Remember the good old days of 2003 when Freedom Fries and frog hating where always on the menu? Then they got a new president (with a certified babe for a first lady), Zinedine Zidane turned out to be a psycho badass, and suddenly France didn't seem so terrible for a while. Now their "back-alley tactics" have once again reminded the world how much we love spitting on their flag and calling them sissies. It just feels right.

Even French newspapers had to admit that their team sucks and doesn't really deserve to go to the World Cup. Franco-bashing is so popular, even the French can get behind it.

Seriously, look at these guys. Those aren't just fans—the dude with the baguette on his hat is their secretary of defense!

Henry's handball sparks media storm against 'Les Bleus' [France24]

Honorable Mention: Dirk Nowitzki: Oh, good. He's still alive. [Dallas Morning News]

LeBron James: Remember when you were 12 and you thought that it would be sweet to be able to dunk so frequently and so hard that you could actually tell people you hurt yourself dunking? Okay, maybe that was last week, but congrats LeBron James. You're a hero to 5'6" guys everywhere. [AFP]

First, make the decision for yourself:

Now, let's see how they're handling it among headline writers across Ireland (and the UK, no friend of France). With their customary grace and subtlety, I'm sure.

Irish Times: "Handy Henry Ends Ireland Dream In Paris"

Evening Echo: "Handball Cost Us Our Dreams"

The Sun: "Le Hand Of God: Cheat Henry Does A Maradona"

Irish Independent: "We Played Like Lions, But South Africa Will Miss A Hell Of A Guest"

Daily Mail: "Hand Of God II: Thierry Henry Confesses He Cheated To Rob Irish Of World Cup Place

The Independent: "Hand Gaul! Ireland Furious As Henry Snatches Victory"

Looks like we've got a full-blown controversy on our hands. Could this be the meltdown that finally leads UEFA to consider instant replay? Who's UEFA's president again? Michel Platini? Never mind.

The French anti-doping agency, AFLD, says that Armstrong "violated" their rules by failing to fully cooperate with a testing official who showed up at his house for a random drug test. While Lance's people confirmed the guy's credentials, Armstrong says he asked for and received permission to take a shower—which means he was out of sight of the official for 20 minutes (what no webcam?) and that's plenty of time to fill up the ol' Whizzinator, if you know what I mean.

AFLD said they have the authority to punish Armstong and that could maybe hamper his Tour de France comeback ride this summer. I know it's very difficult to take sides in a battle between Lance Armstrong and the French, but how many times can he escape from their grasp before they finally admit that no one cares about cycling unless an American superstar is dominating it?

Lance Armstrong violated testing rules, French anti-doping agency claims [ESPN]

Wales 1-5 Slovakia. Welsh goalkeeper Paul Jones was so excited about making his 50th cap today that he decided to make his head look absolutely ridiculous. Dennis Rodman saw that and said, "eh, that's a bit much." And if he would've just changed that 0 to a 1, and put a dash in between the numbers, he'd have had an accurate score prediction on the back of his head. Wales ended up getting pounded, and some Welsh barber wasted an awful lot of time.

Scotland 1-0 France. The old maxim "if it's not Scottish, it's crap," was proved true again today. The Scots are atop the Group B qualifying after their win over France today. The French actually had two goals in the net, but both were called back by offsides calls. Theirry Henry, continuing with his fine form this evening, bounced one off the post. France controlled the play for much of the day, but they couldn't capitalize, and Scottish defender Gary Caldwell buried them in the 67th minute.

England 0-0 Macedonia. Check out the mighty Macedonians, holding strong at Old Trafford. They gave England all they could handle today, limiting their chances, and narrowly missing a few of their own. Things had been going swimmingly for England under Steve McClaren to this point, but today, they were awful. Steven Gerrard picked up a second yellow card, too, so he won't be making the trip to Croatia on Wednesday.

European Championship Qualifying Scores [ESPN Soccernet]

Nope.

"I am utterly disgusted by what I have heard. I praise my son for defending his family's honour. No one should be subjected to such foul insults on or off the football pitch and I don't care if it was a World Cup Final. I have nothing but contempt for Materazzi and, if what he said is true, then I want his balls on a platter.

Heavens! Though, to be fair, if someone had just called us "a terrorist whore," and every newspaper in the world were talking about it, we might be somewhat fired up too.

Bring Me The Balls Of Materazzi [UK Mirror]

"I did insult him, it's true," Materazzi said in Tuesday's Gazzetta dello Sport. "But I categorically did not call him a terrorist. I'm not cultured and I don't even know what an Islamic terrorist is."

OK, that's just awesome: The old "I'm just a caveman ... I'm confused by your 'cultured' ways" defense. That's in the face of the always-reliable lip-reading experts, who claim Materazzi said Zidane was "the son of a terrorist whore," which is pretty insulting even before you note that Zidane's mother is very ill.

Meanwhile, Materazzi, of course, has his own history of on-field violence.

To sum all this up, though, we rely on the subtle, restrained words of French "intellectual" Bernard Henri-Levy in today's Wall Street Journal: Here is a man of providence, a savior, who was sought out, like Achilles in his tent of grudge and rage, because he was believed to be the only one who could avert his countrymen's fated decline. Better yet, he's a super-Achilles who — unlike Homer's — did not wait for an Agamemnon to come begging him to re-enlist ... no nasty remark will ever tell us why the planetary icon that Zinedine Zidane had become, a man more admired than the Pope, the Dalai Lama and Nelson Mandela put together, a demigod, a chosen one, this great priest-by-consensus of the new religion and the new empire in the making, chose to explode right there.

Uh, sure, dude.

Materazzi Admits Insulting Zidane [ESPN]
"Son Of A Terrorist Whore" [The Sun]
Zidane [WSJ.com]

(UPDATE: Inevitably, the Daily Show has chimed in.)

Anyway, we had a classic Dr. Z moment yesterday, when he was properly piqued enough to fired off a rant about Zinedine Zidane. His argument was that Zidane was justified in the head-butt, not because he was the victim of a racist taunt or inappropriate matron-oriented remarks ... but simply because he plays soccer.

The problem is he doesn't hit the canvas as the rest of those prima donnas do. So the ref must figure nothing is happening. ... Maybe Zidane was tired of all this, of this travesty, which rewards all the things that we were once taught were cowardly, but can be used to great advantage in this game.

See what we mean? Damn kids ... get off my lawn! Dr. Z is the best.

Enough Is Enough [SI.com]

In case you haven't exhausted your Zinedine Zidane animated GIF quotient for the day, here's a compendium of some of our favorite ones; the Butterfinger one is still the best. And if you like your moving online stuff to be interactive, here's a game that allows you to collect Zidane red cards. Oh, and people are even coming up with conspiracy theories.

But remember, the World Cup is not about headbutts and angry Frenchmen; it's about crazy fans. After the jump, here are some randomly collected Italy fans celebrating in the notorious Italian enclaves of Williamsburg, Brooklyn and Hartford, Conn., sent in by readers. If the Cardinals win the World Series this year, we're totally gonna be the lady in the fourth photo.

Except this was bigger — a billion people, including Bill Clinton, were watching — and worse.

What odds do you think Ladbrokes was giving on "Minute that Zidane loses his mind, head butts an opponent, gets sent off and goes from savior of his country to an old man with a Vesuvian fuse?" Or to put it another way, what an ironic end to an iconic career!

