"Finally, we'd like to point out the Facebook effort "Jort-Out Georgia." People think that by looking like white trash, they'll perform better on the field. Trust us, not even kryptonite can stop Knowshon Moreno." But you know what can stop you from having sex? Writing editorials for your college newspaper. Anyway, Jort-Out Georgia is alive and well on facebook here. And I have to say, as lame and gay as the blackout was at Georgia, the jort-out is close to genius. Or close enough to genius to be equated as such when it comes to SEC football. (Note: literacy and ability to count to one-hundred also suffice.)
On to the games.

West Virginia (-4) at UConn- Are the Mountaineers poised to regain their rightful place at the top of the Big East standings or will UConn hang the first conference loss on West Virginia? Right now UConn is 2-1 with the tiebreak over Louisville and West Virginia is the only team undefeated in conference. In the wake of last night's South Florida defeat the Big East race has now been sliced to a six-team affair. West Virginia has won 4 in a row since bad road losses to mediocre East Carolina and Colorado football teams. But all those wins were in Morgantown/Deadwood. Can they step outside of conference and pull off a win? If you're like the rest of us you'll be waiting with bated breath. (Note, by waiting with bated breath, I mean not noticing at all.)

Northwestern at Minnesota (-7)- Who's about to become the hottest coach you've never heard of in college football? Minnesota's Tim Brewster. That happens when you can bring a top 20 recruiting class in despite a 1-11 record and when you start the next season 7-1. Minnesota in the Rose Bowl for the first time since 1966? Don't stop believing Gophers, don't stop believing.

Michigan at Purdue (-2)- Did you know that Purdue was 2-6? I didn't either. This is a high school girl's slapfest. One of these teams is going to finish 2-10. Which one? The one that doesn't win this game.

Miami at Virginia (-2)- All hail your coastal division champion Virginia Cavaliers. Stop laughing. I wrote last week that this was going to happen. Now it's even more likely. Oddsmakers are starting to take note of the Al Groh resurgence; the line moved from Miami favored by 1 to UVa by 2.

Auburn at Ole Miss (-6.5)- Tommy Tuberville limps back to Oxford with a 4-4 record and is almost a touchdown underdog to Ole Miss. Auburn fans are sharpening their knives to lop of off Tubs's oversized ears. Is this in any way justified with his past success? No. Can Auburn attract a better coaching candidate? No. Will this stop them from calling for his head if they lose to Ole Miss? Nope.

Pittsburgh at Notre Dame (-5)- Isn't it amazing how all the criticism of the media love affair with Notre Dame has finally taken hold? There's been virtually no mention of Notre Dame's five wins and they aren't ranked. Wannstedt has had a week to get over the 54 points his team gave up to Rutgers last week. This is just the sort of game Pitt has won under Wannstedt. Or lost by 50. Meanwhile Notre Dame has still not beaten a team with a winning record.

Arizona State at Oregon State (-14)- Is there a media conspiracy that doesn't want to point out that if Oregon State (currently 3-1 in the Pac-10) wins out, they win the Pac-10? You didn't realize they hadn't lost a Pac-10 game since they swamped USC either, did you? The world will be up in arms if Oklahoma slides into the BCS Title game without winning the Big 12. But if USC does it from the Pac-10? No one will even notice.

Tulsa (-7) at Arkansas- The Imma kick the shit out of you former-Arkansas coaching staff victory tour will continue another week. Last week Houston Nutt rolled into Fayetteville and beat his old team. This week Gus Malzahn, Tulsa's offensive coordinator, gets his shot. Tulsa's got the best offense you haven't heard of. They're averaging 625 yards of offense per game and 56.6 points. Averaging. David Johnson, their quarterback, has 32 touchdown passes already. If Malzahn doesn't get a head coaching job sometime soon, there is no justice in the universe.

Oregon at Cal (-3)- Two of the other one-loss Pac-10 teams are playing. What's going to give, Oregon's 278 yard per game rushing attack or Cal's defense that's allowing less than a 100 rushing yards a game. Will this game feature the most weed-smoking per capita on the season? I think so.

Florida (-6.5) v. Georgia- All you need to know about this game comes from ESPN:

Tired of struggling to find enough teachers to staff its classrooms on the Friday before the annual Georgia-Florida football game, the Clarke County (Ga.) School District — which includes Athens, home of the University of Georgia — decided to cancel school altogether.

According to area media reports, 137 teachers last year called in sick the day before the big game, and the district was able to find only 113 substitutes.

School administrators studied the absences over the years and found a pattern — almost twice as many teachers call in sick the Friday before the annual game in Jacksonville, Fla., about 360 miles away, than on an average school day.

Yeah, I can't wait to see this game either. Fuck reading and writing.

Washington at Southern Cal (-47)- The line opened at 43 and quickly moved to 47. Seriously, shouldn't there be a rule that if you're favored by more than 35 over a fellow conference foe that the team you're favored over has to leave the conference for a year?

Texas at Texas Tech (-3.5)- If you're not rooting for Mike Leach to win this game, then you're a communist. If Leach the piriate wins he might get on the team bus, drive to Athens, and allow his team loose to plunder the city. Honestly. I'm just hoping it comes down to the walk-on kicker from 30 yards to win or lose the game. Remember how I keep saying that the winning quarterback of this game has the Heisman locked up? This time I mean it. Colt McCoy has 21 touchdowns, an 81.3 completion percentage, and has thrown for 2285 yards. Graham Harrell has thrown for 28 touchdowns and 3147 yards. In case you've been living under a rock both teams are undefeated. Let the scoring begin.

