a torn ACL, that was a harsh blow. Then Ty Lawson, who was taking some of Frasor's minutes, was out for seven games with a sprained ankle. Magical leprechaun Roy Williams used all of his pixie dust to keep the dadgum Tar Heels in it, and even a home loss to Duke didn't faze his club. They just went back out and returned the favor in Cameron to end the season. Plus, it's just difficult to root against a head coach who says "Doggone."

Final Four History: Carolina's last Final Four was in 2005, the year they won it all. That was Roy Williams' first championship game win, but he had the benefit of four trips to the final weekend with Kansas before he ever took the Carolina job, including two Championship game losses. And lest we think that Coach Roy owns his opponent, it was Bill Self and the Illini that knocked Williams out in the Sweet 16 in 2001.

PREDICTION: CAROLINA. If this were all about runnin', gunnin' guard play, Kansas might have the edge. But Sasha Kaun, Darnell Jackson, and Darrell Arthur will have their collective hands full trying to pin down Hansbrough. Rush or Chalmers will have to have an out-of-body experience from behind the arc to pull this one off.

Team: Memphis Tigers

How they got here: Beat #16 Texas-Arlington, #8 Mississippi State, #5 Michigan State, #2 Texas

Key player: We love the old-school style of first team All-American CDR as much as the next guy, but point guard Derrick Rose is difference between this team and the two Memphis teams that were stopped in the Elite Eight. Rose has elevated his game late in the season in the scoring department and gives the Tigers not only an elite point guard to control the tempo, but a go-to man down the stretch when the game is on the line.

Rooting interest: Memphis has to be the Cinderella (or Rumpelstiltzkin ) team of the Final Four, right? Well, actually no, any team that goes 37-1 and spends five weeks at #1 can't seriously be considered a Cinderella. The only reason that they are even considered an underdog is fact that everyone and their brother had the Tigers crapping out two weeks ago and that the other three teams in the Final Four have a combined 48 Final Four appearances between them. Want a better reason to root for Memphis? Seeing the reaction of old, white sports reporters having a collective heart-attack while watching a Memphis team that couldn't give two shits about fundamentals or free throws cutting the nets down will be well worth it.

Final Four History: Memphis doesn't have nearly the pedigree of a UCLA or North Carolina, but it has made appearances in two other Final Fours, which is alot more than many teams can claim. In 1985, the Tigers ran into Rollie Massimino's miracle Nova squad and fell in the semifinals. In 1973, the Tigers advanced all the way to the championship game, where they were defeated by the Bill Walton-led Bruins.

Team: UCLA Bruins

How they got here: Beat #16 Mississippi Valley State, #9 Texas A&M, #12 Western Kentucky, #3 Xavier.

Key player: The easy choice here would be to go with Mr. Chest Pass Kevin Love as the key player for the Final Four, as he has no doubt been in first four games, leading the Bruins in scoring each time Thing is, Love is going to get the Bruins at least 20 and 10 as long as he steps on the floor. The key to UCLA advancing to the championship game will whether or not anyone in the recently inconsistent supporting cast steps on the offensive end to help him out. In particular, Josh Shipp can't play with his head inside his ass like he did against Texas A&M and Xavier, scoring a combined five points in those two games. The Bruins will need Shipp to be a viable outside threat if they hope to beat Memphis and UNC/Kansas.

Rooting interest: Sure, UCLA has more champions and Final Four appearances than any team in college basketball, but this UCLA team is fast on its way to becoming the Buffalo Bills of college basketball if they don't win the NCAA Championship this season. The past two seasons, UCLA's season ended after facing the Florida Gators. With Joakim Noah and the rest of that Gators squad scattered around the NBA, the Bruins have no excuses this season. So unless you want Berman picking UCLA to win the national championship for the next 12 seasons like he did with the Bills and the Super Bowl, root for the Bruins to get it done this year.

Final Four History: The Bruins under John Wooden kind of owned the 1960s and 70s, making the Final Four in all but one season from 1962 to 1977, and winning the whole thing 10 times in the process. Want to know the team that stopped that UCLA run? Idaho State, which knocked off the Bruins 76-75 in the Round of 32 in 1977. Bet you didn't see that coming? Bruins also reached the Final Four in 1980, 1995, 2006 and 2007, so you can guess that they Bruins are pretty used to this whole thing by now.

PREDICTION: UCLA. This one is probably going down to the wire thanks to the athleticism of Memphis, but the Bruins are way overdue for a complete game on both offensive and defensive ends, so we'll go with them in a tight one. The Bruins defense will not allow the same kind of easy shots that the Tigers got against Texas and Josh Shipp can't stay in a shooting slump forever. Also give the Bruins the edge in the hunger factor, as the Tigers' season was probably made when they advanced to the Final Four, while the Bruins will be viewed as a colossal failure if they don't cut down the nets this season.

Money quote:

Roy is so tortured about being hated by KU fans, but, like most egomaniacs, Roy wants it both ways, to be loved by one divorced fan base while being married to another, no matter what happened in between, and hence all his moaning about those dadgum great things he done for the good people of Kansas. Roy's got some weird personality disorder — he MUST be admired and remembered the exact way that HE wants to be remembered. It's the same quote over and over ad infinitum: "I gave my all, and no one appreciates me anymore..." Well ... a) it was your job to give your all, for which you were paid like an oil baron and fawned over like a rock star and b) just be a man with your decision and quit crying about it like a sixteen year old girl whose ex-boyfriend won't return her calls anymore after she ran off with the JV quarterback. It's ridiculous. I'm tired of the media and talking heads portraying KU fans as this whining group that has no right to feel about the guy the way they want to. All these articles wouldn't dare criticize or at least point out that Roy is emotionally off his rocker, also, and just because he won a bunch of games at KU he deserves to be let off the hook for being a jack ass about the whole UNC thing. KU fans are being absurd? I think it's the other way around.

Does raise the stakes a little bit; we're certainly looking at the situation a little differently. That's about as compelling a case as we can imagine.

We are of course as guilty as anyone of underrated Memphis; we'll say that "Does Anybody Buy What Memphis Is Selling Anymore?" headline is one we'd like to have back. Not even North Carolina looked as impressive as Memphis did after their scare against Mississippi State, and Tigers boosters are deservedly crowing about it. In the Michigan State game, the Spartans, a veteran, talented team, seemed legitimately terrified just to walk the ball up the court. We doubt UCLA will look so nervous, but we won't underestimate those guys again.

And if John Calipari wins the national title, heck, maybe he'll try the NBA again. That worked out well.

(Getty Images Photo)

Anyway, we don't understand how any team with Kevin Love could possibly be considered the most hated anything. We don't know what happened after this picture was taken, but we suspect he grabbed the net and rifled it down the court, outlet-style.

It's the third consecutive Final Four for UCLA, but because they haven't won a title yet in that span, they're not necessarily considered that much of a recent powerhouse. Still: They're UCLA. We love Bruins Nation, but already they're touting the "no one believes in us!" card. It is amazing the lengths people will go to in order to still consider themselves underdogs. Somehow we imagine that if Davidson had beat Kansas and gone on to play North Carolina in the Final Four, someone in Chapel Hill would have screamed, "No one thinks we have a chance! Prove 'em wrong, boys!"

Calling Out The Chicken Littles [Bruins Nation]

Naturally, this means we're getting the media ordained championship game we deserve, with Psycho T and KevLuv giving hope to all the big white people who really, really try on every possession.

Guuuuhhhhhh