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Oakland A's Sign Pitcher After He Throws 96 MPH At A Ballpark Speed Test
Nathan Patterson hasn’t played high-level baseball since his senior year of high school, but after an impressive round at the speed pitch challenge at a Rockies game, where he hit 96 mph on the radar gun, the 23-year-old now has a signed contract with the Oakland A’s. ...
How To Order A Bottle Of Wine Like You Know What You're Doing
Going out to dinner with friends can easily become a big event—after agreeing to share a meal together, you’ll have to choose the cuisine, the restaurant, and whether to invite that one person everyone has been avoiding for a few weeks. The decisions don’t end there. Once you settle in at the restau...
A Caucasian's Guide To Spades
Whether it is played in the back of a college cafeteria, at a bachelor party, or during a Black cookout—not a barbecue, because barbecues are different from “cookouts”—no activity solidifies the bonds of melanated people like a game of Spades. The internet will claim that Spades is a member of the “...
The Best Places To Urinate Outside, Ranked
Before we get deep into the bowels of the Funbag, one quick note: I’m out next week on Spring Break with my kids. This will not be like your Spring Break. Your Spring Break will be in Lake Havasu surrounded by fruity drinks and horny twentysomethings. I, on the other hand, will be stuck in Virginia ...
The Caucasian's Guide To Talking About Race
A few months ago, I was honored to be invited to the October Secret Global White People Meeting to speak to their constituents about wearing blackface on Halloween. Apparently, I made such an impact that they recently requested a return engagement to address a less holiday-oriented topic. The follow...
How To Party Without Drinking
About two years ago, I quit drinking. Initially, I didn’t attempt to “mask” my teetotalism at social gatherings: I’d meet a group at a bar, never order anything, and give long-winded answers to anyone who asked why. As my friends and coworkers can attest, it can be awkward as hell being stone-cold s...
The Caucasian’s Guide To Black Holiday Gatherings
With the rise in interracial dating and cross-cultural friendships, you may be one of the lucky few white people who get invited to a black family dinner during the holidays. And while our previous guides to black barbecues and black churches laid a template, the dynamic of our family holiday gather...
The Caucasian's Guide To Black Churches
Eleven a.m. Sunday morning was once called “the most segregated hour in America,” but as the nation becomes more diverse, so do its institutions of worship. Steeped in traditions passed down since slavery, churches are one of the cornerstones of the African-American community, and navigating the sub...
The Caucasian's Guide To Black Barbecues
As interracial dating, integration, and cross-cultural friendships increase, many people find themselves attending events in which they are the minority, and have no frame of reference from which to base their etiquette. In an effort to help bridge the cultural gaps we all have to traverse at some p...
Chance The Rapper Was A Delightful Guest On a Chicago Morning Show
Last week, Chance the Rapper took some Chicago kids on a surprise field trip. Today, he went on Windy City Live, a Chicago morning show, and he was an absolute delight. ...
How To Meet Your Significant Other's Parents Without Terrifying Them
Of all the fraught rites of new-relationship escalation—Facebook status changes and move-ins and one of you using the toilet while the other showers and so on—none inspires more anticipatory dread than the Parent Meet. And for a whole host of legitimate reasons: the psychic weight of parental app...
Kyle Lowry Gave Some New Shoes To That Fan Who Got His Ganked
You might remember the time the most cold-blooded and badass Bulls fan in history mercilessly snatched away two of Kyle Lowry's shoes from an eager Raptors fan named Alan Vale. Now you don't have to feel a tinge of guilt while laughing at that GIF, because Lowry and the Raptors tracked Vale down and...