Quarterback Graham Harrell and last year’s Biletnikoff Award winner, Michael Crabtree, lead Texas Tech into what they hope will be their break through season in both the Big 12 South and the BCS. Texas Tech returns 18 starters (ten on offense) and rides its highest preseason ranking in 31 years in this season’s quest to escape its reputation as the “also ran” of Texas college football. Harrell returns for his senior year and his third as a starter after once again putting up “holy shit” statistics last year (5,705 yards, 71.8% completion, 48 touchdowns and 14 interceptions is difficult on PlayStation even when you’re sober). Crabtree came into last year with expectations that he would contribute immediately, and put together such an outstanding year that he avoided the “system player” knock. Besides the two big stars, Tech has more depth and talent on both sides of the ball than ever. If the breakthrough doesn’t happen this year, then I’m giving up on football and throwing all of my support behind Tech’s Meat Judging team.

Mike Leach is entering what I think is his ninth season with Texas Tech (I can’t be expected to confirm this. I’m a fucking volunteer writer.) They call him the Mad Scientist. I don’t particularly like this nickname because (1) he’s a lawyer by training, not a scientist, and (2) although he’s peculiar, he doesn’t exhibit any signs of dementia. Nonetheless, he’s done a damn fine job. Regardless of whether we make big waves this year, he’s made Tech recognizable and relevant. That is no small task at a university with a relatively isolated campus that has to compete with Texas, Oklahoma, Aggieland, etc., etc.

Strengths:

It’s Texas Tech, so unless you’ve been in a coma the last 8 years, you know their strength is the passing game. They shouldn’t miss a beat this year with ten starters returning. Crabtree’s numbers will likely decline because of the added coverage he will draw. He’s still a badass and should open things up for other receivers like Eric “The Elf” Morris (5’8” 177lbs), Edward Britton, Detron Lewis, and a handful of others. Seriously, in an average season, 15 or 16 guys catch a pass.

At least early on, running back will be by committee with Shannon Woods, Aaron Crawford, and Baron Batch. Each of them is in the slightly undersized 5’11” 200lbs mold and they’re each pretty good in the open field.
The entire starting offensive line is back (although a couple of the starters are being challenged for their spots). The O-Line averages about 6’5” and 325lbs., and only gave up 18 sacks in 763 pass attempts last year. They also handled Chris Long pretty well last year in the Gator Bowl. (Side Note: If you watched that game, you know that Chris Long plays like someone put PCP on his cornflakes and lit a block of firecrackers in his ass.) Louis Vasquez is the name to remember, at least as the season begins.

Gratuitous Leach Quote #1: “If you get into a fight, don't take your helmet off. We're looking for smart football players, not dumb ones. In the interest of time, don't get into any more fights today."

Weaknesses:

Six months ago, I would say Tech’s biggest weakness is that they let opponents stomp a mud-hole in their ass with the running game. However, Tech has added a lot of quality depth to their defensive front seven in the off season (Tech only played 3 guys at DT last year in their 4-3 system). Chris Perry, Brandon Sesay and McKinner Dixon are all newcomers that should all contribute to the D-Line this year. Sophomore Coby Whitlock and junior Brandon Williams each appear to have the ability to play on Sunday.

That being said, the real weakness is consistency, both throughout the season and in individual games. There’s no room for a horrible loss to a bad team like years past with Colorado, Oklahoma State, Iowa State, New Mexico, etc.

Look no further than the last two bowl games for inconsistent play within a game (overcoming deficits of 31 and 14 points due primarily to inconsistent play and penalties). Although it is especially not cool to get a 21 point first half lead on Texas, prompting me to leave a buddy’s wedding reception in downtown Atlanta on Halloween weekend in search of a sports bar, then give up the lead and lose leading me to drunkenly scream at a television in the corner of said sports bar, all the while surrounded by southern metrosexuals in clever Halloween costumes. It was demoralizing to say the least.

Gratuitous Leach Quote #2: “We played two games out here today. We played a very poor one the first half, and we played a pretty good one the second half. The first half, Baylor's three defensive lineman consistently whipped our five offensive linemen. I'm very disappointed with the first half, pleased with the second half, so it's kind of a love hate game really."

Rival:

Aggieland refuses to acknowledge that Texas Tech is their rival. The fact that we’ve beaten them in 10 of the last 13 games makes me obliged to focus on them. It may surprise people unfamiliar with the Big 12, but I shit you not that most Aggie fans think A&M has a top 15, if not top 10 program. Thus, they cannot be bothered with lowly Texas Tech (I’m not making this shit up.) Maybe taking only three days to find a new coach, but more than 3 months to find a new mascot. (Reveille VIII was introduced on August 11) is what leaves Aggieland from being our “rival in denial” to being our “trap game” at best. Also, we kicked the shit out of them in Meat Judging last year.

Gratuitous Leach Quote #3: “Yeah, you've just got to work around the Corps. I think it's one of the greatest settings in college football, and they've got those guys with swords marching around. I'll make my annual plea that I think the opposing team should be given some swords too, and after the game, we'll give them back so the next opposing team can use the swords. I don't think it's fair that just one side should have swords. But I do think the Corps, in and of itself, is impressive. They march around there and sometimes you have to dodge between columns to get to the locker room, but you work through that."