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hugh johnson project
Hugh 2: A Historical Hugh
West F'in Virginia. That's all you need to know. More »
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By TuffyComment by 1980 David Bowie From The Music Video Ashes To Ashes: The Champs Sports Bowl is the most exciting scoreless punt-fest I've ever seen. FSU's Gano has pinned Wisconsin inside the... 4 Responses | Other threads
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hugh johnson project
Hugh 1: It's Not the Size; It's How Often You Score
This Hugh Johnson post is in honor of John Holmes, WVU linebacker. We salute you... you know, with our hands. More » -
hugh johnson project
HUGH 2: Why Take The Ball At The 40 When I Can Field It Right Now?
Florida 17, Alabama 10, 2nd Quarter. Javier Arenas just made the dumbest play I've ever seen a college football player ever make. After the Gators connected on a field goal to tie the score at 10 apiece, Florida kicked off to Arenas. The kick was about to go out of bounds UNTIL ARENAS FIELDED THE DAMN BALL AT THE 3 AND THEN STEPPED OUT OF BOUNDS. And Bama just went three-and-out, and sure enough, Tebow took 'em down the field. Unreal. More »
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By Josh ZerkleComment by brooklyn_net: if, for whatever reason, you made the mistake of forgoing the end of bc/v-tech to catch the start of florida/alabama,... 2 Responses | Other threads
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hugh johnson project
Hugh 3: Hugh Side of the Force
So this happened. Apparently, the victor receives the spoils of band instruments when Kansas and Missouri clash. We're pretty sure this doesn't compensate fully for Bleeding Kansas, but it just might make up for Leftoverture. More »
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By TuffyComment by Matt Sussman: Does anyone have a football coach they're not using? 3 Responses | Other threads
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hugh johnson project
Hugh 2: You Wouldn't Like Hugh When He's Angry
Your finals at this moment: Va Tech 17, Va Techless 14; Cincy 30, Syracuse 10; Clemson 31, South Carolina 14; NC State 38, Miami 28. The fights for Georgia and Kansas City continue to tighten with 9ish minutes left. Also, no one's resigned in the last hour or so, despite all the screaming we've heard from you that they should. Now let's hear from you magnificent angry bastards: More »
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By TuffyComment by mikedrawcar left his star around here somewhere...: KANSAS. Keeping you safe from Missouri since 1865. ROOOOCK CHAAALK.... 4 Responses | Other threads
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hugh johnson project
Hugh 1: Croom'd!
First, news: Sylvester Croom has resigned as Mississippi State head coach. The leading candidate for the position is... Sarah Palin? Silver, stop messing with us! And now your local angry young men in spandex... More »
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By TuffyComment by Peter Cavan: I feel bad that Sylvester Croom couldn't get the job done at Mississippi State. I still have the "The... 5 Responses | Other threads
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hugh johnson project
Hugh 4: The Mediocre ACC Has a Message for You
Not a ton of excitement in the 3:30 games. Perhaps I should be watching the Mormons of BYU battle Air Force? Or is all the action in the battle for the Almighty Wooden Potato in the storied Boise State-Idaho rivalry? The scene in Maryland is rather boring, partially due to the horrible conditions. Commenters mentioned a wet Stacey Dales reporting on the sidelines but we've yet to see any photographic proof. It's 15-14 with just over a quarter to play. ACC football at it's finest! On to your Hugh: More »
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Comment by Enthused_But_Fired: "Stephen Garcia, as we mentioned, is from suburban Tampa, Florida." Hey Verne, some of us refer to Odessa, Florida by name,... 6 Responses | Other threads
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hugh johnson project
Hugh 3: Gators Sticking it to Cocks Early
A wacky finish to the Notre Dame-Navy game in which the Midshipman recovered two on-side kicks, used seemingly four time outs, and almost rallied to beat the Irish for a second straight year. Alas, Charlie Weis lives to see another day. In other early game finals, Ohio State and Penn State took care of their respective Big Ten rivals to get wins and Georgia squeaked by Auburn. In a 3:30 game, the Old Ball Coach had South Carolina battling it out at the Swamp for a few minutes before his QB threw two picks and a fumble to help the Gators get out to a 21-0 lead. Maryland and UNC are playing some bad football but ACC cheerleaders are okay, plus I always liked baby blue. On to your Hugh: More »
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Comment by Andy Hutchins: Brandon James would field a punt in Tikrit if afforded two yards of running room. 5 Responses | Other threads
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hugh johnson project
Hugh 2: I Declare A Prank War!