There are really only two ways to interpret the petit mal that overcame Zizou in the 110th minute:

1) Matterazzi said something less than complimentary about his mother's moral rectitude.
2) Zidane had a sudden brain aneurysm and thought by butting his head into Matterazzi's chest, he could self-correct it.

And yet, as shocking and abject as Zizou's fall from grace is, it should not take away from Italy's coronation. Not only did they win the World Cup, they won it under conditions that would certainly have broken players of lesser resolve than Cannavarro, Gattuso and Buffon. Into each game, the Azzurri carried the taint of the match-fixing scandal, the sadness of their former teammate Pesotto's suicide attempt and the uncertainty of their own futures in Italian soccer. At times they whined and flopped and dove under the strain, but they never buckled. As Grosso's penalty kick bulged the net, his scream of redemption could be heard throughout the courthouses of Italy. We are not criminals, it seemed to say, we are champions. Equally eloquent, Gattuso bared his ass to the world as if to invite all of those Italy-bashers to pucker up.

And yet, for all their triumphant celebrations, Italy could just as easily been the ones crying in their Chianti — and not because of Zidane's meltdown either . I mean, Mon Dieu, what the %$#* was French coach Raymond Domanech thinking when Les Bleus had Italy down, leg weary and out of ideas, deep into the second half ... didn't go for the knockout blow. The part-time actor has always been a loopy presence in this World Cup, with his reliance on astrology in picking his players and his comical sideline pantomines every time a call went against his team, but yesterday his timidity cost the French dearly. What was there to lose by bringing on Trezeguet to partner Henry up top and telling the relentless Ribery and the tricky Malouda to push the pedal on the flanks and try to score a killing goal? Italy was there for the taking, but Domenech must have been waiting for the moon to enter the Seventh House.

Instead, he witnessed the spontaneous combustion of Saint Zizou. After his outrageous penalty chip caromed fortuitously off the crossbar to give France a 1-0 lead six minutes in, Zidane was never the dominant, inspirational force he was in victories over Spain and Brazil, not least because Gattuso was attached to him like a lamprey eel. But it was a shoulder-rattling tackle from the peerless Cannavaro in the 80th minute that seemed to have left him unnerved, with a scowl of pain permanently affixed to his face.

Still, 14 minutes into extra-time, he found himself where he was eight years ago — leaping in the box to send a laser header goalward, just like the two he scored to beat Brazil in the 2002 final. How heartwarming it would have been for Zidane's career to have ended at that point, with the ball nestled in the back of the net and another World Cup trophy scant minutes away. Only this time, his old Juventus teammate Buffon was there to frustrate him, vaulting backward and somehow thrusting out his right hand to tip the ball over the crossbar. Zidane opened his mouth and let out a Munchian scream of anguish and horror, as if realizing, that for all his magical gifts, he was just another mortal 34-year-old victim of time and space.

Six minutes later, he took one more header, launching his powerful noggin into Mazzeratti's chest, and with that insane act, he wrote what may well be the first line of his soccer obituary.

Italy didn't win the World Cup because of Zidane's moment of madness — yes, he would have been among France's penalty takers in the shootout, but who's to say Trezequet won't have clanged one off the crossbar anyway? — but perhaps it fortified them. There they were, a team that lived in dread of penalty kicks, having been eliminated from three World Cups because of them, knowing that the great Zidane could no longer hurt them.

Who would have divined that Italy would have been perfect from the spot (you can come home now, Roberto Baggio), but then this World Cup has been nothing if not unpredictable. Anyone remember Brazil with its magical quartet of Ronaldinho, Ronaldo, Kaka and Adriano, who were a lock to win their sixth trophy? Or Argentina with Mesi and Crespo and Tevez and the 24-pass extravaganza that surely made them unbeatable? Or England, with its glittering midfield tandem of Lampard and Gerrard, not to mention pit-bull savior Wayne Rooney? Or the U.S., with its pre-tournament swagger and quixotic dreams of finally showing the soccer world why it should take us seriously?

All gone, long before yesterday's wild denouement. It was Italy, at the end, that was still standing, and it is Italy who deserves our praise for saying a defiant ciao to all its ghosts. At the same, though, we bid a sad adieu to one of the great players of the last 20 years. With any luck, Zidane may next be seen signing Red Bulls jerseys at the Secaucus mall.

David Hirshey will take some time off to recover from the World Cup, but we hope to have him back for the start of the Premiership season. Go you Gunners!

So everyone's wondering: What exactly did set him off? A racist comment? A nipple tweak? It's not like Marco Materazzi, the head-buttee, doesn't have a history of dirty play himself.

Of course, in a World Cup final, in his final game, it would seem inexcusable, particularly when it might have cost him the pivotal penalty kick (though we think that's somewhat overstating it). But we're not going to lie to you: Even though it could have irrefutably damaged his team, even though it was over-the-top and violent and kind of insane ... we think it's one of the coolest things we've ever seen in a soccer match. We know it's wrong to say that. But it's true.

Why? [Hindu Times]
Head Hits Man In Chest [Mutoni's Musings]

(By the way, thanks to commenter BlogPirates for that image.)

(UPDATE: Here's a theory on what might have set him off.)

(SECOND UPDATE: The Daily Mail is reporting it was indeed a racist comment.)

(THIRD UPDATE: A French newspaper reports Zidane's brother says he must have been called a terrorist or "something serious" for him to make the move. Warning: The link is in French, so we're just kind of guessing that's what it says.)

Congratulations to Italy, World Cup Champions. However, I have to admit, that's probably one of the greatest retirements I've ever seen. Better than John Kruk leaving the game after he got his average back up to .300 for his career.

If only we could all walk out of our careers by headbutting somebody in the chest. Soccer rules.

Italy Wins World Cup in Shootout Over France [Yahoo]
World Cup Live Blog [Deadspin]

It's like the world's Super Bowl, except that the commercials won't be nearly as good.

Breaking with our habit of only live-blogging weekday games, we're live-blogging this one, because it's the final, you know? Kind of important. Who is entrusted with the big-time assignment? None other than That's On Point's Mike Cardillo, who has been one of our very favorite live bloggers and will surely rock it out this time. Besides, we thought it would be nice to save weekend fill-in AJ Daulerio the trouble of making fun of the sport. It's the World Cup Final! It's on!

Follow along in the comments and enjoy the game ... it's four more years until we get to do this again, so try to have a good time.

——————————————

Thanks for stopping by. Camoranesi was just sheared by his teammates. I think that means its time to go. Warning shameless plug coming, be sure to stop by my site. We'll recap and have some other fun stuff. Adios.

Man of the Match: Cannavaro. Brilliant on defense. Brilliant throughout the Cup.

I am spent. Phew. My grandfather is smiling somewhere. Enjoy this video, at least the music.

Not the way you want to end it, but Italy claims WM No. 4. Hero is, er, Grosso for making the dramatic shot. Goat is Zidane. Karma comes around for Trezeguet six years later, on a bigger stage.

Italy: Grosso — Good: ITAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Oh the drama. If Italy makes this, it is over.