Since it looks like Mr. Weis is going to be keeping his job as the Leader of God's Army - thankfully, or else where would we put our fat jokes? - let's relay this little story: Adam Rose at the LA Times blog has been informed that the famed Tommy Trojan statue at USC was dowsed in blue paint last night, presumably by some rival school who has blue as their dominant school color. Someone like, say, UCLA. The Bruins apparently took advantage of the USC heading up to Stanford this weekend, leaving their statue unguarded and allowing the merry pranksters to swoop in for the sliming. Well done. Let's get you caught up on a few games, shall we? More »
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By Rick PaulasComment by UkraineNotWeak: The OBC is out of his mind. 5 Responses | Other threads
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hugh johnson project
Hugh 1: Should He Stay Or Should He Go?
Welcome back, friends, to your weekend edition of The Hugh! Seems like the big storyline in this week's early slate of games is whether or not Charlie Weis is going to still be employed at Notre Dame if he loses to Navy (currently tied at 7) or if he'll be another soul left jobless in this struggling economy. When you think about it, that line of thinking doesn't make a whole lot of sense - if the ND head honchos are really looking towards Navy as some kind of "test", isn't that proof enough he should be canned? - so don't expect Weis to go anywhere. Except the Sizzler for their Steak & Steak Combos! Delicious! Let's get you caught up elsewhere in the land of collegiate pigskin. More »
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By Rick PaulasComment by UkraineNotWeak: Don't worry about Charlie. He can live off the fat of the land for at least a couple of years. 2 Responses | Other threads
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hugh johnson project
Hugh 4: More Big'uns Coming Your Way
While we're enjoying the 3:30 games and rubbing the bedsores from laying in front of the TV for another Saturday (or is it lying? Where's Ufford when you need him?), don't forget about the two quasi-colossal games in the 8:00 hole. The No. 2 Texas Tech-No. 8 Oklahoma State game will be liveblogged here by Matt Sussman.Theimplied BCS implications by those rankings are obvious. But don't forget about No. 7 USC at No. 21 Cal. The Golden Bears might have a backdoor shot into a BCS bowl if they can take down the Trojans at home tonight. More »
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By Josh ZerkleComment by Rick Mahorn's Pimp Hand is Made of Concrete Cyanide: Speaking of Simmons, was his comment during his Bills analysis yesterday supposed to be a shot at Berman? 2 Responses | Other threads
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hugh johnson project
Hugh 3: Bama Rolls Into The Bayou
So after watching Georgia pull out a win against Kentucky and the unheralded Cowboys of Wyoming giddyup into Knoxville and knock off the Vols (more on that later), it's time for the big 3:30 game. Alabama scored early on a John Parker Wilson keeper, but LSU has answered with two scores of their own. Arguably for the first time all season, Alabama appears to have their hands full. No. 15 LSU 14, No. 1 Alabama 7, 2nd Quarter. More »
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By Josh ZerkleComment by algiers4: They just played a British Sea Power song during that Lee INT highlight.. as my avatar shows, I am absolutely... 1 Responses | Other threads
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hugh johnson project
Hugh's Your Illusion 2: Richt's Trip To Lexington More Eventful Than Planned
So this Georgia - Kentucky game has been nipple-hardeningly amazing. It's just back-and-forth awesomeness with scoring abound. And now Georgia just turned the ball over back to Kentucky, and it's becoming more and more likely that Georgia might be taking home another loss in their disappointing season. UPDATE: Stafford just put Georgia ahead with some badass scrambling and then somehow completing a TD pass in quadruple coverage. Fuck. Me. We have some nooner finals and a dose of Hugh after the jump. More »
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By Josh ZerkleComment by Peter Cavan: It's early November, and already Kay Jewelers reminds me that I'm a jerk because I haven't bought my girlfriend expensive... 2 Responses | Other threads
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hugh johnson project
Hugh 1: 'Welcome Back Nick! Now Die! DIE!'
While Ohio State, Texas and all their rowdy friends are taking care of business, it's a good time to sneak a peek at one of our big 3:30 games, specifically Nick Saban's return to Baton Rouge as Alabama defends its No. 1 ranking against LSU. It's always a fun story when a head coach returning to his former home field with a new team, but the Tiger faithful have packed extra Haterade for this tailgate. Don't expect any of that down-home southern hospitality to find Saban today, as LSU fan Cajun Boy In The City explains in a touching, heartfelt essay. More »
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By Josh ZerkleComment by Rick Mahorn's Pimp Hand is Made of Concrete Cyanide: Larry Coker is saying that the play under review should be a touchdown. He also said that Rutgers had... 1 Responses | Other threads
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hugh johnson project
Hugh is back! Bring teh funneh to TheHughJohnson on AOL Instant Messenger.
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hugh johnson project
Hugh 4: High-Fives All Around
Well folks, you did it. We put out the call for action, and you did not disappoint. (Unlike Georgia and Florida State, who are currently getting smacked around. End obligatory update.) In fact, if you listen closely, you can hear the cry of joy from the young Iowan boy. And the gasp of horror escaping from the old lady in Arizona. And the shout of "Praise Allah ... among others" from the newly-accepting Al-Qaeda member. More »
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By Rick PaulasComment by pr0FF3ss0r_j3rkwh3at: Today was a good day 19 Responses | Other threads
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hugh johnson project
Hugh 3: This Thing On?
Well those games were a great big ball of excitement, weren't they? Michigan State amazingly won despite their receivers dropping a combined 3,878 passes, Northwestern got their victory with a late interception return, and Purdue outlasted Michigan 48-42. In fact, there was so much going on that almost nothing came in to the Hugh Johnson Project! So let's have ourselves a little pep talk. More »
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By Rick PaulasComment by Enthused_But_Fired: Every year during the World's Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party, Gainesville hosts something called FEST, which is this giant alt/indie rock... 6 Responses | Other threads
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hugh johnson project
Hugh 2: Dee-Fence?
Nothing quite like a Saturday morning/afternoon featuring a bunch of bruising Big Ten matchups, games that are settled by whoever happens to get into field goal range first because the stifling blood-lusting defenses hold the prissy, pansy offenses to only a handful of yards all day. Just kidding, everyone's scoring on everyone today! Weeee! More »
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By Rick PaulasComment by Yostal: Well, those streaks were nice while they lasted. To lose on a fake punt and then a hook and... 6 Responses | Other threads
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hugh johnson project
Hugh 1: The Morning After
There's nothing worse than waking up with a pounding in your head from the festivities the night before, except when that pounding is literal because of people doing construction upstairs at 8 in the morning! I'm not paying my rent this month. But enough about me, what about Hugh? More »
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By Rick PaulasComment by Bobby Big Wheel: There's nothing worse than waking up with a pounding in your head from the festivities the night before, except when... 1 Responses | Other threads
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hugh johnson project
Hugh 4: Louisiana Signals Its Displeasure Over Current Events
Thanks to Paul for this evocative image, complete with artsy angle. (And also thanks to Brad, who sent one just before post time.) We thought the LSU fans were a little drama queen-y when their band broke out "Paint It Black" at 21-7 Georgia. Now we know for sure. More » -
hugh johnson project
Hugh 3: Brian Who?