France: Sagnol — Good: Italy leads 4-3.
Italy: Del Piero — Good. Italy leads 4-2
France: Abidal — Good. Italy leads 3-2.
Italy: De Rossi — Good, Italy leads 3-1.
France: Trezeguet — Missed. Hit the inner half of the crossbar. 2-1 Italy.
Italy: Materazzi — Good. 2-1
France: Wiltord — Good. 1-1
Italy: Pirlo — Good. 1-0

The goalies hug. Awwwwww.

I have a bad feeling France wins and damnit, Barhtez is a hero. Merde.

PENALTY KICKS (with the Rocky Balboa theme music....should favor Italy, yes?)

120' — Wiltord breaks free, skies his cross well high of an on-rushing Trezeguet. Looks like kicks. Dammit!

119' — For all the American sportcasting talking heads, you want these guys to play forever? Look at the state of this game. These players are finished. This isn't baseball folks.

117' — Italy is done. They are going to be in trouble for kicks.

114' — Wow. How could Zidane lose his cool there? For all the media ready to diefy him, better hit the delete button. , Still Italy cannot capitalize.

111' — Italy needs to press. If France is able to manage to win without their talisman, I will be shocked. No Zidane, no Henry. Who would have thought.

109' — WOW. Zidane should have been sent off. A WWF headbutt on Matterazzi. Dirty. Unbelievable. Nearly as bad as the Rooney stomp. Blatant. ZIDANE IS OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The ref consulted the linesman and they got it right. Zidane has been prone to blow ups in big games. This is a terrible way for him to end, BUT he should have known better.

107' — Henry comes off for Wiltord. Fresh legs, plain and simple.

This is some tense stuff. I almost can't bear to watch. I really love to see some grayhaired sumbitch walk in and wonder where my Tiger Woods golf is? What's with this sawker crap?

EXTRA TIME 2

Thats it for extra time no. 1. Zidane probably should have scored on that header. Italy did not threaten. Will they have some 119th minute magic again?.... ABC shows a replay of Toni's disallowed goal. Hate to say it, but he looked onside.

104' — What do you know. I just type that and Zidane gets a free header on goal right from the penalty spot. Buffon gets his left hand on it to knock it away. Wow. .... on the CK Buffon comes off the line to punch it away. Brilliant stuff form the Italy No. 1.

102' — We can kill the ABC guys for their mispeaks and errors, but they are totally missing the point here. All DOB wants to yammer about is Zidane. The real story is how France has been able get forward on the wings to create chances. And lesso how Itlay has lost all its form.

100' — Wooooow. Ribery JUST wide of the right stick. France looks tres dangerous. .... France sub: Trezeguet for Ribery. Interesting. Will lightning strike twice for the Juventus-man?

99' — What is going on with Italy...they are just stading around in the midfield. Dig deep fellas.

97' — Toni cannot hold up the ball for Italy, his second bad turnover of extra time.

95' — Malouda collides with Gattuso. Leaves his feet before contact looking for a call. Still, Malouda has been awful dangerous tonight. ... and dammit, where's my Cialis. ...Golf tournament that is.

93' — France CK.....cleared easily by Italy.

91' — Can we all collectively pray that this doesn't go to kicks? yes?

EXTRA TIME.

92' — Ribery chips, Buffon handles. .... and that's it. Extra time.

89' — Italy playing, of all things, long balls. Not a good sign. Looks like were getting "overtimes" according to Davey Boy.

88' — Here it is, the Celo standby, "Italy looks tired." (They do...what happened to their midfield?)

86' — Del Piero on for Italy. Camoranesi comes off. Can he be the hero? (With his freshly shaved head, he looks a little bit too much like Vin Diesel for my liking.)

85' — Henry with another snaking run. Sends in the middle for Zidane....nothing doing.

83' — Long attempt from Sagnol. ... Zambrotta clears akwardly. ... France still controlling the run of play.

80' — Zidane sitting on the turf. He looks ok. Pointing to his shoulder. ... the stretcher comes out. Collison with Cannavaro. Zidane looks like he is really hurt. He walks off the field. Interesting turn of events. ... He's back on quickly. (Marcelo inferred that Zidance asked to be subbed. He knows all.)

78' — My brother with a great Marcelo impression. "You know its great whoever gets the trophy, because they won the game."

76' — Diarra with a yellow card. Elbowed Toni, gets the card for a personal favorite, "dissent." ... Italy FK. .... 40 yards, straight on goal. .... Pirlo takes it. ... Ripped it. Just wide of the left post.

75' —Zidane lines up a kick from the left side. ... sails too far for anyone to get a touch on. Yet, to Celo its, "a great ball" despire being five feet over everyone's head.

73' — Marcelo on the "magic spray" — "It's cold, so it numbs it up and numbs the pain." Is there a magic spray for my television volume? ... Let's compare Cannavaro to Marcelo, as a player. Cannavaro is "The Godfather." Marcelo is, "In the Army Now."

72' — A shot of former president Bill Clinton in a luxury box. I really don't know how to respond to that other than, wooooooo pig suey.

71' — Zidane freekick, knocked away with two hands by Buffon.

69' — Celo, "The best teams in the world have a mix between the old players and the young players."

65' — Italy looking better. Toni with a chance that is blocked....later a cross that's blocked. ... Cannavaro wins a ridicolous tackle. He was basically hunched over, best I've seen. ... Malouda's shot is wide.

63' — Henry with another quick strike. Buffon saves and parries the rebound away. Henry showed up tonight. The early headbutt must have woken him up.

62' — Italy looks like it scored, perfect header from Toni...but just offside. CLOSE CALL. Smart move on the quick restart.

61' — Diarra body slams Totti. Meanwhile De Rossi on for Totti (who did nothing) and Iaquinta for Perrotta (who did nothing also).

59' — Zizou chants in the stadium. Stevesie is there?

58' — Zidane winds up for a volley at the top of the box, blocked by Italy. Italy looks totally listless.

56' — Vieira is off. Big loss for France. Alou Diarra comes on. Didn't look that bad of an injury. This could really change things up.

55' — France is going for it. Malouda is terrorizing the left wing. He threads it across the box, but Ribery is too deep to control. ... Vieira cramping up. I really feel bad for the guy. The stretcher is out. You're a hardman, walk it off!

53' —France breaks out, led by Ribery. Centers to Zidane, feeds to a streaking Malouda. There is contact, Zambrotta clearly clips him and doesn't come near the ball, but no call. So we are even in that department.

52' — Henry open in the box. Cannavaro plucks it off his toe. What a duel these two are engaging in.

50' — Ok, take it back. Henry dances through the box. He slides it over and Italy clears for a corner. Good stuff at both ends. Call me crazy, but Italy is looking a little shaky again.

49' — Italy AGAIN threatens off a corner. Cannavaro with a flying header, blocked by Gallas. Toni lets the rebound fall, instead of going for the header. Odd.

48' — Malouda shoves down Zambrotta. To borrow an old UCB line, 'wouldn't you like to shove Henry Truman?" Man, I miss that show. At least we still have Crank Yankers.

46' — Henry breaksthrough, somehow keeps his balance and fires a shot right at Buffon. Henry's work is done for the night. Buffon taps Henry on the shoulder in a friendly gesture. MAYBE on ABC they'd like to mention they both played at Juventus together briefly. (Ok, they do eventually.)