Texy let us know that Brian Griese had an awful time remembering Chris Weinke's name in the Texas-Team That Will Lose to Texas game. We don't think Chris should be offended. He had a fine sports career and should be proud of his efforts. Besides, who's gonna remember Brian Griese in three years? We mean, besides Chicago Bears fans with sticks. More »
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By TuffyComment by suntastic: "Grant Harold"? Do you mean Graham Harrell? Who wrote this, Jackie Harvey? 3 Responses | Other threads
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hugh johnson project
Hugh 2: The Wrath of Hugh
You're getting a little nastier out there, especially when it comes to having your sexual predilections called out in previous Hughs. (Confidential to Towering for Tebow: We're agnostic on pooper action; thanks for asking.) We approve of this turn for the mean. We also wonder if the left tackle for Texas Tech might be named Routan Boom. If not, we petition him to change his name. That's got to be more awesome than whatever he's packin' at the moment. More »
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By TuffyComment by Slothrop: In what to watch, you missed "Six Pack" on FMC. Given the star turns by the Gambler, Anthony Michael Hall,... 3 Responses | Other threads
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hugh johnson project
Hugh 1: Chris Simms Should Take Notes on Internal Organ Care
No surprises out there so far. Texas Tech has taken the pressure off their kicking game by sticking to touchdowns, rolling out 35-14 before the half and injuring only one side judge. We thought Tech might have to roll out a teenager with a genetic liver disorder to kick after the half, but calm has prevailed. Lee Corso has pandered to the local fans, ensuring him flag team tail before tomorrow's flight. Oklahoma and Florida are pounding their inferiors. Toledo showed up for kickoff as contractually obligated. However, you all have provided sufficiently disturbing comments after this here jump. (We didn't publish the one about the erection Tim Tebow gives you. We know all your IM identities, Shanoff.) More » -
hugh johnson project
Hey, Hugh! Hugh Down There!
First thing I learned at internet journalism camp - always bookend an upskirt with a downshirt. Maryland continues to only get up for the big games, winning their fifth straight against a top-25er by blanking Wake Forest 29-0. And Matt Grothe went touchdown happy as South Florida smashed Syracuse. In-progress, Ohio State is waaayyy up on Michigan State early, Oklahoma and Kansas are tied at 7 in the first, and Alabama is in tight against Miss after one. More »
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By Gourmet SpudComment by 1980 David Bowie From The Music Video Ashes To Ashes: Oh my God, the announcer for the KU game is awful. He said the receiver had come down with the... 2 Responses | Other threads
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hugh johnson project
Lou Holtz Is Down With Hugh
So, Lou Holtz apologized for his Hitler remarks from last night. If anyone has video of this, feel free to send along. Another guy who might have to issue an apology (a very personal one) is Terry Bowden, who wrote that his brother Tommy deserved to get canned. More »
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Comment by DontPracticeRenteria: I would like to shake the hand of that girl's father. His sperm should be sent to some kind of... 1 Responses | Other threads
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hugh johnson project
What are Hugh Two Lookin' At?
The big showdown between the Daniels and the McCoys comes your way this evening. Meanwhile, couple of early shoot-outs going on between Syracuse/South Florida and Texas's A&M and Tech, and Georgia is up a touchdown on Jay Cutler's alma mater. More »
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By Gourmet SpudComment by Blast Off, Meatball!: In case anyone's interested, the Daves have confused Matt Stafford and Knowshon Moreno three times in the first half. ... 2 Responses | Other threads
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hugh johnson project
Snip My Child's Foreskin, Please!
So what did we learn today? Other than maybe learning that Mack Brown can win the big games, RichRod can't win the little games, and that taking the points against Utah is wallet suicide, I learned this...and I don't have any clue how to react: Friend of Deadspin and unabashed Tim Tebow superfan Dan Shanoff is probably in the hospital at this very moment with his wife, who is due to give birth to their second son. Shanoff, who is Jewish as far as I know, has already announced that the baby will not be named "Tebow" or "Tim," but the former ESPN.com writer has a unique wish to get the Heisman Trophy winner involved with his new son. Yes, Shanoff wants Tebow to clip his kid's dickfat.