Saw the Malouda "penalty" again. Get the man an Oscar. To borrow a wrestling term, great sell. The anti-Hulk Hogan.

Oh baby....Calista Flockhart returns to tv this fall. ... Jim McKay...is this the Johnny Cash, "Hurt" video. Yikes.

If you don't give my football back......

Halftime: Good stuff so far, even with the rather bogus France PK. We get a Jim McKay essay at halftime. Wheeeeeeeeee. I need to break. Hit the WC and get something to nosh on. Be back soon.

45+' — Informative. Placido Dominguez will perform during halftime. He must have a heavy heart with the health of fellow tenor Pavoratti. I guess eating ten plates of fetticini alfredo per week isn't good for the ol' ticker.

45' — Italy with a FK from 45+...nothing happening. Italy losing a little bit of its sharpness. ... and Vieira just called for a throw-in violation. Ha. .... We should have at least four minutes of stoppage time.

44' — Materazzi picks the ball clean off Ribery's toe on the touchline. Man, these Italians can tackle. ... Am I going to type this? I agree with Celo, where is Totti?

42' — Great line from a German newspaper on Toni, "He's built like a truck with a Ferrari engine."

41' — Shot of the crowd doing the wave. Damn Euros...they still love that stupid shit.

39' — Poor back pass from France. Toni almost sneaks in. Barthez kicks out of bounds.

36' — End-to-end stuff. Henry gets down in the box, but Cannavaro slides in to block it for a corner.

35' — Toni with a shot. ... leads to CK. ... Off the corner Toni with ANOTHER free header. Hits the crossbar. Should be 2-1. France cannot mark Italy on this set plays. They are living dangerously.

34' — Quick line on Ribery. French right wing leader Jean-Marie Le Pen, called out Domenech for including too many players of color on the French team. Thuram responded and shot him down. Long story short, Le Pen must be conflicted on Ribery, while he is white. he is also Muslim. Wait a second why am I wasting time talking about right wing assholes?

33' —Perrotta looks like he's been shot. Ribery with a side sweep, light attack button style from Street Fighter II. Ribery does have a scar like Sagat, afterall.

31' — Soft shot skies into the grip of Buffon. ... Wow. They showed Franz Beckenbauer on the screen and ACTUALLY idenitfied him. Cash in your life insurance policies.

30' — Just had to post this quote from Gattuso on guarding Zidane. "If you want to limit his effect you need a lot of luck and need to make the sign of the cross."

29' — Italy FK — blocked.

28' — Wow, Materazzi with another form header. It's blocked. A foul anyway.

27' — Game has settled down a little bit. Hard to say which team is fitter as the game progresses.

25' — Ribery gets behind the defense and centers. Tapped out by Italy. Henry, btw, trucked an Italian with no call. And Zidane has gone down twice without getting a call.

24' — Wow. Did you know that Jesse Owens won Olympic gold medals at this stadium. Way to earn your paycheck Dave O'Brien.

23' — Jesus, Materazzi has about as many tattoos as Allen Iverson. In the NBA we have neck tats. In world football, massive forearm tats. Again, Barthez just flapped at the header. France has gotten by with this goon this far, but he might just coast them in the end game.

21' — This game is turning into the "cracker." How is France going to generate any offense? Their last three goals have come from penalty kicks and set pieces. Meanwhile Italy is dominating possession.

19' — WE ARE TIED. Materazzi with a header off the corner. Belisma. Great service from Samuari Camoranesi. Vieira totally burned on the defense. Barthez no where to be found. 1-1. Goals. Who'd have thunk it John Feinstein?

18' — It's worth nothing Italy hasn't trailed in this tournament until now. France seems content to sit back and defend like they did against Portugal.

16' — First shot of Italian manager Marcello Lippi. Didn't he play Det. Frank Drebin?

14' — Italy free kick...Pirlo curls in. Thuram heads wide. Barthez was caught looking.

12' — Sagnol a yellow for a hard challenge. Quoth Celo, "It's a final. It's going to be a physical game." Brilliant.

11' — Celo raving over Zidane's near shank of a PK. This guy comes from another planet. He almost talks more than Hubie Brown, if that's possible.

9' — Ooooh. Italy looks rattled. Materazzi nearly headed it backward into the net. Buffon forced to stretch.

6' — Malouda takes a tumble in the box. Total flop. France gets a penalty. —— Zidane to take it. Hits the crossbar, rattles in, barely. Almost paid for the chip. 1-0 France. Drats. Considering the amount of flipping and flopping during this Cup its only fitting the first goal of the Final is a PK. Italy's check to the refs must not have cleared yet.

5' — Zambrotta yellow card for running into Vieira.

4' — Henry is back after some smelling salts.

2' — Henry is hurt. They have one of those old-timey ice bags. Cannavaro with the collision. Inadverent. Henry looks like he definitely got his bell rung rung rung. Henry comes off for the time being.
——————————————

PREGAME

Hello Internet.

You're looking (live) at the 73,000 seat Olympiastadion, the site of today's WM final between France and Italy. Upwards of one billion eyes may be trained on this game of all games in a sleepy Western Berlin neighborhood. (And upwards of dozens should be tuned into this live blog.)

Today's game brings an end to what will probably be considered a mediocore, to sub-par World Cup. Yes, the Group Stages provided plenty of exciting games, but few surprises aside from Ghana. The Knockout Phase has been a display of hunker-down, defensive 1-0 football. Fun for everyone!

Meanwhile, no individual player has jumped up and taken this Cup over by the short-and-curlies. Yes, Zidane's inspired run is a story most with a heart can get behind. (The legend riding off into the Marseille sunset with the Jules Rimet trophy.)

But let's be honest, he played great against Brasil and that's about it. Due to the lack of a dominant, driving force (Ronaldihno, how's life?) all the media is just eager to annoit him. Don't forget, he picked up his second yellow card way back against Korea and didn't play in Les Bleus' do-or-die match vs. Togo.

If we were to award the Golden Ball at this very moment my vote goes to Fabio Cannavaro. The pint-sized Caesar owns the penalty area and fortified a defense that has conceeded only one goal. Plus he's been paired with a revolving door of centre-backs, losing no quality in the process. (Although if Italy wins, watch Buffon win it.)

Despite what I wrote a few graphs ago, don't count out Zidane though, the man is probably the best player since Maradona and has a knack for coming up huge in the big game, both internationally and on the club level. (Let's see he's done the header and the left-foot volley thing. Perhaps he can score with his eyes closed.)

On paper this looks like a pure defensive struggle, but for some reason I think Italy should be able to score in a variety of different ways, while France is going to be hard pressed to breakdown the Italian "Senators" on the backline. Read more of my brilliant analysis here.

And most importantly, today is our last chance to mock Marcelo Balboa for his mangling of both the English language and the beautiful game.

Also of note, both teams wear a shade of blue — Italy, "The Azzurri"; France, "Les Bleus" — but today it will be Italy in blue. For today at least, France will have to be Les Blancs.

THE NITTY GRITTY

PREVIOUS FINALS: Italy — 1934 beat Czechslovakia 2-1 a.e.t.; 1938 beat Hungary 4-2; 1970 lost to Brasil 4-1; 1982 beat West Germany 3-1; 1994 lost to Brasil in PKs; France: 1998 beat Brasil 3-0

LEADING SCORERS: Italy — Luca Toni, 2 (nine other Italians have scored); France: Thierry Henry 3

GOALS ALLOWED: Italy 1, France 2

ROAD TO FINAL: Italy: Group E 1st: Beat Ghana 2-0; Drew USA 1-1; Beat Czech Republic 2-0; Round of 16: Beat Austraila 1-0; QF: Beat Ukraine 3-0; Semi: Beat Germany 2-0 a.e.t; France: Group G 2nd: Drew Switzerland 0-0; Drew Korea 1-1; Beat Togo 2-0; Round of 16: Beat Spain 3-1; QF: Beat Brasil 1-0; Semi: Beat Portugal 1-0

PREVIOUS MATCHUPS OF NOTE: France eliminated Italy in in the Quarterfinals of 1998 in penalty kicks. Two years later they struck a blow that might be the turning point in Italian football at the Euro 2000 Final. Italy led 1-0 at Rotterdam, only to see Wiltord tie it in the 90th minute, followed by a 103rd minute Golden Goal by Trezeguet. Watch it right here.

LINEUPS:

Leftback: Willy Sagnol
Centreback: William Gallas, Lilliam Thuram
Rightback: Eric Abidal

Leftwing: Franck Ribery
Defensive midfielder: Patrick Vieira, Claude Makelele
Rightwing: Flourent Malouda
Attacking midfielder: Zinadine Zidane

Forward: Thierry Henry

Goalkeeper: Gigi Buffon

Leftback: Fabio Grosso
Centrebacks: Fabio Cannavaro, Marco Materazzi
Rightback: Gianluca Zambrotta

Defensive midfielder: Gennaro Gattuso
Central midfielders: Simone Perotta, Andrea Pirlo
Attacking midfielders: Francesco Totti, Mauro Camoranesi

Forward: Luca Toni

PREDICTION: Italy 2, France 0

THE LAST WORD: "I have found myself appreciating this sport more than ever, during this tournament." — Mike Lupica, ESPN Sports Reporters. (Beware children, the end is nigh. He actually defended soccer againt John Feinstein's nonsensical argument. Yeah John, golf is sooooooooo action-packed and exciting.)

Oh, finally, if you want to pretend you're inside the stadium. Enjoy these these two videos.

David Hirshey is currently dealing with the psychological implications of this picture being released to the public, so he won't be back until Monday with a wrapup. To appropriately warm your cockles for the game, we suggest this bikini simulation of the game — this is how Jimmy the Greek used to make picks — and this video devoted to Zidane, the Frenchman it's OK to like.

The game is at 2 p.m. ET on ABC, and our man Mike Cardillo of That's On Point will be live-blogging the game right here at this bat station. If you like soccer, it'll be as exciting as one could possibly hope for, and if you don't, well, you don't have to hear about soccer for a while. It's win-win!

New York Red Bulls player Youri Djorkaeff — who played for the French team that won the 1998 World Cup — left the Red Bulls last week for "a serious family matter" ... and it turned out that "family matter" was the France-Brazil game. He would have gotten away with it too, if it hadn't been for a pesky, um, warrant out for his arrest.

Frankfurt police spokesman Carsten Sippel confirmed Wednesday that Djorkaeff was arrested before France's quarterfinal win over Brazil on Saturday, but declined to comment on other details of a report in the Rheinpfalz daily. ... Djorkaeff's detention was related to accusations he left the scene of an accident after his car scraped another vehicle in Kaiserslautern in late 2001.

You know what? If he's out on bail by Sunday, we bet he won'te regret any of it at all ... even if the Red Bulls cut him. Good ole MLS.

Caught In The Public Eye [Some Fine Fellows]

Not since the Rolling Stones' Iron Lung tour has the world marveled at a bunch of geezers getting it up one last time for a happy ending. Just when you thought that Zidane and the rest of "Les Vieux" (trust me, it's funny if you speak French) had exhausted all their AARP-approved elixirs, they found another keg of Ponce de Leon prune juice to save the day.

Is it just me, or were you not misting up when Zizou and Figo, the two proud old men of soccer and former teammates at Real Madrid, embraced at the end of France's valiant 1-0 semifinal victory, stripped off their sweaty jerseys and showed off the best waxed six packs since the volleyball scene in Top Gun? Or, come to think of it, was it more like Brokeback, which I never saw but friends talk of how Heath Ledger just couldn't let go of that shirt. The question begs: How long will Zidane hold onto to Figo's No. 7 jersey, and will he ever wash it?

France is in the World Cup final against Italy, a sentence I never thought I'd write. Which color blue do you prefer: Azzurri or Bleu? I'm a Bleu man myself, especially after Zidane bleu me away yet again.

You can moan, like Big Phil Scolari, that Les Bleus were lucky, that Henry's theatrics in the box would have made Belmondo proud and that Portugal should have been awarded their own penalty when Sagnol nudged Ronaldo as he tried to head home a Figo cross. But make no mistake: The better team won. Portugal, with their one-named players (Maniche, Ricardo, Costinha, Pauleta, Miguel), their Brazilian-born midfielder Deco, their Brazilian manager Scolari and an attack spearheaded by The Other Ronaldo, has been the Brazil Lite of this tournament, playing with flair but no real cutting edge. They deserve their fate for their 16-yellow, four-red card burlesque show against Holland, their inability to breach the England defense after Wayne Rooney's ejection left them one man up (albeit two squashed testicles down) for 60 minutes and their scoreless dry hump against France.

Not that French were exactly magnifique yesterday. This was no stirring performance to put in the time capsule alongside their inspired fight back against Spain and their masterclass against Brazil. Once again they relied on the sorcery of Zidane and the cunning of Henry to get them the one goal they needed, and then they prayed that their ancient and venerable central defender Lilian Thuram would keep Portugal from exposing France keeper Barthez for the herky-jerky, bobbling, flailing spaz he is. The 34-year-old Thuram, who for my Euros is the second best defender in the Cup next to Italy's Cannavarro, was unbeatable in the air and tackled with crunching resolve. Speaking of crunching things, it sure looked like Ricardo Carvalho's swingers, the subject of the world's attention after Rooney stamped on them in their quarterfinal match, had recovered nicely when he stuck out his left foot as Henry jinked past him in the box.

Even taking into account Henry's dramatic flourish as he went down, there was no way that referee Jorge Larrionda couldn't give the penalty; at least there was a soupcon of contact on this play, as opposed to the phantom foul he whistled on US defender Oguchi Onyewu that knocked the Americans out of the Cup. After Larrionda pointed to the spot and Zidane dispatched the kick with consummate composure, Carvalho and Scolari were gesticulating wildly at the referee for the perceived injustice. Zidane simply looked heavenward, as much to say merci as to say see you Sunday.

It's France — a team that at one point was in danger of not even making the Round of 16 — vs. Portugal, a team that knocked out the English and got a Wayne Rooney ballstomp for its troubles. It should be a fiery crew; could we actually have an Italy-France final? What happens then?

Your live blogger today is Robert Weintraub, from Slate, and he should be rocking it out and having a grand time. This is our final weekday World Cup live blog, so bring your A-game, people, after the jump.

———————————————————————————————————
That will do it for me—Around The Horn has appeared on screen, which is everyone's cue to exit. Thanks again to Will for the sitespace, and enjoy the Final everyone!!! (See you at tennis, Lorie).