More »
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By Josh ZerkleComment by MrRedDevil: Emmitt Smiff Shanoff - WINNAR 1 Responses | Other threads
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hugh johnson project
Hugh Recommends An Assortment Of Beverages
Sports, at the end of the day, is about bringing people together. Take me and Rick, for example. I've know Paulas for all of about 36 hours now, but we've really bonded. We're already at the point in the friendship where we can tell each other Holocaust jokes. How great is that? But anyway, Rick passed along this video—and in it, some sage wisdom—that I think many of you need to see. More »
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By Josh ZerkleComment by MikeStantonWalkOffBalk: How far has Michigan fallen? Toledo's players and fans didn't even seriously bother to storm the field. The... 3 Responses | Other threads
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hugh johnson project
Hugh: Musberger Doesn't Trust Your Concept Of 'Interesting'
So Brent Musberger tells me, right after Texas runs back a kickoff for a touchdown, "Pull up a chair, folks. This one's gonna get real interesting." Bear in mind, it's a 1-vs.-5 game, and we just saw a fucking kickoff run back for a touchdown. Do I need a rickety old man alerting me to the gravity of the game? How would you assess the credit crisis today, Brent? "Pull up a chair, folks. This mortgage thing's gonna get real interesting." DIE ALREADY! More »
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By Josh ZerkleComment by BruschisBrewsky: Corso is also apparantly unaware of who is winning this game, as his halftime rant was all about Texas being... 4 Responses | Other threads
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hugh johnson project
Hugh Johnson Heads to Tuscaloosa
Listen young lady, I don't know how they do things down in Lexington, but we at the Hugh Johnson Project don't really "do" dick jokes. What's that you say? It is just one big dick joke? Well alright then, please gather up some like-minded friends and join us after the jump. More »
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By KOGODComment by formerly Chief Wahoo: Now that he's a few recruiting classes in, Charlie Weiss seems to be turning things around for the Irish. As... 4 Responses | Other threads
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hugh johnson project
Spartan Football Gets Hugh Excited
Michigan State is looking to move to 2-0 in the Big Ten, and they're looking good while doing it. The Spartans are holding off the Iowa Hawkeyes by a score of 16-13 in the fourth quarter. BC and NC State have slowed down a bit, and the Eagles lead 28-17 on the strength of Chris Crane's 319 yards through the air. As for the ranked teams, Penn State, Florida and Oklahoma are all pulling away from their respective opponents with Kansas trying to claw back against the Cyclones. Iowa State still leads 20-14. Continue after the jump for the next slate of games and your Hugh Johnson Project comments. More »
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By KOGODComment by Andy Hutchins: Is there a reason that girl looks like she wants to kill me? 1 Responses | Other threads
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hugh johnson project
Uncorking The Hugh Johnson Project
Another weekend of college football has begun, but for once we'll have to make due without the play-by-play brilliance of Pam Ward. Everyone's favorite Hugh Johnson punching bag is off covering the WNBA Finals so this week you'll have to settle for her substitute saying the most ridiculous things imaginable. More »
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By KOGODComment by UkraineNotWeak: You mock the Big 10 but yet I'm forced to watch the Penaltypalooza that is Florida/Arkansas as the SEC Game... 17 Responses | Other threads
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college football
Hugh 3: Updating The Late Games
No. 9 Wisconsin 19, Michigan 0. Great play in the first half from Wisconsin on fourth-and-short where the punter ran up under center and used a hard count to draw Michigan offside to keep the Badgers' drive alive. Bret Bielema might be the most creative coach in America. And Michigan still sucks. Continue after the jump for the rest of the day's scores and the final entries for the Hugh Johnson Project. More »
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By Josh ZerkleComment by Mike Tomlins Afro Dent: Bama fans showed up tonight in white to "counter the blackout". And by "counter the blackout" I mean get out... more » | Other threads