For Portugal, Figo showed his age, Deco was taken out by Makelele, Pauleta was atrocious, and only Ronaldo was consistently dangerous, but there were no finishing touches. Off to the 3-4 match against the Germans, that should be fun to watch. I may finish weedwhacking instead.

To quote the immortal Henri (not Henry, but the cad from "Cheers"), "France Has Won!" To which Cliff replies, "There's something you don't hear everyday." Not the most exciting of games, frankly—felt at times like a March clash between mid-table squads. But all credit to Zidane—he scores the game's lone goal, and will play for his second Jules Rimet trophy on Sunday. It's Les Bleus against the Azzuri—my bet is on the team that wears blue. Italy has been the best team by far this tourney, but France has the look of destiny about them. My guess—Zidane scores the winner in extra time for the first real goal off Buffon, and walks off the pitch as a champeen—until he is talked into playing for Francais in South Africa 2010

Figo and Zidane unsurprisingly trade jerseys. Look for the ebay firesale tomorrow.

FRANCE HAS WON 1-0!!!! FRANCE V ITALY IN THE WORLD CUP FINAL.

94' Another Saha giveaway results in a through ball to Ronaldo, who is offsides, on the last play of the game.

94' Barthez out to snatch a good cross.

93' Corner punched out, to Ricardo, who is waaaaaaay up. he regains and wins another corner.

92' Superb play from Figo, leaves one for Deco, who sends one tantalizingly through the box, but no one at the far post.

91' Postiga nicely wins the ball in air and leaves for Meira, who has plenty of space but blasts well over. Best chance since Figo's botch.

91' Saha gives it away, and sulkily walks back on defense—he's been a nightmare in his few minutes of action. Fortunately for him Figo can't find Postiga.

90' Four minutes of stoppage time—can Portugal even get a shot away?

89' Not much urgency from the Portuguese—even Brazil turned it up in the last 10 minutes. Figo and Ronaldo seem out of gas. And Deco has been marked out of this one by the great Makelele.

88' More nice ZZ touches to keep the pressure off his goal.

88' The crowd lustily sings La Marsellaise—just like in Victory!!! Of course the announcers were yapping through it.

87' That was quick—Saha gets booked for a two leg pincer on Figo—Henry won't have to worry about subbed out in the final, as Saha won't be playing.

86' Zidane hasn't done much this half but now does some nice holding and possession.

85' Yep, Henry is off for Saha. Hope for Domenech's sake this doesn't go to extra time. Let's say it all together anyway—WHO IS ON FIRE?? HENRY IS ON FIRE!!! That's what this game is missing, some Cantona craziness.

84' Nice French buildup, but Sagnol mindlessly lumps one right at Ricardo. He in turn gives it away on the boot.

84' Figo just realized his World Cup career is done in about 10 minutes unless he does something, so he makes a nice run down the right and wins a corner. But guess what—it's a shitty one.

82' Carvalho gets a yellow for hacking down Wiltord—guess he did NOT get one earlier. Thought he did. Now he's out for the final, though that looks rather moot as the clock ticks.

82' Saha is up, does Domenech dare replace Henry?

80' Thuram fouls, setting up a free kick in a dangerous spot on the left. Figo's bender is cleared by Veiera's head. Carvalho collects and sends one way over.

77' Ronaldo gets taken down by Veiera for a free kick. He crushes it at Barthez, who volleyballs it up in the air for a gift rebound to Figo, who botches the sitting header. What a golden chance for the last remnant of the golden generation. But he blew it. It walloped off Barthez's chest before he could get his hands up, to be fair, that's how hard it was struck.

76' Big Phil is doing his best "C'mon lads!!" but to no effect. A nice cross sees some synchronized diving by Ronaldo and Postiga.

75' Postiga replaces Costinha, who struggled to check Zidane and Ribery. Postiga plays in the French league, for what it's worth.

73' Simao strips Zidane but can't find anyone on his cross. Ronaldo gets a nice flick and turn but no one gets it to him on the give and go.

72' Another sub, Govou replaces Ribery for defensive purposes, so long scarface, you had a decent game.

71' Ronaldo another run down the left, drawing three defenders, winning a corner. But again the service on the set piece is wanting.

71' Nuno Valente tries a speculative shot from the left that swerves on Barthez but he grabs it.

70' Wiltord comes in for Malouda, maybe he will jumpstart the French attack, but I doubt he'll make too many runs and leave gaps for Ronaldo and Figo to counter into.

69' Simao immediately tries a run but Sagnol won't have it—he has had a strong game.

67' Simao is up, likely in for Pauleta. Simao has had some nice moments, and going to more 4-4-2 seems mandatory right now—there is just no contact up front.

66' Pauleta ruins a nice switch of field by giving it the full scuba—barely breathed on and he flops like Vlade Divac.

64' JP acknowledges Ribery's mercurial behavior at club level—he's been on 6 different clubs. He's getting the full tonguebath from the media this month, and he has been excellent, but now you know why he isn't a bigger name.

63' France definitely has pulled it in a bit, looking for counterattacks. A long cross is picked off by Barthez, perfect opportunity for a runout and throw to Ribery, but Fabien doesn't go for it.

61' Now Abidal goes down from a Figo cross that catches him full in the mush. Meanwhile, Paulo Ferreira comes in for Miguel, another Chelsea man who can't get a game at the club but is here in the World Cup.

60' An hour in and Miguel can't continue—looks like he pulled something on that awkward end to a good run. Portugal wanted the foul, but I don't think so. They're playing with ten until a sub can get ready. Shocked he didn't go down and at least stop the game.

58' Pauleta backheels for cutting Miguel, put he had stumbled after a strong run. He looks very good, though—Valencia may not be able to keep him.

57' Cutaway of Aime Jacquet in the house, manager in '98 when France won the Cup. Probably rooting for Portugal—those guys are all egomaniacs.

56' Dangerous corner just headed away by Meira with Veiera lurking. Meira and Veiera—that rhymes! Alert your favorite Eurorapper.

54' Ronaldo another nice run earns a corner. Nothing in it and Ribery sprints down the left on a counter, gets it too Zidane, and he leaves it for Henry—who thought ZZ Top would shoot. So much for putting aside the differences—nice call Rob.

53' Pauleta gets it from Figo with his back to the goal, turns quickly, and fires—hits the side netting, but his first bit of positivity tonight.

52' Seeing Veiera make a nice tackle reminds me that the match-fixing scandal in Italy, harped on endlessly yesterday, is a factor here. Patrick made a timely move from Arsenal to Juve, what? Trezeguet and Thuram will likely be moving too.

49' Not much talk lately about how Zidane and Henry can't work together—they have worked out their differences (pitch and personal) for the good of le Rupublique. France has another goal in them, you can feel it. Portugal needs a break or some fab individual play to turn the tide.

47' Tentative start to the half broken by a turnover and a bit of magic from Henry, who gets a left-footer off that Ricardo just manages to parry for a corner. Veiera can't get to the corner but France regains, Zidane throws in a series of stepovers, and Ribery gets off a crack that stuns Ricardo but he manages to pop it up in the air and recover to grab it.