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college football
Hugh 2: UNC Steals TD Pass, Game From Miami
UNC defensive back Tremaine Goddard ripped Miami's game-winning touchdown out of the hands of Kayne Farquharson in the end zone. Farquharson had the ball (and the game) on his hands, only to have it pilfered by Goddard to save the game for the Tar Heels, 28-24. Almost as unreal as the video of a Hurricane double-de-cleating that you can see after the jump, followed by your next helping of HUGH. More »
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By Josh ZerkleComment by What Would Kornheiser Do?: Huh. This post just now appeared. /presses "submit" on new commenting system 2 Responses | Other threads
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hugh johnson project
Tim Tebow Welcomes Hugh to the Last Hugh of the Day
This version of the Hugh Johnson Project is brought to you by Washington St. coach Paul Wulff and his strict nutrition standards (via: SbB): More »
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Comment by mikedrawcar left his star around here somewhere...: "Akon steamrolled Army by 19 points" How'd 50 Cent do? 1 Responses | Other threads
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hugh johnson project
Hugh Won't Believe What NC State Did
NC State stunned #15 Eastern Carolina today. After State got the game into overtime, Andre Brown caught a ball, ran ten yards and asked his teammates to follow him ... to FREEDOM! They obliged. More »
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Comment by Brazil Thrill: I sent the following text message to an unsuspecting UGA fan a few minutes ago: Georgia Tech Stings The Bulldogs,... 5 Responses | Other threads
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hugh johnson project
Hugh Are the Best, and Joe Biden's Not Afraid of Ohio State
Barack Obama's right hand man isn't exactly a fan of Ohio State's football team: More »
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Comment by pr0FF3ss0r_j3rkwh3at: WHAT THE FUCK? VT/UNC is on my ABC station, ESPN is blacked out, and the MSU/ND game is totally unavailable to... 13 Responses | Other threads
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hugh johnson project
Hugh There With the Sideburns; Yeah, HUGH!
All of the games so far today are still in their infancy (though the suspense has completely been extinguished in the contests involving Penn St., Alabama and Georgia Tech), which means we shall turn to our good friend "the dick joke" to get us through the early afternoon. More »
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Comment by pr0FF3ss0r_j3rkwh3at: CASEY DICK IS BACK MOTHERFUCKERS! 10 Responses | Other threads
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hugh johnson project
Hugh Johnson IV: Hugh Can't Mess With the Bulldogs
South Carolina put up a tremendous fight and gave us the exciting college football we all hope for early in September. No. 2 ranked Georgia had the ball bounce their way throughout the day, literally in the end zone at one point, but SC never quit. A nice two minute drill put together by Chris Smelley led the Gamecocks deep into the Bulldogs territory with seconds left. Smelley and Moe Brown put in impressive efforts all day but their hopes of an upset ended with Smelley tossing an interception in the final moments to give Georgia the win by a final of 14-7. Your final Hugh of the day, complete with Charlie Weis gimpyness, below. More » -
hugh johnson project
Hugh Johnson III: It's a Penis Joke, See
In order for Penn State fans to really view their dominance today of Syracuse as a moral victory, the "Nittaly Lions'" point differential must be greater than the number of years JoePa has been head ball coach in Happy Valley. In legit football action, South Carolina is giving Georgia a real fight. A sick 45-yard throw and catch from Matthew Stafford to A.J. Green put the Bulldogs deep in the red zone late in the first half but they only came away with a field goal. Cocks lead 7-6 at the half. Hugh Johnson Part III after the jump and keep your messages coming for a fourth and final Saturday installment. More »
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Comment by Orangecrush16: Come on, you even throw to skanks on here? Please, for the love of Christ! 2 Responses | Other threads
hugh johnson project
New York, 6:56 PM
Fri Jul 10
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