And we're back. Portugal needs to make some runs to link off Ronaldo and get something tangible going in the box. Maniche may need to drop back and work with Ronaldo in tandem.

Here comes Zidane, taking the stairs two at a time. He looks 20 again! Or is it 18! The final will feature a holographic image of Zizou, like that endlessly aired Adidas ad with the shimmering young Beckenbauer.

I despise the Home Run Derby as the worst the confluence of American culture and ESPN propaganda can generate, but any excuse to play the 1812 Overture is a good one. Seek out Peter O'Toole in "My Favorite Year", he sings it drunkenly in a classic moment from a great flick. Wait, this isn't Cinematical, it's Deadspin? My bad.

Ahhh, Big Game Brent, thank you so for gracing us with your golden pipes! Now I know this game is worth watching.

Did you know Zidane wanted to play for Algeria, but his genius coach at the time said he was too slow? Right there with the deep mind who cut Michael Jordan from his high school team. That Algerian coach is now listening to "Shema Yisrael" on an endless loop in a dungeon in Algiers.

Miami Vice movie ad—can't wait! I like how Michael Mann is promo'd as the "director of Collateral" and not the man behind the original TV series. Man, I'm old...

Say it together—ZIZOU!! He has the lone goal on a penalty earned by Henry. Looks like he wants the storybook win the World Cup and walk away finish to his brilliant career. Top 5 all-time, with Pele, Maradona, De Stefano, and Alexi Lalas? I think so. Good to see an Algerian getting some love in the west, post-September 11th. My friend Beth has fallen for the Galactico Primero Uno, putting his gleaming dome as her wallpaper, even though her husband properly identified him as an extra from the dock scenes in French Connection II.

By the way, it's Champs Elysees, not the retarded way I spelled it earlier.

HALFTIME 1-0 FRANCE

46' Again Harkes says Portugal doesn't need to complain—ever hear of the Scorpion and the Frog, John?

45' Ribery assaulted again with no call—he pops up like Gumby but can't make anything happen.

45' Solid Ribery turn, but his shot is blocked.

44' Well, Ronaldo has no confidence in his teammates—his run down the right draws a troika of Frenchmen, and Cristiano just blasts ineffectively wide.

43' Pauleta has been invisible—given the strength of Ronaldo's runs he needs to make himself available.

42' Figo comes over and clatters Zidane down just because he's jealous of Zizou's Jean-Luc Picard look.

41' Ribery splits two men on the right and gets taken down, but Gorgeous Jorge waves him up. Bad no call there.

39' Brilliant Ronaldo run results in a left footed shot that deflects out for a corner. See, he can be so dangerous when not bitching and moaning. Costinha fouls Barthez on the corner.

38' Thuram again a cool clearance—he heard my lashing about their weakness earlier.

37' Figo with a pair of crosses—good Thuram clearance, than Ronaldo with a spectacular two and a half with a twist, looking for a makeup penalty. No dice. Someone on the Portugal bench hurled a water bottle on the field. This is what I was talking about in the intro—their plaers are so gifted but they are just such babies.

34' Maniche tries a low skipper from 40 yards out that Barthez fumbles but collects.

33' Zidane will take it—-GOALGOALGOALGOALGOALGOALGOAL!!! Ricardo of course got a piece, but not enough as Zizou tucks it with power into the left corner. 1-0 Les Bleus, and they're going wild on the Champs D'Elysee and fancy hair salons across the globe.

32' HENRY GOES DOWN IN THE AREA—PENALTY IS CALLED!!! He tried to flick past Carvalho, who just barely clips him, but it was a foul. Carvalho now out for the final, if...

31' Miguel starts a nice counter attack, but Pauleta lets everyone in red down with an errant pass toward Maniche.

30' Harkes says no one likes to see diving—doesn't he know that Portugal practices it as much or more than free kicks?

29' Nice closeout by Fernando Meira to prevent an Henry shot but France has taken control of the action through Zizou and Ribery.

28' Henry abuses Miguel but can't get any power on a tight angle shot, and Ricardo swallows it easily.

27' Zidane taken down at the edge of the area, ref says he dove! Looked a little dubious, frankly. Jorge has been OK thus far—Sepp must have his family locked up in a Montevideo basement as insurance.

25' Shot of large throng at FanFest in Munich—nice to see Ze Germans are still into it after yesterday. By the way, don't you wish they showed the huge mob at the Berlin Fan Mile after the loss? Surely there was some classic German sentimentality going on, probably involving truncheons.

24' Good Portugal possession but Valente's ball into the box isn't good.

23' Harkes just seemed to confuse Arsenal with Man United, saying Veiera knows Ronaldo well from his prior home in North London. C'mon, don't get Balboan on us.

22' Sagnol looking crafty for a defender (converted midfielder I believe), makes some nice touches but then remembers who he is and loses it out of bounds.

21' Nuno Valente facetraps an Henry blast after a couple of nice moves.

20' France looks a little misshapen at the back, especially susceptible to runs from the wing across the middle. Take control, Makelele!

18' First Big Phil cutaway—thnk he knows the camera will find him? No bad words about him, though—anyone with that kind of whammy on the English deserves 'spect.

16' Barthez stops a Figo strike with a nice stretch. Speaking of stretch, on the follow through Figo crashes heavily into Veiera, and needs the ole stretcher. Natch, he's right back on his feet.

15' Portugal wins a corner but it goes over everyone, At least JP didn't call it an outswinger, which souunds vaguely camp.

14' Zidane's first bit of brilliance, a stepover gets the ball to Ribery, a cross comes in for Henry who can't reach it. He looks a step behind early here, but as all Arsenal fans know, he can look that way for 85 minutes than break the enemy's heart with a sniper strike.

12' Figo with a nice step by but Amidal recovers and tackles him with the toe from behind.

11' Nice start to this one, much better than England-Portugal. Not the relentless pace of yesterday's furious action but not bad.

10' Veiera giveaway results in a good cross by Figo. Sliding clearance by Thuram.

9' Maniche unleashes a cannon off a magical Ronaldo backheel. Just glances over the crossbar. Maniche has been consistently dangerous in the Cup, looks it again.

8' Mystifying clearance gives France the game's first corner—Zizou looks for Henry but too tall for him.

7' Already Portugal looks much brighter in attack with Deco running the show.

6' Ribery's first action—he's gotten a lot of positive notices due to his super pace. This cross finds no one home, though.

4' Ronaldo sets up Deco who tests Barthez with a grounder to the far post. Good save and a good walloff by Sagnol to prevent Ronaldo from banging in the rebound.

3' Ronaldo booed lustily the first time he touchs the rock.

2' Our referee tonight is the infamous Jorge Larrionda of Uruguay, whom might have last seen tossing out red cards like they were Junior Mints in the Italy-USA match.

1' Malouda with an early chance after a long ball to the left side of the box. Wide.

It's quite jarring to see Henry wearing number 12. His nickname is TH14, for Pierre's sake! Like seeing Gretzky wear 91 while playing in the Olympics. Can't he at least work one of those trades, like you see from time to time in the pros, wear a player deals some steaks or a nice watch or a couple of groupies in exchange for a favorite number? C'mon Saha, give up jersey!

Anthems for each side. Surely we can agree Le Marseillaise is the greatest one out there, non? Can't you just picture Claude Rains signing it at Rick's? Too bad the Germans lost—we could have replayed that great scene in our heads in entirety.

Since Brent Musberger (what the hell is HE doing there?) just compared Zidane to John Stockton on the pre-game show (because us igna'nt Americans can't appreciate anything unless it's related to a sport we understand), I'll do a reach of my own. Cristiano Ronaldo reminds me off—Ruy Faleiro. Who? He was a colleague of fabled Portugal native Ferdinand Magellan (original name—Fernao de Magelhaes). A brilliant astronomer and mapmaker who went a little bonzo before Magellan took off, and missed out on the famous voyage (probably saving his life). Today, he would just take meds for being bipolar. He reminds me of Ronaldo—ingenius but troubled.

Forgive me—I'm reading a book about the famous voyage called Over The Edge Of The World (highly recommended), so I may have a few 16th century references today.

Walkout time. Uh-oh, Ronaldo just winked at Zidane. Trouble brewing?

Portugal is officially wearing port red shirts and port red socks. Yet Les Bleus is wearing white. Confusing times.

Still catching a buzz from yesterday's Italy-Germany all-Axis thriller? Well, shake it off, because it's time for the second semifinal. The resurgent Frenchies, in the rare position of being more manly than their opponents, against Portugal, featuring a forward line of Louganis and Cousteau. Have I tipped my hand? Truth is, I was quite happy to witness the Portuguese see the Twits off, thanks to Don Logan, ah, I mean Wayne Rooney ("Sexy Beast", anyone?). "Yes, Roundtree!!!" he screamed, as he buried his boot in Carvalho's calvalhos. But now, any thinking fan will be pulling for the magical Zizou and the elegant Henry and the hideous Barthez to make it to Berlin, and a date with fellow battlefield pushovers Italy.

It's temptingly easy to crib the match down to Figo versus Zidane, midfield partners in Madrid for years, talismanic presences, two of the richest players ever. But the real key could be Deco, returned from suspension against England and playing superbly as playmaker in the middle, against Claude Makelele, defensive midfielder deluxe, who easily crushed Brazil's "Magic Circle" and made the tournament favorites look like a weekend rec league side. If Deco can succeed where Ronaldinho failed, Portugal has an excellent chance.

If it comes down to coaches, take "Big Phil" Scolari over Raymond "Rolaids" Domenech, if only for Scolari's Bill Parcells-like charismatic force.

Figo, Maniche, Ricardo, Nuno Valente, and Carvalho all carry yellows into the game, and with their cynical approach—diving, cheap shots, grabbing the ball, time wasting, anything to break the rhythm of the opponent—one and all are in jeopardy of missing the final even if they get past France. The Frogs can't be all casual-like—Thuram, Sagno, Saha, Veiera, the electric Ribery, and Zidane himself are all in yellowland. Wouldn't it be so sadly ironic if Zizou were to lead his team to the final in his last Cup, then miss it due to a pileup of yellows?

These two nations don't have much of a history against one another, save two European Championship clashes, also in the semis. Both went down to the end—in 2000, Zidane struck a penalty three minutes from a shootout to put France into the final (which they would win). Then there was Michel Platini's famous winner in extra time in 1984, again sending the French to the final, and victory (go watch it on youtube quickly before the game starts). Zidane was a ballboy during that match, amazingly enough.

Phil West of Austin, Texas: "My prediction is France-Germany and some really nasty Vichy France/Arc de Triomphe parade needless trash-talk. My nightmare is Italy-Portugal, which would inadvertently be decided on a penalty kick after a dive and an accompanying (because, you know, 2006 World Cup) yellow card."

Richard Gadsden: "We've been here before, and, unusually, Germany doesn't have the advantage. In fact, Italy are 2-0-2 against Germany in World Cup Finals tournaments, including wins in a final (1982) and a semi (1970). The "bogey team" concept has already been reinforced this year by France's unlikely win over Brazil, so Italy's awesome history over Germany has to be taken seriously."

And footie guru Mike Cardillo was kind enough to send in a detailed report on both semifinal games. It is available, in its glorious entirety, after the jump.

Good idea on all reader preview. Although our knowledge is considerably less than Marcelo Balboa, we manage to get our point across without stammering!

Italy/Germany

Loathsome, contemptale, obnoxious, dispicable. Surpringly were not talking about our German overlords, nay, the greasy-haired, underwear models from Italia.

Meanwhile, the usually stern Germans have taken a cue from German-turned-California Jurgen Klinsmann and have given the host nation a bunch of thrills, amazing with smiles instead of moustaches and bad perms on their face.

That said, that means nothing when they meet Tuesday in the 'Opera House' that is the Westfalenstadion in Dortmund.

If you take the tournament as a whole, Italy has been the most impressive team — including the USA debacle in Kaiserslautern. No opposing player is yet to penetrate Gianluigi Buffon's net.

Also, for all the talk of the Italian football scandal, it's probably brought the team closer together and given them a rallying point.

Meanwhile, the Germans have only played one good team — Argentina — and needed a miracle in kicks to defeat them. Die Mannschaft's only chance is if Michael Ballack plays like the player Chelsea has spent all these Euros on. Don't count on Klinny pulling the right strings.

For some reason this game is going to atone, at least for the Italians, for the Cup in 1990. Italy, as hosts, were ousted in the semifinals by Argentina. My grandfather was in Italia during the tournament and basically described it as dour as if the Pope was shot. (Well...not exactly his words.)

Therefore Italy denies the hosts their chance to become champions on homesoil. Luca Toni with another brace. The Pick: Italy 2, Germany 0

France/Portugal

It's hard to call Portugal a surprise or underdog. The small Atlantic state has continually churned out, fun, attacking players and with Big Phil Scolari at the reigns can lockdown the backline with the best of them. Still, this is only their fourth World Cup and first semifinals birth since the great Eusebio in 1966.

For France, everyone, HOPED they were dead in the Group Stage. Really, even with geniuses like Zidane and Henry you cannot root for the Les Blues. Still, the '98 champs have looked better and gained confidence since dispatching Togo 2-0 and did send Brasil (which played dismally against quality opponents) packing.

This will be a pairing of two teams using the 4-5-1 formation, the difference will be a rested Deco, who sat out the Engerland win with a Red card suspension. France has put too much into the last two wins and their astrology loving coach Raymond Domenech's luck runs out here.

You can't overstate the impact of Big Phil. The players absolutely love him and don't think they can lose with him on the touchline. Did you see him bearhug each and every player after the win over England? They'll atone for losing Euro 2004 on homesoil with a win here.

The pick: Força! Portugal wins it for Nelly Furtado, 1-0.

That gave them a 1-0 lead, and after that, the French defense held strong, which isn't something you get a chance to say every day. The Brazilians forced the action late, coming pretty close to getting the equalizer, but the fact that they couldn't find that sort of urgency at any previous point finally caught up with them. The defending champions are gone, and soon, all the random photographs of phenomenal Brazilian ass will be going with them.

So we've got an all-European Final Four, including France, Germany, Portugal and Italy. We'll start previewing the semifinals tomorrow, so if you've got any pithy (I learned a new word from David Stern) comments on either of the upcoming matches, send them to mjd@deadspin.com, and we'll see if we can't put together a reader-inspired preliminary preview tomorrow.

Brazil 0-1 France [BBC Sport]